I can say with confidence that time, experience, and humility have transformed me from the little girl I was in high school into the brave, secure woman I am today. When I say little girl I don’t mean someone who is younger than 18-years-old or someone who hasn’t gone through puberty. I mean my attitude and outlook on my sexuality.
As a girl, I was taught to keep place a napkin on my lap during meals and say “please” and “thank you.” But society, additionally, has emphasized the importance of waiting until marriage to have sex, not having more than one sexual partner, and not letting a man disrespect you in the bedroom. Although I didn’t clutch my bible and do everything perfect, I adamantly refused to be sexually disrespected by a man. This wasn’t in high school, this wasn’t in college – this was when Ryan and I first got married.
We were both young when we got married. I was young-minded, still carrying these heavily-instilled pre-marriage beliefs in me. It seems like I was bombarded with messages reminding me to cherish, honor, and obey my wedding vows, but no one gave me the okay to be a freak in bed and that letting a man control you was normal and not looked down upon. I cleaned, did laundry, paid bills, and made sure my man never went hungry, but I had yet to learn to be an awesome and enviable wife.
Being disrespected in the bedroom meant so many things. If Ryan even put his hand on my head and made the slightest indication to push it down or make me go faster, it pissed me off. If he wanted me in a certain position, I refused to compromise. If he suggested exploring different things, I felt like he was using me to fulfill his slutty fantasies. All these things were because I was insecure and made me feel less of a woman. Women’s lib really did a toll on me.
Over time I came to realize that Ryan wasn’t controlling me. In fact, he only does to me what I allow him to. Because in reality, if I truly did not want him to control my head, all I had to do was tell him not to touch me. It’s like we walked on eggshells around each other. I didn’t know how to express myself, I didn’t know how to compromise, to be a sexual negotiator. I was afraid that letting go of my inhibitions would weaken me and eventually become too submissive to ever go back. But I’ve learned that part of a man’s masculinity is being able to control his woman in bed, an extremely sensitive place and one that can make or break a relationship. I now understand that by giving him this control over me, I ultimately am the one in control.
What I once considered disrespectful is now kinky, freaky, and dirty. I make him pull my hair. I let him hold my head in place as he rams his cock deep down into my throat. It turns me on to gag as his dick head touches the deep recess of my esophagus. It excites me knowing I can absorb the impact of his 6 foot 5” frame as he fucks my ass. I used to get pissed off if any of his cum got on my face instead of ending up all in my mouth; now I lick it off my fingers as I push his semen into my mouth. I lick my man’s ass, crack, and thigh creases when I stroke his cock. I rub my face in his sweaty places and lick him clean. When a woman does all this, there is NOTHING left for a man to control her with. This is the ultimate control.
After our “
The Plan: 31 Days of Swallowing Cum Shots
The History: 31 Days of Swallowing Cum Shots
This state of mind has given me a new outlook on swallowing my husband’s cum. Because now it turns me on knowing my man’s juices are sitting in his body ready to explode inside me. Before, when I was “normal”, I couldn’t even tell him I wanted to taste his cum. I had too much pride. I didn’t want to seem slutty or show excitement. I can’t explain why. But now I will beg for him to feed me his fluids. I love his reaction when I tell him I want my breakfast to be whatever is in his ball sack. I love the thrill of going wild over his cum – rubbing it all over my breasts, gargling it, and letting it drip out of the corners of my mouth and down my neck while he watches me. 
The Conclusion: 31 Days of Swallowing Cum Shots
