Reviews: Pulse II Duo by Hot Octopus

When we got this item in the mail, the presentation really impressed us.  The boxing of the Pulse II almost feels like you are opening fine jewelry.   The outside of the box has a nice mirror like effect, and the item is packaged with a small cloth pouch.  It feels soft and looks almost like a toy built for royalty.  The creators really took time in developing this tool.   First impressions are everything, and this item looks so classy that I felt like I needed to go wash my penis before I dared put it around my cock.

Using the Pulse II Duo was an interesting experience. The website claims it is a tool to help with foreplay, and I agree.   It is a great tool for foreplay.  Imagine laying on your back and taking a Hitachi Wand and resting it across your penis/frenulum (the sensitive area underneath your head on the underside of your shaft).  As you lay there, your lady friend gets on top of you and nicely places her clit and vagina on the other side of the Hitachi Wand.  You both lay together and move with each other, waiting to see if either of you orgasm.  Obviously, with the Hitachi Wand, you’d have the wand in the way, as well as the cord.  With the Pulse II Duo, that isn’t an issue.  It’s hands free.  Literally, imagine just the head of the Hitachi Wand wrapped around your penis, with a vibrating pulse on the underside of your shaft, and a second vibrating pulse on the outside (for the vagina). No cord, no wand, no need for hands.  It feels great and I experienced some things I had never experienced before, which is why this truly is a great tool for foreplay.

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Love at First Sight Does Not Exist

love-at-first-sightI think about what people mean when they say “It was love at first sight.” Clearly it means when they first saw their significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, etc., that he/she was in love INSTANTLY. It’s a laughable concept, but valid to those who’ve experienced it. In the days before I met Ryan, in middle school, and certainly in the time when I had no desire to get married, I saw a boy who I thought was super cute. I stared at him as I walked from third to fourth period. I had never heard him talk, I didn’t know if he was AP classes or in remedial classes, and I didn’t know if he beat his dog. All of which were fairly important to me. After a few days, I decided to make a move in the best way a middle schooler could – I made a slam book. If you don’t know what this is, it’s an interview book of sorts and it was a big deal when I was growing up. Basically it’s a binder with loose leaf paper in it and each page has a question on it: name, favorite color, favorite movie, favorite actress/actor, and “If you were stuck at the top of a Ferris Wheel, who would you want to be with?” My slam book included a page entitled “Phone Number,” because I’m slick. I had all my friends fill it out just for show, then one of them gave it to my crush for him to do the same. All that just to get him to write his phone number. And he did. To make a long story short, I, the stalker, became the stalkee, and it was the most grueling 58 days of my life. Because this was during the summer, I was saved from the future embarrassment of seeing him around school and people knowing that we “went out.” This validated the belief that love at first sight is bull crap.

So why do we look at someone and think, “I love him”? Our instincts are not very cerebral. In fact, they’re just the opposite. I believe that our love at first sight is very instinctual and has not evolved a past simple evolutionary survival mechanism: to find someone to have our children.

This is why women look at a man and instantly notice his muscular body. Why? Because he can protect you and your children from predators. It seems that we’ve come in full circle with our priorities and needs. In the caveman days, or at least what we see in museums and TV shows/movies, we see the hairy cave man, his bigger, bulkier body next to a clearly smaller, cave woman (presumably his wife). He is raising up his club to the sabertooth tiger while his woman cowers behind him. Is this how it really was millions of years ago? Who knows. But probably yes. To be honest, this is probably one of the widely-recognized moments where we’re exposed to what a man is supposed to do in life: protect his woman. We carry this with us and believe that men should be protective, chivalrous, and willing to die for her.

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Review – Manview Sheer (see through) Boxer Briefs

mv201991A review for men’s underwear?  Absolutely.  These briefs linked are highly recommended for new piercings, for fun, for comfort, and believe it or not, for quality.  Nothing, and I mean nothing I have ever worn feels as comfortable as these briefs.  And I have worn boxer briefs since the day they came out.  I can still remember being young and wearing tighty whities, really because I had no choice and didn’t know better.  As my teenage years came, I switched to the loose boxers most men wore.  From prison reality shows, to business men, we all went through that stage where the loose boxer was more manly than the tighty.  However, in the 90s, retail stores began selling the tight version of boxers, which still covered the legs but were form fitting. The word boxer brief was born.

manview-trunks-underwear-a3001-totomomo-1402-25-totomomo@40The days of my penis slipping through the penis hole and rubbing against my jeans or zipper of my loose fitting boxers was over.  No more sitting on my balls sac on accident or running and feeling my penis bounce back and forth between my legs.  The things we never speak about but still happened to us all.  The snug fit of boxer briefs kept men from having to look like 8 year olds, but maintained the comfortable fit that kept our manhood curled up and tight against our body.  To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have been able to play basketball in high school without them.   So why are these boxer briefs better than the cotton ones we have all grown to love?  Well for one, they are see though.    This reason alone makes them the best boxer briefs ever.  If I am in my underwear, chances are I am okay with you seeing me nude.  I don’t parade around in my briefs for people who I am not going to be nude in front of moments later.  I wouldn’t suggest these for prisoners of course, because that would probably send the sexual crimes through the roof.    However, for men who like having that secret sexy feeling, wearing these briefs does that for you.  Venice loves how they look on me, it keeps my crotch and ass totally aired out so there is MV201992no sweat build up, and if you have a new piercing, the air keeps your guiche, penis, ass, balls, and body as dry as possible under your jeans.   Cotton briefs are like wearing a sweater for your balls.  So yes, sweat creates odors, odors creates wives not wanting to pull your pants down and put your balls in their mouths.  Bad.   However, all the reasons I mentioned above still isn’t why I wear them.  I bought one pair (they ship from China — make sure you buy a size one or 2x bigger than your real size, as their sizing is different) to be kinky around Venice.  Just a spontaneous purchase because I was horny one day and wanted to walk around in see through boxers…

…it happens.

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Song Lyrics Meaning – “In Bloom” by Nirvana

NirvanaNevermindalbumcoverThis song popped up in my playlist after I transferred a bunch of songs from my old phone. I’m sure a lot of people who remember Nirvana and Kurt Cobain will remember him as a musical genius. I don’t know about all that. I think Nirvana was about being at the right place at the right time. But that’s neither here nor there. Today I’m going to dissect the song lyrics to “In Bloom,” not line by line, but rather by each concept. Back in the 90s I wasn’t into them enough to sit down and think about the lyrics. But as I listened closer, I realized this is a song about an adolescent boy’s adventure in masturbation. (Lyrics in bold)

The song opens up with the words “Sell the kids for food.” It’s an awful thing when a parent has to sell a child during times of unbearable famine. It was and apparently still is a real thing. But here, figuratively speaking, the food represents his appetite for sex and the kids are his sperm. So what is always the end result of a male masturbating? Ejaculating. He is sacrificing his future children to suppress his appetite

“Weather changes moods” – Have you heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder? It’s experienced in mainly the fall in winter months and is described “feelings of sadness and depression that occur in the winter months when the temperatures drop and the days grow short”. From experience, I can verify that when Ryan doesn’t orgasm for two days minimum, he starts to get really cranky, and I mean super cranky. He starts to blame me for the empty gas tank in the vehicle that only he drives, for using 5 towels after I shower, and for eating the other half of his Cinnabon…eight years ago. The point is, he starts to become irrational and upset at the smallest things if he has not had a chance to release his demons. In the song, the masturbator has gone at least 5 days in the same “mood,” which explains his crankiness, i.e. weather-induced mood change. And after 5 days of being in “winter,” he’s ready for the weather to change.

When the weather changes, “Spring is here again,” it’s because he has finally orgasmed. He now feels like himself again. He’s no longer a Gloomy Gus. He’s not down in the dumps, or frustrated, because he has just masturbated and can face the world fresh without having to worry about trying to get laid, all thanks to his “Reproductive glands.”

“He’s the one who likes all our pretty songs” – The pretty songs is all the flirting, use of pick-up lines, and sweet talking he does to try to sleep with a girl. “Hey, girl, you know you want some of this,” he says as he points crudely to his crotch, forcing her to cringe as he directs her down his imaginary happy trail. He’s so oblivious to what it takes to actually meet a female, so he says whatever he hears on “Jersey Shore,” and calls every girl that rejects him a grenade. He’s so immature. “And he likes to sing along” because he flirts non-stop with every girl who will listen. He doesn’t know how experienced guys flirt (a.k.a. the lyrics) and even sounds like he’s never heard the song before. Nevertheless, he will talk his game until one day he gets the song right and the game he talks will actually work. Regardless, “[and] he likes to shoot his gun, but he knows not what it means” I’m torn between what a gun is here. It can either mean his penis shooting out semen or his mouth shooting out every cheesy pick-up line he’s every heard, not caring for anything except for the hope that someone will fall for it.

But, like the seasons, the relief and pleasure from a good orgasm is cyclical. Ongoing. It won’t stay warm forever and hunger must be fulfilled because “We can have some more.” Why? Because semen is continually being replenished. His gonads are making sperm non-stop and because of this he will always need to get it out. It’s in his nature to masturbate. “Nature is a whore” because a guy is constantly thinking about sex/masturbation, Mother Nature makes him pimp out his semen to feed his sexual appetite. When Ryan strokes his dick, there’s not necessarily “Bruises on the fruit,” but definitely chafing, minuscule tearing, and redness. Sometimes the coconut oil falls of the edge of the table and we just don’t see it. And even with lubrication, the constant rubbing on the penis can take its toll on a guy. It happens. But this doesn’t deter him from stroking his bald headed baby Jesus.

I can only imagine how hard it is to be a horny guy in his “Tender age in bloom” because he hasn’t bloomed yet (manhood). He spends a lot of his free time masturbating. A lot. I shudder as I recall the times I’ve walked in on my brother, who, for the life of him, hadn’t learned to do it when no one was home let alone lock the door. I didn’t anything I wasn’t supposed to – thank God. All I remember was the walking on him for the THIRD time, shutting the door immediately, walking back to my room, and sitting on my bed, completely baffled by what I was forced to encounter. Seconds later he walks in, I’m staring off in disbelief.

He fumbled his words. “Look…I…” he started to say.
I shake my head. “I mean…WHY? Why can’t you just lock the door?”
“You could have knocked!” he tried to reason.
“What the hell! You were just putting groceries away with me 8 seconds ago! That’s barely enough time for a cowboy to get bucked off a bull!”
He laughed. “I’m sorry!” He reached his hand out apologetically.
“Stop! Go wash your hands!”

That little story was, unfortunately, based on actual events in my life.

*Guitar solo* – The guitar solo is the young man in his room, strumming alone.

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Want To Spice Up The Bedroom? The List Cosmo Won’t Show

no cosmoThis is the list you will never see in Cosmopolitan.   These suggestions are not for women who are squirmish or still feel sex has a lot of dirty aspects.   I actually wouldn’t suggest these techniques to any woman who isn’t married and totally in love with her man.  However, our readers can decide for themselves if they want to give their lovers moments that they will never forget.   These are the moves that will make him say, “She was the wildest woman I have ever had in bed.”   Whether he stays with you forever, or he moves on, he will never forget you.

1. During sex while you are both sweating, stop him from fucking you and beg for him to stick his balls and ass in your face.  As you clean his body, make sure you announce to him that you are a dirty girl who loves licking the sweat off his balls and ass.  This is the technique that most women after you probably will never hear about or try themselves, but he’ll remember it forever.

2. Again, during sex as he is sweating and he is on top of you, lift his arms up and lick under them. His pheromones and body fluids should be driving you to him.  This is what love is all about.  If his forehead or neck is sweating, pull him towards you and lick the sweat off of him.  This is the type of thing that not only keeps you in your man’s mind forever, but it also wins his heart.

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