“Here I Go Again” – How Whitesnake Made Me Question My Sexuality

*Young Venice is italicized. 

whitesnakeI listen to Pandora at work. A lot. It helps me get through the day not to mention keeping me awake. I recently added an 80s hits station because sometimes I need to do the Carlton in my office to an era-specific type of music. Today, I heard the distinct synthpop intro of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” trickle through tiny mesh metal speakers on my standalone work PC. I quickly hit the thumbs up icon on the track. I love this song.

Being a sweet, awkward child in the 80s was a confusing time for me. I was pummeled with images of Boy George and Human League with their androgenous faces and creamy voices, not knowing if they were deep voiced women or just men who had long hair and lipstick. Do they want to be girls? Pat Benatar and Belinda Carlisle with their boycuts.   Do they want to be boys?  And it really hit home when I saw my carpool lady’s husband with a pierced ear. A pierced ear! My little brain couldn’t take it anymore.

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Review: Realistic Vagina ( The Pocket Pussy )

$(KGrHqFHJBkFBRkuV0(lBRyPKrQ(yw~~60_12Unlike the Fleshlight, this realistic vagina is made to be taken out of its container. It’s more like a masturbation sleeve, not really a Fleshlight you can hold or shove between the matress.  Without knowing it was just a sleeve and only having experience with an actual Fleshlight (which this thing mimics, just much smaller), we originally tried the product by keeping it inside it’s container.  Dumb choice.  Here is the original review:

So, Venice and I have found the worst sex toy ever.  The pocket pussy. What started off as a simple curiosity, turned into me experiencing the midget’s version of a Fleshlight.  Worst toy ever. Honestly, the item comes from China so it’s possible it may be much more useful over there.  However, it really is too small for a guy with an average sized penis.  If you are over 5″ in circumference, getting your penis inside this thing is nearly impossible.  There just isn’t enough room for the flesh-like rubber to stretch inside the tube.  Multiple times while Venice gave me a hand job she would try to slide my penis inside the tube, and instead of going in the mini vagina slot (lubricated properly), it slide over top of it and slammed into the edge of the container.  Screaming and having flashbacks of slicing a few onions (Venice said I was crying but I don’t think that was the case) followed.  My advice to anyone thinking about buying a pocket pussy, stay away.  It isn’t worth the possible injuries.  If you are a teenager and on a dry spell, I’d suggest buying a loaf of bread and throwing some warm jelly in it.

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Womanhood, Kids, and Angelina Jolie – What Makes a Woman

Mother JolieToday Angelina Jolie discussed the removal of her ovaries and fallopian tubes in an op-ed article in the New York Times. I never liked Angelina Jolie as an actress, but I never disliked her. I never followed her in the news, I never went out of my way to watch one of her movies, and I didn’t have the need to know much about her. I knew a few things about her, like she was Jon Voight’s daughter and Billy Bob Thornton was cheating on his fiancee (who supposedly didn’t find out until Billy Bob and Angelina were married) with her. She was just kind of…there. Eventually I saw more of her in the media not because of her movies, but because of her humanitarian efforts, her growing family, and health issues.

But it was because of these things that I started to feel like she wasn’t just basking in her celebritydom; I realized that she was very human, very big-hearted. Even during her failing marriage to Billy Bob she proceeded to adopt her first child at the age of 26. I can’t imagine celebrities at that age (Daniel Radcliffe or Taylor Swift) caring for a baby. Clearly she had other priorities in life.

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Random Moments: Steak And BJ Day

steakandbjSo I woke up on March 14 feeling amazing.  I knew from twitter hashtags and other social media outlets that today was Steak and BJ Day.  Ah yes, the day where I get to lay back and do nothing but let my penis poke towards the ceiling so Venice could admire it.   I look over to Venice laying next to me and grab her wrist so I can guide her hand to my hard penis.  I was smiling at her as she grabbed my manhood and kind of winked a little bit.  She made a happy expression as she touched me but quickly changed her look and asked why I was smiling so much.  I laughed a bit and said, “Well, today is Steak and BJ Day and I’m already doing my part.”

She looked back at me and responded, “What’s that supposed to mean to me?”  She continued to stroke my dick as she waited for my answer.

I took the smile off my face and explained, “It’s steak and bj day.  Today is my valentine.”  I smiled again and reached over to grab her head and guide her down into my lap.

She moved my hand and started negotiating with me, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll stop sucking your dick every day like I normally do, and instead give you a BJ on this so called holiday.   How does that sound?  Otherwise, I want you to take this hard dick in my hand and stick it inside my pussy and fuck me good.”

I guess that kind of put things in perspective.   Instead of getting a BJ, I got up and used my dick the way she wanted it used, and later that night I ate her homemade Chili.

I married a rebel. TAGS: steak and bj day, steak and blow job day

Tattooed Women: The Real and The Fake

tattooed womenMy excitement had been building exponentially as I planned to get a tattoo. Not a cute little heart on my wrist or a narwhal on my ass cheek. But something big, loud, and in-your-face. Ryan has told me many times that tattoos on a woman are hot, especially sleeves or legs. I had a tattoo before I met Ryan, but not in either of those places. So to hear him say that makes me say, “I love tattoos, and I want another one, so why not get it where my man wants it?”

However, Ryan is afraid of one thing: the stigma a tattoo of that size and location would bring upon me. I’m sure this thought has been on everyone’s mind who has ever had their bodies inked. Some things may even come to mind: trashy, dirty, uneducated bimbos. These thoughts have definitely crossed my mind at some point, even more so : I’m a college graduate, I served as a military officer and fought for my country, I kick ass at being the M in MILF, I make homemade meals at least three times a week (what? sometimes we have leftovers or Domino’s) and take care of my husband in every..single..way. It’s far too late to be ashamed of me. And if people choose to judge this book by her cover, then they are missing out on a caring, loyal, and selfless person.

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