Q&A: I caught my husband masturbating when I was sick

Alyssa via the internet

I was sick the entire weekend and on Sunday (still suffering but nearing the end of my sickness) my husband was acting really sweet to me.  He came upstairs and asked if I needed anything.  I let him know I could use a glass of water and maybe some cuddle time.  He went downstairs and brought me a huge glass of ice water and kissed me on the forehead.  He said he had to finish up some work on his computer and he’d be right back to cuddle.  After about 20 minutes I was restless so I got up and walked downstairs to check on him.   I thought maybe I would lay in his lap or something while he finished up on the computer. 

Appalled, I watch from the top of the stairs as he is jacking off watching a silent porn on his computer.  At this point I am pissed off so I walk downstairs and stand right behind him.  He has no idea I am there, and I realize he had on headphones.   I hear him grunting and whispering to himself and then I watch him ejaculate.  This was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen him do, I cannot believe my husband still behaves like a horny teenager that jacks off as soon as a responsible adult isn’t around, especially when this responsible adult is sick.  As cums, he puts his head back in chair.  Immediately he notices me standing there.  He hops up as fast as he can trying to put his pants back up.  His filthy cum is all over his hands and clothing.   I absolutely want to vomit at this point.  Disgusted, I reach down and grab his cum off his hand and belt and then slap him straight in the face with it. 

I didn’t say a word and I haven’t spoken with him since.  Did I overreact?  Is it normal for a husband to be so fucking callous and ignore my sick request to cuddle, and instead go downstairs and masturbate to some fucking porn stars?  This behavior is disgusting and I do not know if I will ever get over it.  I also do not get how he could think it was okay to masturbate downstairs, wipe off his little dick and ball germs and come up stairs and hold me?  Again, did I overreact?  Thank you.

Venice’s response:   Have you guys ever addressed this issue before?  Obviously he knows it’s something he needs to keep from you, hence the headphones and the lying about work he had to do.  First, I do believe you overreacted.  This is the kind of reaction I expect  if you caught him having sex with another woman.  But he wasn’t.  Second, he wasn’t having phone sex either, which is still bad because you have to pay for it.  Third, it’s porn.  You can access it on your phone, on your computer, on your television, and even at the gas station.  It’s everywhere.  You can’t keep him from it unless you specifically tell him, “I don’t approve of you watching people fuck.”  Then your husband would know exactly what he can’t do.  Fourth, your situation is a double-edged sword: if you want him to only have sexual relations with you and not porn, then he’ll be an insensitive ass for asking you for sex while you were sick; if he turns to porn, he’s a pervert.  He’s damned if he does and he’s damned if doesn’t.

So where do you go from here? Talk to him about it.  Tell him what exactly pissed you off.  Tell him how disgusted you feel see him jack off.  Tell him you don’t think you’ll ever get over it.  But before you do, think about what masturbating really is.  Every single guy in the world has done it – your dad, your brother, your garbage man, your minister, your high school principal, and the President of the United States.  Your husband isn’t fantasizing of the porn star who’s taking it up the ass by five different dudes and how she’ll iron his clothes in the morning, how she’ll hold him when he’s sleeping at night, or how she’ll comfort him when he’s feeling down.  There’s nothing wrong with what your husband is doing.  It’s as if men are programmed to expel semen their bodies at any and all costs.

What I’m saying is that it’s not the end of the world.  As I said, porn (and sex in general) is everywhere, staring him at the face, making him buy a certain beer, wear a certain pair of shoes, and drive a certain kind of car.  He’s bombarded with it.  The important thing to remember is he’s not acting on his physical impulses.  That would be a different story.  Porn: it’s everywhere, and if you can’t beat ’em join ’em.  Blow your man’s mind and learn to outdo every porn star your husband watches.

Ryan’s response:  I get why you are mad, I think.   You are mad because he was insensitive to your needs, correct?  Not only was he insensitive, he went down and masturbated like everything in life was perfect.  A sick wife upstairs suffering (really?) and wanting to cuddle, but he doesn’t care, he has decided he is going to lie to you so he can go downstairs and watch porn while beating his meat.  I get it.   However, understand this, you were sick all weekend and a man has needs.  Whether you like that idea or not, would you have preferred him to come upstairs and cuddle you, slowly trying to remove your panties so he could stick his dick inside you? Would you have been disgusted if he was cuddling you and got an erection from being turned on (by his sick and suffering wife)? Your sickness doesn’t stop his testicles from producing sperm and hormones that scream in his head all day, “JACK OFF OR GET PUSSY RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU FUCKING IDIOT”.

You admit that he was being really sweet, so obviously he was taking care of you.  It sounds like he wanted to release some tension and stress and before he did, he wanted to make sure you were totally okay. Obviously cuddling wasn’t in his plans, as he was already worked up and horny.  You carry around  our balls and hormones for a day and let’s see how long you last not getting the release that your most primal instincts are ordering you to do.   It isn’t easy, but he tried to make sure you were okay.  Unfortunately you caught him, which is punishment enough in my opinion.   Even reading this question I was embarrassed for the guy.  Not only did you catch him but then you slapped him in the face with his own semen?   Jesus, the guy has paid his dues already.  Let it go.  Yes, you overreacted.  To answer the question again, yes, you overreacted.  I used to wake up and release my tension, then head to the kitchen and make Venice breakfast.   Do you think she would be disgusted by me for bringing my dick germs to her food?  I think she’d enjoy the meal and an awesome morning of me being able to be sweet to her without ripping off her clothing because I am so horny.  But maybe I am wrong.

Q&A: I have been married 3 years and have never had sex with my wife.

Velvi Dilators for Treating Vaginismus

Sam from California

Hello, I am male, 33 years old, and  married my high school sweetheart.   We have been married 3+ years and still haven’t had sex.    Yes, I have never had sex with her.   I do get the occasional hand job, and maybe once every few months she will actually put her mouth on my penis, so I guess I would call that a blow job.   However, I have never had intercourse with her in any way. 
She has tried with other men in the past but it was so painful it made her scream and cry.  Eventually she went to her OB and he diagnosed her with Vaginismus.  She has always been too embarrassed to deal with it.  I love her with all my heart and do not want to put her through any unnecessary shame either.   I would like a child so I have suggested we adopt a child to keep her as stress free as possible.   At times though, I get weak and feel like I am really missing something from this relationship, but I don’t want to blame her.  Am I wrong to feel a bit resentful?  

Vaginismus, sometimes anglicized vaginism, is the German name for a condition that affects a woman’s ability to engage in any form of vaginal penetration, includingsexual intercourse, insertion of tampons and/or menstrual cups, and the penetration involved in gynecological examinations. This is the result of a reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle, which is sometimes referred to as the “PC muscle”. The reflex causes the muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration—including sexual intercourse—painful or impossible.
Venice Bloggs response: 
It’s disappointing to hear that you guys have been married for so long and have not been successful at achieving a sex life that includes active sex. To be honest, I’ve had to do some researching on what exactly was vagismus was. The consensus seems to echo several key ideas: vaginal pain during intercourse, vagismus can stem from physical trauma to the vagina, psychological factors, and/or history of discomfort during sex. Fortunately, this is a real medical condition that can be rectified with treatment. Ignoring the problem (and, yes, this is a real problem for you both) or believing adoption of a child will make everything better are two of the worst things you can do. That’s like taking Tylenol for pain caused by kidney stones, when really, you need to take out the dang kidney stones. Treating the symptoms and ignoring the disease will end up disastrous.
By not addressing this problem, you are preventing each other from fully enjoying each other in ways every married couple, in my opinion, should. That may sound a little shallow and maybe it is, but I know I need to have physical, sexual contact with Ryan to feel like I am fully connecting with him. Which is why it’s not the same if I perform oral sex on him until he cums when I’m on my period. I can’t imagine living my marriage like I was menstruating 24-hours a day. People need to connect, mesh, get dirty, plain ol’ fuck, to complete the relationship stage. It’s as if you were both stuck in your 17-year-old mind states: ignoring the problem, appeasing your partner by not taking a stand to do what will help you both, and finding ways to mask the dilemma with an equally problematic solution.
Though your wife’s problem is not uncommon, all the information suggests the same: it’s treatable. Talk to your wife and let her know that it will help you grow and strengthen your marriage. Overcoming her condition will open other doors as far as marital or other problems, as well as break down barriers in and out of the bedroom.
Ryan Bloggs response:
Oh man, I could probably type an essay answering this one.  First, if she is too embarrassed to deal with it, how does she even know she has Vaginismus?  My first suggestion is for her to see an OB/GYN and actually get some sort of confirmation she has this ailment.   If she has already done this, how many times have you yourself actually tried to have intercourse with her?   Did she have a boyfriend before you that she tried with and it hurt too bad?  I am sorry I am answering your question with my questions, but it seems like too much is missing here.
As a man, which is the purpose of me and Venice both answering questions, I’d suggest you have a serious discussion with your wife about the importance of sex in your relationship.  I understand this may stress her out, but she needs to decide which stressor is more serious to her .  The stress of an unhappy husband and marriage or the stress of seeing a doctor regarding her condition.  Vaginismus is very treatable, and although it may take a while for her to gradually get used to  the size of your penis, had she started 3 years ago, you both would have been sexually active at this point.
You’ve even suggested adopting a child to ignore the issue altogether.  Is it your plan to be married and raise a family with a woman you’ve never had sex with?   I will never understand this behavior or reasoning.  The foundation to a strong marriage is a great sex life.  If everything is going wrong in your life, the bills aren’t being paid and you are working long hours, the one thing you can control and depend on, is your sex life.   As long as you are both on the same page.  Two people in a marriage can’t control the economy, random stressors, or outside elements that effect a marriage, but they can definitely control their intimacy.  When I am being intimate with Venice, the whole world shuts off around me.  My bubble consists of me and her, her body and mine, our words, our kisses, our bodies melting into each other,  no matter what is around me.  I feel the following statement has became a bit cliche, but women want an Alpha male.   Everything in  your post suggests that you do not mind being her good little boy, even if her condition is serious.   I say that carefully, because I do not want to mock women that suffer from Vaginismus, but I do know that your wife doesn’t suffer from Mouthismus.  Your comment regarding her putting her mouth on your penis every few months tells me that you really are bitter deep down inside and you are taking whatever it is you can get from her sexually.  If your wife wanted to be intimate with you, she would have went to the doctor’s office 3 years ago.   If she was so embarrassed but wanted to please you, she’d satisfy you orally much more than just every few months.  That is absolutely ridiculous.   There are also other options, such as having anal sex, which we have posted about on this blog numerous times.  I am sure her anus functions properly, so she is capable of pleasing you this way if she wanted.  Gay men also have Vaginismus, it’s called a penis hole, but they still seem to have great sex lives.  There are other holes besides the vagina that feel amazing.  I really doubt the lack of sex after 3 years has anything to do with Vaginismus.
Man up.  If her condition is serious, get her to her OB/GYN so she can work her way into at least trying intercourse with you.   Do not suggest adopting kids, as this behavior suggests that you are okay with never have sex with her.  Are you okay with that?
Also, you both need to see a marriage counselor and a sex therapist, this one is way beyond my capacity.  3 years is habit forming.  She possibly has ruled out sex in her life forever.   Not good.

Q&A: Is it wrong to swallow my own cum?

Self Suck
Wrong, gay, or masturbation?

Dear Venice and Ryan,

Since I was a little kid I would masturbate multiple times a day, but never in the bathroom because someone would always interupt and ruin the moment.  I was a crafty young guy so I started doing the deed under my bed or in my closet, depending on if my mom and dad were home, or my brothers and sister.  If noone was home, I’d do it in my dad’s  lazyboy in the living room while watching an exercise show on ESPN or something.   At first, these locations worked great because I couldn’t really cum.  I would get hard and jack off until I got this insane feeling under my balls but nothing would ever come out.  I was masturbating long before my balls could produce baby formula.  I didn’t know better anyway, I just knew it felt good and I never had a mess to worry about.  This was actually awesome.  Eventually though,  my huge moments started producing small drops clear drops, which I would play with.   I remember rubbing my fingers together and watching it stick to each finger.   I also remember it tasting sweet.   Anyway, a few years later I was a teenager and my little clear drops became huge cum shots.  I’d say, from watching porn, my pre-weed orgasms were well beyond average, almost worrisome.    Thankfully, after I started smoking weed I averaged out a bit.  Anyway, I used to cum and wipe it on a shirt on the closet floor or try to wipe it off on the bottom side of my mattress.   I probably did this for months before I started smelling a slight sweet,  but awkward odor, in the closet and underneath my bed.   I figured this wasn’t good for hygiene so one day I held out my own hand and fed myself my sperm.  It wasn’t sweet like before, but more of a bitter peroxide taste.  I didn’t really enjoy it, but it was convenient.  I have now been doing this for four years, everyday, sometimes many times a day.  I now enjoy the taste just as much as I enjoy not having a mess.   I am not sure if I am addicted, but I read your article about semen being addictive, as well it containing mood altering hormones.  I wonder if this is something I am now addicted to, and if it’s okay to swallow my own cum?    Any advice would be appreciated.

Venice’s response: 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating your own cum.  I eat my husband’s cum every time it leaves his body and I love it.  And because I love it, it only seems right that he should love it too.

Back to your question though.  I don’t see a guy eating his own cum as a disgusting act; I see it as just the opposite.  In fact, if I could hang him upside down, have him shoot his own load into his mouth, and watch him eat it, that could be one of the hottest things he could ever do.  I don’t think it’s gross, unnatural, or weird.  Seeing a man eat his own cum is thrilling and sexy.  It shows he’s confident in his own sexuality and not afraid to go to the extremes.  Knowing a man can get wild in bed is something a woman should embrace because it shows he’s comfortable with her and their life.

If you think about it, if something is created in the human body, it’s more than likely safe for immediate consumption, with the exception of feces, only because E.coli is found naturally in the human body and can get you seriously sick (or worse).

Is it okay to swallow your own cum?  Sure!  Go for it.

Ryan’s response:

First of all, I am not a doctor.  I have no idea if it’s physically harmful to swallow your own semen (although I highly doubt it — I’ve never gotten sick either).   If you are really curious about the effects of swallowing semen, maybe check out a medical website where you can ask real doctors questions, possibly a urologist, as I assume this isn’t something you’d feel comfortable asking your local family doctor at your next visit.

With that being said, I do have my own non medical opinion.   Swallowing your own cum is not harmful,  as long as you do not have an infection or an STD.  If you were to purposely not orgasm for weeks, your body would absorb your semen anyway, so I’d assume recycling your cum through swallowing does nothing more than feels kinky, and keeps your “work area” clean.   I do not think it will have any effect on your mood either, as the acids in your stomach would destroy much of your ejaculate.   In the article you mentioned (Anal Sex – Semen in a woman’s ass creates a higher sex drive and dependency), I actually explain the differences between semen being swallowed compared to semen being released into a woman’s colon.  That would be a different issue entirely.

To answer your question though, no, I do not think there is anything wrong with swallowing your own semen.  If you enjoy it, enjoy it.  You only live once.   Just remember, the same way you keep your “work” area clean after you masturbate, you can apply those same principles to your woman’s vagina.  Clean up your mess you leave inside her.  She will love it, she will be a lot fresher the next day, and you get to keep your healthy daily dose.    Have fun!

Q&A: Is it hard to be in an interracial relationship?



Morning Sex
What a beautiful mix

Maria from California:

Dear Venice and Ryan,

My question is regarding interracial relationships.  I’ve been following your blog for a few weeks now and I noticed that Venice is Thai and  Ryan is Italian/Russian.   I guess my question is a bit dumb, but did anyone in your family have a problem when you first told them about one another?  I am Mexican and my boyfriend is black.  My parents do not know about him but I know they would be extremely unhappy if they found out, especially my father.   Do you think it’s okay to go against your parents wishes when you are dating?  I just do not find Mexican men attractive at all.


Venice’s response:

Hi there. No, I did not get any grief from my family. I grew up with parents who embraced other cultures; we kind of had to since we were part of a minority culture ourselves. No one said anything to me when I introduced him to the family. In fact, they welcomed him with open arms and took him in immediately. Actually, we got more stares from other Asians and Caucasians when were out in public. Really, everybody stares, but I don’t care. I just take that opportunity to hold him tighter, or grab his butt, depending on what kind of look they give us.

I can understand the position you’re in having to choose between your boyfriend and your family. If you feel he is the one, you’ll know what you have to do. Ultimately, your happiness is all that matters.

Ryan’s response:

I don’t think it’s wrong to go against your parents’ wishes (when it comes to relationships and who you date), especially since you cannot really control what you do or don’t like.  I also do not feel you need to worry about even introducing your boyfriends unless you are very serious about them.  And I do not mean serious like, you have been dating for 2 months and you love him so much, you are soulmates, then a week later you dump him serious.  I mean, possibly, if you guys are thinking about getting engaged, introduce the guy to your parents.  Why purposely stress your father out bringing home random black men you are screwing?

Also, I have never really had any issues with Venice being Asian.  My family was open and accepted her with no issues at all.   We do live in a stuffy town and neighborhood though, because I believe we are known as the “interracial couple”, or so I’ve heard.

Q&A: Sex twice a month?

Pay day? Sex day?

Joanna from Michigan:

Dear Venice,

How do you have sex with your husband twice a day and not get wore out?  I have sex with my husband maybe 2 times a month and usually for the next few weeks  I am too sore to walk.  Is this because he is too big or is this normal?   If it’s normal, how do you manage to have sex so much?

Any advice would be appreciated!

Venice’s Response:

Hi Joanna.  Firstly, go to your OB and ask him/her if there is anything wrong with your body.  If you get the green light that everything is okay, move on to the rest of my answer.

It is very possible that your husband has such a large penis that it makes sex uncomfortable for you, but I highly doubt that’s the problem.  Your vagina is made to take the abuse from your partner, it’s what makes a woman so special.  A man can work all day lifting moving furniture, stressed out from his boss giving him too much overtime, come home, pull your panties off, and take out all the stress in his life out on your pussy.  It won’t break.  It’s also the same hole that gives birth to eight-pound babies.   Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and limping around for the next week, pride yourself in being fucked properly by your husband.  Most women would kill to have such a stud in the bedroom that for the next  week their thighs and vagina are sore.  In fact, that’s the exact feeling I go for when I have sex, which is why I beg Ryan to pound me out as hard as he can.  I like walking around the next day knowing I have bruises on my inner thighs and my lips are torn from being fucked right.   It makes me feel like a woman.

Perhaps part of you problem may be attitude.  Do not be a victim and pout around for a day about your vagina being sore.  If you want to take care of your husband each day, by all means do it!  Good luck to you both!

 Ryan’s response: 

It’s too bad your husband only gets to experience one of the greatest pleasures in our short lives twice a month because you are hung up on how your vagina feels after sex.  Venice burns the skin off of my penis half the time, but this doesn’t stop us from loving each other and being intimate each day.  It’s part of a healthy relationship to be sexually active with your partner, and I’d say if you tried having sex more than once a week, you’d get used to feeling like a real woman.  In fact, I believe you’d love it.