What’s A Fetish?


  • An inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
  • A course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.

“All fetishes are acceptable as long as all involved parties are in the right mind and age to consent.” This means if you enjoy urolagnia (finding sexual pleasure in the act of urinating), you cannot place a hidden camera in a women’s bathroom. This means if you have a fetish for leather pants, you cannot walk up to someone wearing them and start rubbing their ass cheeks. But as we become more connected to people at parts of the world, we find more and more fetishists who share the same interests.

This article will not talk about zoophilia (beastiality/bestiality), necrophilia, or pedofilia (child pornography). None of these fetishes are done with consent (or legal).

When I started this article I  thought I didn’t have many sexual fetishes, but I found out that I do engage in several. I didn’t realize that a lot of what we did were considered sexual fetishes. Nowadays, the lines that delineate sexual fetishes are blurred as they become commonplace and even accepted. Many people don’t even consider their sexual desires as a fetish anymore perhaps because the Internet brings together like-mined fetishists.

1. Autoerotic asphyxiation. I’ve blogged about my own experiences with autoerotic asphyxiation not too long ago (see previous article on autoerotic asphyxiation http://sexblogging.com/auto-erotic-asphyxiation/). For the record, I do not condone it, but I do notice similarities in the way it’s practiced and the way I heighten my own orgasm through autoerotic asphyxiation. It is dangerous, and even fatal.

2. Sadomasochism (S&M). According to the article entitled, “Is Sadomasochism a Destructive Form of Sex,” they claim to have cited resources that point to YES. It opens with the statement, “Sadomasochism is a humiliating and degrading form of sexual perversion practiced by those who suffer from emotional problems. Studies have shown that prior emotional, sexual, and/or physical abuse can contributed to a person’a need to engage in this self-destructive behavior. There are two roles in the sadomasochistic setting. The dominant person (sadist) who derives sexual pleasure by degrading, humiliating, binding and/or inflicting pain upon his/her sex partner, and the submissive partner (masochist) who receives this mistreatment, and in the process, claims to derive sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, death has resulted from this form of sex-play. It is my belief that sadomasochism is a dangerous form of sex-play and should be addressed as a perversion that requires psychological therapy” (http://www.csun.edu/~psy453/sado_y.htm)

This article takes a clear stance by choosing to use certain persuasive words: humiliating, degrading, perversion emotional problems, self-destructive, mistreatment, and dangerous. I don’t doubt that S&M can be extremely painful, especially if the receiver is not participating fully, mentally and physically. But it seems to me that they are generalizing S&M as a whole and not taking into consideration that there are degrees of severity. Take me, for example. I do not enjoy S&M in a way that I derive sexual pleasure from it; Ryan does not enjoy pain at all, so he steers clear from any kind receiving of pain. Although I’m not a frequent user of whips, chains, belts, and the like, I do like a little bit of hair pulling, hard spanking, and nibbling. Ryan and I are, however, in a controlled environment where he understands fully my limitations and my threshold of pain.  We also do role play certain scenerios that have S&M ideology  (see previous blog on us role playing rape  http://sexblogging.com/rape/).

3. Urolagnia. This is finding urine or the act of urinating sexually pleasing. It has other underlying components to it, such as the sadomasochistic perspective (making someone hold their pee) or humiliation (being urinated on and urinating on someone). I’ll try anything once. If I don’t like something, there is nothing lost. This is not something that Ryan and I practice, but we have experimented with it. The biggest drawback for us is that it is just too messy. We enjoy each other’s fluids (spit, semen, froth, pee) but the element of spontaneity is removed if the only place we can have a golden shower is, well, the shower (see a previous blog  http://sexblogging.com/photo-shoot-the-golden-shower/).

4. Retifism is having sexual feelings toward shoes, feet, and/or heels, also known as a “foot fetish.” I do not have a foot fetish, but I’ve asked Ryan to cum on my feet so that I can eat it off. I like eating cum anyway so what better way than to eat it off myself?

5. Anal. I’m not sure if this would classify as a fetish, but I can certainly see it being so because of its biblical derivatives, i.e. the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. A more modern definition, and one that most of us are familiar with, is anal sex. Because of Sodom, (anal) sex has been considered dirty and perverted. If you were a woman who engaged in anal sex, you were a slut; if you were a man, you were a homosexual. Because of these stigmas, anal sex has been looked down upon and kept secret by those who practice it. Until I learned to love it, embraced it (see previous blog http://sexblogging.com/her-perspective-on-the-anal-butt-plug/), realized that my best cums were when I was being fucked in the ass, I used to look down on it, too.

My anal fetish goes beyond just analing though.  When Ryan is licking my body, nothing pleases me more than him sticking his face and tongue in my ass.  I love feeling his tongue dig deep into my vagina while at the same time his lips and teeth open up enough so that I can feel them rubbing and scraping on my ass hole’s texture.  It is the ultimate feeling for me and it seems like everything is being stimulated at the same time.   Even as a young girl, if Ryan played with my vagina while eating me out I would almost orgasm immediately when I felt a finger “accidently” rub over my ass hole.  Eventually his pinky would find a permanent spot deep inside my ass while his face was buried in my thighs.  The thought of this drives me insane.

Other pleasures I get from anal or ass play is knowing how much it turns Ryan on to rub his ass hole with my free hand while I suck his dick.  Or sticking my tongue in his ass while I am trying to catch my breath face fucking.  When in the mood, I want to dig my tongue in him as deep as I can because I know it drives him crazy.  I love letting him know I worship his body, including his ass.  As for Ryan, for as long as I have known him, this was his biggest fetish.  I remember when we were still dating, him barely knowing how to kiss let alone fuck a girl properly, bent over the bed asking if I ever licked anyone another man’s ass.  I hadn’t.  In fact, I had never even been asked before that.  I giggled and spread his cheeks.  I remember saying, “It looks like a balloon knot!”   A few moments later, my mouth was submerged in his ass, two butt cheeks on each side of my face, and my tongue deep in his young butt hole.   I will never forget hearing his moans, it was the first time I’d heard a man moan from oral/anal pleasure.  

6. Oral.  This isn’t normally classified as a fetish because in today’s pop culture a woman is expected to give her man oral sex, and vice versa.   However, if I wake up each day thinking about sucking my husband’s dick, I have a fetish.   Or if my husband gets so turned on by me sucking his dick that he has to pry my mouth off of him just to fuck me, I would say I have an oral fetish (true story).  I enjoy feeling his warm organ in my mouth, soft or hard.  I enjoy feeling it grow on my tongue.  I enjoy the texture as it rubs past my lips and down my throat.  I enjoy watching his eyes roll back in his head as I look up at him with his penis in my  mouth, watching his facial expressions.  I enjoy making his body sweat and tense up from what I do with my  tongue and throat.   That isn’t all though, I enjoy licking under his arms and around his nipples.  I enjoy my body being licked, behind my neck, down my back.  I love feeling his tongue slide over my ass crack and into my sphincter  or vagina.  I love oral, and I’d say it’s a fetish of both of ours because we please each other with our mouths  every night. 

Now that I realized my fetishes are not-so-newly-found ones, I’d like to point out an article in Psychology Today entitled “Fetishes Do Not Exist.” It opens with a the definition of a paraphilia: a type of mental disorder characterized by a preference for or obsession wit unusual sexual practices, as pedophilia, sadomasochism, or exhibitionism.” Author Dr. Ogi Ogas led a team of researchers on an investigation of online data for paraphilias (one of the goals was to determine “if online behavioral data could enhance our knowledge of the distribution and prevalence of fetishes”), there were several conclusions: data found didn’t support atypical, unusual, or disordered paraphilias; the majority of men who research erotic content have at least one significant sexual interest, e.g. “small breasts, busty Asians, or forced feminization” (the most successful adult video/image hosting sites feature a broad spectrum of interests; the male sexual brain is “designed to imprint upon individual sexual cues […] (namely breasts, butts, and feet,), female types (young or MILF, skinny or BBW,) or reproduction-oriented sexual situations. These all direct men towards intercourse and are a sign of the healthy, natural functioning of the male brain.” These paraphilias were then compared to natural sexual behavior in birds and mammals, like male baboons fetishizing female buttocks or male roosters fetishizing red female combs (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/billion-wicked-thoughts/201205/fetishes-do-not-exist).

What I found I found to be extremely refreshing is their desire to move away from the terms “paraphilia” and “fetish” because they tend to have a derogatory connotation like “retarded,” “spastic,” and “hysteria.” Further, “these men and women don’t suffer from these “atypical” and “deviant” fetishes, but rather a range of typical sexual interests that can mostly be predicted from the natural operation of healthy sexual mechanisms in the brain.”

I found Psychology Today’s definition of addiction to be spot on as it relates to sexual addiction: “Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction)

I’ve heard some women refer to the man in their lives as “sex addicts.” What does that mean? That he wants to have sex with you a few times a week? That he grabs your ass while you’re grocery shopping? That he fondles you in the middle of cooking dinner? That is not a sex addict. That is a prude woman who doesn’t appreciate the way her man shows his affection. On the other hand, if he’s paying for sex instead of taking you on vacation, if he’d rather spend time perusing porn websites while you wait in bed in your new lingerie, if he gives you gonorrhea from one of the sexual partners he fucked at the club, or if your bank account has been overdrafted because of monthy charges of multiple porn sites, then I would say he’s a sex addict. Do I drink alcohol? I sure do. But I don’t drink and drive, I make sure my man is around me when I do, and I don’t act like a fool in front of our friends when I do. The difference between healthy moderation and alcohol addiction is not the amount consumed, but the adverse effects it has on your life and those around you. It’s our responsibility to differentiate addictions and normal sexual behavior and misconstrue one for the other.

So I say, explore your experiemental side. Don’t get stuck having missionary sex. Rest assure in the fact that you are not alone in the fetishes you may think are unusual. And if others think you have an unusual “fetish,” show them Dr. Ogas article asserting that FETISHES DO NOT EXIST.

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Well written