A Real Couple Blogging About Sex, Life, and Everything In Between +

June 13, 2013

Couple Seeking Woman – The Needle in a Haystack

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logoWe were asked to write an article for sex.com and we thought that would be a great idea.  The article is about the journey in finding a woman to join us in a threesome.  At the time, it was a complicated task because we really didn’t know what to expect.  Although our experiences and feelings have changed since this was originally published, it is still a great site so if you get a chance, check it out.   And of course, we appreciate Sex.com for asking us to write for them, while at the same time helping us reach a whole new readership.

 Couple Seeking Woman: The Needle in a Haystack

QueenKingQueenOn our blog, I’ve made it very clear that I was ready and willing to lose my “girlginity,” which basically means being with a woman sexually. But that doesn’t mean that because I’ve had a sexual awakening I’m ready to pounce on anything with a pair of hot tits and a pussy, and it certainly doesn’t mean I get a free pass to fuck any woman I want.  There’s a process, if you will, in seeking a woman who we will be allowing into our lives.  This complicated process would be akin to finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.

By putting our business out there for the world to read and judge us by, I realize that I might be scaring off potential “partners,” but conversely, it will also allow me to broadcast my requirements, my prerequisites, and my standards – something everyone should do with every sexual partner in order to get as close to exactly what they want.  Be picky, don’t settle.

I won’t be jumping into anything because I have so much to consider.  I’m not single; I’ve found my soul mate.  But now, I’m on a mission to find my “holemate,” so to speak.  I’m not looking for a female version of my man or a second wife for him.  For a relationship like mine and Ryan’s, our ideal triad would be filled by a female agreeable to a no-strings-attached situation, which should not be misconstrued as her constant availability for a booty call.  In fact, that is the exact opposite of what I want.  I’m interested in finding a friend, a good friend, one who I can talk to and understand my marriage and be open with my limitations.

Ryan has been a loyal man to me, so rewarding him by adding a female to our sex life while also exploring my bi-curious side would serve us both.  And I would absolutely love to spoil my man in a safe, reciprocated way.  We’re a territorial couple, but there are exceptions.  Ryan would allow me and her to be 100% intimate with each other in any way.  However, I’d want Ryan to be with me.  This is where things get complicated, as I do not want Ryan to be a creeper in the corner.

The female has to be open to both of us, enough so that she is comfortable being nude in front of Ryan, and him being nude in front of her.  If the moment calls for him just watching, I’d want her to be relaxed and turned on by him in the room, not uncomfortable.  Depending on how we all feel, I am open to Ryan being a part of the moment in a limited fashion, but not okay with any sort of penetration.  However, I would love for Ryan to fuck me as I lick her vagina, or have her lick my vagina as he fucks me.

Although Ryan has never expressed the desire to fuck anyone else, he will get to see another woman’s breast and pussy, he will get to have us both in the same room, he will get to see two women fuck in front of him, he will get to see me suck his dick in front of her, and he will have the privilege of having this other woman lick his balls, lick my juices off of his body, and enjoy and share my excitement of trying something for the first time.  There are so many possibilities to how we can enjoy this new person in our sex life all while following our rules.

She will not just be a woman who follows these boundaries, but a friend who understands our relationship and how we operate as a couple.  There doesn’t have to be a mutual physical attraction, but she and Ryan must both like each other’s personalities.  She can’t be disgusted or turned off by him or turned off by me being intimate with him either; this is important when all three of us are together.  If she and I are into each other and enjoyed each other sexually, I believe the territorial feelings in me will become less and less.  With a budding friendship the idea of sharing becomes less threatening.  If this were a random person we met in a club, the jealousy, regret, and resentment would eat me up inside.

I believe that this initial move to open up your marriage can go either one of two ways: becoming full swingers or strengthening your relationship by exploring more avenues of both partners’ sexualities.  Of course we are practioners of the latter.  Brought on by perhaps an early mid-life crisis or a much-needed change, this was a mutually agreed upon decision which cannot succeed without the other’s blessing. I imagine there are many couples just like us who are seasoned in their marriage/long-term relationships and finally getting the courage and have progressed to taking their love to a higher level who describe themselves as “experimental” or “looking for fun.”

I could definitely see this woman as being married and/or with children.  I could even see her as being single, but again, she has to have the same values as us and live by them.  The only concern I’d have is her non-loyalty to us and the threat of STDs that comes with the mindset and behavior of a single person.  But if we never find a female who is compatible with us, neither I nor Ryan would lose any sleep over it.  To me, it’s not the destination I’m concerned with, it’s the journey.  My journey which started with a demure little girl who didn’t know how to use her voice to express herself and ended up with a strong-willed woman who rocks her man’s world twice a day with every hole in her body.  I mentioned a sexual awakening because that’s exactly what it was: a realization that life is too short to fuck in the missionary position.  This realization came with open-mindedness to try anything sexually related – learning to deepthroat, craving anal, and opening up our bedroom.

TAGS: MW4W, couple seeking woman, couple seeking women, couple seeking woman, looking for a woman for a threesome, need a third partner for threesome, couple looking for a woman

June 13, 2013

Q & A: How Do I Tell My Wife I Am Gay? (Gay Husband)

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gay husbandJohn via the internet

Hello, very interesting site.  I actually ended up here because of xhamster but do have a question for you both.  Well, I guess I just need your advice.  I have been married for 11 years to a beautiful woman that is my absolute best friend.  We have a 9 year old daughter together and everything is perfect, except I have absolutely no interest in women.  Although I suspected I was gay from an early age, my dad was very strict and I just wanted to make my family proud.  My wife was the only woman that ever really turned me on, so I figured she was the one.  Now, 11 years into the marriage, I cannot get an erection at all with her.  In fact, our marriage has been completely sexless for about 3 years.  This is killing my wife, as she thinks I have an erection disorder or find her unattractive.  She has purchased books on sex and marriages, has given me oral sex for what felt like hours, and still nothing.

I do not think she knows this, but I do get erections frequently, but only when viewing gay porn.  I masturbate without her knowing and feel like I am only sexually attracted to men.  I have approached my wife about the idea of an open marriage, but this hurt her feelings.  I covered my tracks by suggesting it to her, as a way to fulfill her needs since I can no longer perform.  I am unsure if she was so hurt because I was suggesting she was shallow enough to fuck other guys because I can’t make love to her, or because I suggested an open marriage.  Either way, I am gay.

What should I do?   I would love to stay with my wife and help raise my daughter, but I need to get this lifestyle thing off my chest.  I’m tired of hurting her.  I’m tired of lusting men behind her back.  I’m tired of sneaking around masturbating.  I’m tired of lying.

Venice’s response:

I can’t imagine how torn you must feel.  It was a good move for you to ask you wife about an open marriage.  Have you told her you were gay yet?  If not, that may be the reason her feelings have been hurt.  It goes without saying that you will need to break the news to her gently.  Reassure her with the positive things about her and your relationship before you tell her you’re no longer interested in her, or other women for that matter.  I would suggest telling her how much you love and care for her and that the reason you are approaching her with this news is that you would rather be honest with her first before hurting her.  If you’ve never cheated on her – with a woman or a man – tell her that too. 

If it were me telling my husband this news, I would make sure he understood that it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, but I could no longer continue in a marriage under the assumption that I was a straight woman, and that if I did, I would be doing us and our daughter a disservice by living a lie.  Try to make her understand that attraction to one’s partner – sexually and emotionally – are crucial parts to making a relationship work.  If they’re missing or unfulfilled, that person will almost likely turn to someone who can fill that need.  If not, that person will live in misery. 

A marriage cannot survive purely on love.  Sexual attraction, honesty, and loyalty are important elements that define a successful connection.  In your case, honesty is going to play a huge part in how your wife will perceive your “break-up.”  The one thing that would ease my mind if I were your wife is the fact that you don’t want to continue hurting her.  When it’s all over, she will be able to say, “At least he didn’t cheat on me.”  That may the best thing that comes out of this.

Ryan’s response:

This is a tough one.  The key to a good marriage is communication, but in this case, communicating that you are gay and prefer an open marriage may end your relationship.   I suppose it comes down to what your goals are as a father, husband, and man.  If you want to be openly gay and can no longer live the way you are now, talk with your wife and accept what’s going to happen afterwards.  Let her know that you are not in a hurry to start meeting guys and having sex with them, but you want to quit hurting her.  When she realizes that you aren’t just going to pack your bags and jump in the sack with a bunch of men, she may relax and appreciate the honesty.  It’s not unheard of in these situations for the wife to end up being your best friend, but I doubt she will stick around as your wife and keep you as her gay husband.   You can both still raise your daughter but it may be in two different households.   This is something you will have to understand before you make your decision to talk with her.

Another suggestion I have: after you tell her, if she is understanding of what’s going on with you, ask if you can bring gay adult videos into the bedroom.  There is an article floating around written by an ex-Playboy Bunny who has said that Hugh Hefner would line all the in-house Bunnies up twice a week outside his bedroom door, and one by one they would service them.  Whether it be oral or sex, they would take turns, maybe five minutes each.  Although this seems like a dream come true for most men, the article stated that he would have gay porn playing on a movie screen in his bedroom to help him keep his erection.  Maybe after you come out, your wife will understand you need certain things to achieve and erection, but once you get that erection you can both enjoy it.  I really don’t understand how your own hand could be more sexually attractive than your wife’s hand, mouth, ass, or vagina.   Your hand isn’t a man.

Good luck.  No easy answer here.

June 7, 2013

The Five-Second Kiss Rule #AdultSexEdMonth

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longkiss

It seems that the longer a couple has been together, the more difficult it becomes to be affectionate with each other. Complacency, habit, and just plain being “used to each other” can get in the way of the need to remind the other about their commitments. The time they set aside for one another can easily become routine or mundane if they’re not consistent, so every couple should create their own ways of ensuring their love still burns in them, even if it only flickers.

Ryan and I are of the opinion that a happy couple should have sex every day of their lives, and both partners should remind themselves in their own heads, why they love their partner. A good relationship is hard work. If it seems easy, more than likely you are missing something. With everything you do well, whether it be your health, your hobbies, and even your job, the more you do certain tasks, the better you get. For instance, the more you go to the gym and exercise, the stronger and healthier you look. It’s hard work being fit and healthy. Well, a healthy relationship is the same. Finding time to be intimate, make love, and make your partner feel special should be a daily activity. Yes, even kissing.

Don’t misunderstand me though, I do not mean have sex just to have sex, or kiss just to kiss. A couple must practice intimacy and positive thinking. It’s not just a cliche message to think positive, it’s the reality of a strong relationship. If you kiss, hug, or make love to your spouse, as much as you moan or purr in your partners arms, you must purr to yourself as well. Make it a mental exercise to tell yourself how lucky you are to have your partner. If you show enthusiasm, show enthusiasm because it makes it exciting and fun for you, not just for your other half. Fake intimacy or sex done out of obligation is worse than no sex at all, for both of you — resentment resentment. A man or woman should look into their own minds and figure out why it’s important to not only have sex, but to love the sex each time you are with your partner. Enthusiasm, wanting each other, loving each others’ touch, and feeling each others’ bodies rub and create the friction we read about in romance novels.

The above is a good example of why couples need to abide by the five-second kiss rule. Not just with your lips touching, but with your hands touching each others faces, cheek smelling, and yes, a little tongue, at least once a day. This may sound like a silly robotic act, but a routine isn’t always bad thing. It’s a bad routine if you are ignoring your partner’s needs each day, and it quickly turns into a lifestyle. The opposite is also true. It’s a good routine if you are purposely being intimate with your spouse each day, it too will eventually become your lifestyle. If you prepare yourself for any major event in your life, whether it be a test, fight, sports match, or a marathon, usually you will plan a routine and follow rules to reach your maximum potential prior to the event. In this case, it’s the most important event of your life, your happily ever after. For us, there is nothing more accepting than kissing each other and holding our mouths together to see how the other responds. Ryan has told me that since we’ve been together, that if he has ever even slightly opened his lips while kissing, I’ve always let my tongue slide inside his mouth. Not aggressively or quick, but just the tip of my tongue to feel for his tongue. It is something I never really noticed, but it’s almost like an antennae. It’s instinct for me to reach out with one of the most sensitive organs in my body and feel to see if he is receptive. As interesting as that idea is, that also makes oral sex extremely intimate when put into this perspective (I love nothing more than feeling the tastes, shapes, and textures of my man’s penis and balls on my tongue – his most private possessions).  Ryan also noticed that I will wait for him to open his mouth before I initiate tongue play. It’s a team game, and you both do things you may not even notice, but if the love is present, it works. Of course, if we weren’t in love, we wouldn’t want to even kiss, let alone open our mouths and have the other stick their tongue in.

We don’t do this just for the pleasure of kissing, or even the possibility of sex to follow, it’s for the attachment we feel each day to the person we decided to spend the rest of our lives with. Our mouths are the dirtiest parts of our body, and although kissing is done in public and isn’t seen as a “dirty act“, the truth is, sticking your wet organ/tongue in another person’s wet body/mouth, swapping saliva and juices, and feeling each other’s lips is just as intimate as sex itself. Sex is taboo and private, which created a stigma with the act. Everyone wants to do what we can’t do, so sex became this important mountain in our relationships. In fact, some couples have built sex up so much that they (or their religion expects them to) wait until after marriage to enjoy each other sexually. However, kissing (being so close you almost breath the same air — as if you could save each other’s life with a sexual CPR) was acceptable. I’m not downplaying the importance of sex, but I am making a good argument for kissing being much more intimate and important than people think.  Under appreciated and neglected in aging relationships.  A physical connection and intimacy keeps your chemicals and hormones flowing, and if you follow your own guidelines to try your hardest to truly enjoy this physical time, you both will love each other more. No resentment for a man “wanting it too much” and no resentment from a woman “never giving me sex anymore.”

Kiss for 5 seconds everyday, or every time you say goodbye, or before you go to bed.  You won’t regret it.

June 6, 2013

Review: 1 Night In China (Chyna & X-Pac) WWE Sex Tape

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1 night in china

1 Night in China is a pornographic movie featuring professional wrestling personalities Sean Waltman and Joanie Laurer, which was released by Red Light District Video in 2004. While Waltman and Laurer were engaged at the time they filmed 1 Night in China, they broke up before it was released. Laurer has made several pornographic films since, beginning with Another Night in China in 2009, which is considered to be a sequel to 1 Night in China.

 For those of you who are not familiar with Chyna or X-Pac, they were both WWE wrestlers in the early 2000s.  Chyna was known to have a huge muscular body, while X-Pac was the only guy in the WWE that wasn’t huge and muscular.  In fact, X-Pac used to go by the name 1 2 3 Kid, because he was a small wrestler who was known for his flying arsenal rather than power moves.  Like a real freak show match up, this 1 Night in China (Chyna) is like a female Andre The Giant vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts.

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June 6, 2013

Celebrity Sex Tape Reviews: 1 Night In Paris (Paris Hilton)

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Parisdvd21 Night in Paris is a 2004 pornographic video depicting Paris Hilton having sexual intercourse in 2001 with Rick Salomon. Not originally intended for release, it was filmed primarily with a single, stationary, tripod-mounted camera using “night vision.” However, a handful of scenes were filmed indoors without night vision.

Continue Reading Celebrity Sex Tape Reviews: 1 Night In Paris (Paris Hilton)