Venice read over the article and added her own commentary where she felt it was needed prior to publishing.
Is my wife bisexual?
Think about this question for a minute. Do all men at some point ask this question about their wives? If you didn’t know anything about our blog and what we have been through, what would come to your mind first when you see me ask that question?
I’ll play along.
The first thing I’d think is that the husband is probably curious about the way his wife is behaving. I know for me, I’ve always wondered about Venice’s sexual preference. I knew her best friend was a lesbian and living with another girl, I knew she really enjoyed watching lesbian videos, and I always felt her personality made her feel like a best friend, not a girl friend. She didn’t wear make up, didn’t spend much time fixing her hair, and she could out “joke” me. She just didn’t feel like your everyday girl. At least, not one I had ever dated. However, she always told me that her best friend wasn’t “out” when they were in high school and the video thing is more of being ‘turned on’ by something she knows she would never do. As far as her personality goes, she said I should stop overanalyzing it.
I did.
What are some other reasons husbands may ask this question though? Maybe they caught their wives sizing up other girls or they are openly flirty around other women. Maybe the question is less of a question and more of wishful thinking. It’s not uncommon to ask a question that really isn’t a question, instead it’s just a method used to push an issue or agenda (like this article you’re reading now). It’s not unheard of that a man would actually enjoy his wife being bisexual. In fact, I’d think most men would find out that information and immediately think they could either watch their wife play with another woman or actively participate in a threesome. This is probably why most women are hesitant to ever openly admit they are bisexual. Unlike men, our society doesn’t have a negative stigma associated with women being bisexual. It isn’t a flaw or a sign of weakness. So why would a woman ever keep being bisexual a secret? Well, for one, she just isn’t interested in her man thinking he can have another woman. She’d rather never explore her bisexual side, or explore her bisexual side secretly without including her husband. And unfortunately, this sometimes leads to a woman cheating on her husband with another couple, simply to experience a threesome while keeping her own husband to herself. That sounds crazy huh? How can a woman like women, sometimes even having an affair with a woman and the other woman’s husband, but never come out to her own husband? Embarrassment, jealousy, possession, and lack of trust.
Venice: He’s right. For the first 15 years of our marriage I did not want to explore my bisexuality or even talk about it with Ryan. It wasn’t hard to bury my naughty thoughts and see them as nothing more than fantasies. I made my choice to stay faithful and monogamous, there was nothing to explore. Growing up, I never knew anyone gay or bi, so I had no one to show me that it was alright to be something other than straight; I had no “role models” to show me being open about my sexuality was okay. I’d only seen straight couples so I thought this was the route I was supposed to take, too. So after I got married, I decided to suppress my desires and mask it with my frequent lesbian porn preferences. As far as my friend goes, I didn’t find out until after she left for the military that she was a lesbian.
“If I tell my husband, will he want to have threesomes with other women?”
I’ve heard from various circles, although I will admit some of these circles consist of a lot of chauvinist men, that every woman has bisexual tendencies. Some suppress them out of embarrassment, some are scared their spouses or family will think bad of them, some get married and purposely bury any sexual thoughts knowing their husbands will think they can benefit, some have just never been in a situation where a woman hits on them (although they’ve thought about it), and some have indulged in these fantasies.
I think Venice fits well into the category of a wife who was interested in experiencing a woman, but didn’t like the idea of that fantasy leading to me wanting to have a threesome. And not only do I get her fear, I accept it. The absolute first thing I thought when she told me about her interest in other women was, “Does that mean we are going to have threesomes?”
Venice: I’d been cheated on, seen my mom get cheated on, and seen my friends get cheated on. I made it a point to let Ryan know that what I looked for in a man was loyalty to me and only me. In return, I would do the same. This mean that I would not even express the idea of threesomes or allowing myself (and in turn, him) to be with another woman.
So why am I still asking Venice that question though? If she is openly expressing to me that she wants women, has hooked up with women, and has even opened up her marital bed to various women, why am I still asking, “Is my wife really bisexual?”
I overanalyze everything. It’s partially the reason why this blog exists. Some men would hear their wife say they are bisexual and just take it for face value. Why discuss it. Why even think about it any further. She is bisexual, it’s time to party. However, I don’t feel this way. I feel like with every threesome we’ve experienced, I am trying to figure out if my wife does this for herself, for us, or for me. The absolute worse case scenario would be she is doing it just for me. If I knew the answer to that question really was, “She isn’t really bisexual, she is just pretending to be that way because it really turns on her husband and she wants to make him happy.” I’d literally stop everything immediately. Venice knows this. She knows my biggest fear from the beginning was the idea that she was just pretending to be bisexual to make herself the “ultimate woman.” It sounds dumb, but she has written blogs about raising her stock and becoming a “superwoman” to her man. As much as I am flattered by her efforts, I do not want other women in our bedroom just because she wants me to be happy. I just do not agree with that. I am happy with just her in my bedroom and I have always made this very clear to her.
Venice: I don’t do anything sexually just to make Ryan happy. If I did, it would be an irreversible act that will only lead to resentment and not being able to live with myself for allowing him to indulge in something that made me miserable. It would eventually eat away at me and poke its ugly head in the middle of arguments for years to come. Am I pretending to be bisexual? Hell no. I feel liberated that I can talk about women, make “man jokes,” and express my likes and dislikes with Ryan. Not only can we talk to each other more about sex, we just talk to each other more. Do I regret that I didn’t come out to him earlier? Absolutely not. The 15 monogamous years I had with Ryan showed me that without a doubt he was going to be loyal to me forever. I remember telling him before we dated, that the most unloyal thing my previous boyfriend did was look at other women while we walked around in public. I’d swear, for 15 years Ryan would not even move his head away from me in public. If he did, he was looking through people. If in his peripherals he saw a hot girl (that little did he know, I was checking out), he would look the opposite direction. It was those years of loyalty that helped me open up and trust him. Loyal guys do exist. I’d hope no woman rushes into threesomes in their first few years of dating or marriage. Spend time enjoying what you have, build an undeniable trust, then talk about maybe adding a person to your bedroom.
Ladies, I understand that you want your husband to cherish you. I understand that you want to up your stock and be the best woman he has ever been with. However, if you would go as far as bringing another woman in the bedroom just to please your man, he will never really respect you. He’ll enjoy his threesomes, but he’ll always know, even you knew you weren’t enough for him. And deep inside, you’ll never respect him. If he really loved you, you’d be enough.
Hopefully this blog wasn’t too confusing. I really do not have a problem with a woman spoiling her husband. I definitely do not have a problem with threesomes. However, I’d just hope the only women considering threesomes after reading our blog, are also doing it for themselves. If you do not want to resent your husband later, make sure you have your own selfish reasons to open your marriage. This is one of those times where you can be selfish. In fact, the more selfish you are, the better you will feel afterwards.
After going over this article with Venice, she asked if she ever did anything selfish during a threesome. She knew I always asked her, “Are you really bisexual?” and wanted me to answer my own question and make a blog about it. She also added her own commentary all throughout the article. Below are a few things I’ve noticed:
She needs more girls.
After our first experience, Venice and I were driving to work. Some mornings we wake up together and decide to just hop in the same vehicle and drive to work. We didn’t really talk much about threesomes or relationship issues. It was one of those mornings where we just relaxed and listened to music. As she dropped me off at work I gave her a kiss and told her to drive safe. As I stepped out of the car, she looked at me and said, “I need more girls.” I didn’t really understand her and I definitely wasn’t used to such a comment. I asked, “What do you mean?”
She looked at me with a serious face and said, “One girl isn’t enough. I need more girls. I want to have a different woman every night.”
Although she was serious, I didn’t really respond back intelligently. I just looked at her and said, “You’re stupid,” and closed the door. That next night she met her next “friend” randomly in the mall at Victoria Secret.
I disappear into the background.
When we are conversing with another woman, Venice tends to tune me out and really pay attention to the other woman. At first she didn’t do this, because she was nervous about the situation and hadn’t experienced women. But now, knowing that the women we meet are bisexual and into her the same as she is into them, my existence tends to blur into the background. Watching Venice interact with different women, I realized maybe she may truly be pansexual. She seems to enjoy women the same way she enjoys me.
She is in an absolute zone.
When Venice starts making out with the other woman, no matter what we’ve talked about prior to the girl showing up, everything is off the table. She is in an absolute zone, her eyes get flush, and she stays all over the woman. From the moment her body touches another woman’s, everything around her vanishes. I cannot describe her face or her reactions. I personally do not remember Venice ever looking at me the way she looks at these women. If you have ever seen a drug addict or someone completely high, that is the vibe I get from Venice while she is making out with another woman. Especially when she is eating pussy. There are times she will turn around and her eyes are blood shot, and all she will say is, “Oh my God, this pussy is so good.”
Lost in lust.
While they are making out, Venice doesn’t shy away from the other woman or physically shut down. Her hands immediately slide inside the other girl’s pussy. In fact, she has told me that the entire time she is talking to another woman, she has two things on her mind. Sticking her fingers inside the other girl’s pussy and seeing how tight and wet it is, and laying the other girl down on the bed and spreading her legs so she can look at her pussy and taste it. If Venice isn’t kissing the other girl, she is fondling her breasts and sucking on her nipples. In fact, watching her make out with other women, you can tell her mind is in the same exact place a teenage boys is at, lost in lust.
She fucks girls better than me.
When Venice had one of her girl friends doggy style and was using a strap on, she would not look away from her cock going in and out of her friend’s pussy. She didn’t look at the girl sucking my dick, didn’t make eye contact with me, didn’t look at the back of the girls shoulders while she fucked her, nothing. She had her eyes glued onto her cock going in and out of another woman’s body. She loved it. In fact, after it was over and her friend left, the first thing she said to me was, “I want to do that again.”
The first thing I said, “I need to take notes. You fuck girls better than me.”
She can’t get enough.
Recently Venice and her friend was sucking my dick together. It’s no secret Venice loves sucking dick with another female. At this point, both ladies had orgasmed multiple times and the focus usually shifts to seeing if they can make me cum. However, it didn’t take long for Venice to leave her friend alone with my dick so she could go back down and eat her pussy again. She couldn’t get enough. And even though she knew I wanted her to work on my dick, she left me alone to satisfy her own urges.
End list.
If you read the list carefully, you’ll notice one thing that remains consistent. Venice was selfish. And I do not mean that in a bad way. Everything I’ve listed above eases my mind and lets me know that my wife doesn’t have self-esteem issues and doesn’t bring women into our bedroom because she thinks that’s what I need to be happy. She let’s women in our bedroom because she wants to be with women. At some point she made the decision that sharing me with other women was worth it for her, because she also was sharing herself. She equates my interest in a woman’s vagina, breasts, and how they perform oral sex, with her own interest in the exact same thing. It was a big decision for her, but in the end, it needed to be a selfish decision so she wouldn’t resent me later. And in the same token, I needed the same.