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October 25, 2017

Here’s Why All Teens, LGBTQ And Not, Need To Learn About Anal Sex

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Teen Vogue’s recent publication of “A Guide to Anal Sex” has brought out the usual crop of right-wing, anti-LGBTQ religious conservatives who are stirring a backlash against the magazine.

Radio host and Fox News commentator Todd Starnes, one of the most outlandish anti-queer bigots on the airwaves, zeroed in on the issue this week, bringing onto his show Elizabeth Johnston, otherwise known as “The Activist Mommy.”

Johnston is an Ohio-based conservative vlogger and mother of ten children who has gained notoriety and a huge following for her campaigns against LGBTQ people, in particular attacking Target’s gender neutral rest room policy last year. A video she posted to her Facebook page in 2016 was titled, “LGBTQQIAAPP?? Asexual? Non-binary? Gobbledygook! Gender insanity! This is out of hand! 😡 ”

Johnston has predictably led the charge against Teen Vogue, with a video in which she burns copies of the magazine. She told Starnes: 

I was truly flabbergasted. They should not be teaching sodomy to our children…All of us are trying to do our best to protect our children from immorality and over-sexualization in our culture. And to see this disturbing article where sodomy is being normalized, not discouraged ― even the CDC says that sodomy is the riskiest sexual behavior for getting and transmitting HIV for men and women.

And therein lies the reason why it’s so vital to talk to all teenagers, straight and LGBTQ, about anal sex and how to engage in it safely. But just as importantly, they must be taught that it is normal, natural and healthy―yes, healthy―and that it is nothing about which to be ashamed nor to stigmatize others about. Telling young people, as Johnston does, that “sodomy” is “disturbing” and a part of the “immorality” in our culture, and should not be “normalized,” is encouraging bullying, violence and discrimination against LGBTQ people.

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October 11, 2017

Sex, Life and Everything Podcast….

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Hey guys, we are excited to announce that we are going to start a Sex, Life, and Everything podcast in the near future!  Much like all of our hobbies and adventures, we are not doing this for any other reason other than it seems fun and it’s going to be like an audio diary of sorts.  This is also why we started our blog!  We’ve never sold items or done anything beyond a few reviews, and we did those just to get free naughty items!  Our goals  for this podcast will be to learn to converse as a couple better and discuss.  We’ve always been huge on communication and discussing our issues, which we do, but unfortunately we fall a bit short on discussing our opinions on everyday things such as current events or our opinions on them.  Life kind of creates this puzzle between two people and you begin to find yourself always talking a certain way to your significant other.   For instance, I talk to Venice and she listens.  My opinion is a bit more passionate, so rather than her disagreeing, she usually listens and is non confrontational.  This means, she doesn’t share her opinion to save a possible argument.  She is a pleaser.  As much as I need to learn to discuss with her and keep an open mind, she needs to learn to open up and share her opinions, even if they are unpopular or I do not agree with them.  Like with everything we have done, this is a learning process.   

We will take questions from blog readers regarding relationships, sex, threesomes, the swing lifestyle, or anything of that nature.  You can email us at sexlifeandeverything@gmail.com.  Please put in the title, “Question for the Podcast.”  Our podcast will also deal with things such as current events, our opinions on these current events, our dreams, and just whatever comes up in our heads.  Although our blog was always sexual in nature, at some point we switched the focus to sex, life, and everything because we became more interested in things besides sex, and our website’s direction changed.  Well, the podcast will be the same.  The direction will be more about everything, but we want to make sure we still talk about sex because we are a sexual couple and have had a lot of experiences since we started this blog.

We will record the first few episodes with the cameras off so we can practice discussing.  We eventually plan on recording our podcast with the cameras on so our viewers/readers can watch as we discuss.  

September 3, 2017

Random Moments – My First Orgasm

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first timeLong before I knew what masturbation was – or sex, particularly how bodies operate and what goes inside what – I had already watched porn. I remember being four or five-years-old and going to a neighbor’s house because she had “the jiggly channel”…aka the Playboy channel. I’d come over to her house. A lot. A whole damn lot. Back then it had its own dedicated channel, not a shared channel that was only watchable after 10 p.m. My friend was another little girl, who probably didn’t have the same infatuation as I did in watching the jiggly channel. And I didn’t realized just how infatuated I was until one day she wasn’t home. I remember being really pissed, in the way a four-year-old can get pissed. I probably pulled the heads of my Barbies or threw my Dr. Seuss books on the ground. I mean, how else was I going to get my fix of seeing boobs and vaginas? Dicks not so much, gross. I wanted to see a vagina “in action.”

When I got older – maybe 10 or so – I got a TV in my room, and I discovered the long lost jiggly channel. Fuck yah. It was scrambled of course, but I had a great imagination. However, I was too scared to watch it because my parents’ room was right across from mine.

I had an issue of Cosmo and a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog. I know! Next best thing, right?! If you don’t know Frederick’s of Hollywood, think Victoria’s Secret meets Spencer’s – raunchier, racier, and 1980s’er. In the back of the Cosmo were ads and lingerie you can order; and Frederick’s…well, that just goes without saying. Lots of nipples and chicks giving the “come hither” look. It wasn’t live action pussy-eating, but it would have to do. I flipped through Frederick’s and was instantly turned on by the lace-covered nipples. At that age, I wasn’t sure if I wanted have big tits or if I wanted to touch them. Probably the latter.

This was about the time I remember touching myself over my panties for the first time and it kind of feeling good. I remember circling my lips and finding a spot (my clitoris) that was super sensitive. I focused on this area and rubbed to the left, right, and around it. My body got warm and my heart rate increased. A slow and steady feeling began to swell in me and I didn’t know what was going on; all I knew is that it felt good and that I had to keep going and that it would get better. Finally, I felt the first twitch, like I was holding my pee, and it came in such a rapid succession that I couldn’t stop it if I could.

I was 11-years-old when I orgasmed for the first time. How do I remember this? Because I remember what was on my mind at the time of climax: a girl in my 7th grade English class. Did I fantasize about her, or kissing her, or wondering what she looked like under her shirt? Never. I can say without a doubt that when that first flood of twitching in my vagina first hit, I thought about her. What’s weird is that it wasn’t a sexual thought. It was more like, “I wonder if she did her homework last night?” It was probably a stream-of-consciousness thought that was more coincidence that fantasy. But the bottom line is: my only memory of my first orgasm was not the thought of bodies humping or two chicks eating each other out, but a girl who sat next to me in middle school.

I remember being very private about masturbation, never telling my friends, asking if they did it too. It just never came up. No one had ever seen me masturbate before until I met Ryan. I never felt close enough to anyone to let myself be seen that way. I felt I would be too embarrassed to be seen in such a vulnerable position. Even when Ryan and I masturbated mutually (not separately, but together) it was a new feeling to me. I had to get used to not feeling judged.  These days, I could pull up my skirt in the middle of a crowded theater and masturbate for Ryan if we wanted.  The comfort level and bubble has left me oblivious of my surroundings.  I also am not longer ashamed that I masturbate and enjoy cuddling with Ryan at night and still touching myself to relax and fall asleep.

December 13, 2016

For those asking, everything is fine. :)

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We are fine.  Still the same, still have sex a lot, and still look for women to bring into our bedroom!   The only thing that has changed is we have started doing a less mature project together and haven’t had the time to keep this project updated. Because our other project isn’t mature, we have removed videos and such that were extremely naughty, like having Ryan pee down my throat while I deepthroated him.  Yea, that probably had to be removed at some point!  LOL.

Hopefully everyone is doing great, Merry Christmas you guys!

May 9, 2016

The Quad Q&A: Date Aftercare for Primary

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polyamoryI have a date tonight! I’m excited, lots of new relationship energy, and it’s with someone that seems compatible with my interests and way of life. I’ve been “out” as poly for about a year, and have a primary partner that identifies as mono/monogamish. We had a rocky start, as I tried to date and see others a little too quickly and without much communication. We took a step back, worked on our relationship, and my partner is supportive and even encouraging.

However, I haven’t dated much. While previous dates went fine, they were not with people I found very interesting or promising. This one I’m excited for, and seems promising. I can tell, though theoretically she’s fine with my dating, the prospect of this date is making my partner a bit nervous.

I was wondering if you guys have tips on someone approaching and talking to their primary partner after/before a date that makes them a bit nervous/jealous? What are good after-care practices? Any other advice or things I should be thinking about?

I really want to make sure my partner knows she’s loved and important!

Lexxi’s response:
It is important to make sure that your partner, especially your primary partner(s) are aware and understand how important they are to you.

I find that I am most at ease the moment the new potential partner has been made aware of my presence in my primary partners’ (and yes, I have used this in the plural sense as, to me, everyone in my quad is my primary) lives. Without that being put out to our dating worlds, I feel less than important to my partners and then my insecurities set in.

I feel even more at ease when that new potential partner reaches out to talk with me. This, to me, makes me feel acknowledged and puts me even more at ease. It means, to me, that this person is showing that they understand how important I am in their lives. They are showing me that they care enough about my loves to take the time to get to know me as well, which in turn reassures me that they will be careful with this treasure of a person.

I highly recommend that you both discuss what is needed before and after a date. You may not be able to think of all the potential things that will make things go smoother until the first, or even second, date has past, and that is OK. It is just important to note the things that would make things better the next time. The caveat here though, don’t take it personal. Take it as a learning experience. Think of it as, “next time, I would need this to make me feel more comfortable”. And just because you or your partner were not comfortable with something the first time, or that you need to tweek the before and aftercare, does not mean that the date and/or experience can’t repeat itself. It just means that there may need some changes in the before and aftercare.

I hope this helps, and enjoy your date…

Lexxi

Krys’s response:
There are various ways you can do to help my primary partner know they’re loved and appreciated.  It ranges from doing little things for them (get them a drink, help with something around the house), telling them they’re loved, and making sure that we get some quality reconnect time after a date.

One thing that’s always helped me when my partner starts to see someone new, is talking to or texting with that person.  I don’t expect to become close friends with them or anything, but it’s helped to ease my mind (and a lot of times, the other person’s mind as well) when I can let them know I’m real and in full knowledge and support of my partner spending time with them.  I’ve been lucky in becoming pretty good friends with a few of my metamours (the term for your partner’s partner).  At my birthday party last year people in attendance included the quad, my boyfriend and his wife, and a few of my husband’s FWB’s, along with some “vanilla” friends who know and accept us for who we are. It was amazing 🙂

A lot of what you and your partner might need will change and evolve over time, especially since this is a new situation for you both.  Make sure you keep the communication open.  Quality time is probably the most important thing, but there may also be little things that they’d appreciate.

Gunnar’s response:
I am not going to repeat what has already been stated above.  Krystalla and myself went through a lot of adjustments with this.  It was a learning curve and took a little bit of time to understand it for ourselves.  Aftercare is something that not every couple thinks about.  With the emotions and feelings running high sometimes it can be overwhelming.  It is important that you understand that this is normal.  Reconnecting is important, and as time goes on this too will evolve.  

For Krystalla and myself when we first opened up we fucked like rabbits after each date.  Actually we fucked like rabbits for some time after we opened up.  The thoughts, feelings, and wandering mind contributed with this.  It also is how we reconnected. We didn’t know it at the time and realized it after.

Cuddling, talking, sex or any other means of showing your partner that they are still important in your life is key.  The one thing that we noticed if we didn’t reconnect that we felt like we were left behind.  So after each date we found something that we did together.  The bond got stronger and as time went on we noticed the reconnect was a lot of smaller things as well.

Every relationship will evolve.  It is one thing that is never constant.  Much like exploring your poly side, your relationship will also expand and grow.  Never forget your partner and make sure that they know why they are so important to you.  The one constant you do have is your partner and they are the ones we lean on for support.  Talk through everything and you will find that your relationship will grow and with that you will become closer as well.

Bob’s response:
Aftercare and communication are the key…  I would start by finding out what your primary wants and needs to feel safe in your relationship…  to me this has two facets ..

The first is how much your primary wants to know.  This could be a tricky since as IMO this is where most of the communication misunderstanding can occur.  Too much or too little information can be as stressful, oh and this can change based on the relationship so renegotiation of this can vary based on the partner or the time..  To give and example,  I’m a voyeur and love to hear all the details when Lexxi and Krys go on dates (especially if there is kink involved ;))   but I grow quite bored when it comes to repetitive romance or activities that happen over multiple dates .. those I don’t care as much for, so a lot of time it gets glossed over. For others it may be different. Finding out what is the ideal amount of info, especially if the primary is mono is something that has to be scary… it can actually be a fun exercise and help understand each other better… but do know that you will probably screw up at least a few times… both partners need to understand that, and learn from it

The second is reconnection… what to do after a date especially if sex is involved ..  I’ll be a broken record and mention the same thing .. find out, and I mean talk about, what works for you. It could be a simple snuggle or a full on hot passionate fuck afterward (I’m a big fan of this one). Actually I would say establish 2 or 3 of these, so that you’re not stressing about not being able to perform what was agreed upon.

Have fun exploring and remember you are partners on this adventure. You may not always be traveling each road together, but it’s the journey that counts.