Q&A: Is Being On Webcam Cheating?

webcam momHello Venice and Ryan.   Me and my husband have been married for 6 years and probably have sex maybe once or twice a week.  Not that I do not want it more, but he just works so much and is always tired when he gets home. We have a 2 year old daughter that I stay home and take care of.  Our relationship is good, except I just have a higher sex drive than him and even when he isn’t around I think about sex constantly.  I feel like I am an exhibitionist at heart, while my husband is extremely conservative. When we do have sex, it’s usually missionary.   With all that being said, I have noticed online that women can model on webcam while at home, get off to other men watching them, without ever giving out your personal information.  This is something I would love to do but I am unsure if I should do it without him knowing it, or maybe convince him that I would like to try it.  I want to be open with him but I just don’t think he would let me.  It turns me off so much thinking I am his possession and he can forbid me to do something that I really want to try.  I don’t want to be controlled and feel it will lead to resentment.  Any advice?

Venice’s response:
Is being on webcam cheating?  That would depend on you and your husband’s boundaries.  Nothing is in black and white in relationships and that is something you should discuss with him. You should always be totally open with your spouse, no exceptions.   That’s how a good relationship works.

However, it sounds like you may want to discuss more than just the webcam idea. If he doesn’t want you to get on webcam, make sure you also talk about the possible resentment you’d feel being controlled or told you can’t do something.    Hopefully this is something you both can work on together and figure out why you feel him not letting you get naked in front of strangers online leads to resentment.  Most men would feel the same way your husband feels, and most people that cheat feel their husbands/wives are controlling and possessive.

There seems to be a pattern.  A relationship is selfless, a cheater is selfish.  Where do you think feeling resentment because he doesn’t want you to show your body to other men on webcam falls under?

Ryan’s response:
If you discuss the webcam idea, maybe rather than you getting off alone while he isn’t there, you can discuss possibly getting on camera with him as a couple (spicywebcams.com).  There is a huge difference between you getting on camera alone while he is away at work, and getting on camera with him because you want the adrenaline rush of having sex in front of others. Unless you are adamant on playing alone, playing on camera as a couple can actually be an exciting bonding experience.  Some people call it virtual swinging or webcam swinging, I call it fucking on camera while a bunch of people watch.  If this is something he isn’t interested in doing, then you may have a problem.  I do not feel being on webcam with your partner is cheating, dishonest, or even something you should be ashamed of wanting.  It is totally harmless in my opinion, and if people want to watch you have sex, who cares.

I really have no advice for the control or possession thing because if he wanted to have sex with other women and you said no, he could also say the exact same thing.  “I resent her because she will not let me do what I want to do.”   With marriage comes commitment, and unless otherwise agreed upon, getting on camera and showing yourself nude to other people without your spouse knowing about it, I’d absolutely consider cheating.  You are no longer just yourself and your decisions effect more than just you.  They effect you, your daughter, and your husband.   Unless you are looking for an open marriage where you both do whatever you please, you should rethink your own ideas of possession and control.

Discuss the webcam idea though, it could be fun.

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I’ve tried it once with my husband and he couldn’t keep his erection. I ended up sucking on his limp noodle for an hour while every guy in the chatroom was commenting about his size and him being broken. Of course they all would be such better lovers, or at least that’s what they typed right before the would post large photos of black cocks.

Needless to say, we never did that again! lol

Oh, as far as the actual question, oops! Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. If he gets upset and says he doesn’t want you doing it, well, at least you tried to be honest. Do it anyway. I am sure my husband and my boss would like me not reading sex blogs, but too bad so sad. As long as I am not physically cheating, I am okay with doing what I feel is within my own relationship boundaries.

When I post a Q&A, don’t tweet to me “What’s it to you?” Read the blog. Simple.

Q&A: Is Being On Webcam Cheating? http://t.co/HRe02Ym4NB

@venicebloggs Thanks for mentioning us! http://t.co/ILgiHg6shM

Anything you keep from your husband is cheating. Sounds like you need to mature and get over yourself. Him wanting you to not show yourself nude to people isn’t controlling. WTF?