How Writing About Sex Made Me A Better Person


Extremely good article about being a sex blogger/writer.   A lot of these points mirror our own.


The summer before my senior year, my friends got jobs in retail or food service, and I got a job writing about sex — my mother was very proud.

I was hired as a staff writer for Sex, Etc., a sex education magazine by teens and for teens, overseen by a board of writing and medical professionals. It’s produced and distributed nationwide by the nonprofit Answer, whose mission is to provide “unfettered access to sexuality education for young people and the adults who teach them.”

It’s definitely a niche job; writing for Sex, Etc. requires a unique skillset and a willingness to talk openly about some very taboo ideas. I learned a lot in my short time here thus far, but it has already revolutionized the ways I understand the world, my community, and myself. I am a better person because of it.

1. It made me more mindful and tolerant.

No matter how open-minded I claimed to be, working at Sex, Etc. made me realize even I am prone to the knee jerk reaction of being judgey. I hadn’t realized how much my own criticisms were affecting my activism and my journalism ― which is supposed to be unbiased.

Especially when it came controversial subjects like sex, my LGBT-inclusiveness and anti-slut shaming rhetoric masked some deeply ingrained prejudices. I made sweeping generalizations about people who may think or behave differently than me.

But at Sex Etc., that type of unproductive mindset was called out and challenged. As one my editors said the first day on the job: “Don’t ‘yuck’ someone else’s ‘yum.’”

In other words, if it’s legal, consensual, and not hurting anyone, don’t worry about what happens behind closed doors.

2. It taught me to respect people’s boundaries.

Prior to working at Sex, Etc., it never occurred to me how often I really should be affirming consent with the people around me.

The answer: Always.

Writing for Sex, Etc. isn’t all about the nitty gritty. Likewise, sex isn’t the only boundary you should be wary of crossing. Even a well-meaning hug requires some form of consent.

It isn’t limited to physical interactions either. You should get explicit consent before posting someone’s photo online, giving out their personal information (such as social media or phone number), or engaging someone in a conversation about potentially sensitive subject matter.

3. It made me more confident.

As a journalist, it’s important I state the truth no matter how uncomfortable it is. As a teenage girl, I’ve been conditioned not to cause a fuss, and to shy away from words like “vagina” or “menstruation” in public (sorry again, Mom).

Working at Sex, Etc. helped me realize my body isn’t uniquely gross and weird. Rather, we are all equally gross and weird, and it’s important to accept our natural selves as we are.

4. For the first time in my life, I received quality sex education.

My freshman year of high school, my teacher showed the class a slide show of late stage gonorrhea. Then, during my senior year, I got to carry around a flour sack baby to learn about the “miracles of life.”

But beyond that, my sex education came from Google. Despite my best efforts to use reliable sources, I learned at Sex, Etc. how complicated sex education can really be. Even sources that seemed reliable ended up giving me misleading information about my sexual health.

Not to mention, public school sex ed all but ignored LGBT topics. So, being on staff provided me with comprehensive education about sexual orientation and gender, as well as contraceptives, STDs and consent, in ways I probably wouldn’t have access to otherwise.

5. I learned how much I have to learn.

I see myself as someone who is well-read. I spent a lot of my early teen years reading about gender studies, sexuality, rape culture and reproductive rights, among other things.

So, it was a real culture shock when I started writing about this stuff and realized how in the dark I really was.

Even with the world at my fingertips I wasn’t able to adequately educate myself on my own. I couldn’t have. I didn’t even know what I didn’t know, and that’s terrifying in its own right. But even scarier is the fact that most of my peers will never learn these things, especially in states where sex education is abstinence only, if it even exists at all.

Sending young people out into the world without comprehensive sexuality education is setting them up for failure. All people have a right to know about their own bodies. But between the active suppression of sex education, the defunding of sexual health resources, and the blatant disregard of fact in favor of political censorship, that can seem like an almost impossible feat.

I was lucky to have the opportunity to write for Sex, Etc. I am a better, more educated person because of it. Now, I hope to use that experience to shape a society in which all people of all ages are empowered to make healthy sexual choices for themselves.

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost

Quarter 1 2013: Top 20 Sex Blogs

top10After reviewing 100s of sex blogs, we chose what we felt would comprise our first top 10 list.   This will be called the Top 10 Sex Blogs of Quarter 1 2013.  After this list (which actually has 20 — too many great blogs to keep just 10 on our first attempt), we will only choose 10 blogs every 3 months that we feel are the best blogs of the quarter.  Once a blog is already on the list for the current year, it will not be up for review again until the end of that year, at which time we will make our top 25 Sex Blogs of 2013.   If you want to submit your blog, please go to our contact page and let us know your page url, your blog name, and whatever background info you’d like to be included in our reviews.

Our reviews are based off a database which keeps track of various categories:   Media, Originality, Updates, Variations, Entertainment, and a few other categories which will remain unpublished.  We have a few trusted friends and fellow authors helping us rate each blog submitted.  We then calculate and review the top 10 blogs in the database.    Yes, we have an actual system.  However, our system is still just our opinions.  For the Quarter 1 Top 10 we’ve decided to add a few more of our own personal favorites that have not been submitted to the database.  No blog listed below will be eligible for another Top 10 list until the end of the year.

Top 20 Sex Blogs of Quarter 1, 2013:

1. The Beautiful Kind is a blog with so much honesty it hurts. Kendra Holliday is not apologetic for the events that led her to the life she leads now. I applaud her for the sexual freedom she exudes and the vigilant parenting, in equal parts. Her sexuality and parenting do, in fact, overlap, and the sincerity in which she approaches both is something for which I have a true and deep respect. The highly anticipated photos from her birthday gang bang are up. Nowhere have I seen a more eloquently choreographed event documented than I have here.

2. I cannot express how lusciously entertaining A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is to me. Ms. Quote’s blog is divided into wonderful sections including erotica (her own as well as others), a section entitled “Seriously Sexy Fun” which has funny, quirky pictures, and “Seductive Soundtracks/Music” (a personal favorite). Ms. Quote’s “Relationship Rambling/Blog” is an ode to naughty topics in pop culture, two topics that when mixed together serve as a bit of comic relief to her more serious topics (see “Jon Hamm’s Big Little Hamm” and “Twitter Fakes and Rip Offs”). Where else can you find a blend of sexy wit and erotica?

3. Between My Sheets is a well-established blog headed by Rori, whose “Who is Rori” alone pulled me in. She introduces characters, or rather lovers, past and present, who have contributed to shaping the woman and lover she is today. Her blog is filled with erotica, posts, opinions, reviews, giveaways and much more. Each Tuesday, she engages her readers in a conversation with questions such as, “Does Age Really Matter?” Rori has undoubtedly created a one-stop shop for sexual Q&A that has truly become one racy blog.

4. Uncommon Appetities is composed of a self-described 20something married Brooklyn couple. Their videos are beautifully shot with an artistic eye behind the lens. The photos, mainly of them, share the same high-quality caliber. Rye and Violet examine the definition of marriage and share much of the same ideals as me and Ryan. Often their post may be comprised of a few carefully chosen photos describing a thought, an idea, a belief. This is a couple who clearly understand the meaning of building and strengthening their marriage.

5. Sunny Megatron is a powerful tool women can use to hone their sexual mind state…as well as techniques. Sunny offers sex toy reviews, events, contests as well as superb blogs on a wide array of subjects. One cannot help but be intrigued by such titles “How To Handle Gagging, During A Blow Job” and “G-Spot Stimulation Instructional Video.” If you’re a woman who’s single, married, or neither, you’ll want to do extensive research on this website to make yourself an even more valuable commodity.

6. Yes Means Yes is a magnificent blog that takes an innovative approach to rape and the pursuit to publicize female empowerment. This site is an assemblage of powerful writers contributing to the cause of eradicating rape and raising its awareness. I was captivated by compelling articles such as “Revenge Porn and the Women-Humiliation Industry” as it poignantly asserts, “If the culture tells my kids that it’s hot and exciting to violate a woman’s boundaries with a camera, what lesson will they take about violating a woman’s body with a body?” Indeed, knowledge is power.

7. Always Each Other is a blog run by a more contemporary couple, a couple who does not pretend to be perfect, happy, or perpetually in love. Though a sexless marriage is hard for many to understand, they attempt to reconcile and, once again, discover each other. Together they have proven that relationships really do take two to work, and together they share their journey with the world. This is a real couple with real issues who generously share the details of their most intimate project: marriage.

8. Bottom Talk is another blog worth investing your time in if you have ever thought about starting an anal sex regime. Though this blog is only updated every few months, there are still posts that are timeless in content: “Stretch Your Bootie! Anal stretching, training, and even warm-up” and “Getting back into anal.” There are extensive reviews of dildos, butt plugs, and prostate massages, all of which are a must read by both men and women if they share a common interest in anal play.

9. Engine Erotica is a blog which includes many pieces of sexual literature, both real and fantasy. He possesses the gift of erotic storytelling as he describes in steamy detail the kinky exploits of adventurous adults. It is so easy to lose yourself in the thrill of forbidden and dangerous sexual situations, but he has mastered the art of delivering carnal stories to the masses.

10. Jessica runs Blog With Benefits a lighthearted blog about relationships and everyday writings. Jessica writes from a young lady’s experience and has certainly has the stitches in her heart to prove it. I adore her creativity with the various lists (“Best Movies About Love of All Time”), humorous charts (“Are You A Booty Call?”), and fun how-tos “How To Meet His Parents For The First Time.” If you appreciate the variety that Jessica offers, you will definitely enjoy this blog.

11. She Who Makes The Rules is dark but serene blog comprised of the emotional thought processes. Let me rephrase – this is not a blog, but rather eloquently-written poetry set to artistic photos. Her writing is brutal, gritty, and downright sexy. Being written in first person, she commands the reader to submit to her powerful will while simultaneously enjoying every wickedly sinister moment.

12. Absinthe Cocktail is a charmingly sinister blog led by Arti, our sexual heroine. Her words are menacingly hypnotic in the way she illustrates each sexual session. Although the narrative is dark at some points, it is beautifully written. Arti is authentic in her pain, joy, jealousy, and sensuality, drawing me in to read further. This is one of the few sites that contain only a blog – no sex toy reviews, no media, simply her experiences in written format.

13. Diirrty is a quick spank on the rear, a quickie in the backseat. Brilliantly-arranged prose is refreshing, succinct. Love.

14. Sir Robert Stories delivers erotic short stories which cater to various tastes and genres. He has been collecting erotic literature for quite some time and occasionally recruits guest writers for submission pieces. Sir Robert does remind us that he posts once a week so stories submitted must be of extraordinary standards. In my opinion, he does an excellent job in choosing. One story by Gilglim has been written in a male perspective, but has also been written in a female’s. To me it denotes a certain empathy from the writer’s perspective, which is a sought after skill in the realm of writing with compassion and heart.

15. Nudes For Troops is a website dedicated to boosting the morale of American troops. I’m a patriotic American and am proud to have served my country during wartime. I support them because even though I am no longer an active duty lady warrior, I consider myself a lifelong member of the armed forces.

16. Lenoir Gold is an acquired taste. Pun totally intended. Lenoir is a passionate lover of water sports, also known as peeing. I, myself, do not have an infatuation for water sports, but it did spark my curiosity. Like any other specialty blog, it does have its own fetishists and this is no exception. Lenoir’s blog contains a massive assortment of male and female (or any other combination you can think of). He has a flair for words that he uses to introduce a photo or video, which read like a description of the nightly special on the menu of an expensive restaurant…and for many, perhaps just as delicious.

17. I discovered Innocent Loverboy and was immediately drawn to the innocence that poured from his erotic tales. His stories are beautifully crafted and written in the way a woman wears a sheer, white tee with no bra: revealing just enough without overstimulating your senses. On a recent Soft PornSunday post, ILB lampoons Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, a science fiction movie with the implied, obligatory sex scene. If someone asked me to properly introduce him to the world of erotic literature, I would begin by recommending him Innocent Loverboy.

18. Renee Rose Romance is a candid writer whose emphasis is on spanking. I certainly am a fan of both specialized blogs (spanking or otherwise) as well as generalized ones. However, the uniqueness about Renee Rose is the incorporation of other aspects of her life into her posts, assuring the reader that behind the kinky woman is a fragile human being. Choosing to intertwine her clear gift of storytelling with real life is brave and I commend those who do so.

19. Erotica Everywhere is an erotic blog with excerpts of his sensual tales, guest bloggers, and snippets of his daily musings. Robert India engages his readers to join him in conversation after a post: “What is your favorite Bond & Bond Girl combination” and “Have you ever discussed pegging with your man?” His posts range from a thought of the day as it relates to an excerpt of his books and other writing to several lines of steamy poetry accompanied by a naughty photo to the occasional guest blog. Robert India has grown as a writer and an intellectual thinker and I cannot wait to read more from him.

20. Silent Porn Star is an extensive collection of sexuality in every medium and category your mind can think of. If you have a specific topic or are not looking for anything in particular, you’re sure to find it. Honestly, I can sit and browse the entire blog and be amazed by the breadth and depth of subject matter. The hodgepodge of material is tasteful and I dare any viewer to not learn a thing or two after perusing. Don’t believe me? See for yourself…

If you want to submit your blog please go to our contact page and leave us your url, blog name, and the information you’d like included in our reviews.  You can also contact @Venicebloggs on twitter and talk to me personally.

Blogs that display our Top 10 logo on their blog will be eligible for our year end top 10 list (we appreciate your work, review then promote, do the same for us as a thank you).

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