Q&A: My Girlfriend Tricked Me To Go To Church To Talk To Her Pastor About Our Sex Life

My Girlfriend Tricked Me To Go To Church To Talk To Her Pastor About Our Sex Life

A few weeks ago my girlfriend (at the time) invited me to come to church with her.  I’m not a church person, but out of respect and love for my girlfriend, I agreed to go. For religious reasons, my girlfriend often felt guilty whenever we were done having sex.  I am 19, she is 18.  I never really understood her religion, but I didn’t pressure her to become sexually active. She was the one who initiated sex most of the time, even though she would up begging God for forgiveness afterwards and promising never to sin again. She prayed a lot and we sinned a lot. I enjoyed our sex life and so did she. At some point, she stopped praying after sex, which made me think she was finally learning to accept that it was natural to be sexual. However, I didn’t realize the extent of her guilt until that morning in church when the pastor approached my gf and I after the service and asked us to meet with him in private.

During the meeting with the pastor, he revealed that my gf requested to see him and she wanted me to be present. I was completely blindsided. The pastor said that my gf confessed to what we have done behind closed doors and explained that she wanted him to pray for both us at that moment, so that we could fight our sexual urges. I reluctantly agreed to the prayer, which made my gf smile and hold my hand. The pastor asked us to close our eyes before proceeding to pray. It was a long prayer.  He knew more than enough details about our relationship and our sex life. It was embarrassing and infuriating. When we were done at church, I broke up with my gf. It was painful for both of us, but the pastor situation was too much for me. I could no longer compete in the bedroom with God.

Yesterday she reached out to me after 2 weeks of zero communication. She said she had a new hairstyle – pigtails. I knew what that meant. When we were still together, I used to joke about wanting her to get pigtails on each side so I could pull on them during doggy style. The new hairstyle is an invitation. I’m not sure if I should accept or decline. The part of me that is thinking with my dick definitely wants to fuck her again, but the other part of me is thinking about her religious baggage. To those of you who are or have been in my shoes, what would your advice be to someone like me?

Venice’s Response to sex and the church

Do what makes you happy.  Personally, I think you breaking up was the right move.  If you don’t have the guilt she has, why put yourself through that?   

Obviously she has inner issues with sex and her religion. This might be more than just her religion, but a personality thing.  If it isn’t religion, it would have been her parents.  If it wasn’t her parents, it would have been some sort of issue she had with her sexual thoughts or experiences as a child.  Some people just can’t be happy having sex.  Unfortunately it’s what the world has taught us.  Your parents appropriately keep you from touching yourself as a child, or even thinking about sex.  You’re scolded for it.  But that doesn’t stop our curiosity, so we learn to hide it.  Sex and masturbation becomes something we keep a secret and never talk about.  Obviously school will not touch on various sexual topics because parents and the churches influence keeps actual sex education out of school. You can learn about math, your alphabets, history, but not sex.  Because apparently sex isn’t something you should learn and it’s only appropriate to learn after you are married.  You and your future partner should figure it out as adults.   

The church teaches us it’s a sin.  The government teaches us it’s bad, because if a teenager has a child they may end up needing government assistance.  So their goal is to keep people who are not ready for children, away from sex.  Your parents have their own agenda, whether it be embarrassment, your future, or just unaccepting that their child is sexual and growing up.  In other words, we are taught sex is so awful and wrong that feeling guilt is “normal”.   

I don’t blame your ex-girlfriend for how she feels, but I do feel bad for her.  Obviously she loves sex.  It’s unfortunate that the world has conditioned us to feel so guilty about something we were all born from and instinctively desire.  If you think you are up to the task of dealing with her guilt, continue your relationship.  However, be aware, sometimes certain personalities just can’t be happy doing what they love. 

Ryan’s Response to sex and the church

I have never dealt with this type of personality and I probably couldn’t.  We are all limited to our own experiences and although I am a people watcher, this isn’t something I am familiar with.  I have always wondered how some people deal with a partner that is extremely religious.  Most of my father’s side of my family was killed by Jim Jones so I was raised to question everything, especially organized religion.  

I would be extremely upset if I was put in the situation you were put in.  I like to think we are all individuals and if she can’t accept sex doesn’t make you feel guilty, nor do you want to be prayed with about your sexual desires, it isn’t a good fit.  And that’s that.

Q&A: I had a threesome with my boyfriend and his friend and now he’s devastated that I enjoyed myself.

Q&A: I had a threesome with my boyfriend and his friend and now he’s devastated that I enjoyed myself.

I am 24 and my boyfriend is 25.  We have been together for 3 years. We have explored plenty in our sex life, including FMF threesomes which were fun. In the past I was really curious about giving MFM a try but he wasn’t comfortable with that so we didn’t discuss it further.

A few months ago he asked me if I’d be interested in a 3some with his longtime friend. For some context, they always had this weird competitive/friendly rivalry thing going on. My boyfriend straight up admitted that he wanted to prove to his friend that he fucks better. I thought that was a questionable reason to agree to a 3some but he REALLY wanted to do this. He’s the most confident guy I know and I genuinely thought he knew what he was doing.

Fast forward to the 3some. It was by far the best sexual experience I’ve ever had. I was pretty much spoiled from start to finish and my boyfriend was clearly enjoying it too. His friend is physically attractive so that definitely added to the sexual chemistry. At one point he also ate me out and I came a lot (I’ve never orgasmed from receiving oral, I don’t think I ever would). I found the dirty talk super hot as well (he was dominant despite the submissive act) and it turned me on a lot.

At no point were discussed boundaries ever crossed.

The following day my boyfriend seemed to be in complete shock. He didn’t talk to me much and when he did, he made no eye contact whatsoever. Afterwards he became withdrawn and depressed. Like he would stay in bed all day and just stare at the wall or something. Every time I saw him he was literally doing nothing, which is completely out of character.

It’s gotten to the point friends and family asked me what happened to him!

A few days ago I asked him what’s wrong. At first he didn’t want to talk about it but then he confessed that he can’t get over our threesome. He refused to elaborate and just asked me odd questions. If I like his friend, if I think his friend is better in bed etc. I kept saying no to his ridiculous questions but he wasn’t satisfied. He even asked me if I still like him/want to be with him which was just odd.

He’s still morose and I’m worried that this whole thing had a serious impact on our relationship.

So what do I even do in this situation? I don’t understand why he’s so upset when he’s the one who suggested the idea in the first place. Can anyone help explain his thought process?!

Venice’s response to threesome with boyfriends friend

Having threesomes prior to marriage has never been something I supported.   I have always been a strong advocate of opening the door to other people when you are in a committed relationship and you have tried everything under the sun with just the two of you together.  However, some couples may decide to never get married, so I will add that 3 years just isn’t enough time.   There is just too much you can do with one another before adding another person into the mix.  

Let’s move on to the scenario you presented.  It was stupid.  To have a threesome with a guy your boyfriend is competitive with makes no sense at all.   In fact, I’d even suggest that this story sounds totally fabricated.  I say that because a competitive guy isn’t going to allow the friend he is most competitive with to sleep with his girlfriend.  It makes no sense.  The entire idea of being competitive is to have something or do something his friend can’t do.   Unless he was totally over your relationship and this was his exit plan.  I just have a hard time understanding why a competitive guy would want to have a threesome with his friend he is the most competitive with, to show he has sex better.   In the meantime, he is allowing his friend to have his most prized possession?   

Not likely.

If the story is true, stupid on you, stupid on him, and stupid on the friend.  Having threesomes to see who fucks better has to be the silliest shit I have ever heard.  That’s something you do with a hooker, not your girlfriend.

Ryan’s response to threesome with boyfriends friend

So you had a threesome to help your boyfriend prove that he was better at sex than his friend?  And in the process you enjoyed his friend so much that you had a first-time orgasm through oral sex with the friend?    

This is the classic, “be careful of what you wish for” scenario.   Most of the time these scenarios are created as a way to get attention or create some sort of lesson for guys that want a threesome.  Imagine allowing your friend to fuck  your girlfriend so you can show him who fucks better.  Dumb and dumber.

Q&A: My husband keeps asking me to pull my pants down real fast so he can see my vagina.

Q&A: My husband keeps asking me to pull my pants down real fast so he can see my vagina.

I am a 28 year old female and have a wonderful 27 year old husband and he’s very respectful and kind to me. He’s always made me feel so sexy and beautiful and he’s just very lovely. Now, we had a baby a few months ago so we haven’t been able to have sex a whole lot because we don’t have the time, and it took my body a little to bounce back. So things have been kinda boring for our sex life, but….my husband keeps doing something that’s weirding me out. Recently he asked me if I could pull down the front of my pants and underwear really quick and I was kinda confused but I did it for him and he looked and smiled. Since then, every so often he’ll randomly ask me to pull the front of my pants down so he can look at my vagina I guess, and he always makes a happy face. At first I thought he might’ve been being insanely cruel and drawing attention to my stretch marks or messy pubic hair, but he gives a genuine smile and not like a mocking or sarcastic one. I’ve asked him why and he said “no reason” but he said I didn’t have to and he didn’t want me doing anything I didn’t want to, and as of late I have been saying no (which he’s been respectful of).

This is weirding me out so much. I don’t know what the motive is or what he might be implying. I know my husband is a good person so I trust he doesn’t mean anything bad by it, but I’m just…confused.

(PS I’m on the spectrum so these things may not make sense to me all the time so sorry if it’s obvious and I’m just not seeing it)

Venice’s response to pull my pants down

Communication is always the key to these questions, so my advice is to just simply ask him.  

First, a woman’s bush is beautiful.  Second, stretch marks from his child is the sacrifice women make for their family.  Also beautiful.

In my opinion, it sounds like your husband enjoys asserting his dominance over you.  This probably gives him a thrill. He also seems to enjoy stripping you down at his command.  Remember, men start to lust us at a young age.  They fantasize about us.  As they grow into sexual maturity some of them do everything in their power to get inside a woman and see us nude.  The harder it is, the more special it becomes.  So when they finally get a woman that loves them and listens to them, it feels good.   He smiles because he loves to see your body, loves to be able to see a vagina whenever he wants, and probably loves that strip down when he asks.  From what I read, I do not believe he is asking you to pull your pants down to mock your bush or stretch marks.  He is smiling.  He likes it.  If you haven’t been sexual since having the baby, he probably misses your body and can’t wait to get back inside you. 

Personally, I am totally passive sexually and have permanent little girl role in my relationship, so I am into it.  You’ll have to figure out if being passive is something you are into as well.

Ryan’s response to pull my pants down

He seems to enjoy controlling you.  You’ll have to figure out if you want to be controlled. 

I do the same thing with my wife and we both enjoy it.  If I ask, she strip down.  I will do the same.   Sometimes when I walk by her she will depants me and have me butt ass naked in the middle of the room.  I will just grab my shorts and fake yell, then go about my business.  

Personally, we enjoy the  control over each other.  When I was growing up I didn’t realize you end up marrying your best friend and all the rules are out the window.  If I want to see a woman, I don’t have to wait for the end of the night after a date, slowly work my way down and hope she doesn’t stop me. I don’t have to go watch porn or hit up a strip club.  I just have to ask my best friend if I can see her pussy.  She shows me.  No other woman is going to show me her vagina or pull down their pants when I ask.  So for me, the openness keeps me totally connected to her.  

Your concerns regarding your stretch marks and bush seem to be unfounded.  He definitely is not asking you to pull down your pants to check your messy bush or look at your stretch marks.   It’s more likely he loves having a woman in his life that at any time he can ask her to remove her clothes and just look at her pussy.   Everything about that can be a turn on.  


Q&A: My boyfriend’s ass crack smells so bad when I go down on him, what to do?

boyfriend's ass crack smellsQ&A: My boyfriend’s ass crack smells so bad when I go down on him, what to do?

So my boyfriend’s ass crack smells putrid.  I’ve been going out with him for a few months now. I gotta say, his overall hygiene down there leaves a little to be desired but a) I’m down to clown regardless and b) I don’t really know how to bring this up!  How do I tell him?

Now, he’s a morning shower-er, which poses a problem because we always get nasty in the evenings or in bed before the showering happens. I myself am an evening shower and have modelled exemplary hygiene since the get go.

I can deal with a bit of a musty peen, I get it, can’t be minty fresh all the time, but sometimes I can smell terrible smells wafting up from his butt crack and when there is a peen halfway down my throat it really does induce gagging, and not in a sexy fun way.

I’ve also seen him shower, and I don’t think he actually approaches the crack with soap. Or even at all.

Now, how does one tell someone to wash their ass better and that sometimes their junk doesn’t smell great (also, could the man have penile thrush, because sometimes it smells like thrush to me)? How does one navigate this conversation sensitively?

Also, has this happened to anyone else? In my years of oral and stuff, I’ve not been near a but that smells so strong! Have I been lucky thus far?

boyfriend's ass crack smells badVenice’s response to smelly dick

You answered your own question.  Have a talk with  him and ask him take a shower prior to y’all getting freaky.   My husband and I shower any time we use the bathroom.  If we are not at home, we shower as soon as we get home.  At our place, we have a bidet (we do not get paid off any link to amazon, as their terms of service does not allow sex blogs to affiliate with them — we just like the product), which you can buy extremely cheap and install instantly.  Literally, you can add a bidet to your toilet using the existing waterline, no power.   It shoots cool water directly on your anus and cleans you thoroughly.  Unlike a cold pool, or a cold shower, cool water directly on your anus feels much more comfortable than you’d expect. 

This should fix any of the issues you have with your boyfriend’s smells and his rancid ass crack.  As always, a simple talk and good communication solves almost every issue or question we get on this blog.   

Ryan’s response to smelly dick

Venice is correct.  When dealing with a partner and his smelly ass crack, a good start is telling him.  It’s all about communication.   You can also play nice and ask him to shower with you.  Or you can hop in the shower with him when you see him showering in the morning.  While in there, grab the soap and rub him down, his smelly ass  crack included. 

I can’t believe people spend time with a partner, have sex, date for months, and do not know how to communicate something as simple as, “Hey baby, your smelly ass crack is making me gag.  Can you please try to clean it better? Would you like me to shower with you and put a good scrubbing on it?”

Much like women need to work to keep their vagina odor-free, men should do the same.  I keep my ass crack as fresh as possible.  I also spray antiperspirants on my creases to make sure I smell fresh.  Some men like to keep their asses so clean you can eat dinner off of them.    

Q&A: Resentful towards my wife because of boring sex and no drive to improve our sex life

Q&A: Resentful towards my wife because of boring sex and no drive to improve our sex life

I’ve been happily married for almost a decade, we have kids, house, etc. Sex has been generally great too, although limited to 1-2 positions, and we have matching high libidos. However, my wife has been very vanilla while I am fairly kinky and into exploring things.  I am beginning to feel resentful towards my wife due to our now boring sex life.

Over the years I’ve made progress on my own communication and brought up the things I’ve been missing and wanted to try. It went better than I expected – my wife turned out to have her own kinks, some kinks we both wanted to try equally.

Which is where things went off the happy trajectory. We never really ended up trying nearly all those things we matched on. I’ve shopped for toys, did the reading, talked to her about it dozens of times and she usually agrees, reassures me that she really wants to do it, but it’s always either “later” or I am sent to do “more research”.

After nearly a year of trying, I can’t escape feeling very resentful. Why am I the one doing all the “research” and trying to make things work? Why do I have to be running in this loop of back and forth if in practice she doesn’t seem to be interested, whatever the underlying reason? I feel embarrassed about sharing my kinks and neither feel comfortable trying it with her anymore nor frankly not interested in plain vanilla sex either – I don’t feel too incentivized in putting the effort into pleasing my partner when my own preferences are just ignored.

Has anyone been through this? Am I just depressed and exaggerating things? Is there a way forward or is it a fundamental incompatibility? I generally wouldn’t mind living like this but it will inevitably come out when it becomes obvious I lost interest in sex.

Venice’s response to boring sex

This was pretty much our sex life 12 years into our marriage.  It is extremely easy to get complacent in marriage, especially with sex.   As a couple that met young and inexperienced, we started off being excited by just having sex in general.   And since we started so young, it is hard to want to continue being more and more kinky, because why?!    When we first had sex, I could just take off my panties and that was the most exciting thing my husband wanted.  He didn’t need positions, deep throating, dom/sub role play, or any of that.  Just getting sex was exciting for both of us.  

Eventually my husband wanted more.   Because of my complacency, lack of attention I was getting, and nothing else in our relationship had changed…why would I change and give him better sex?  Why does better sex even matter other than he must be watching porn and expected too much out of me?  When did I ever say I wanted kinky sex or anything more than missionary and doggy style?

Now ask me how I would treat a man if I was single, I just met him, and wanted to win him over in bed. 

I would treat him like a king.  I would let him anal whenever he wanted.  I would let throw me in any position his heart desired.  I would be enthusiastic and tell him how much I loved his dick.  I would let him dominate and choke the shit out of me if he liked that.  I would even cross my eyes while he did it and make goofy faces to show him I was not only into it, I loved it.   I would beg to swallow him.  I would learn to deep throat his dick so deep that I could fit his balls in my mouth and lick his ass all at the same time.  I would do whatever it took to show him I was the best lover he could ever want.   

So why would I treat the next guy better than my current husband?  Why does our next boyfriends/husbands get the best sex from us?  

It’s a process that sometimes takes a catalyst.  In my situation, it took a catalyst.   Our relationship’s catalyst was our relationship almost ending.  We were friends, kind of.  We had children.  We appeared to be a normal family, but the reality was, we were living separate lives within the same house.  He didn’t give me the attention I needed, and I didn’t give him anything extra, especially sexually. I made dinners, I was friendly, and I didn’t really argue.  But sex?  I wasn’t going to be a porn star for him.   

But with the thought of leaving each other becoming more real, the feeling of being lonely took over my soul.  I did love him.  He used to be my best friend.  I felt depressed and lost. I believe the same happened to him.  We had this weird bonding experience that reignited our passion.  Just knowing that both of us had resigned to the idea that splitting up was a real option, scared us back into being teenagers again.  I fucked him with more intensity.  I opened the door to every type of sex, regardless of how extreme.  I learned to deep throat and face fuck.   We now have a permanent role in our life and relationship, daddy / little girl.   I am open to anything he brings up and feel disgusted at the old version of me.  In fact, seeing on old videos we recorded together in sexual moments prior to the catalyst, embarrasses me.  I had a chip on my shoulder or was resentful that he wanted to do anything with me other than fuck me missionary.   

Unfortunately I do not have an answer for you.   It’s going to take more than communication and research.  It’s going to take a catalyst that snaps your wife back into wanting to please you.  Wanting to impress you.  Wanting to do things with you she absolutely would do with the next man after you, if you divorced her.  The question you should be asking is how do you get your wife to appreciate you again?  Do you do all the grooming you did prior to marrying her?  Do you take her out and make her feel special?  Do you buy her gifts and ask about her hobbies?  Do you give her attention and participate in the things she loves?   She isn’t going to just wake up one day and want to fuck you better when you haven’t done anything better for her.   Since I do not have enough information on your situation, I will leave you with that.

Ryan’s response to boring sex

My wife probably hit the nail on the head.  Your wife may need a catalyst.   She sounds complacent.   Now don’t run off and threaten a divorce, because using a separation or divorce as a leverage tool in your marriage is wrong.  It should be something you feel is your only option and you are willing to follow through with, not just threaten.   If she can’t fulfill your needs and you are beginning to resent her, a separation could help.  It will make you both miss the little things you love so much about each other. 

But before you do that, ask her to write out a list of all the things she wants from you.  I have no idea what will be on her list, but whatever it is, work towards trying harder at the things she needs.   Even if it is something as simple as watching her favorite show each week together.  This will make the thought of separating much harder, since you’re trying to give her the things she said she needed.  The last thing you want to do is suggest separating and she starts doing a cheer and high fiving the mirror, happy as hell she is finally getting out of there.

If she realizes that things you need are as simple as enthusiasm, a little research, and her opening her mind to trying new things sexually, she may make the change.  However, is it worth your marriage to threaten a separation over your sexual needs?  That would be something you need to decide.  She may call her friends and say, “John said he is separating with me because I won’t research enjoying anal with him.  Can you believe that?”

Feeling resentful can lead to a lot of negative things in a relationship, so measure the resent you feel and see if this is something you can live with or you want to fix.  And of course there is always the approach of contacting a professional such as a marriage counselor rather than asking a sex blogging couple.