Rating Your Penis Selfies: The Bathroom Floor (nsfw)


Thinking about sending that hottie you just met on tinder your penis selfie? Maybe your twitter finger is a bit itchy and you want to show the world what you are working with? Well before you do that, maybe you should think about letting a neutral eye critique it first. Who knows, you may lose the possible future love of your life because you sent a penis pic that wasn’t up to a woman’s standards.  Yea, some women may enjoy a photoshopped 12 inch cock that is so warped the chair in the background of the photo has taken on a whole new shape, or a picture of your penis with a with a rose sticking out of its penis hole, while in the background there is a toilet filled with a log that is double the size of your schlong, but you can never get a second chance to make a first dick selfie impression! Listen fellas, let’s face it, a penis pic is a dime a dozen. There is very little demand and a whole lot of supply. What sets apart your dick from a porn stars isn’t going to be its size or shape, but the creativeness of the photo itself. That’s what women give a second look at. With that being said, let’s see if you can separate your penis selfie from the pack.  Think quality, artistry, vision, grooming style, and of course, penis placement!  You can submit your pics by emailing me at sexlifeandeverything@gmail.com.

The penis submission is below (Click Read More)

The Bathroom Floor

Continue Reading Rating Your Penis Selfies: The Bathroom Floor (nsfw)

Sex Ed: How Women Overcome Vaginismus

VaginismusWhen a woman has vaginismus, her vagina’s muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering her, like a tampon or a penis. It can be mildly uncomfortable, or it can be painful. There are exercises a woman can do that can help, sometimes within weeks. vaginismus

Painful sex is often a woman’s first sign that she has vaginismus. The pain happens only with penetration. It usually goes away after withdrawal, but not always. Women have described the pain as a tearing sensation or a feeling like the man is “hitting a wall.” Many women who have vaginismus also feel discomfort when inserting a tampon or during a doctor’s internal pelvic exam.

Doctors don’t know exactly why vaginismus happens. It’s usually linked to anxiety and fear of having sex. But it’s unclear which came first, the vaginismus or the anxiety. Some women have vaginismus in all situations and with any object. Others have it only in certain circumstances, like with one partner but not others, or only with sexual intercourse but not with tampons or during medical exams.

Other medical problems like infections can also cause painful intercourse. So it’s important to see a doctor to determine the underlying cause of pain during sex.

dilatorsWomen with vaginismus can do exercises, in the privacy of their own home, to learn to control and relax the muscles around the vagina. The approach is called progressive desensitization, and the idea is to get comfortable with insertion.

First, do Kegel exercises by squeezing the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine when urinating:

Continue Reading Sex Ed: How Women Overcome Vaginismus

Threesome Memoirs: Busted (Hidden Camera)

1381743995a03-sextingWhat’s crazy about this story is the entire threesome is on video…with permission of course. hidden camera

So the night starts for us with alcohol.

Okay, wait…

I think we’ve done all this before way too many times. I think you’ve read this from us too many times. In fact, instead of glorifying our threesome in erotica format, I will write a quick summary of all the action and slow down when I get to the nitty gritty.

We drank. They kissed. Venice ate out the other girl while the other girl sucked my dick. However, this girl would only suck dick for maybe 30 second intervals, before she would relax with her head between my legs and eat my ass hole out for minutes at a time. Every now and then Venice would come up and they would suck my dick together, or the other girl would be licking my ass hole and stroking my dick while Venice sucked the upper free portion of my cock. After a few minutes Venice would go back down to get her fix of pussy. On camera, Venice was visually leaking a lot of clear froth from her vagina, enough so that her entire inner thighs were wet. Condom on. Venice got up and sat on the other girls face while I fucked the other girl. Venice held my ass and controlled my movements and how deep I went inside the other girl.  Eventually we had the other girl balled up as Venice held her legs up to her own hips and asked me to pound her pussy as hard as I could.  I did. After a few minutes, we stopped. Condom off. Once I take the condom off I do not plan to fuck the other girl again, just Venice. The girls moved to 69 position while I was away washing off the condom smell off my dick. After I came back I got behind Venice and fucked her, while the other girl on bottom licked Venice clit, the pussy juices off my dick, and sucked on my balls. We then all laid on the bed as both girls shared sucking my dick until I came. They played with my cum together while I watched, kissing each other and passing my dick back and forth until their faces and my dick was clean……..

And then I went to take a shower.

As I walk out of the bathroom nude, still drying off, I notice the other girl is holding her phone and casually aiming it “kinda” at the bed Venice is laying nude on. Venice, a bit tipsy, is laying down with her head to the side, playing with her vagina. I glance at the other girl’s screen and see an image, but was not really sure what it is. The girl clumsily puts the phone down on the couch across from the bed and says, “Oh, I was trying to fix this stupid contacts screen.”

Venice, still horny, announces to both of us that she isn’t done with the other girl yet and motions for her to put her face back down between her legs.  The other girl obliges, and crawls back to the foot of the bed and starts eating out Venice again. I hit record on the camera again and sit down on the couch to watch them.

Knowing the other girls face is buried between Venice’s thighs, I pick up her phone. Unsure if I beat the timer that locks the phone permanently, or she just didn’t have a lock on it. Either way, I jumped to her “gallery” and saw all her photos. Some nudes of herself, photos of other in various naughty poses, family photos, photos of her possible husband/boyfriend, and of course, pictures she had just taken of Venice without either of our consent. My mind went blank and all I saw was red. I was angry at Venice for being so trustworthy and not paying attention, mad at the other girl for taking the photos without our consent, and mad at myself for not just standing up on the spot, grabbing the girl by her little ass titties, and kicking her to the curb immediately. Instead, I quickly navigated to her “My Files” application and clicked on the entire “Camera” folder. One of a kind family photos, dead grandmothers last picture, whatever. All I knew was, I saw about 3 of 4 photos of Venice laying on the bed and clicked on that folder and deleted everything. Gone.  And for good measure, I clicked the “Download” folder and deleted everything in there too. If she didn’t have a backups, they were gone. No fucks given.

As I sat there, with my own camera recording this girl eat Venice out, I patiently waited for Venice to finish…

30 minutes later, Venice cums on the girls face and pushes her head back as she squeezes her legs. I get up, without showing to much emotion, and ask Venice if she is going to wash off. She was still a bit buzzed, so she clumsily slide off the bed and made little jokes about how good she felt. I didn’t really respond because I was irritated, and only said to her, “Go wash off please.”

As Venice disappeared into the bathroom I told the other girl to hurry up and get dressed so I could walk her out. I didn’t want to make a scene, but I knew once I got her outside of the house I was going to let her know I saw those pics and I deleted everything on her phone.  She put her clothes on, while I watched, sick to my stomach.  Usually after a threesome I will give the girl space, look away, or let them take their time, hang out, whatever. Not sure why I look away after I’ve came on these girls and fucked them, but I do. Not this time. Angrily I watched, almost as if, I wanted her to know that I was more anxious to see her put her clothes on than actually take them off.

After she got dressed, I opened the door, not letting her say goodbye to Venice, and motioned for her to hurry up. She walked in front of me and I led her to the front door.  As soon as she stepped out, I let her know that I had seen the photos of Venice on her phone.  I told her I had deleted everything and if I found out she had other shots I didn’t know about, it wasn’t going to be a nice situation at all. She immediately went from happy and smiling, to shocked and scorned. The only thing she could say was “sorry”.  She lowered her head, moving away from me, not knowing what my response was going to be. Obviously, we were virtually strangers and she had just been caught sneaking photos of my wife. If it she were a man (a problem we will never have to deal with), she would have been laid out on the spot. Luckily for her, she was caught by someone with a little bit of self control that just wanted her gone.

Not that Venice hasn’t taken nude photos with other women, but of course she did this totally posing for the camera, prepared. Not alone sprawled out on the bed, legs spread, touching herself, tipsy from alcohol. And without consent, this was a total violation.

There really isn’t much else to the story. Venice walked out into the garage while I was talking to the other girl, and couldn’t figure out while I was speaking so aggressively towards her. The other girl glanced at Venice, put her head down in shame, and said sorry and walked to her car.

When I got back in the house I told Venice what happened and she immediately said, “She will never be welcomed in my house again.”

As soon as I heard that I stopped and said, “Wait, wait…let’s not jump the gun here.”   But that was just me not wanting to give up on a duo that we’re pretty damn good as sucking dick together.  But, she was right. We haven’t spoke with her since. hidden camera

*haven’t proofread or edited.  Will be corrected later.  In a rush guys!

Q&A: Why Doesn’t My Husband Let Me Touch His Penis?

touching his penisI am 26, my husband is 25.  We have known each other a little bit short of a year and we’ve been married a few months. There’s a few issues in the bedroom, mostly things I really want to do and he doesn’t so we don’t do them. Most of these things I can live with and the sex we have is hands down the most mind blowing sex I’ve ever had. Not in that we do special things or anything like that, it’s very vanilla because that’s the way he likes it. I would like to try different things and I’m very open to anything, I also have a very high libido and his is not so high.

Like I said, I can live with most things he doesn’t want to do. Sex has to be enjoyable for both, and I still enjoy it very much the way we do it now.

What really bothers me though, is he won’t let me touch his dick. If this was the only issue we had I could probably live with it, but this is kind of like the last drop to me. I just can’t understand it.

I love his dick, it’s so great. I’ve touched it for a little bit sporadically and it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever touched. It gets so hard, and just really turns me on.. All I want to do is just touch it for a little bit.

He thinks I’m weird for wanting to touch it so bad. He says he’s never heard of a woman “that wants to touch their partners dick all day every day”. Those are his words. I don’t want to touch it all day every day, although I do understand why he might think I do. I try to make him let me touch it before we have sex. And I’ve kind of become obsessed with trying to touch it. I try to do it when he’s asleep, and I’ve caught myself subconsciously doing it when I’m in that half-awake state where you can’t control yourself. The thing is, if he would make no problem of it I would be fine with just touching it every one in a while to get my fix and it wouldn’t look like I always want to touch it anymore.

He says he just doesn’t like it, he doesn’t give me a specific reason why, he just doesn’t like it. Well, my opinion is that sometimes you do something for someone to make that someone happy. I’m not asking you for something big (or theoretically I do), I’m not trying to hurt you, I’m not asking if I can be glued to your dick for the rest of our lives, I just want to touch it for a little bit sometimes. I feel like I can’t have every part of him, it’s so frustrating. When I see how hard he gets before we have sex, his dick looks like it wants to rip straight through his underwear. It looks so fucking hot, it turns me on so much, at that moment in time it’s the greatest thing in life. I love every part of him and I just want all of him, I JUST WANT TO TOUCH IT.

It just frustrates me that, even though he doesn’t enjoy it, he can’t just let me have it for a little bit. I can’t understand it. “I don’t like it, so you can’t ever do it.” Needless to say he also doesn’t like blowjobs while I love giving them. In the time we’ve been together he’s let me do it for about 2 minutes twice, then he just wants to fuck. He’s also never gone down on me, which makes me sad, but I can live with it and I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to do this.

The worst thing is sometimes I try to touch it before sex, he will say he just wants to fuck now and “I promise I will let you touch it a little bit before we go to sleep tonight”. I will get so excited and think about how I can touch him later all day, but later in bed he just rejects me again. Why make such promises??

I don’t really know what I should do about this situation. Should I approach it differently? Should I just accept it and try to get over it? How do I get over it? It’s the one thing I want and it’s right in front of me but I can’t get it. Are there any men that feel the same way that would like to explain their side a little more? Or are there any women that had to deal with the same situation? How did you deal with it?

I would also like to add he’s Chinese, is this a cultural thing?

Venice’s response:
First, how awesome is it that you love to touch his dick?! Sadly, a lot of wives just don’t have the urge or desire to touch her man’s body, let alone his private area.

We have no secrets when it comes to each other’s bodies. He shaves my vagina/sphincter area, I check him for hemorrhoids. He pierces my nipple, I pierce his guiche. He brushes my hair, I lick his eyeball. We are not disgusted by each other. That goes for sexual stimulation. His dick is your dick, so technically, you should be able to touch it anytime you want to, right? I think so. I feel that I have a right to my husband’s body. In fact, just this morning I slapped his ass like 3 or 4 times when he walked in front of me and dared him to tell me to stop…he didn’t.

The only reason I can think of that can keep him from fully enjoying being touched by his wife is that there may be a psychological issue. And it reminded me of a friend of mine who was “diagnosed” with frigidity. I didn’t know what caused it, or if it was a combination of different factors that caused a woman to be “frigid”: being self-conscious of her body, fear of rejection, etc. I was young myself so I didn’t know any better. It even became a matter of “That will never happen to me.” As I thought about that, I started to wonder if there was a male version of frigidity. There is: hypoactive sexual desire disorder.

[…] it is assumed and widely verified that sexual desire occurs less frequently in women and that arousal is much more complicated. One could argue the etiology of this fact, whether it is that women possess lower endogenous testosterone or that female children are socialized to be and feel less sexual, but that is another topic. What is true, however, is that women suffer from desire disorders more than men, most commonly hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) (Goldstein et al., 2006; Laumann, et al, 1994, p. 370 & 371). To be precise, the prevalence among men versus women is about 15% versus 35%, respectively (Levine, 2010, p. 40).

The Diagnostic and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th edition, text-revision (DSM-IV-TR, American Psychiatric Association, 2000) defines hypoactive sexual desire disorder as, in summary, “Persistently or recurrently deficient (or absent) sexual fantasies and desires for sexual activity” that causes personal and relational stress, and that cannot be accounted for by Axis I disorders, substance use (including medications), or other medical conditions (p. 541). The disorder is further defined through lifelong versus acquired, generalized versus situational, and psychological versus combined factors (p. 541). There are many chemical factors that can lead to HSDD in men, most commonly anti-depressant medications (specifically, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and anti-hypertensive medications) as well as hormonal issues (hypogonadism or endocrine dysfunction as a result of environmental xenoestrogens) and psychological issues (anxiety, depression, and other Axis disorders) (Levine, 2010, p. 40). All of this makes a differential diagnosis more challenging.

Once ruling out medications, mood disorders, and hormonal issues, it becomes important to identify whether the situation is lifelong or acquired and situational or generalized. Further, men will often report erectile dysfunction rather than low sexual desire, further complicating diagnostic efforts (Levine, 2010, p. 41). This tendency to underreport desire disorders can likely be traced back to the cultural myths about male sexuality—a mechanical problem is bad enough, but male socialization conveys that not wanting sex is simply not masculine (Fracher & Kimmel, 1992). When clients find it difficult to discuss sexuality or sexual desire issues, The Sexual Desire Inventory (Spector, Carey & Steinberg, 1996) can be a useful tool for acquiring information in a way that allows more openness for the client (Meuleman & Van Lankveld, 2004, p. 291).

For those clients who profess they always have experienced low desire (lifelong variety), and who also believes that the low desire is ego syntonic, continued treatment may not be desirable unless the client is dissatisfied with the situation. For example, 27.4% of men aged 18 to 59 who were living with a partner had sex three times or less in the last year (10% had zero sex) and two-thirds of the men who had no sex were not troubled by it (Laumann, et al, 1994). For these men, lack of sex drive may be a character trait or an aspect of temperament with which they were born.

However, as Levine suggests, the situation is seldom as simple as innate low desire and no feelings about that loss of intimacy:
Lifelong HSDD usually reflects the constitutional endowment of sexual drive, although the internalization of antisexual values and experiences of abuse or neglect may produce a lifelong low sexual interest level. (2010, p. 41)
Levine goes on to suggest that attachment issues, which can inhibit adolescent sexual development can sometimes be at the root of low desire. In women, low desire or frequency of sexual behavior is associated with avoidant attachment, but in males it is associated with ambivalent attachment patterns (Feeney, 1999, p. 371). However, this is only one opinion—a study by Hazan, Zeifman, and Middleton (1994) found that avoidant men and women report low enjoyment of sexuality whereas ambivalent subjects of both sexes enjoy cuddling but not overt sexuality (cited in Feeney, p. 371)—there are very few studies that look at attachment issues and male hypoactive sexual desire.

Most often, HSDD manifests later in a relationship after a time of relatively normal sexual function and behavior (acquired variety). The reasons for this loss of desire can be physical, especially low androgen levels, as noted by many researchers (Knussmann, Christiansen & Couwenbergs, 1986; Mantzoros, Georgiadis & Trichopoulos, 1995; Nilsson, Moller & Solstad, 1995). There also can be other physical issues to rule out, including “various combinations of direct illness effects: treatment effects from medication, radiation, or surgery; psychological reactions to being ill; spousal reactions to the ill partner” (Levine, p. 41).

After ruling out all other issues (these are commonly seen as acquired generalized causes), the next step is to examine acquired situational issues. According to Levine, these tend to occur shortly after marriage. One variation, the Don Juan “casualty,” typically values the seduction more than conquest, and once he has “won” the women whom he often sees as a wonderful person, the sexual impulse is gone. In another variation, the pornography “casualty,” the man has been shaped and has shaped his sexual scripts through pornography. For him, an actual woman is too complex and intimidating for him to feel sexual toward. Finally, the “practical marriage casualty” results when a man chooses a wife for status and social benefits without really feeling any romantic interest. Each of these assumes a somewhat normal sexual fantasy life but a sexless relationship.

The therapist should also examine more complex, relationship-based issues. Among the variety of reasons a man may feel no sexual chemistry or desire for his wife include the following: he is having an affair, he no longer finds her sexually attractive, he finds her complaints about his sexual functioning overwhelming, her new status as a mother has rendered her asexual in his eyes, and perhaps the most irrevocable issue, he is a closeted homosexual and can no longer pretend to feel attraction for his wife even though he cannot face his sexuality. The job of the therapist is gently to explore these possibilities with the client while always keeping in mind that, “For men, sexual behavior is the ultimate expression of their manhood; beyond manhood—their personhood” (Gaylin, 1992, p. 117).

Levine argues that there are no physiological treatments (magic pills) for low sex drive (p. 42) and that there does not seem to be anything resembling a Viagra for low desire. However, he also states that none of the most common psychotherapies—cognitive-behavioral, psychodynamic, sex therapy, Psychodrama—have proven useful in treating HSDD (p. 42). Therapy can involve the man by himself, the man with his partner, or placement into a group with other men who experience similarly limited interest in their partners. While the group work may not do much to repair or save the relationship, it can help the man better understand his avoidance or motivations.

In lifelong/generalized HSDD, successful therapy may simply entail helping the couple develop strategies to maintain intimacy and a sexual common ground. With situational/acquired HSDD, successful therapy may include exploring relationship issues, physical attraction issues, family of origin issues, and a variety of other factors. Finally, it is also possible that the man developed a part—a subpersonality—whose role it is to suppress sexual desire, generally as a result of some shame-related experience (Schwartz, 1995). If that part’s “burden” can be identified and removed through therapeutic intervention (often a form of active imagination), then therapy can focus on trust-building and the creation of intimacy within the couple, but without sexual contact, until physical desire returns. However, it is handled, sensitivity to the importance men generally place on their sexuality as a major construct of their personal identity is crucial.
~ Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

I have never heard of Chinese men, culturally speaking, not enjoying their penis touched. But judging from this article, it’s likely that your husband can certainly be affected by one or more of these factors mentioned: effects of illness and/or medication, decreased desire toward his woman as she is now “conquered,” intimidation, and relationship issues (no sexual chemistry, asexual feelings toward his spouse). HSDD is something that may be beyond your reach. If you suspect this, it’s probably something that he (and you) should discuss together. Hopefully his machismo does not stand in the way and you can get to the root of the problem of you not being able to touch his dick.

Ryan’s response:
Not sure what to think about this question because really, the issue could be resolved with a simpler question: “Why doesn’t my husband want me staring at his penis?” I assume, with your self admitted worshiping of his penis, you’d also like to suck on it, stare at it, as well as touch it. I think most women really attracted and in love with a man have this urge. And with a blowjob you could touch his penis all you wanted.

To answer your question honestly and not focus on the “touching” as a single issue, but focus more on the bigger picture, why he doesn’t want oral sex, touching, and studying/staring at his penis. This is where I think the problem could be.

Not sure what type of man this is, as I’ve never dealt with any guy that doesn’t enjoy blowjobs to some extent. And I can honestly think of one issue that would prevent a man from wanting a woman touching/oral/staring at his penis…his own self esteem. I’ve heard of a lot of guys that can’t cum from them, but they still enjoyed receiving them. I have no idea if this is part of the Chinese culture, or your husband just doesn’t want you to look at his penis because he is self conscious. With touching, blowjobs, or looking at his penis, he may feel you are judging his size, shape, or other minor things he considers flaws. I know when I met Venice I was so shy that I hated knowing she was touching my penis or looking at it in the light I didn’t know if she studied a bunch of other guys and I didn’t add up. I didn’t know if she even thought it was sexy or to her liking. I can still remember laying in bed totally embarrassed while she played with my penis (it was in the middle of the day, so although I would have wanted the lights off, that wasn’t an option). She was laying in my lap after we had sex for the first time, playing with my shriveled up after sex penis, making the pee hole “talk” to her while she moved it in a way that it looked like a mouth talking. She “baby talked” my penis, and then changed her voice to make my penis reply to her. I can still remember what she called him, Mister. I also remember thinking about a million things, all of which embarrassed me.

“I wonder if she thinks I am too small.”

“Does she think the freckle on my penis is hideous?”

“I bet she thinks it’s ugly.”

“The veins probably gross her out.”

“Is she making fun of me?”

“Does she notice my curve?”

“Does it match my body?”

“Why the fuck is she calling my penis Mister?”

If you are self conscious, regardless of how confident you seem, you tend to stay away from the things that make you feel uncomfortable or show “weakness”. It may be possible that your husband wants to feel big and strong around you at all times and is emasculated by his own self image of his penis size compared to his own perception of what a penis should look like. He may be self conscious of a woman from a different culture (if you are not Chinese) having ideas of how a penis is supposed to look because of his physically differences to the men in your culture. This is kind of how I felt. I remember wishing I could just make my penis totally meaningless so Venice could judge me for me only, my personality, the way I made her laugh. But no matter what, as a woman, she was drawn to wanting to touch my body, explore my penis, and even measure my size with her hand and wrist, only to later measure her hand and wrist with a ruler to know my actual size. She wasn’t doing it to hurt me, but it was just something that turned her on knowing, whether I had input or not.

This is probably one of our biggest fears as men, and truthfully, there isn’t anything we can do about it.

Until I trusted that Venice wasn’t going to make fun of me, or I understood that my flaws became her own flaws, I didn’t feel comfortable around her. To be honest, it took years for me to let her look at my body when I wasn’t half swollen already (never showing her my totally flaccid penis). I wanted her to see me as always thick and large, not shriveled and tiny. I felt it made me more attractive as a man. I felt it made her think about it more during the day. I didn’t understand that my body became her own body, and if an outsider was to judge me, she’d be more offended by the negative comments than I was. It was now HER DICK. She had no choice, just like me. She had no way to make it bigger if that is what she wanted, just like me. She fell in love with a man and his dick became hers in every way. To understand that your woman adopts your size, your shape, your “appearance” much like it’s part of her own body that she can’t control, but still loves it with all of her heart, is when us men open up. At this point in my relationship, I do not feel my dick, regardless of it’s flaccid state, will turn off Venice. I think she prides herself in my body and dick, more than I ever could.

In my situation, threesomes with other women played the biggest role in realizing my wife adored my body, especially my dick. You can tell a person in their face that their dick is perfect, and never really believe them. But seeing Venice tell other women to “suck on his huge dick” or “how does his big dick feel inside your body” opened my eyes to how much she has accepted me. You just can’t fake enthusiasm or seeing the girl you love tell a total stranger how much she loves your huge cock, knowing that other person would have no reason to lie or stroke my ego. Not that I am suggesting threesomes, but in my situation, it changed me in every way around Venice.

Now, without threesomes, how do you get your husband to understand that you love his dick in every single way? Time and communication. Maybe let him “accidentally” find a letter to a friend about how huge you think his dick is. Maybe just tell him everyday that he is the biggest dick you’ve ever seen in real life. Or maybe just tell him you want to suck on his dick for hours and you can’t be happy with sex unless you get this. Either way, this is a problem that can be resolved with patience and communication.


The Quad – My Poly Origins (Krys)

polyamorySince Venice and Ryan asked if The Quad could contribute to their blog, I’d been trying to think of something their readers might be interested in.  As a group, we answered a question, and if any of you have any other questions you’d like us to answer, please feel free to submit them.  We enjoyed answering that one.  In the meantime, I figured I’d let you all know how I came to realize I that I was polyamorous.

When I met my husband Gun, I was a rather innocent 20 year old.  He’d told me since we started dating that if I wanted to explore, we could talk about it and he’d be open to that.  He figured I’d bring it up back then.  Nope.  I brought it up on (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend in 2011.  About a month before that, I’d started the journey to take control of my life and get healthy.  I’ve always been a bigger, curvy girl, who was shy and very unsure about herself.  Some health issues started popping up that summer, so I knew I had to do something about it.  In starting to shed some pounds, and feel good about myself, I decided I wanted to bite the bullet and see if someone else might be interest me.  On a whim, one evening just before Thanksgiving weekend I signed up to the website Plenty of Fish.  Within hours I had messages from a bunch of guys.  I chatted with a couple, but one in particular piqued my interest.  He was married, and looking for a friend with benefits (FWB).  His wife had had one for a few years, and he wanted one as well.  They were open and communicative with each other.  I couldn’t ever meet him without Gun being aware, so by the end of that weekend I knew I had to tell him.  We were home from dinner at his parents place, our kids were elsewhere in the house, Gun was playing Xbox, and I was sitting near him and getting more nervous by the second.  I was trying to wait for a slowdown in play, or a cut scene, but neither were happening in the game he was playing.  After he died one time, I just took a deep breath and kind of blurted out, “you know how you’d said when we started dating that I could explore elsewhere if I wanted to? Well, I think I found someone I’d like to do that with.”  He kind of sat there dumbfounded for a few moments, then said “okay.”  We talked a LOT those first few weeks.  I even told Gun if he wanted to find someone to have fun with, to go ahead.  We set out a few rules for ourselves and ventured forth.

For reasons outside of my control, I only saw this guy a handful of times, and only once intimately.  After that, I was chatting with a few guys, saw one or two others in various capacities.  Gun wasn’t having a much luck finding a sane female, who wasn’t cheating on her husband.  We’d been listening to the podcast Life on The Swingset, and decided to sign up to a swingers website and see if we could find a couple that we could both have fun with, along with making new friends.  We had various types of success and what I call “learning experiences” over the first few months of doing that.  I signed up for an anonymous Twitter account that summer as a way to vent frustrations, and express myself.  I obviously couldn’t do that on my vanilla accounts.  Gun started his own account a few days after I did.

Within a few months, we found a great community on Twitter.  We started meeting a few couples in person and were having an interesting time.  It was around then that I met a guy from one of the swinger sites we were on, and he became my FWB.  We chatted often and I saw him on my work lunch hour sometimes.   A few couples on Twitter who were swingers or were interested in swinging, started talking about a meet and greet in Niagara Falls that winter; we decided to go as well.  Because of our kids, we could only go for one night while most of the other couples were there for 2 nights.  We got there early Saturday afternoon and promptly got to meet the others in person.  We hit it off right off the bat with Bob and Lexxi, and with another couple Charlie and Angel.  At the end of the evening, Bob and Lexxi invited Gun and I up to their room.  Needless to say, we accepted, and had an enjoyable time 😉  We exchanged cell numbers the next day, and were texting the whole way home.

The four of us started to visit each other’s’ homes about once a month.  There was no denying that we all had a connection that was different than what any of us had experienced in the past.  Feelings started to deepen as time passed.  With communication being so open, we all discussed it with each other as it was progressing.  Around then, things with my FWB were getting awkward, something was missing for me. I wasn’t happy with what he could give me and Gun didn’t like the vibes he got off of this guy, so I broke it off with him.

The big turning point for myself in realizing I was poly was the long weekend we all spent on a houseboat for Lexxi’s 40th birthday.  That was the first time that we slept swapped (there were two double beds next to each other at one end of the boat, Gun and Lexxi had one while Bob and I had the other).  It was a fun, relaxed, amazing, weekend full of laughs, lots of hot sex, and tequila body shots.  A couple of weeks after that I ended up going to Bob and Lexxi’s on my own for a night.  When I left that weekend I had to hold back saying “I love you” to Bob.  I knew my feelings had deepened, but it surprised me that it felt natural to want to say that.  That summer, we all realized we’d been sliding down the same path.  We had visits that included our kids, some alone, had a wife swap weekend, and even an entire week where Bob and Lexxi stayed at our house (sans kids to boot!).

Gun and I had wished we had a couple that was closer we could hang out with, but after a while realized that we now had a bunch of great open-minded friends who lived at various distances, and we really weren’t focusing on finding couples anymore.  We deactivated our accounts on the various sites we had been on.

At some point later, Gun decided to sign back up to a few dating sites to try to find a female FWB in our area.  I had played alone with Chad, who is a good friend of ours, a couple of times that spring.  Other than that though, I had been feeling like something was missing for me and was wondering if a relationship of my own outside of what we now called The Quad, was it.  Lexxi had never really played separate from Bob (other than within The Quad, and with Chad) and was curious, so she and I each signed up on Tinder, and then OkCupid.  For myself, I chatted with a few people, met one guy for a coffee, but ultimately was discouraged and decided to deactivate the two accounts at the end of that summer.  A month and a half or so later, I reactivated my OkCupid account and soon after found Erik’s profile.  I found it smart and funny, plus the percentage match between us was 99% as we both had answered a lot of their questions similarly.  So, I messaged him.

We chatted easily over text, and then hit it off in person.  Over the next while, we went on various dates together, Gun and I had dinner with Erik and his wife Mia, plus they both came over when Bob and Lexxi were visiting.  As the months passed, I could see patterns in myself where I knew my feelings were starting to deepen for Erik.  Last spring, almost a year ago now, I really realized that I am truly polyamorous. I was in love with, or in the process of falling in love with, 3 guys and also had a deep relationship with a woman. Plus I had some good friends who I care for immensely.

To say the past four and a half years have been eye opening, is an understatement.  Between realizing that I am polyamorous, and now also discovering my kinky submissive side, I finally feel like I’ve found myself.  It feels natural, and I feel freer than I ever have.