Tag: search terms

December 28, 2015

Freaky Search Terms – forced facefuck swallow kick slap

Freaky Search Terms , , , , 1 Comment

ffst-300x200Freaky search terms, where we post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. sensation felt when ass fucked
Ryan: Stick a finger or a cucumber in your ass, take notes.  Send us an email and let us know your results.
Venice: I think what Ryan is trying to say is, everyone has an ass, so if you are curious about the sensation, stick a finger in yourself and see what you feel. For me, feeling a finger in my ass does nothing more than give an extra sensation while having sex or being eaten out.  A penis is a bit different.  I feel my ass hole spread, I feel pressure, and even a feeling that I have to use the bathroom.  However, this sensation also feels highly sexual, depending on how horny I am.  Regardless, after working it in and the body gets used to the stretch and depth, the sensation is totally erotic. It makes me feel full and fucked, which I enjoy.  I don’t have sex with a man to not feel intense pressure or maybe even pain in my sexual regions.  I enjoy and want to feel a man drive himself inside me, and I want to gasp each time he thrusts.  For me, I would rather feel the slow, deep thrusts than the quick, shallow thrusts because it almost feels as if the back of my ass is connected to the G-spot in my vagina. With anal, the pressure stays intense. With the vagina, depending on my wetness and stretch, the pressure can lessen and it doesn’t feel as intense.
Ryan: Boring.
Venice: Screw you.
Ryan: Deal.
Venice: Okay, I’ll get my strap-on.
Ryan: No deal.
Venice: Exactly….pussy.
Ryan: 🙁

9. my wife let him cum in her after i said no
Venice: Ahahaha.
Ryan: That’s hilarious.

8. releasing of human sperm in a lady ass
Venice: Wtf?
Ryan: Yes, I’ve been wanting to Google this search term as well.
Venice: Yes, because there is no telling what you would get as a result if you didn’t add human.
Ryan: Indeed.

7. forced facefuck swallow kick slap
Ryan: Sounds like a damn Mortal Kombat move.
Venice: Down on the joystick, then up, A + D
Ryan: Talk about a Fatality.  I can imagine a guy standing there and I hit down, then up, A+D and my character jumps on the other guy and face fucks him until he swallows, then kicks and bitch slaps him.
Venice: Or a Babality.  Maybe after you face fuck him he could throw up little baby versions of you?
Ryan: Seriously, you need help.
Venice: Maybe as the waterfall of babies comes out of his mouth you could do the E. Honda chop and punch combo and slap them all in mid air.
Ryan: Never get an Asian started with video game ideas.  My fucking bad guys.

6. Venice bloggs tube
Venice: Are they asking to see my cock or something?
Ryan: I’d suck it.
Venice: Ugh, next search term please.
Ryan: What?  Would that be gay if I was already in love with you for 18 years and found out you have been hiding a cock all this time?
Venice: How the hell could I hide a cock for 18 years?
Ryan: I mean, you are Asian.
Venice: Well, that’s true.  🙁
Ryan: It’s too late at that point. I’d definitely suck your dick and love every second of it.
Venice: Love every second?  That’s just too extreme, I’m sorry.
Ryan: It’s too extreme because I’d love doing it?  I mean, you tricked me.  You got me.  All this time you had this cock and I didn’t know about. But what the fuck?  It’s too late for me to pack up at that point, I might as well just embrace your cockhood and teach you a thing or two about deepthroating.
Venice: Oh, I am going to get my toy now!
Ryan: Okay, now you are taking this shit too far.  I’m not sucking a pretend cock, that would just be extremely gay.
Venice: Oh God, you are so weird.
Ryan: Big difference…
Venice: …next search term please.

5. why does my stomach feel gross after being cummed inside of
Venice: It’s all in your mind.
Ryan: Or his semen is spoiled from sitting in his balls for hours. Probably looks like cottage cheese inside your stomach right now and your vagina smells like dirty bleach.
Venice: Ryan, you are going to ruin her.
Ryan: Probably morphed into an alien and is going to crawl out of your belly button in the next few moments.
Venice: …
Ryan: What’s the chances that he ate some sort of poison that didn’t affect him at all but traveled to his prostate or balls waiting to be transferred to a woman’s stomach to infect her?!?
Venice: Very slim I’d say.
Ryan: Okay then, how about a parasite of some sort?  Maybe her boyfriend was swimming in the Amazon river and had a parasite crawl up his urethra?   It’s possible that as he ejaculated the parasite traveled with his semen inside this other girl and is attacking her stomach as we speak?
Venice: Technically, I guess that could happen.  Okay, listen, if your boyfriend has swam in the Amazon river in the last few weeks, you may want to get checked by a doctor out as soon as possible.
Ryan: She will probably be dead by the time we publish this.
Venice: Okay Ryan, that’s enough.
Ryan: Rest in peace person whose stomach felt gross after she was came inside of.
Venice: <sigh>

4. healthy ass cum pics
Ryan: Oh V, nice follow up search term placement!
Venice: I figured that would be a good search term following your parasite sperm story.
Ryan: Can you imagine the alternative to that search term?
Venice: diseased and spoiled cum pics…
Ryan: …and the woman who swallowed it and now her stomach hurts!
Venice: sperm with worms pics
Ryan: sperm that looks like puss
Venice: HIV sperm selfie
Ryan:  Ahaha at selfie!

3. how does deepthroating look like
Venice: What?
Ryan: What the inside of a throat looks like?

[embedplusvideo height=”300″ width=”450″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1DGYTYA” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/ZvudWuvMjtA?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=ZvudWuvMjtA&width=450&height=300&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep8359″ /]

Venice: Looks like a long slimy vagina…
Ryan: …You’re welcome…
Venice: …or the inside of a wet fleshlight.
Ryan: So yea, pretty much horny all the sudden.

2. i never knew my girl could deepthroat until she deepthroats another guy
Ryan: Ha!  Classic!
Venice: What a way to find out your girls hidden talents.
Ryan: I never knew my wife could juggle 4 balls with her anus until I caught her having a threesome with 2 clowns at a circus behind the popcorn stand!  And then she tamed a lion to jump through a ring of fire covering her anus!
Venice:  Haha!  Girls always keep their hidden talents a secret until you catch them at the circus.  

1. my wife says my penis is small when soft
Venice: As long as she doesn’t say it’s small when it’s hard, you’re safe.
Ryan: Facts.

November 15, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – men with clits

Freaky Search Terms , , , , , , No Comments

freakyfriday

Each week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. cum on my top
Ryan: I got nothing here.
Venice: It’s going to be one of those days I guess?
Ryan:  Well, I mean, what really can I say about ‘cum on my top’
Venice: Maybe we can work that ‘Cum on my top?  My sleeves or  collar ‘ angle?
Ryan: No, you can work that angle if you want, I’m going to sit out this search term.  I can’t force the magic to happen, it just does.
Venice: Oh dear.  What a diva.

9. penis contest
Venice: And the biggest dick award goes to…
Ryan: …
Ryan: Do you want me to drum roll?
Drum roll sound
Venice: Aww, you are smiling and waiting for me to finish?
Ryan: … hell yea!
Drum roll sound
Venice: Wait, what was I saying again?
Ryan: … something about the biggest penis I think.
Drum roll sound
Venice: Are you sure?
Ryan: … yes, I am positive. Go ahead, finish …
Drum roll sound
Venice: And the cutest penis I have ever seen goes to …
Drum roll sound
Venice: … Ryan!
Ryan:  Oh wow, that just went from Best Actor to Best Original Soundtrack for an Obscure Black and White Documentary.
Venice: Yay!  You won!

8. men with clits
Venice: That guy definitely didn’t win.
Ryan: Touché.

7. my wife doesn’t like my cock
Venice: That sucks.
Ryan:  Well, I removed that one tattoo that you didn’t like, maybe he could try that?
Venice: Are you saying he should remove his cock?
Ryan: I mean, she may like him better without it?
Venice: Your butt cheek is much sexier without that tweety bird tattoo.
Ryan: Really, a tweety bird tattoo?  For the joke’s sake you couldn’t give me like a cooler butt cheek tattoo to remove?
Venice: Like Roy Orbison?
Ryan: Waterboy!

6. the rules of swallowing cum
Venice: You must show your man his hard work and let him enjoy the visual of his cum in your mouth prior to swallowing.
Ryan: Yes.  Great rule.
Venice: While showing your stallion his delicious juices, you must make cute little sperm bubbles on your lips and let them pop all over your face.
Ryan: Yes.  She definitely knows her rule book here.
Venice: Before swallowing, you must savor his flavor and gargle while he watches.
Ryan: An older rule, but that is definitely accurate.
Venice: You can also push the sperm back and forth through your teeth to show him you want his flavor to marinate all throughout your mouth.
Ryan: Absolutely, he must marinate.  That’s an important rule for sure.
Venice: Finally, you must grab him by his throat, force his lips open, and spit it back in his mouth so he can also do all of the above as well.
Ryan: Uh, that’s definitely not a rule.
Venice: Well it should be.
Ryan: I will talk to the rule makers of swallowing and discuss that idea.  If for whatever reason the rule makers agree to your suggestion , there is still a lot of paperwork and red tape involved in the rule changing process.  Honestly, it’s really not even worth the effort.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: Seriously, let’s keep these rules simple for our readers’ sake.

5. wake up with dick in her pussy
Venice: This happened to me once. Freaked me out because I knew you weren’t in me when I fell asleep
Ryan: Freaked me out too because I wasn’t in you when we woke up either.
Venice: …
Ryan: Kermit?
Venice: Busted!

I once came home and Venice put her pants in the living room.  Her panties were thrown on the couch, and she put her bra on the bedroom door knob.  I walked into the bedroom and she popped out of from under the covers and said, “Ryan!?”  Then she grabbed her life sized Kermit the Frog stuffed animal and made him pop up from underneath the covers and look at me too.  In her best Kermit the Frog voice she said, “Ryan?!”

I later jacked off on her Miss Piggy stuffed anmal and made Kermit watch.  (Read article here)

4. is it wrong to cum on my wife while she is asleep
Ryan: That depends on if she fell asleep during intercourse?  You get to finish what she starts no matter what sleep stage she is in.
Venice: My suggestion would be, whether she started it or not, to do it when she’s in deep sleep.
Ryan: I don’t know if that’s even legal.
Venice: When a tree falls in a lonely forest, does it make a sound?
Ryan: No, but when a woman wakes up with sticky stuff all over her in the morning, she may make a sound then.
Venice: Yea, but what about the tree?
Ryan: …
Venice: You see, you and the tree are one.
Ryan: Stop trying to confuse me.

3. my wife’s body is nude when she is sleeping on youtube
Venice: Was she sticky?
Ryan: Did youtube capture any sounds?
Venice: The magic?
Ryan: Oh yea, it’s flowing right now.

2. do sluts have loose vaginas
Ryan: When I go to prison I’m going to need a non-slut for sure.  It’s really not possible for a slut to secretly carry my contraband supplies in with a loose vagina. She’ll walk up to the prison guard and when he says, “Spread them,” a fucking toaster oven falls out of her crotch like nothing happened.  Not good, not good at all.
Venice:  Don’t worry Ryan, I’m tight enough to hold that toaster oven in place even if I have to spread them.  I’ll be your Bonnie.
Ryan: Hell yea.  This is going to be great.

1. how to self suck your own dick and eat your own cum
Venice: Step 1, remove your bottom rib.  Step 2, stretch.  Step 3, have a two-foot long penis.
Ryan: That’s funny, because you just told me to get on my shoulders.  Then you pushed my ass down to my shoulders until my dick flopped against my face.
Venice: Wow, TMI.
Ryan: It happened.  Just accept it.
Venice: Can I get some TMI with those fries?
Ryan: Accept it.  You made me slap my own face with my cock.
Venice: … and I’m done here!

September 27, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – my buddy made me suck his huge dick

Freaky Search Terms , , , , , 1 Comment

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. dont cum in my wife
Ryan: Or have sex with her.
Venice: Or kiss her.
Ryan: Or think about her.
Venice: At least he had some boundaries though.
Ryan: That’s true.  It could have been worse I guess.   Don’t walk up to my wife while she is in the shower after you came inside her and stick your finger up her vagina to hold the cum in like a cork.   
Venice: Now that’s a husband making a stand.

9. his n her butt plugs
Venice: Ohhhhh, amazon.com here I come.
Ryan: Ohhhh, so which hole do you consider the man, your vagina or your ass?
Venice: Real cute Ryan.
Ryan:  Whatever, just know, you’ll be wearing both.
Venice: Just know, that leaves no holes for you.
Ryan: Unless you’re also buying a matching pacifier, I still have a hole.
Venice: … and that hole has teeth smart guy.
Ryan: That is NOT funny.  In fact, I am editing out that comment just so other women who read this don’t get the wrong idea.
Venice: Uh huh, we’ll see.

8. why guys don’t taste their cum
Ryan: We do, we just don’t talk about it. 
Venice: You shouldn’t give your man a choice.  Scoop it out and push it in. 
Ryan: Nice.  I imagine 100s of very straight, never taste my own cum alpha husbands, will enjoy their wives new technique you taught them tonight. 
Venice: You didn’t mind.
Ryan: Oh, so we’re having one of these days huh?
Venice: What?  I’m just saying, you didn’t mind, Mr. “Oh God, feed me my own juices and make me your bitch, Venice!”
Ryan: Wow.   I’ll be editing that one for sure.
Venice: Uh huh, we’ll see.

7. 69 techniques with ball sucking
Ryan: You know at least a couple 100.
Venice: I don’t think he meant that.
Ryan: That’s funny because just last night…
Venice: That is kind of funny.   I was just doing this.
Ryan: Well, this one won’t make any sense to anyone but us, but that’s okay. 
Venice: I’ll explain.  Last night I was on top of Ryan 69ing, and I started sucking his balls while he ate my ass and vagina.   True story. 
Ryan: True story.

6. how to swallow his cum
Venice: Open your mouth and let him cum inside there.  Close mouth and swallow.
Ryan: Might be a bit too complex, can you simplify it more?
Venice: Open, close, gulp!
Ryan: Seriously, I think this person may still have trouble understanding, maybe you can just show them visually and demonstrate on me?
Venice: Okay (Link).

5. dental dam porn
Venice:  So I just googled dental dam.
Ryan: Yea, me too.
Venice: Bucket list?
Ryan: Added.

4. my buddy made me suck his huge dick
Ryan: Talk about bad luck.  Not only did he end up with a horrible friend that forces him to  suck cock, but he also happens to be  fucking huge.  
Venice: Bad luck? Luckiest friend ever!
Ryan: Ugh, you’re such a size queen.
Venice: Listen, us ladies gamble when we choose our men, okay?  We see a guy that we like and walk up to play him.  He is firm, colorful, and lights up the room, so we get excited and reach for the handle on our slot machines.  Hopefully we don’t end up at a nickle machine, you know?
Ryan: No, I don’t know.  I didn’t realize you thought of me as a damn slot machine either. 
Venice: No, you’re my jackpot.
Ryan:  Awwwwww….
Venice: I bet you won’t edit that shit out, huh.

3. how i got my man to suck cock for me
Ryan: Apparently you find him an aggressive friend with a huge cock.
Venice: Ha! 

2. how long does it take for sperm to come out of butthole
Ryan: Venice?
Venice: Depends really. 
Ryan: Oh man, she is about to make Bill Nye the Science Guy proud right now.
Venice: Well, there are so many variables.  The tightness of your sphincter muscles in your anus and the amount of times the penis thrust inside you to loosen those sphinter muscles.  Also, the quantity of the semen itself.  If the man has a huge load, gravity will take effect much faster. 
Ryan: Interesting stuff here.
Venice: I personally like to lay on my tummy after anal so gravity pushes the semen deeper into my colon and I  absorbs the nutrients.  I will also stay in this position a few minutes and check my twitter and E-mails.  I like to stay connected.
Ryan: She likes to absorb her jackpot.
Venice: Then finally I will rinse off, but as I do, I squeeze my sphinter muscles in my ass the entire time.  This keeps Ryan’s semen in my body, which is where I want it.  
Ryan: She likes to keep that jackpot inside her.
Venice:  I really regret that compliment now.
Ryan: Cha Ching…. jackpot baby!
Venice: Anyway, to answer your question, it stays in your colon until you use the bathroom.

1. how to give a blow job without getting juices inside the mouth
Venice: Ryan?
Ryan: Ha! 
Venice: Care to share your advice or experience with us, Bill Nye?
Ryan: Too funny.  I don’t give blow jobs, and seriously, other than that jackpot comment, I am pretty much going to edit out all your comments this week.  The new working title will be, “Ryan’s Opinion on Freaky Friday Search Terms” 
Venice: Uh huh.