Texting, Sexting, Distance, and Visible Communication Creates Stronger Relationships.
We have a Question and Answer blog section that deal with couples questions and their various problems they have in their relationship. We have learned that most of the time the biggest issue is a simple lack of communication. Whether it be questions about anal, dildo size, threesomes, swinging, jealousy, or any other relationship issue, communication is the key to dealing with relationship issues.
Texting, Sexting, and Distance
From the beginning of our own relationship, college separated us. As much as you’d think this was a bad start, I feel that our long distance relationship helped our relationship more than anything we have ever done. With Ryan and I being on different coasts, we had to deal with jealousy, trust issues, sex, and everyday life, through communication and text (instant) messages. We were unable to kiss and make up, fuck and make up, or ignore problems because of all the physical interactions that tend to replace actual communication. Is there anything easier than ignoring compatibility and personality issues between two people because the sex is so good, it almost makes everything seem better? That isn’t possible with distance. Your words and thoughts are the only thing that matters. Back then, texting wasn’t as common, but using your PC and AOL instant messenger was. Each night Ryan and I would sit and talk about everything that happened in our day. The good, the bad, the ugly. Sometimes we would argue and block each other when we got upset. Once blocked, the only way to really communicate would be for one of us to call the other. Long distance wasn’t cheap, and as poor college kids, this was a big deal. Sometimes I think we argued just to hear the other person’s voice for 10 minutes. Eventually, we’d make up on the phone and tell the other to go back to their PC and so we could talk again. Now that the argument for the night was over we’d feel the urge to connect and make up. Much like normal relationships, we would start to sext back and forth and discuss various sexual ideas.
Make Up Sext
This form of communication made it extremely easy to explore our kinks. I have learned over years, that being in the same room can make it harder to communicate. As soon as you talk about your kinks, you get a bit frisky and want to get closer. The more you touch, the sooner you find yourself nude with your legs spread begging for your man to cum inside you. When you are done, you are both exhausted and sex is the furthest thing on your mind. Instead you turn on your favorite show and hang out with each other. As you get older, other things take place a television: children, errands, cleaning, cooking. Although you can obviously have good quality time while in the same room, it’s clear that physical interaction can interfere with communication. With distance, that just isn’t possible. Although we were both young and inexperienced, without being able to physically touch or get intimate, we would use our words and imaginations to turn each other on. The things you learn about another person through spending time sexting, without the ability to let the physical world stop you from communicating, is mind blowing. I fell head over heels in love with Ryan because of his words and mind. In the process, I wanted to find out what made him happy, what made him horny, what he wanted from me that no other girl could ever give him. This opened a Pandora’s box. You learn each other’s darkest and deepest fantasies. You also find out if your kinks and sex drives are compatible. No skeletons are left in the closet. To be honest, I didn’t even know people wanted to lick each other’s asses! But after months and months of talking, I knew the first night I was back with Ryan, I was going to turn him over, spread his cheeks, and go to town on his ass hole. Not only was it not weird anymore, I was excited. That’s the power of communication.
We get a lot of questions from men about how they can talk and discuss certain topics they want to try with their women, but are too scared of her reaction: anal, rim jobs, threesomes, etc. Texting has helped us openly discuss every embarrassing topic we have ever dealt with.
Why Texting / Sexting?
As mentioned previously, we feel physical interaction can sometimes disrupt communication. It seems silly, but it’s true. You can sit and watch a movie together, hold each others’ hands, but never say a word to one another. You can both enjoy the movie, have a nice meal, make love, and fall asleep in each others’ arms. Although this seems like a perfect night, sometimes sitting and watching a movie is everything but communication. While talking to someone else about that same movie, finding out their opinions, and instead of watching a movie with your mind consumed by what’s going on, you are spending your energy communicating and digging into another person’s thoughts and ideas, while sharing your own.
Does that mean texting is the only form or communication? Absolutely not. The medium is a preference. If you have figured out a way to communicate, whether it be spending an hour together talking about your day over the dinner table. Or like us, I have learned to grab coconut oil and massage Ryan’s dick each night. Actually every morning and night. He will get erect, get high from the endorphins I release into his body from my touching, and I can explore his mind. This is almost like a truth serum, because I can literally explore his every thought, with no real filter. And this also gives me an opportunity to be open about my fantasies and things I enjoy, without being judged and embarrassed. The things we have discussed during these massages, would kill me from embarrassment if I ever typed it out in a blog. And I am being dead serious! With that said, we still text daily and discuss our daily lives and thoughts. Although we still text daily, we no longer sext. We have found a way to communicate about our kinks and imagination beyond texting. But this took us 20 years to find this space.
Texting / sexting also helps deal with embarrassment. Although it isn’t easy to talk about various topics face to face, it should be easy to text. If it isn’t, you really need to work on communicating. For me, even with work, I find emailing to be much more direct and to the point. I can pretty much openly talk about anything while texting, send naughty pics, tell Ryan what I want to do to him that night, or discuss the nasty details of a threesome we are planning. If anything I type makes him react in a certain way that would embarrass me, I wouldn’t know.
Ryan: Venice makes a great point. I know I prefer to text things that possibly could embarrass me if I was to say it in person to Venice, because sometimes her first reaction may be different from what I’d expect. With texting, she kind of has a moment to react to what she reads, without me being able to see her first reaction. Sometimes our fear of that natural reaction keeps us from being open. It creates a natural filter. This filter, in my opinion, is not healthy when in a transparent relationship. Texting and sexting kind of take away that fear.
So What Does This All Mean For Me?
It means you should talk (or text) your significant other, and if you aren’t already, open this new line of communication. It’s 2019, we love to text. Most of us now use various apps and websites to find dates. We talk to our best friends through text. If you are having communication problems, try texting. If you are an older couple, catch up! If you are just hitting the dating age, use this little bit of knowledge to embrace texting and sexting, rather than feel ashamed of it. You should never feel ashamed of how you prefer to communicate. Use it to your advantage!
If you are new to online dating you can check out different sexting sites which go into detail regarding the pros and cons of various websites and apps that are great for meeting other singles.
REAL. Met my husband on the internet, long distance. Although it was tough, not being able to have sex for 6 months, without a doubt made everything about us stronger. All we could do is talk, talk, talk, talk. I told more about myself to this man that I had ever talked to anyone my whole life. We have now been married for 12 years and still talk about everything. Couples need to exercise their thoughts when they first meet, rather than their genitals. My two cents!
This is so true: ignoring compatibility and personality issues between two people because the sex is so good, it almost makes everything seem better