Q&A: I’m No Longer Attracted To Overweight Husband

overweight husbandI am really nervous about sharing this, but here it goes.

We have been married just about 5 years now, together for about 9, both 32 years old. He was always a big guy..he was about 250 when I met him but it was his charm, his wit, and his easy-going fun-loving nature that drew me to him. Whenever we were intimate I seem to recall that I really did enjoy it. His penis was/is the smallest I had ever seen. It is maybe about 4 inches when erect. We mainly did it in the doggystyle position and it was fine I guess because I had strong feelings for him then.

Well fast forward to more recent times.. He has gained about 150 lb which puts him at nearly 400 lb (he is 5’11). I am only 5’2 at about 145 lb. Also, because of him slacking in the head of household dept and lying, and a host of other things, we separate for half of last year. During that time we both entertained other individuals. I was intimate with the person I was seeing. We are however, back living together now and have been for this year. 

Here is the problem: I find sex and the thought of sex with my overweight husband gross.

1-He is overweight at almost 400 lb so rolls of fat are all over the place. I am not keen on having missionary (him on top) or cowgirl (me on top) because several years ago, we were just sitting on the bed, and the bed broke. This means that we have wound up having doggystyle sex which does NOT work because….

2-His already small 4-inch penis is further hidden by the added belly and pubic area fat. He so called puts it in, but it’s like nothing is in there. The worst part is that the guy that I was intimate with was very well endowed. I have not idea why people say the thing about black men because it is the COMPLETE opposite for my husband.

I just don’t know how to find a solution to this. I have tried faking enthusiasm for sex, but I realize that I am just short-changing myself because I have a pretty high sex drive. I don’t get any satisfaction from sex with him whatsoever.

I know the standard reply is that I knew he was a big guy when I met/married him, so I shouldn’t say anything now. But truthfully I married him and ignored a lot of things simply because I just wanted to get married. Yes I loved him and we had/have lots of fun together, but fun doesn’t come in handy when I need someone to share certain grownup responsibilities. I’m one of the statistics: got married to him for the absolutely worst reasons. So now that I AM here, and I do have to live with my bad decision.   What can be done NOW?

Is this a reason for divorce? What suggestions do you guys have? I am sexually frustrated and crave affection.

Venice’s response:

First of all, laziness can be fixed.  If he isn’t carrying his weight around the house, let him know it’s a deal breaker.   You should be able to make this stand for your marriage, simply because you already seemed “checked out” and won’t have any problem going through with any consequences you’ve mapped out  if he doesn’t start helping out around the house more.

Now on to what really seems to be bothering you.

A woman who loves her man will love his size regardless of what a ruler says.  However, there will always be women like you whose love doesn’t transfer past the physical attributes of a person (body, penis, etc.). I’m willing to bet you both have never had a serious talk with each other, i.e. the importance of health, physical attraction, in your relationship. I’ll be the first one to tell you – I will never tell anyone to leave a man because he’s “too fat” or his dick is “too small.” That’s all subjective. That is your preference. But I know if a woman loves her man with all her soul, she would rate his body lower than his sense of humor, smile, caring nature, protectiveness, and his ability in making her feel good about herself.  It’s apparent you no longer love him.  And once those feelings are gone and you openly tell yourself and others how gross he is and how small his penis is to you, I don’t think you can ever turn it back on and respect him as a man again.  The damage is done.

With that being said, this seems like a pretty easy fix. The answer to your question is yes, this is a reason for divorce. Not just for you to divorce him, but for him to divorce you. Also, for you to say you crave affection is misleading because you never mentioned that he never gave you affection; rather you’re just looking for people to agree that you need to leave him. So…leave him. He can do better than be with someone who is essentially ashamed of him and who grosses her out. And you can be with with a man who will have a large penis, isn’t fat, and will help carry his load around the house.  Hopefully your new man will still love you when your body starts to deteriorate.

Ryan’s response:

What really stands out to me is the fact you mention his penis size being small numerous times.  You also throw in a very unnecessary comment about your husband being black and not living up to the “myth.”   Why does that really matter other than you want to anonymously humiliate him?

Obviously you have resentment towards him being lazy, him gaining weight throughout the marriage, and you no longer being attracted to him. Truthfully, if you aren’t attracted to him any more, and you definitely do not have respect for him as a man or his manhood, move on with your life. Give him a chance to meet someone who will actually respect and love him, and you find the same.  He can lose all the weight in the world and work hard to carry his half of the grownup load, but nothing will ever make him bigger than 4 inches or a BBC.

Move on as soon as possible and find someone that makes you happy. Life is too short.  Even if your husband doesn’t know it yet, he will be more happy without you.  Especially if he knew how you felt about him, his body, and his penis. Hopefully you stay skinny for the rest of your life and have the most absolute perfect breasts in the world. I’d hate for someone to marry you just to be married and figure out later that your breasts are saggy and small, nipples are ugly, your tummy is getting a bit larger, and your vagina is huge.


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