When I met Venice, her long slender fingers were gorgeous. I used to tell her how sensual it made her look. I still feel the same but since my penis is now a blog model, I have noticed that the large hands make my penis look much smaller. It reminds me of a porn scene when a woman is stroking a man’s dick and he looks huge. His veins popping out and his balls look oversized. As he is about to cum, he reaches down and moves her hand so he can stroke himself for the camera and unload on her face. All the sudden, his huge cock becomes very average, sometimes even small, with his whole hand covering almost his entire shaft. I mean, he goes from being stroked with two hands to barely being able to even move back and forth with one of his own hands. I always get a kick out of this porn illusion.
Anyway, Venice and I were bored at work one day and we started a text conversation. It all started the night before when I leaned over and asked Venice to put her hand in my lap. She laughed and said, “What the hell, it is! Do you think my hands are so big that they feel like a cover laying across you?” We both laughed.
The next day I sent her a message :
Ryan: Your hands are so big you go to a basketball game and they think you are wearing the huge number 1 glove
Venice: My hands are so big when they called out “left hand yellow” during twister, I put my hand on the sun
Venice: My hands are so big I slapped you on the butt and you had to have your L3 – S2 spine replaced
Ryan: People walk up to you at events and ask where you got the hulk fists
Venice: My hands are so big I was ETs stunt double
Ryan: Arseno Hall said “Damn bitch, you have some big ass fingers”
Ryan: After sex you look over to the side of the bed and say, “give it up for the dog pound” “RUU RUU RUU RUU RUU”
Venice: Things that make you go..hmmmm
Venice: My hands are so big I could scratch your entire back in one stroke
Ryan: You waved goodbye to someone and accidently gave face of the moon a black eye
Ryan: In fact, you waved goodbye to someone and that was the last time they were ever seen. Goodbye.
Venice: My hands are so big I use a telephone pole to order pizza
Venice: My hands are so big I use a paint roller to do my nails
Ryan: And you wear xxxxxl sweaters and use them as gloves in the winter.
Venice: My hands are so big I went to a palm reader and she had to take a cab to see where my life line ended
Ryan: Your palms are so big the palm reader tried to read your lifeline and said
Ryan: OMG, YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE FOR FUCKING EVER
Venice: “Wtf, you are immortal!”
Venice: My hands are so big when I played duck duck goose I smacked the runner from across the circle and said “sit down mf”
Ryan: You play slap jack with 20 people at once and never lose
Ryan: Your fingers look like arms
Venice: My hands are so big you originally had to give me a hula hoop to propose
Ryan: When you type on your swype QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV QWERTASDFZXYUIOHJKLNBMV
Ryan: I just have to fucking figure out what you mean most of the time ^
Venice: A team of cryptologists from the FBI took 2Weeks to decipher that I wanted it have lunch with you on Friday.
Ryan: When you turn down the tv, it turns the fucking tv up, turns it down, makes the menu screen pops up, brightness, contrast and the mother fucker turns off all at the same time.
Ryan: How you dial numbers (1234567890 1234567890 1234567890) 1234567890 1234567890 1234567890 – 1234567890 1234567890 1234567890 1234567890
Venice: Lol ok ololololol!
Venice: My hands are so big I had the keypad from an arthritic telephone transferred into my cell
Ryan: In grade school people use to play the reflex game where you see if you are fast enough to slap hands
Ryan: Noone ever challenged you.
Ryan: A game of slaps with you was like a death sentence
Ryan: 9 people have died from playing patty cake with you
Venice: Youngest person ever to be tried for involuntary manslaughter
Venice: My hands are so big I was testing out the water in Thailand and that caused the tidal wave of 1993
Ryan: lol @ tidal wave
Ryan: Your fingers are like loafs of bread
Ryan: I’d like some lettuce and mayo with your thumb and index please
Ryan: Thank you
Ryan: When you wave down a cab, you literally wave down the fucking cab.
Ryan: When you hitchhike cars stop all over the fucking world.
Venice: My hands are so big when I sign language you can see it from space
Ryan: When you throw up gangsigns out your car window, they are actually drivebyes
Ryan: When you put your hands outside of your window to let the window blow your hand up and down your fucking car takes off and becomes a b52
Venice: When I tap my fingers on my table people in the western union think I’m sending a telegraph
Ryan: When you do jumping jacks, you fly.
Venice: When I throw a football, a puff of air explodes into a sonic boom
Ryan: When you performed “stop, in the name of love” at your high school talent show, no one knew it was going to be in 4d. Everyone left with black eyes and whip lash.
Ryan: They use your hands as forklifts
Ryan: Your fingers shooting the peace sign look like old tv rabbit ears
Ryan: When you shoot the bird…. You do not shoot the bird… you stab the bird in the fucking chest with your middle finger
Ryan: I’m your husband, they call me handy man
Ryan: When we walk in as a couple, everyone calls you HANDsome
Ryan: You have to carry two duffle bags to use as your pockets
Venice: When it’s cold and I rub my hands together I start a forest fire
Ryan: LOL!!! OMG
Ryan: Your hands look like catchers mitts
Ryan: When you clap they call it a handing ovation
Ryan: You always get handicap parking
Ryan: Your thumb looks like a boxing glove
Ryan: Your fingers look like your arms have cornrows
Venice: I use handcuffs for thumb rings
Ryan: You can jack me off, rub my balls, put a finger in my ass, rub my feet, and massage my back all at the same time, with one hand.
We jumped to another topic at this point, maybe another blog?
I have always loved Venice’s hands, of course the jokes were just exaggerations.
TAGS: Big hands, hand fetish, long fingers, finger my asshole, finger ass while getting a blow job, does a finger in the ass feel good, large hands, handjob, hand job, the best hand job ever,