Category: All Sex Talk

Sex.  More sex.  And Sex.  Everything sex related, from our life, to our thoughts, to various ideas and sexual content we post.

July 9, 2013

Man Accused of Throwing Semen at Wal-Mart Shopper

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FRANK-SHORTOn Tuesday, July 9, 2013, Frank J. Short was arrested for allegedly throwing a load of his own semen onto the back of a 20-year-old female shopper at a Walmart in New Castle, Delaware.  He later told police, he thought the woman was attractive.

The victim was texting when Short, 22, allegedly walked past her, saying “Excuse me.” Seconds later, she “suddenly felt something wet on her buttocks, thigh and leg,” according to a Delaware State Police report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

At first, she thought that Short had sneezed or spat on her, until she noticed the semen dripping  just below her knee, Delaware Online reported.

Short continued to follow the victim around the Walmart until she went into the  Employees Only area. Two workers there escorted her to the security office where she called the police, WPVI-TV reported.

Delaware State Troopers arrived at the store and charged the suspect with offensive touching with bodily fluid, harassment, lewdness, and disorderly conduct, CBS Philly reported.

When troopers interrogated Short, he first told them he had accidentally “flung” some mucus on the victim after sneezing into his hands. Then he said that he threw some of his spit on the victim whom “he felt was hot,” Gawker reported.

After further interrogation, he allegedly told officers he “basically gets a thrill out of such an act.”

As reported by David Moye of The Huffington Post

July 8, 2013

The Sims – It’s More Than Just A Game

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The SimsI play games but I enjoy the more progressive style ones that gradually level you up as you play.  I’ve never played “The Sims,” but I have played something similar to it.  However, I still understand the gameplay and understands how it works.

When you start, your character walks around and you can see the bars above their heads indicating if they are happy, sad, bored, etc.   People pay money to play this game, and I get why.  It’s fun to develop your character, get a good job, get a handsome husband, build a huge house, and have a bunch of kids, all of which you can halfway monitor in three hours time.   Life in a nutshell.

This morning, Ryan was tired and sometimes his sex talk is still in “dream land.”  I know he has never played “The Sims,” but for whatever reason, as I was giving him a blow job upon him waking up, he mumbles, “Fill my ‘mood bar’ and make me a better man today.”  At first I slowed down and thought about what he said, but continued to fondle his balls and slowly suck his dick.  The more intense I got, the more his body tensed up.  Eventually he moaned, “Make me arrogant and cocky.. I want to feel like a man at work.   My mood bar is halfway there, keep going…”

At this point, I knew what he meant.  I am unsure as to why he made this reference as I have never seen him play “The Sims,” but it definitely helped motivate me.  Life really is simple.  My man wakes up, I look over to him, I visualize his ‘mood bar’ is low and he is still tired.  If I am loud or wake him up rudely, his ‘mood bar’ continues to drop.  It’s not like work is going to make his mood any better, or the drive home in traffic.   At the end of the day, I end up with a husband whose ‘mood bar’ is rock bottom.  If I were playing a game, I know I would never let my little fake computer binary coded character let his happiness bar drop all day.  I would do everything I can to get it as full as possible and keep my character replenished and ready to take on any obstacle in the game.  So why wouldn’t I do the same for the man I love and chose to spend the rest of my life with?

For a man or person to be productive, they need to be happy and motivated. I have this power. As a woman, as a wife, as a sexual partner, I have this absolute power over my husband to control and help his moods. Not a power to tell him what to do, not a power to be bossy and bitchy, but a power to make him a better man. The power to make his day better. The power to make him function and come home happy. I’m reminded of the father from “The Wonder Years” and how he would come home pissed off and just sulk. For years, I watched Kevin Arnold”s father act this way: grumpy, tired, not bending in his ways, and someone you’d walk on eggshells around. Not that the character would change if Kevin’s mom sucked his dad’s penis more, but it’s how some fathers and men are viewed.   The Al Bundys.   I do not want that in my man. I want him in a good mood with our kids, I want him in a good mood with me, I want him texting me throughout day telling me how he had so much fun before work, I want him to think about me the whole day, and I want him to come home excited about being there. How do I do all that? I fill his mood bar every morning. It doesn’t make sense not to. I wouldn’t ignore a fake video game character’s mood, so why the fuck would I ignore my husband’s?  I have the power each morning, to wake up, check my husbands red “mood bar” and turn it bright green.  It’s my responsibility as a caring wife to ensure his life and health are at maximum capacity.  The more I slurp, the higher the bar goes up. The more enthusiasm I show, the quicker the bar goes up. Eventually, I end up with a husband who asks ME to stop (as in all my previous articles – usually in the morning we do not orgasm), gets up and grabs my face, and kisses me and calls me the best wife in the world.  My red bar immediately begins to rise. On the way to work, my phone rings. It’s my husband wanting to chat and talk. My red bar turns slightly green. At work, I get text messages, quick phone calls, and reminders of me being on his mind (daily), my own bar is bright green.  My mood is happy.  I know I am the only person in the world who wields this power over my husband. And for this, I ensure my husband wants to have lunch with me, wants to see me after work (sometimes right on the table in his office), can’t wait to get home to me, and is just a better man and friend.  This is all because I pay attention to his mood bar in the morning. Life really is THAT simple. It only gets complex when you add reasons to why you can’t fill his mood bar, rather than just being the best player you can be. I play the game to win.

June 17, 2013

Female Orgasms: Myths and Facts

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Female Orgasms:  Myths and Facts by The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) with extra commentary from Ryan and Venice Bloggs of sexblogging.com

 

female orgasm
The myths and facts of the female orgasm.

Anorgasmia

Definition: Anorgasmia (no female orgasm)  is an inability to reach orgasm and is thought to occur in about 10% of women. Anorgasmia may be either primary (the woman has never been able to reach an orgasm by any means) or secondary (an orgasm was experienced at some point in the past). It may also be global (orgasm is not experienced by any means) or situational (orgasm may be experienced in certain sexual situations but not others; for example, with manual stimulation but not with intercourse).

 Some Myths Regarding Female Orgasms

There are several myths regarding female orgasms. These myths can sometimes cause problems for women and their partners.

Myth: An orgasm is always an earth-moving experience and there is something wrong with a woman if she is unable to reach orgasm.
Fact: Some women have orgasms and don’t know it. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. They do however reach a peak of arousal after which they feel very relaxed and contented, the same feelings other women experience after orgasm.  Some women may feel their bodies spasm and their muscles contract, but not have the earth-moving intensity of other orgasms.   By contrast, some women that do get very aroused and do not experience an orgasm will sometimes feel “nervous” or “edgy” or even an aching discomfort in their pelvis.
Venice Bloggs: I believe there is so much more to an orgasm than the physical sensation felt between a woman’s legs. When we first got married Ryan would fuck me hard when I was laying on my stomach. For some reason, I would get a twitching feeling in my cervix area every time he was done, and ONLY when he was done. I had no idea what this was, but I came to believe it was like the after-sensation you get when you someone hits your arm really hard and your muscles would contract for a moment. I thought the same thing happened in your vagina. I never gave it a second thought. Sometimes I would lay there after sex, numb and unable to move.  I’d feel this sensation  deep in my vagina, and just rub my sore pussy until I felt the energy to snap out of it.  Only in the past year or so did I realize that this was a non-clitoral orgasm. Ryan would ask if I wanted to cum after sex, to which I would respond, “No, thanks. When you cum I feel like it’s my cum, too” as in I felt as if I had already orgasmed. What I soon realized was I was achieving an orgasm in a way I wasn’t used. I didn’t understand my body completely yet.  I didn’t realize my body had different levels of orgasms and sensations.  I have even squirted before from this hard deep sex, but because my physical reaction wasn’t as intense as a pure clitoris orgasm, I figured it “just felt good.”   I was used to getting an orgasm through oral sex or by using a hand or toy during sex.  These orgasms are extremely intense.  The orgasms I get through pure intercourse were less intense, but still give me a sense of fulfillment; enough so that I don’t feel the need to grab my toy or have Ryan’s mouth between my thighs afterwards.
Ryan Bloggs:  I’m a man, so obviously my thoughts on these myths/facts  are just my own experiences and opinions.  I understand this concept above  because I myself have different types of orgasms.  When getting oral sex, I almost have to force and overly fantacize to reach an orgasm.  When I do get to the point of orgasm, I do not feel drained or tired.  The orgasm was physical but because I do not want Venice to work too hard orally, the orgasm is more for her than me.  Yes, I ejaculate, but it is very much different from an orgasm I try to hold and keep from happening.  When masturbating, I also do not end up exhausted and slumped over in my chair.  Although I do not have to force the orgasm, it doesn’t completely drain me or give me an “O” face.   However, with a sex orgasm, the one I do not want to happen, as I release, I lose every muscle in my body.  I almost feel in pain.  My body almost always drops uncontrollable on Venice and my body is completely satisfied.   However, I have had orgasms with intercourse that vary.  Sometimes I can keep going after I orgasm because I am not drained at all, I become multi-orgasmic.  Sometimes I can’t even move afterwards and become a slug.

Myth: “Normal” women reach orgasm through intercourse.
Fact: Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation of female sexuality. In the past, people thought that “mature” women had their orgasms with intercourse; you will sometimes run across an older book that has this view. However, laboratory studies in the 1960’s showed that an orgasm is an orgasm no matter which way you obtain it. How a woman reaches an orgasm has nothing to do with her mental health or emotional maturity.
Venice Bloggs: Normal women can’t deepthroat, normal women don’t love anal sex, normal women do not want to have sex with their husband’s two times a day. In other words, who cares what normal women do. Now that I’ve ranted, I will say that I was the unfortunate 1/3rd as a young woman and I had this same belief. I thought that something was wrong with me because I could masturbate or orgasm through oral sex, but not  penetration.  I didn’t feel “normal.”  I had no idea there was a difference between orgasms brought on by clitoral stimulation and those brought on by penetration. It’s unfair to say how a “normal” woman can achieve an orgasm. There are women out there who orgasm by purely thinking about it. Does that mean they are abnormal? Of course not. Each woman has their own becoming in tuned with her body. After I met Ryan, we quickly learned to have intercourse and orgasm together, simply by using our hands to rub my clit while he fucked me. Now, as a more mature woman who is definitely more in touch with what I feel, I am all of the above (see also:  All Kinds of Orgasms Last Night). Sexual maturity means I’m more experienced as a lover, I am more educated as a giver and a receiver, and I am more receptive to the different methods females can enjoy sex, with or without the possibility of achieving an orgasm.
Ryan Bloggs: I have always been somewhat cerebral and Venice was not always orgasmic through pure intercourse.   Therefore, I have researched this topic thoroughly and learned a long time ago that the majority or women are not orgasmic through pure intercourse.  By this I mean, orgasmic simply because a dick rubs back and forth inside their vaginas.   Most of the ones that think they are, really orgasm because the male pubic bone (or testicles, depending on position) rubbing and friction created during sex massages their clitoris.  Also, although I was never a huge porn watcher, I would notice that the only scenes that were believable to me, where the ones where the women screams and immediately slaps and rubs her own clit as she orgasms.  For me, this was always common sense.  I know when I orgasm, the last thing I do is just sit there and let my penis twitch in the wind.   As soon as I feel the build up, I grab my penis and squeeze, almost hurting my own penis head by forcing the blood upwards to make it huge, then stroke.  This is not only to release the semen, but also to put pressure on my penis head (which is like the female clitoris) to intensify the orgasm.  I understand everyone is different, but the idea of orgasming through pure intercourse has always been foreign to me.  I always used my hands, toys, or purposely grinded my body against Venice’s clit to help her achieve her orgasm as well.  Although Venice was originally just the 1/3rd above and could only orgasm through oral sex, she gradually learned to orgasm through sex with help from our fingers or a toy, to now being able to cum from intercourse alone.   This was not easy for us, as I had to put my own ego aside from the beginning and know, not all women will just orgasm because I stick my dick inside them.  It isn’t that easy.  In the end, I believe Venice had to learn to listen to her own body and enjoy what she feels, before she could enjoy mine.

Myth: Inability to reach orgasm, or anorgasmia means a woman is “frigid” or that there is something seriously wrong with her or her relationship.
Fact: Women who were able to have orgasms in the past but can no longer do so may be suffering from a medical problem or a side effect from medication.  Women who have never had an orgasm may never have learned what type and duration of stimulation they need.
Venice Bloggs: Understanding how an orgasm works isn’t something we are born knowing. The inability to reach orgasm may be caused from the lack of knowledge or reasoning as to what is going on with her body. For many years, even into my marriage, I believed there was something seriously wrong with my body, my mind, or my inability to appreciate sex enough so that I could orgasm from Ryan’s thrusting. But through talking and being open with what I was physically feeling and through experimenting with new positions, I was able to understand the mechanics of how my body achieved the different ways to orgasm.
Ryan Bloggs: Unfortunately, as a teenager I felt like this.  Rather than understanding everyone is different, I either blamed myself or blamed her.  The idea of not being able to enjoy sex made no sense to me, because I was young and enjoyed it myself.  It’s hard to understand something you yourself will never deal with.  It takes time and experience to realize the world doesn’t revolve around your experiences, feelings or ideas.  Eventually you open up and learn to accept being non orgasmic has nothing to do with your penis or your partner’s lack of wanting you or sex. 

Myth: If a woman cannot reach orgasm, then her partner is not a skillful lover.
Fact: While there are many ways a loving partner can help a woman reach orgasm, in the end, a woman is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. That does not mean her partner should not be involved. Communication between partners is very important. It is up to the woman to inform her partner her likes and dislikes in their love making.
Venice Bloggs: A man isn’t a mind reader, or in this case, a “body reader.” How can I expect Ryan to help me achieve an orgasm if I, myself, did not know? I had to learn what MY body liked and what MY body positively reacted to, because what may work for me may have the opposite effect on another woman. Additionally, so many factors come into play: sexual position, strength, speed, open-mindedness, just to name a few. Even if both partners were experienced lovers (and by that I mean by the number of people they’ve had sex with) that doesn’t make him/her “skillful.” Each new lover requires a different approach and set of skills to become that person’s “perfect lover.” In time, Ryan has become my perfect lover by reading my reactions and adjusting to my needs in bed.
Ryan Bloggs: Venice taught me everything I know about sex, so we/I learned everything together.    We met young and inexperienced.  If I was an unskillful lover, the blame is on each of us because she molded me into the man she wanted me to be.  I had the tool and the willingness, but I was never naive to the fact I was clueless when it came to a woman’s body.  I had never seen or made a woman orgasm, so the sex part I could do, but seeing her orgasm was a first for me.  Men aren’t born with the ability to please women, even if they think they are (those men that think they are, I’d say are probably worst lovers).    I was open to learn, listen, and communicate.  I have always been a strong believer of the following  fact:  It is the woman’s responsibility to learn her own body and find out what makes her tick.   As she learns (or already knows), she needs to communicate this to her lover.  Poor communication makes for horrible sex.  Although it wasn’t something that happened over night, throughout the years we have found out exactly what makes us tick.  Does that mean I am a skillful lover?  I don’t think so, because every woman is different.   I could be an absolute klutz in bed, but with Venice, because of communication and understanding her needs, I feel I am the most skillful a man could ever be with her body.

Myth: A woman has to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex. This myth seems to be more common among men than among women.
Fact: Many women enjoy the closeness and physical intimacy of sex and are satisfied even if they do not, or do not always, have an orgasm.
Venice Bloggs: I suggested to Ryan that I’d been foregoing orgasms after sex because I felt like I had already came, implying that his orgasm gave me sexual gratification. In hindsight, a lot of times I would feel my body and inner muscles contract but was still unaware of what had  happened because I didn’t lose total control.  Also, if I have ever had a headache prior to sex, afterwards, at least for the following 30 minutes, my headache is completely gone (this kind of takes away my whole, “I have a headache excuse” huh?).   While these orgasms may be my reasons behind feeling so satisfied and relaxed,  I also believe that my giving nature has in turn allowed me to become a giving lover; I was satisfied sexually knowing that I worked hard to make Ryan cum. I was mentally fulfilled. Sometimes I want to be fucked hard, sometimes I want to be massaged and have him lick my back. I play my sexual needs by ear, and if they do or don’t lead to penetration, which may or may not lead to an orgasm, I know I will be satisfied because I was in control of my needs.
Ryan Bloggs: This is something I still haven’t grasped completely.  If Venice doesn’t feel like having a physical orgasm, she still tells me she loves sex with me.  She also says that her making me orgasm totally satisfies her, as if it was her own.  I have a hard time getting this.   Maybe I am selfish and she is giving, but I am still learning.   It’s not something I will complain about, but sometimes she does get irritated and ask, “Why do you want me to cum so much?”  As her lover, I want to physically give her orgasms.  However, this isn’t how she always enjoys sex or being intimate.  For me, this is hard to understand. 

What can you do?

Relax
It is possible to try too hard. Focus on enjoying the process, not on whether or not you will have an orgasm.

Communicate
Communicate with your partner your preferences when it comes to sex. Your partner cannot read your mind.

Encourage
If you or your partner are doing something pleasurable, encourage your mate to continue.

Enjoy
Learn to enjoy and feel comfortable with your sexuality. Your current inability to have an orgasm is not a reflection of your femininity, your psychological or emotional health. Putting yourself down just makes it that much more difficult.

Fantasize
Some women have trouble concentrating during sex. If that is the case, you may wish to fantasize, i.e., thinking about something sexual may excite you and may reduce negative emotions. If you feel that you are very close to achieving an orgasm, alternate tightening and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. This may sometimes trigger a real orgasm.

Arouse
For some couples, love making ends once the man ejaculates. Often, at this point the woman is very aroused. If this is the case, you might ask your partner to continue stimulating you with his hands or his mouth once he is finished. Some women feel uncomfortable doing this, thinking that this would be selfish or that their partner would be bored. In fact, your partner may enjoy giving you pleasure. Rather than being selfish, you are giving your partner the chance to please you.

What about Vibrators?
Vibrators, either plug-in or cordless, supply more intense stimulation than can be obtained with either intercourse or manual stimulation. They can be especially helpful if you have an illness that makes it hard to reach orgasm, such as multiple sclerosis. They can be used by you or together with your partner as part of your love making.

Suggested Books
There are several good books available with “exercises” to help you reach orgasm. These usually focus on learning to have an orgasm by yourself and then, once you know the desired manner and amount of stimulation you need, you can teach your partner how to please you. It can also be helpful for your partner to read one of these books. Women of some religious faiths may sometimes feel that self-stimulation, or masturbation, is wrong. Others of the same faith feel that since the long-term goal is to improve the relationship then self-stimulation is okay in the short term.

For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality: by Lonnie Barbach. Written over 20 years ago by a woman who ran groups for pre-orgasmic women, this book has a lot of personal stories. Women like it because they see they are not alone and they can usually identify with one or other of the stories.

Becoming Orgasmic: by Julie Hieman and J. LoPiccolo. A bit more clinical than the previous book, it also has exercises to help a woman think about where she learned her ideas about sex and whether these might not be realistic.

The Gift of Sex: by Cliff and Joyce Penner. Written by a Christian couple, this is a very frank and helpful book, especially for women who find some of the suggestions or assumptions in “secular” books objectionable.

If none of the books or suggestions are helpful, you might consider asking for referral to a sex therapist or psychologist specializing in treating sexual difficulties.

June 7, 2013

The Five-Second Kiss Rule #AdultSexEdMonth

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longkiss

It seems that the longer a couple has been together, the more difficult it becomes to be affectionate with each other. Complacency, habit, and just plain being “used to each other” can get in the way of the need to remind the other about their commitments. The time they set aside for one another can easily become routine or mundane if they’re not consistent, so every couple should create their own ways of ensuring their love still burns in them, even if it only flickers.

Ryan and I are of the opinion that a happy couple should have sex every day of their lives, and both partners should remind themselves in their own heads, why they love their partner. A good relationship is hard work. If it seems easy, more than likely you are missing something. With everything you do well, whether it be your health, your hobbies, and even your job, the more you do certain tasks, the better you get. For instance, the more you go to the gym and exercise, the stronger and healthier you look. It’s hard work being fit and healthy. Well, a healthy relationship is the same. Finding time to be intimate, make love, and make your partner feel special should be a daily activity. Yes, even kissing.

Don’t misunderstand me though, I do not mean have sex just to have sex, or kiss just to kiss. A couple must practice intimacy and positive thinking. It’s not just a cliche message to think positive, it’s the reality of a strong relationship. If you kiss, hug, or make love to your spouse, as much as you moan or purr in your partners arms, you must purr to yourself as well. Make it a mental exercise to tell yourself how lucky you are to have your partner. If you show enthusiasm, show enthusiasm because it makes it exciting and fun for you, not just for your other half. Fake intimacy or sex done out of obligation is worse than no sex at all, for both of you — resentment resentment. A man or woman should look into their own minds and figure out why it’s important to not only have sex, but to love the sex each time you are with your partner. Enthusiasm, wanting each other, loving each others’ touch, and feeling each others’ bodies rub and create the friction we read about in romance novels.

The above is a good example of why couples need to abide by the five-second kiss rule. Not just with your lips touching, but with your hands touching each others faces, cheek smelling, and yes, a little tongue, at least once a day. This may sound like a silly robotic act, but a routine isn’t always bad thing. It’s a bad routine if you are ignoring your partner’s needs each day, and it quickly turns into a lifestyle. The opposite is also true. It’s a good routine if you are purposely being intimate with your spouse each day, it too will eventually become your lifestyle. If you prepare yourself for any major event in your life, whether it be a test, fight, sports match, or a marathon, usually you will plan a routine and follow rules to reach your maximum potential prior to the event. In this case, it’s the most important event of your life, your happily ever after. For us, there is nothing more accepting than kissing each other and holding our mouths together to see how the other responds. Ryan has told me that since we’ve been together, that if he has ever even slightly opened his lips while kissing, I’ve always let my tongue slide inside his mouth. Not aggressively or quick, but just the tip of my tongue to feel for his tongue. It is something I never really noticed, but it’s almost like an antennae. It’s instinct for me to reach out with one of the most sensitive organs in my body and feel to see if he is receptive. As interesting as that idea is, that also makes oral sex extremely intimate when put into this perspective (I love nothing more than feeling the tastes, shapes, and textures of my man’s penis and balls on my tongue – his most private possessions).  Ryan also noticed that I will wait for him to open his mouth before I initiate tongue play. It’s a team game, and you both do things you may not even notice, but if the love is present, it works. Of course, if we weren’t in love, we wouldn’t want to even kiss, let alone open our mouths and have the other stick their tongue in.

We don’t do this just for the pleasure of kissing, or even the possibility of sex to follow, it’s for the attachment we feel each day to the person we decided to spend the rest of our lives with. Our mouths are the dirtiest parts of our body, and although kissing is done in public and isn’t seen as a “dirty act“, the truth is, sticking your wet organ/tongue in another person’s wet body/mouth, swapping saliva and juices, and feeling each other’s lips is just as intimate as sex itself. Sex is taboo and private, which created a stigma with the act. Everyone wants to do what we can’t do, so sex became this important mountain in our relationships. In fact, some couples have built sex up so much that they (or their religion expects them to) wait until after marriage to enjoy each other sexually. However, kissing (being so close you almost breath the same air — as if you could save each other’s life with a sexual CPR) was acceptable. I’m not downplaying the importance of sex, but I am making a good argument for kissing being much more intimate and important than people think.  Under appreciated and neglected in aging relationships.  A physical connection and intimacy keeps your chemicals and hormones flowing, and if you follow your own guidelines to try your hardest to truly enjoy this physical time, you both will love each other more. No resentment for a man “wanting it too much” and no resentment from a woman “never giving me sex anymore.”

Kiss for 5 seconds everyday, or every time you say goodbye, or before you go to bed.  You won’t regret it.

May 28, 2013

Swing Lifestyle

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Swingers

Before we started checking out social networks, much of what I knew about swinging was from movies and TV shows.  Basically,  we knew little to nothing about the swing lifestyle. I believed it was a couple who liked to have sex outside of their relationship and that was that; I decided not to delve into the different levels, details, and ranges of the swinging lifestyle.  But as our minds have opened, we realized there is more to it than sex, greed, or the desire to experience others.  To think otherwise would be ignorant.

As new bloggers, we were embraced and welcomed by swingers and other couples who were not categorized with the conventional “monogamous man and wife.”  While Ryan and I do not intend to ever experiment with swinging, we became curious about the thought process and mindset of swinging and swingers.  We asked several couples on we met through our Blog and Twitter  to discuss swinging, and we were fortunate enough to be allowed into their lives.  Below are their unedited responses…

Gunnar & Krystalla

1) How long have you been together/married?

Gunnar – It will be 14 years in the fall of this year.  See I do remember dates 😉  As to being in the lifestyle it was the fall of 2011.
Krystalla – Yes, it will be 14 years married come September, but 18 years together about end of May 😉

2) When you entered the relationship, were you swingers? One or both of you?

G – I have had no thoughts about swinging other than what a wild fantasy it would be.  Then again it was most guys fantasies to have two girls at once.  As to wanting it to happen, maybe, but then again I had a very shy wife when we met.  First in everything.  She didn’t open up and become herself until just under a couple of years ago.
K – Neither of us had ever been in an ethical non-monogamous relationship prior and honestly I had no desire to back when we first got together.

3) Who approached who about introducing others into the relationship?  How did the other respond?

G – Krystalla was the one that came forward about it.  I have always mentioned that if she wanted to explore other cock that we can talk about it.  As to my response, it was more shock that she would ask this.  Took me a few days to come to grips with it.  After writing an erotic story on how I felt and getting a former porn star to help me understand a girls point of view, I agree with how Krystalla approached it.
K – Yep, it was me who brought it up.  I’m still not sure how I gathered the balls to do it, but I did.  His first reaction was a very stunned “Okay”.  We talked a LOT for the next few days, weeks, months.  We started out playing separately, basically dating separately.  It was a few months later that we decided to sign up on a swingers website and see where that took us.

4) Do you guys prefer being with other couples, only males, and/or only females?

G – We are the type that will go with the flow as long as it is comfortable and make sense.  Neither of us are bi, although Krystalla has kissed a girl if the situation is right.  We have done same room, separate room, and group play.
K – I can’t say I like one scenario over the other.  They each have a different dynamic and I like aspects of each alone play, same room or group play.  When playing alone, I can concentrate on my partner. If in a same room scenario, I’ve learned I like to watch (especially love watching Gunnar get and give pleasure) and if we’re all playing together…damn, that can be hot.

5) Was there (or is there currently) any feelings of jealousy?

G – Jealousy has never gone away over this whole roller coaster of a ride.  What you have to do is to understand why you are jealous.  Most times it is normal feelings that are causing the jealously.  What cannot happen is not to voice your concerns with your partner.  They must know how you feel so that it can be dealt with.  Letting it boil and simmer can cause more complications and drama.
K – Jealousy is definitely something that still happens, but as Gunnar said, you have to figure out why you’re jealous and work through it, talk about it.  Typically if I’m jealous of Gunnar, it’s not because of someone he’s talking to or crushing on, but would more result if I didn’t have anyone I felt similarly about at that moment.  Honestly, I have also felt jealousy in an outside relationship, if I’ve seen or heard about the guy and/or husband I/we’re with, flirting or getting action elsewhere.  Again, as Gunnar said you need to voice concerns with your primary partner and/or other partners because letting anything boil and fester can be detrimental to any and all relationships.

6) What are your sexual and emotional boundaries?

G – For myself I am still working through the emotional boundaries.  This has always been something that I mentally work through. As to any sexual boundaries, I think the only thing that has been the hardest for me is to keep positive and not over think the situation.
K – I’m still learning about my sexual and emotional boundaries.  Each person or couple we’ve met or been with has taught me something about myself.  I’ve grown a lot in the past year and a half and am enjoying continuing and building on that.

7) Are you worried about physical or emotional attachments?

G – This lifestyle will cause a lot of discussions and if you are not careful, strain on your own relationship.  You have to understand who you are, and who you are with for it to work.  Trust is so important along with communication, and if either of these two fail then the whole experience will fail along with it.  With that said physical attachments have happened for myself, but it is physical nothing else.  Emotional I think I connect with everyone on some level but Krystalla is my first and will always be first before anyone else.
K – Honestly, no I’m not worried. There are typically two “types” of swingers; those who prefer NSA encounters (No Strings Attached) which are more casual and are generally over when the sex is over, and those that prefer FWB (Friends With Benefits).  I say typically but know these can overlap in people.  We’re a FWB couple.  Our ultimate is finding a couple we connect with both on a friendship basis, where we’d hang out with each other, get to know their families and their lives, along with connecting with them sexually and having some really hot steamy sex.  For me, the more I get to know someone and care about them, the more comfortable I am around them, trust them and am more apt to be open to new experiences.  To add to that, I would have no problem if Gunnar or I ever fell in love with another individual(s) because I know he’s there for me first as I for him.  Always.  His being there and supporting me is very comforting and allows me to feel safe enough to explore and enjoy these experiences.

8) Were you ever or are you now worried about your anonymity with your family, friends, co-workers?

G – We have kept our lifestyle secret to majority of our friends.  Most of them wouldn’t understand, or worse would probably stop being our friends.  One of my close friends from High School was told and he suspected that we were doing this for years.  Not sure if I should be flattered or insulted.  We discussed that his wife shouldn’t know.  A week or so later we found out he told her and she seemed to have disown us.  None of my family know.  Of my friends who know, 3 of the 5 are co-workers.  Why?  Well, I live eight hours a day at work so if I’m texting and chatting to girls it’s hard to keep that hidden from close friends.
K – We were definitely worried when we first opened up and delved into this lifestyle.  Now though, I’m not as worried.  I’m almost to the point that if a friend or family member would not accept us for who we are, then they don’t deserve to be important to us.  My closest friends know (save one, and she would not understand for religious reasons, but that’s a topic I am not getting into) and accept our decision.  The friend Gunnar was talking about (who figured we had been for years), he brought it up because he noticed the change in me personally, that I was more open and confident.  That hasn’t been just because of opening up, but more because of a personal weight loss/getting healthy journey I’ve been on for almost the same amount of time.  But I can’t deny, attention from outside sources does boost ones ego! LOL!  I truly believe that our parents would have no real issues as long as we’re both happy.  Nowadays, if someone came up and asked me, I’d tell them, but I wouldn’t volunteer the information.

9) For those who know about your lifestyle, how have they reacted?

G – Majority of them don’t care.  They know when we have our ‘play time’ but beyond that it hasn’t changed much.  As to my High school friend he has changed a bit.  Seems to be more open about his choice of porn which we had never discussed.  I really think the reaction is based on the person, personality and how open minded they are.  If they are not open minded then the reaction will most likely be negative.
K – Generally, reactions have been that as long as Gunnar & I are happy, they’re fine with it.

10) Have you received negative reactions about swinging?

G – With who we’ve talked to about it, not really.  Like Krystalla mentioned as long as we are happy they are good with it.  The one friend who reacted never talked to us, so I think it is a judgment thing.  I really look forward to see her later this year and seeing the reaction in person.
K – I’ve seen no negative reactions, except the one wife who unfrended us on Facebook.  Honestly that didn’t bother me too much as they don’t live close to us and she wasn’t that good of a friend anyway.

11) How do you decide who you let into your bedroom? How did you approach those people regarding STDs, diseases, etc. (if that subject even comes up)? Conversely, how do you decide a person is not right for you as a couple?

G – Coincidentally, any time I have found a couple for us to meet, it has not worked out.  This has been the result of there being no connection between the husband and my wife.  Conversely the couples that my wife have found have generally worked out so far.  Basically over the year and half that we have done this we have learned lots about ourselves and how to approach couples (new or experienced).  Noobs have been our biggest eye opener since not everyone has fully disclosed to their spouse what they are looking for.  Since we have had a majority of exposure to noobs STD and diseases have not really come up since they haven’t been with anyone but their partner.  Protection is used with couples but with some there has not been, although it is mutual on if it is to be used or not.
K – We’ve had a couple of encounters where we played more because of the curiosity factor than anything else, but generally we feel that we both need some sort of connection with who we let into our private lives.  We’ve honestly never had an in depth STD talk with anyone (I know, bad us), but most of the couples we’ve met have been new to the lifestyle (newbies/noobs) and haven’t been with anyone except their spouse in many years.  The few couples that we’ve been with who have been experienced swingers, we’ve used protection with.  We have fluid bonded with one couple (not used barrier protection) but that was mutually agreed upon.

12) Do you think there will come a time when you will become monogamous as a couple?

G – At this point in time I would say it could be possible but right now I am enjoying the people that we have meet.  The one thing that I will say if that you are serious about the lifestyle you need to interact.  Poking and prodding to try to get attention will not get you out there.  Surprising enough we have meet more like minded people on the social networks than on the actual sites themselves.
K – At some point way down the road, I could see it.  I hope that doesn’t come for a very long time though as I’m enjoying our life as it is now.  I love how much closer Gunnar and I have become.  I love how the two of us have evolved as people, being much more open with each other and others.  I love meeting and connecting with new people, experiencing things I never thought I would.

13) What is the one thing that you can suggest, advise or piece of knowledge you would like to share about the lifestyle.

G – Communication is key to the lifestyle.  If you and your partner do not communicate then you will have complications and drama.  Since we have opened up, our communication has been more open and we realized how much we didn’t talk before we did this.
K – And not just communication with each other. You also need open communication with the couple you’re interested in.  If feelings are going to get hurt, it generally happens because someone isn’t honest with themselves, or did not share information with everyone involved.  If you ever find yourself in a situation you’re not comfortable with, speak up!  Experienced swingers will not take offence to this. Also I’d say for newbies, don’t jump in head first.  Go slow.  Yes, your hormones will be amped up crazy, but you can do damage to your relationship and yourself (let alone the relationship of the other couple) if you jump in and don’t speak up or don’t know what you truly want.

Numbnutt69 & LexxiBlue 

1) How long have you been together/married?

We have been together for 23 years and married for 17 of those.

2) When you entered the relationship, were you swingers? One or both of you?

When we met and entered into this relationship, neither of us really knew what swinging was.  We met while in high school.  We were still “innocent”.

3) Who approached who about introducing others into the relationship? How did the other respond?

@numbnutt69 broached the subject of opening our relationship with me.  He had found a local swingers club and proposed that we attend an evening. I wasn’t completely closed off about it but not quite comfortable with the idea either.  I wasn’t sure what this would mean.  While @numbnutt69 had the honor of my virginity, it also meant that several years into our relationship, I hadn’t experienced anyone else.  But I was confused by the word “cheating”.  It was not that I was concerned that this meant he would be “cheating” on me but that I would be “cheating” on him.  @numbnutt69 had to convince me that he did not consider it such.  The other thing that I expressed to @numbnutt69 was that while I was not closed off to the idea, I felt that this was the sort of thing we should try when we are older.   Anyhow, I finally gave in to go to the club and was very nervous.  Once that evening was over, it took quite some time for me to agree to go back.

4) Do you guys prefer being with other couples, only males, and/or only females?

@Numbnutt69 does not have any preference so I set the pace since I have always been more reserved.  That being said, the preference is to play with other couples.  Until recently, this was a hard rule.  However, we have met a great couple that has increased my comfort level and we are prepared to play with each member of that couple independently.  However, it is still within a couple dynamic, which still remains within my preference.That being said, we have experienced multiple variations to swinging in a swingers club setting but our preference is still to find a couple of couples that can be defined as good friends with benefit.

5) Was there (or is there currently) any feelings of jealousy?Let’s define jealousy here.

To us, jealousy means to envy the object of attention of the other partner.  So in that sense of the word, no there is no jealousy.  That being said however, there’s a sense of envy when one decides they want to try something new or something that both enjoy and the other does not get to do the same.  It is a jealousy of the situation that both of us want to experience but for whatever reason cannot both have.

6) What are your sexual and emotional boundaries?I have yet to discover my hard sexual boundaries?

This scares me in a sense, because I simply don’t know when I will reach that boundary and will I be able to express it.  As for @numbnutt69, gay relations are the boundary he will not cross under any circumstance.  I think this covers the sexual boundaries.  As for the emotional boundaries, we haven’t really thought about or discussed this.

7) Are you worried about physical or emotional attachments?

We have been together for so long and have developed very good communication tools between us.  We have no doubts about our devotion and our loyalties for each other.  That being said, as mentioned in an earlier question, we have recently met a very nice couple.  It would appear that we are developing some very strong physical and emotional attachments to each other and the feeling appears to be mutual amongst the four of us.  @Numbnutt69 and myself have been trying for the last 16 years or so to find some very good friends with benefits; a couple with whom we could be ourselves completely.  It would seem that we have found this and thank them tremendously for letting us into their lives.

8) Were you ever or are you now worried about your anonymity with your family, friends, co-workers?

This was a concern for many years.  We worried about what our parents would think mostly.  That being said, I think the main reason we were concerned by this was that I hadn’t fully accepted the choices we were making as it related to our lifestyle.  Recently, through new experiences, I have come to realize that these are choices that we have made as a couple and we are thoroughly happy.  Therefore, why should I try so hard to keep it from them.  Therefore, while we do not advertise our lifestyle, we do not broadcast it either.  I think it helps that we have a couple of good friends that do know about our lifestyle, not to mention our kids, and the response was not negative.  In fact, none of them were surprised by the information.  We have their support and this helps.

9)For those who know about your lifestyle, how have they reacted?

Our children, who are now adults, were not surprised by the information.  In fact, they said it explained some things for them.  As mentioned in the previous question, we have a couple of friends who know about our lifestyle.  They have both reacted positively and have had questions.  In fact, they enjoy looking over our shoulders at some of our twitter feeds.  As of yet, we have not yet met with any negative reactions but we do expect that it may happen one day.

10) Have you received negative reactions about swinging?

As mentioned in previous question, not yet.

11) How do you decide who you let into your bedroom?How did you approach those people regarding STDs, diseases, etc. (if that subject even comes up)?  Conversely, how do you decide a person is not right for you as a couple?

A lot of it is based on instincts and first impressions.  We don’t really have any preference because we look for how easy it is to talk to the other couple.  That being said, for years we were club swinger and experimented with different couples.  As for the question about STD diseases, we always used protection, asked the other couple about their health, and my limit was soft swap.  Again, this has changed with the meeting of this new couple we have recently met.  Soft swap is not a limit with them.  As for how we decide a person is not right for us, again, it is based on instincts and first impressions.

12) Do you think there will come a time when you will become monogamous as a couple?

Not in the foreseeable future.  We have great friends with benefits right now.  Our marriage has been open almost as long as we have been married.  We have had long periods of time where we were monogamous, but it was more related to external circumstances as opposed to a conscious desire to close off to the lifestyle.

Mysticnites

1) How long have you been together/married?

We will be married 22 years this December.

2) When you entered the relationship, were you swingers? One or both of you?

No we weren’t.

3) Who approached who about introducing others into the relationship? How did the other respond?

Actually it was Jerry Springer that started us out. Watching a show a girl wanted to bring another female into a relationship and the guy freaked out. I said the guy was crazy and so did my wife. I kinda did a double take and said Really? This is when J came out and said she was Bi and had been since high school but repressed the feelings because she thought they were wrong. And so it started 12 years ago.

4) Do you guys prefer being with other couples, only males, and/or only females?

We started out with just couples with Bi females but have since moved on to singles as well. Finding a single bi female is very rare. We have been with a few single males as they are much easier to find

5) Was there (or is there currently) any feelings of jealousy?

I think we have both had our moments of jealousy. but they go away quickly and we always make sure we talk about what we are feeling. We also don’t “take one for the team” if we both are not attracted to the couple we don’t pursue it.

6) What are your sexual and emotional boundaries?

We first started out with no kissing but that seemed silly we feel it is a major point of foreplay. Anal is another that was meant just for us but she has experienced that from others.

7) Are you worried about physical or emotional attachments?

We have had couples that got clingy and possessive and we ended those relationships quickly. We do not do this to find new husbands or wives. We got into this to enjoy the sexual enhancements of swinging. We are not saying we don’t like to make friends with other couples, we just don’t want to become exclusive with them.

8) Were you ever or are you now worried about your anonymity with your family, friends, co-workers?

When we first started we hid things but now not so much. Most of our families know, as we also ran a swingers club for over a year and a half. We saw a lot of people at our club that you would not expect, doctors, lawyers, politicians, but you have to realize they are there for the same reason you are.

9) For those who know about your lifestyle, how have they reacted?

For the most part curiously. Some have said I cant believe you can do that with your spouse. Others have said that is cool that you have that much trust in each other.

10) Have you received negative reactions about swinging?

Again not really negative just shock that we can do this.

11) How do you decide who you let into your bedroom? How did you approach those people regarding STDs, diseases, etc. (if that subject even comes up)? Conversely, how do you decide a person is not right for you as a couple?

We always talk about everything and we also try to meet the couple or person before hand to see if we connect. If we do connect then we set up another get together and see how things go from there. Like I said neither one of us will take one for the team if we both aren’t comfortable then we wont go any further. We will always use condoms when the situation calls for it.

12) Do you think there will come a time when you will become monogamous as a couple?

We have no problem with becoming monogamous as a couple again, We don’t need to be “swingers” we just enjoy the enhancement of it! We are far from bed hopping people. If we were to go to a club, and if the worst thing that happens at the end of the night is that I get to go home and fuck my wife, I think I am doing pretty damn good!! Swinging is a hobby, not a profession!

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