Category: All Sex Talk

Sex.  More sex.  And Sex.  Everything sex related, from our life, to our thoughts, to various ideas and sexual content we post.

May 28, 2013

Swing Lifestyle

All Sex Talk , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

Swingers

Before we started checking out social networks, much of what I knew about swinging was from movies and TV shows.  Basically,  we knew little to nothing about the swing lifestyle. I believed it was a couple who liked to have sex outside of their relationship and that was that; I decided not to delve into the different levels, details, and ranges of the swinging lifestyle.  But as our minds have opened, we realized there is more to it than sex, greed, or the desire to experience others.  To think otherwise would be ignorant.

As new bloggers, we were embraced and welcomed by swingers and other couples who were not categorized with the conventional “monogamous man and wife.”  While Ryan and I do not intend to ever experiment with swinging, we became curious about the thought process and mindset of swinging and swingers.  We asked several couples on we met through our Blog and Twitter  to discuss swinging, and we were fortunate enough to be allowed into their lives.  Below are their unedited responses…

Gunnar & Krystalla

1) How long have you been together/married?

Gunnar – It will be 14 years in the fall of this year.  See I do remember dates 😉  As to being in the lifestyle it was the fall of 2011.
Krystalla – Yes, it will be 14 years married come September, but 18 years together about end of May 😉

2) When you entered the relationship, were you swingers? One or both of you?

G – I have had no thoughts about swinging other than what a wild fantasy it would be.  Then again it was most guys fantasies to have two girls at once.  As to wanting it to happen, maybe, but then again I had a very shy wife when we met.  First in everything.  She didn’t open up and become herself until just under a couple of years ago.
K – Neither of us had ever been in an ethical non-monogamous relationship prior and honestly I had no desire to back when we first got together.

3) Who approached who about introducing others into the relationship?  How did the other respond?

G – Krystalla was the one that came forward about it.  I have always mentioned that if she wanted to explore other cock that we can talk about it.  As to my response, it was more shock that she would ask this.  Took me a few days to come to grips with it.  After writing an erotic story on how I felt and getting a former porn star to help me understand a girls point of view, I agree with how Krystalla approached it.
K – Yep, it was me who brought it up.  I’m still not sure how I gathered the balls to do it, but I did.  His first reaction was a very stunned “Okay”.  We talked a LOT for the next few days, weeks, months.  We started out playing separately, basically dating separately.  It was a few months later that we decided to sign up on a swingers website and see where that took us.

4) Do you guys prefer being with other couples, only males, and/or only females?

G – We are the type that will go with the flow as long as it is comfortable and make sense.  Neither of us are bi, although Krystalla has kissed a girl if the situation is right.  We have done same room, separate room, and group play.
K – I can’t say I like one scenario over the other.  They each have a different dynamic and I like aspects of each alone play, same room or group play.  When playing alone, I can concentrate on my partner. If in a same room scenario, I’ve learned I like to watch (especially love watching Gunnar get and give pleasure) and if we’re all playing together…damn, that can be hot.

5) Was there (or is there currently) any feelings of jealousy?

G – Jealousy has never gone away over this whole roller coaster of a ride.  What you have to do is to understand why you are jealous.  Most times it is normal feelings that are causing the jealously.  What cannot happen is not to voice your concerns with your partner.  They must know how you feel so that it can be dealt with.  Letting it boil and simmer can cause more complications and drama.
K – Jealousy is definitely something that still happens, but as Gunnar said, you have to figure out why you’re jealous and work through it, talk about it.  Typically if I’m jealous of Gunnar, it’s not because of someone he’s talking to or crushing on, but would more result if I didn’t have anyone I felt similarly about at that moment.  Honestly, I have also felt jealousy in an outside relationship, if I’ve seen or heard about the guy and/or husband I/we’re with, flirting or getting action elsewhere.  Again, as Gunnar said you need to voice concerns with your primary partner and/or other partners because letting anything boil and fester can be detrimental to any and all relationships.

6) What are your sexual and emotional boundaries?

G – For myself I am still working through the emotional boundaries.  This has always been something that I mentally work through. As to any sexual boundaries, I think the only thing that has been the hardest for me is to keep positive and not over think the situation.
K – I’m still learning about my sexual and emotional boundaries.  Each person or couple we’ve met or been with has taught me something about myself.  I’ve grown a lot in the past year and a half and am enjoying continuing and building on that.

7) Are you worried about physical or emotional attachments?

G – This lifestyle will cause a lot of discussions and if you are not careful, strain on your own relationship.  You have to understand who you are, and who you are with for it to work.  Trust is so important along with communication, and if either of these two fail then the whole experience will fail along with it.  With that said physical attachments have happened for myself, but it is physical nothing else.  Emotional I think I connect with everyone on some level but Krystalla is my first and will always be first before anyone else.
K – Honestly, no I’m not worried. There are typically two “types” of swingers; those who prefer NSA encounters (No Strings Attached) which are more casual and are generally over when the sex is over, and those that prefer FWB (Friends With Benefits).  I say typically but know these can overlap in people.  We’re a FWB couple.  Our ultimate is finding a couple we connect with both on a friendship basis, where we’d hang out with each other, get to know their families and their lives, along with connecting with them sexually and having some really hot steamy sex.  For me, the more I get to know someone and care about them, the more comfortable I am around them, trust them and am more apt to be open to new experiences.  To add to that, I would have no problem if Gunnar or I ever fell in love with another individual(s) because I know he’s there for me first as I for him.  Always.  His being there and supporting me is very comforting and allows me to feel safe enough to explore and enjoy these experiences.

8) Were you ever or are you now worried about your anonymity with your family, friends, co-workers?

G – We have kept our lifestyle secret to majority of our friends.  Most of them wouldn’t understand, or worse would probably stop being our friends.  One of my close friends from High School was told and he suspected that we were doing this for years.  Not sure if I should be flattered or insulted.  We discussed that his wife shouldn’t know.  A week or so later we found out he told her and she seemed to have disown us.  None of my family know.  Of my friends who know, 3 of the 5 are co-workers.  Why?  Well, I live eight hours a day at work so if I’m texting and chatting to girls it’s hard to keep that hidden from close friends.
K – We were definitely worried when we first opened up and delved into this lifestyle.  Now though, I’m not as worried.  I’m almost to the point that if a friend or family member would not accept us for who we are, then they don’t deserve to be important to us.  My closest friends know (save one, and she would not understand for religious reasons, but that’s a topic I am not getting into) and accept our decision.  The friend Gunnar was talking about (who figured we had been for years), he brought it up because he noticed the change in me personally, that I was more open and confident.  That hasn’t been just because of opening up, but more because of a personal weight loss/getting healthy journey I’ve been on for almost the same amount of time.  But I can’t deny, attention from outside sources does boost ones ego! LOL!  I truly believe that our parents would have no real issues as long as we’re both happy.  Nowadays, if someone came up and asked me, I’d tell them, but I wouldn’t volunteer the information.

9) For those who know about your lifestyle, how have they reacted?

G – Majority of them don’t care.  They know when we have our ‘play time’ but beyond that it hasn’t changed much.  As to my High school friend he has changed a bit.  Seems to be more open about his choice of porn which we had never discussed.  I really think the reaction is based on the person, personality and how open minded they are.  If they are not open minded then the reaction will most likely be negative.
K – Generally, reactions have been that as long as Gunnar & I are happy, they’re fine with it.

10) Have you received negative reactions about swinging?

G – With who we’ve talked to about it, not really.  Like Krystalla mentioned as long as we are happy they are good with it.  The one friend who reacted never talked to us, so I think it is a judgment thing.  I really look forward to see her later this year and seeing the reaction in person.
K – I’ve seen no negative reactions, except the one wife who unfrended us on Facebook.  Honestly that didn’t bother me too much as they don’t live close to us and she wasn’t that good of a friend anyway.

11) How do you decide who you let into your bedroom? How did you approach those people regarding STDs, diseases, etc. (if that subject even comes up)? Conversely, how do you decide a person is not right for you as a couple?

G – Coincidentally, any time I have found a couple for us to meet, it has not worked out.  This has been the result of there being no connection between the husband and my wife.  Conversely the couples that my wife have found have generally worked out so far.  Basically over the year and half that we have done this we have learned lots about ourselves and how to approach couples (new or experienced).  Noobs have been our biggest eye opener since not everyone has fully disclosed to their spouse what they are looking for.  Since we have had a majority of exposure to noobs STD and diseases have not really come up since they haven’t been with anyone but their partner.  Protection is used with couples but with some there has not been, although it is mutual on if it is to be used or not.
K – We’ve had a couple of encounters where we played more because of the curiosity factor than anything else, but generally we feel that we both need some sort of connection with who we let into our private lives.  We’ve honestly never had an in depth STD talk with anyone (I know, bad us), but most of the couples we’ve met have been new to the lifestyle (newbies/noobs) and haven’t been with anyone except their spouse in many years.  The few couples that we’ve been with who have been experienced swingers, we’ve used protection with.  We have fluid bonded with one couple (not used barrier protection) but that was mutually agreed upon.

12) Do you think there will come a time when you will become monogamous as a couple?

G – At this point in time I would say it could be possible but right now I am enjoying the people that we have meet.  The one thing that I will say if that you are serious about the lifestyle you need to interact.  Poking and prodding to try to get attention will not get you out there.  Surprising enough we have meet more like minded people on the social networks than on the actual sites themselves.
K – At some point way down the road, I could see it.  I hope that doesn’t come for a very long time though as I’m enjoying our life as it is now.  I love how much closer Gunnar and I have become.  I love how the two of us have evolved as people, being much more open with each other and others.  I love meeting and connecting with new people, experiencing things I never thought I would.

13) What is the one thing that you can suggest, advise or piece of knowledge you would like to share about the lifestyle.

G – Communication is key to the lifestyle.  If you and your partner do not communicate then you will have complications and drama.  Since we have opened up, our communication has been more open and we realized how much we didn’t talk before we did this.
K – And not just communication with each other. You also need open communication with the couple you’re interested in.  If feelings are going to get hurt, it generally happens because someone isn’t honest with themselves, or did not share information with everyone involved.  If you ever find yourself in a situation you’re not comfortable with, speak up!  Experienced swingers will not take offence to this. Also I’d say for newbies, don’t jump in head first.  Go slow.  Yes, your hormones will be amped up crazy, but you can do damage to your relationship and yourself (let alone the relationship of the other couple) if you jump in and don’t speak up or don’t know what you truly want.

Numbnutt69 & LexxiBlue 

1) How long have you been together/married?

We have been together for 23 years and married for 17 of those.

2) When you entered the relationship, were you swingers? One or both of you?

When we met and entered into this relationship, neither of us really knew what swinging was.  We met while in high school.  We were still “innocent”.

3) Who approached who about introducing others into the relationship? How did the other respond?

@numbnutt69 broached the subject of opening our relationship with me.  He had found a local swingers club and proposed that we attend an evening. I wasn’t completely closed off about it but not quite comfortable with the idea either.  I wasn’t sure what this would mean.  While @numbnutt69 had the honor of my virginity, it also meant that several years into our relationship, I hadn’t experienced anyone else.  But I was confused by the word “cheating”.  It was not that I was concerned that this meant he would be “cheating” on me but that I would be “cheating” on him.  @numbnutt69 had to convince me that he did not consider it such.  The other thing that I expressed to @numbnutt69 was that while I was not closed off to the idea, I felt that this was the sort of thing we should try when we are older.   Anyhow, I finally gave in to go to the club and was very nervous.  Once that evening was over, it took quite some time for me to agree to go back.

4) Do you guys prefer being with other couples, only males, and/or only females?

@Numbnutt69 does not have any preference so I set the pace since I have always been more reserved.  That being said, the preference is to play with other couples.  Until recently, this was a hard rule.  However, we have met a great couple that has increased my comfort level and we are prepared to play with each member of that couple independently.  However, it is still within a couple dynamic, which still remains within my preference.That being said, we have experienced multiple variations to swinging in a swingers club setting but our preference is still to find a couple of couples that can be defined as good friends with benefit.

5) Was there (or is there currently) any feelings of jealousy?Let’s define jealousy here.

To us, jealousy means to envy the object of attention of the other partner.  So in that sense of the word, no there is no jealousy.  That being said however, there’s a sense of envy when one decides they want to try something new or something that both enjoy and the other does not get to do the same.  It is a jealousy of the situation that both of us want to experience but for whatever reason cannot both have.

6) What are your sexual and emotional boundaries?I have yet to discover my hard sexual boundaries?

This scares me in a sense, because I simply don’t know when I will reach that boundary and will I be able to express it.  As for @numbnutt69, gay relations are the boundary he will not cross under any circumstance.  I think this covers the sexual boundaries.  As for the emotional boundaries, we haven’t really thought about or discussed this.

7) Are you worried about physical or emotional attachments?

We have been together for so long and have developed very good communication tools between us.  We have no doubts about our devotion and our loyalties for each other.  That being said, as mentioned in an earlier question, we have recently met a very nice couple.  It would appear that we are developing some very strong physical and emotional attachments to each other and the feeling appears to be mutual amongst the four of us.  @Numbnutt69 and myself have been trying for the last 16 years or so to find some very good friends with benefits; a couple with whom we could be ourselves completely.  It would seem that we have found this and thank them tremendously for letting us into their lives.

8) Were you ever or are you now worried about your anonymity with your family, friends, co-workers?

This was a concern for many years.  We worried about what our parents would think mostly.  That being said, I think the main reason we were concerned by this was that I hadn’t fully accepted the choices we were making as it related to our lifestyle.  Recently, through new experiences, I have come to realize that these are choices that we have made as a couple and we are thoroughly happy.  Therefore, why should I try so hard to keep it from them.  Therefore, while we do not advertise our lifestyle, we do not broadcast it either.  I think it helps that we have a couple of good friends that do know about our lifestyle, not to mention our kids, and the response was not negative.  In fact, none of them were surprised by the information.  We have their support and this helps.

9)For those who know about your lifestyle, how have they reacted?

Our children, who are now adults, were not surprised by the information.  In fact, they said it explained some things for them.  As mentioned in the previous question, we have a couple of friends who know about our lifestyle.  They have both reacted positively and have had questions.  In fact, they enjoy looking over our shoulders at some of our twitter feeds.  As of yet, we have not yet met with any negative reactions but we do expect that it may happen one day.

10) Have you received negative reactions about swinging?

As mentioned in previous question, not yet.

11) How do you decide who you let into your bedroom?How did you approach those people regarding STDs, diseases, etc. (if that subject even comes up)?  Conversely, how do you decide a person is not right for you as a couple?

A lot of it is based on instincts and first impressions.  We don’t really have any preference because we look for how easy it is to talk to the other couple.  That being said, for years we were club swinger and experimented with different couples.  As for the question about STD diseases, we always used protection, asked the other couple about their health, and my limit was soft swap.  Again, this has changed with the meeting of this new couple we have recently met.  Soft swap is not a limit with them.  As for how we decide a person is not right for us, again, it is based on instincts and first impressions.

12) Do you think there will come a time when you will become monogamous as a couple?

Not in the foreseeable future.  We have great friends with benefits right now.  Our marriage has been open almost as long as we have been married.  We have had long periods of time where we were monogamous, but it was more related to external circumstances as opposed to a conscious desire to close off to the lifestyle.

Mysticnites

1) How long have you been together/married?

We will be married 22 years this December.

2) When you entered the relationship, were you swingers? One or both of you?

No we weren’t.

3) Who approached who about introducing others into the relationship? How did the other respond?

Actually it was Jerry Springer that started us out. Watching a show a girl wanted to bring another female into a relationship and the guy freaked out. I said the guy was crazy and so did my wife. I kinda did a double take and said Really? This is when J came out and said she was Bi and had been since high school but repressed the feelings because she thought they were wrong. And so it started 12 years ago.

4) Do you guys prefer being with other couples, only males, and/or only females?

We started out with just couples with Bi females but have since moved on to singles as well. Finding a single bi female is very rare. We have been with a few single males as they are much easier to find

5) Was there (or is there currently) any feelings of jealousy?

I think we have both had our moments of jealousy. but they go away quickly and we always make sure we talk about what we are feeling. We also don’t “take one for the team” if we both are not attracted to the couple we don’t pursue it.

6) What are your sexual and emotional boundaries?

We first started out with no kissing but that seemed silly we feel it is a major point of foreplay. Anal is another that was meant just for us but she has experienced that from others.

7) Are you worried about physical or emotional attachments?

We have had couples that got clingy and possessive and we ended those relationships quickly. We do not do this to find new husbands or wives. We got into this to enjoy the sexual enhancements of swinging. We are not saying we don’t like to make friends with other couples, we just don’t want to become exclusive with them.

8) Were you ever or are you now worried about your anonymity with your family, friends, co-workers?

When we first started we hid things but now not so much. Most of our families know, as we also ran a swingers club for over a year and a half. We saw a lot of people at our club that you would not expect, doctors, lawyers, politicians, but you have to realize they are there for the same reason you are.

9) For those who know about your lifestyle, how have they reacted?

For the most part curiously. Some have said I cant believe you can do that with your spouse. Others have said that is cool that you have that much trust in each other.

10) Have you received negative reactions about swinging?

Again not really negative just shock that we can do this.

11) How do you decide who you let into your bedroom? How did you approach those people regarding STDs, diseases, etc. (if that subject even comes up)? Conversely, how do you decide a person is not right for you as a couple?

We always talk about everything and we also try to meet the couple or person before hand to see if we connect. If we do connect then we set up another get together and see how things go from there. Like I said neither one of us will take one for the team if we both aren’t comfortable then we wont go any further. We will always use condoms when the situation calls for it.

12) Do you think there will come a time when you will become monogamous as a couple?

We have no problem with becoming monogamous as a couple again, We don’t need to be “swingers” we just enjoy the enhancement of it! We are far from bed hopping people. If we were to go to a club, and if the worst thing that happens at the end of the night is that I get to go home and fuck my wife, I think I am doing pretty damn good!! Swinging is a hobby, not a profession!

We appreciate all couples for spending some of their time answering a few of our questions.   If you are a reader and have something you’d like to share through our blog, please contact us.

May 23, 2013

Be That Woman – A Wonder Woman

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Be that Wonder Woman.
Be that Wonder Woman.

You’ve heard the saying, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”  I, myself, am a true believer in this motto, especially with the endless pics of gorgeous women I know I can never compete with, even in my younger, more fit days.  I learned very quickly that in order to compete, I have to up my stock and give myself a fighting chance.

Before starting our blog, Ryan and I discussed the pros and cons of starting a website like ours.  We heard about people getting caught and losing their jobs over their personal lives via R- and X-rated blogs.  Of course this doesn’t make any sense to rational people because 1) who’s to say what is acceptable normal life behavior, and 2) If there were a desirable set of standards, how many of us comply or even qualify?  Very few. Very, VERY few.  Even Amish folks build electric fireplaces (https://www.heatsurge.com/).  The word “fetish” exists because of the standards of normalcy we’ve imposed on ourselves.  But that’s besides the point.  Our goal for the blog was to share and give ourselves additional motivation to maintain an active and exciting and loving sex-infused marriage.

For me, what makes a good male lover is his willingness to do whatever it takes to please his woman.  I’ve had Ryan fuck me all night, until his stomach hurt, thinking it was something I wanted.  Although it was a first for me, we were both young and he assumed the longer he made love to me, the better he was in bed.  The truth is, longevity is overrated.  I love Ryan, but taking his penis in my body all night, literally all night, got very uncomfortable.  At the time I didn’t show it because I didn’t know better.  He later told me that it was just as uncomfortable for him.  The cramping, his penis going numb, the drying (which back then we didn’t know how to stay properly lubed), and his soreness the next day.  He openly said, physically it was the least enjoyable experience sexually, but he did enjoy our time together.  I agree.  He thought that longevity alone is what women wanted and he was trying to please me.  He had the characteristics and good intentions of a good lover, but unfortunately good sex isn’t based off of high school myths and poor communication.   To this day, almost all of my earth shattering orgasms and best sexual experiences have easily been an hour or under.  That is plenty of time for a man to please me.  As much as I love feeling Ryan inside of me, I love to be able to feel my vagina lips an hour later, and I definitely would love to not feel like my bladder has shifted a few inches inside my body.  If Ryan didn’t feel the same way, I would embrace the idea of longer experiences, but for us, it’s unneeded.

Another example of a good male lover is his open mind.  Good lovers go out of their way to please their partners.  If lovers are watching a porn together and he asks her, “Do you want me to lick your ass like that?” and she responds with, “It looks like it would feel amazing.”  Whether or not two minutes earlier he felt licking the ass was disgusting or gross, a good lover will adapt.  Don’t judge her desires, fulfill them.   A good lover will go out of his way to do things sexually that please you: rim jobs, circle your hole, tongue fuck your ass, lick as deep as he can inside, and do it until you are satisfied.  Similarly, if she wants him to motion his hips a certain way or eat her out until she cums BEFORE they make love, then a man will adjust and learn what pleases his woman.  Even if he looks like a complete idiot, a good man will try his hardest to do it all.  I know, through communication, Ryan will do anything I ask of him sexually.  Whether it emasculates or embarrasses him, if he knows it’s something that turns me on, he will try it.  Not only try it, he will embrace it mentally with an open mind and make sure the entire experience is enjoyable for both of us, regardless of how he felt prior to finding out what I wanted him to do.  Attitude and enthusiasm are everything.

As a woman, a good lover is slightly different.   We have our own tricks.  For example, moaning.  Not the kind of moan you let out because something feels good (back rub) or tastes good (cheesecake) – those are the kinds of moans that appeal to your physical senses.  A sensual moan is one that lets your partner know that you enjoy what you’re doing – not because a dick feels good in your mouth or in your hands as you jack him off.   Unlike the moan of feeling him slide inside your body, where there is an obvious moan of pleasure because it physically feels great.  But a mental moan.  A moan to let your partner know you are enjoying what you are doing.  It’s the ultimate way to show enthusiasm, which helps your partner relax.  I’ve been told by Ryan that if he feels I am uncomfortable or bored, he will ask me to stop giving him oral sex or a hand job, and just fuck me.  Not that I don’t want to be fucked, but I do want my man to know that I enjoy him totally.  If he stops, I want him to stop because he wants to fuck me, not because he feels bad because I am bored.  I have to remind myself that this guy trusts me enough to get nude in front of me, totally exposing himself, and lays back for me to do whatever I want with his tool.  I love it, and I need to remind myself to appreciate the moment.  If he wasn’t around, I’d kill to have one more moment like it.   Appreciating the moment keeps me focused on my goal, Wonder Woman.

Before, moaning was actually hard for me.  I would moan during sex, but not during a blow job or while I rub his balls.  Why the hell would I moan then?  Perhaps it was my ego, perhaps I didn’t know better.   I knew Ryan loved to hear me talk or moan, but for whatever reason, I felt I was submitting enough, and moaning seemed to feel “fake.”  I don’t know if I felt like I kept my dignity by staying quiet, but I do know Ryan wanted more.  He has communicated with me later that when a woman that moans and talks during sex, is the type of woman he wanted me to be.  Rather than get mad or hurt, I told myself I will be that woman.

A woman submitting to her man’s needs is a woman men want.   His Wonder Woman.  Notice the comments women get when they hold a penis in their hand like it’s a gold ring and they’re Sméagol.   Ok, bad example.  If a woman looks like Sméagol, a penis in her hand is probably equivalent to a gold ring.   Anyway my point is, a woman who is truly enthusiastic and loves her man’s most intimate body parts, becomes the women men want.  Rather than fight this fantasy, submit to it.  Does it hurt our ego to worship our men’s penis like they worship our bodies?   Do I lose integrity?  I used to think so.  I also was bitter and annoyed at women who did moan and show enthusiasm.  I was a prude.  I called them phony and fake, paid whores.  But the truth is, if money makes a woman a better woman, why doesn’t love?   Is money more important than my love or Ryan’s happiness?  Absolutely not.

I was on to something here.

It seems as if men overdo their sexual tendencies believing it’s what makes their woman happy, while women seem to not do enough because they feel their man should be happy by simply getting sex in the first place.  A good lover, by nature, doesn’t hate what others do to be better in bed, instead they embrace it.   I want to be a good lover, too.

Let’s talk more about enthusiasm, the absolute key to a woman not just becoming a good lover, but probably the best lover her partner has ever experienced.  Going hand-in-hand with moaning is showing enthusiasm in bed.  A guy watches porn to hear the girls talk dirty, to see these women totally enthused and worshiping their male counterpart  – basically, wanting to experience this attitude that almost seems unreal.  If he watches a porn and says, “I want you to do that to me,” don’t misinterpret it as, “I want see her do that to me.”  He is openly telling you he wants you to try something.  Something similar happened to me recently.  Ryan asked if I could watch a video of two girls giving a sloppy, spitty blowjob to a guy.  To lessen the blow on my ego, he made sure I understood this was something I had already done to him in the past.  However, I was still offended because Ryan tells me repeatedly that I am perfect in bed for him.  If that was true, why do I need to watch it?  Was I lacking in the blowjob area?  Did I need to step my game up?  My first reaction was to be defensive.  I got pissed off.  But I soon realized that part of the enthusiasm is be willing to explore other areas of sex, within your boundaries of course, i.e. willingness and excitement toward the inclusion of unexplored acts of intimacy.  What made me perfect (to Ryan) was the fact I kept an open mind.  I have to keep an open mind and accept new ideas.  That’s what made me perfect to begin with.  It’s easy to forget when your brain snaps into defense mode, but the truth was, I had done something like it in the past, and he just wanted my opinion on whether I thought the video was exotic.  It actually was, so unlike me previously giving him a messy blowjob because I thought it was cool to be messy, I instead gave him a messy blowjob because I understood what made it exotic.  I got why it turned him on.  This made it easier for me to enjoy what I was doing.

Being “that” woman also works to the woman’s advantage.  The more you become the perfect woman for your man, the more he will love you for the constant adapting you do for him.  Unless your man is a selfish or  chronic cheater who doesn’t appreciate the strides his woman takes, he should realize that you are adapting to HIS tastes, HIS desires, HIS idea of a perfect woman.  You also become less susceptible to comments such as, “Damn, that woman has a fine ass.”  Why? Because you’ve armed yourself and earned the right to say, “Yes, she does.  But I bet she won’t let her man up in it every night.”

Becoming “that” woman – the one who you once envied for aesthetic reasons, the one you were jealous over, the one you thought you couldn’t compete against – allows you to be more comfortable in your own skin, to be more confident that you can not only keep your man, but keep him from wanting more.   A confident woman is a beautiful woman.  Because if you give him what he wants, why would he need more?

May 6, 2013

MTV Teen Mom Star, Farrah Abraham releases sex tape

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From MTV’s Teen Mom to Backdoor Squirting Milf Porn Star.  Farrah Abraham released her sex tape today via Vivid, the same company that released Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee (Pam and Tommy), Jimi Hendrix, Kim Kardashian, WWE Diva Chyna, and a number of other B / C / D level celebs that can only get your attention by fucking each other’s brains out on camera…

… the same way we do!

I’m not mad at you Farrah, sex is beautiful, and doing it the way you do it is even better.   Co-star / porn actor James Deen has openly said that recording this video was just another day in the office for him.  Any claims of this being a “private” sex tape is false, as it was purposely recorded in home video fashion to create more interest.   Her partner in the video is a known porn star.  Farrah, no need to pretend it’s a home video, just tell everyone you take it in the ass and squirt all over the room, that’s all the buzz you need.

Farrah Abraham just went from the most annoying reality star / teen mom on earth, to now just a somewhat slightly annoying milf.  Her new large breasts and open-attitude towards anal sex definitely puts her a lot higher in my book.  Although her oral skills need work,  her anal and squirting techniques will make even the most uptight executive at Viacom proud.  Good find MTV!  Your casting director and talent scouts need raises for sure.

Vivid’s synopsis:

“From Iowa cheerleader to MTV Teen Mom star, midwest beauty Farrah Abraham breaks free with her most daring video ever, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Made originally as a personal ‘boudoir’ tape, Farrah decided to release the video to her fans due to overwhelming response once news of the tape became public for download. Shockingly explicit, she takes James Deen as you’d never imagine, in a backdoor scene you’ll never forget. With her tight young body and totally uninhibited sexuality, it’s no wonder why she wanted to capture this moment in time. And now you can too!” 

If you’re internet savvy, check the bay for the full release.

April 22, 2013

What’s A Fetish?

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fet·ish  

  • An inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
  • A course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.

“All fetishes are acceptable as long as all involved parties are in the right mind and age to consent.” This means if you enjoy urolagnia (finding sexual pleasure in the act of urinating), you cannot place a hidden camera in a women’s bathroom. This means if you have a fetish for leather pants, you cannot walk up to someone wearing them and start rubbing their ass cheeks. But as we become more connected to people at parts of the world, we find more and more fetishists who share the same interests.

This article will not talk about zoophilia (beastiality/bestiality), necrophilia, or pedofilia (child pornography). None of these fetishes are done with consent (or legal).

When I started this article I  thought I didn’t have many sexual fetishes, but I found out that I do engage in several. I didn’t realize that a lot of what we did were considered sexual fetishes. Nowadays, the lines that delineate sexual fetishes are blurred as they become commonplace and even accepted. Many people don’t even consider their sexual desires as a fetish anymore perhaps because the Internet brings together like-mined fetishists.

1. Autoerotic asphyxiation. I’ve blogged about my own experiences with autoerotic asphyxiation not too long ago (see previous article on autoerotic asphyxiation http://sexblogging.com/auto-erotic-asphyxiation/). For the record, I do not condone it, but I do notice similarities in the way it’s practiced and the way I heighten my own orgasm through autoerotic asphyxiation. It is dangerous, and even fatal.

2. Sadomasochism (S&M). According to the article entitled, “Is Sadomasochism a Destructive Form of Sex,” they claim to have cited resources that point to YES. It opens with the statement, “Sadomasochism is a humiliating and degrading form of sexual perversion practiced by those who suffer from emotional problems. Studies have shown that prior emotional, sexual, and/or physical abuse can contributed to a person’a need to engage in this self-destructive behavior. There are two roles in the sadomasochistic setting. The dominant person (sadist) who derives sexual pleasure by degrading, humiliating, binding and/or inflicting pain upon his/her sex partner, and the submissive partner (masochist) who receives this mistreatment, and in the process, claims to derive sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, death has resulted from this form of sex-play. It is my belief that sadomasochism is a dangerous form of sex-play and should be addressed as a perversion that requires psychological therapy” (http://www.csun.edu/~psy453/sado_y.htm)

This article takes a clear stance by choosing to use certain persuasive words: humiliating, degrading, perversion emotional problems, self-destructive, mistreatment, and dangerous. I don’t doubt that S&M can be extremely painful, especially if the receiver is not participating fully, mentally and physically. But it seems to me that they are generalizing S&M as a whole and not taking into consideration that there are degrees of severity. Take me, for example. I do not enjoy S&M in a way that I derive sexual pleasure from it; Ryan does not enjoy pain at all, so he steers clear from any kind receiving of pain. Although I’m not a frequent user of whips, chains, belts, and the like, I do like a little bit of hair pulling, hard spanking, and nibbling. Ryan and I are, however, in a controlled environment where he understands fully my limitations and my threshold of pain.  We also do role play certain scenerios that have S&M ideology  (see previous blog on us role playing rape  http://sexblogging.com/rape/).

3. Urolagnia. This is finding urine or the act of urinating sexually pleasing. It has other underlying components to it, such as the sadomasochistic perspective (making someone hold their pee) or humiliation (being urinated on and urinating on someone). I’ll try anything once. If I don’t like something, there is nothing lost. This is not something that Ryan and I practice, but we have experimented with it. The biggest drawback for us is that it is just too messy. We enjoy each other’s fluids (spit, semen, froth, pee) but the element of spontaneity is removed if the only place we can have a golden shower is, well, the shower (see a previous blog  http://sexblogging.com/photo-shoot-the-golden-shower/).

4. Retifism is having sexual feelings toward shoes, feet, and/or heels, also known as a “foot fetish.” I do not have a foot fetish, but I’ve asked Ryan to cum on my feet so that I can eat it off. I like eating cum anyway so what better way than to eat it off myself?

5. Anal. I’m not sure if this would classify as a fetish, but I can certainly see it being so because of its biblical derivatives, i.e. the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. A more modern definition, and one that most of us are familiar with, is anal sex. Because of Sodom, (anal) sex has been considered dirty and perverted. If you were a woman who engaged in anal sex, you were a slut; if you were a man, you were a homosexual. Because of these stigmas, anal sex has been looked down upon and kept secret by those who practice it. Until I learned to love it, embraced it (see previous blog http://sexblogging.com/her-perspective-on-the-anal-butt-plug/), realized that my best cums were when I was being fucked in the ass, I used to look down on it, too.

My anal fetish goes beyond just analing though.  When Ryan is licking my body, nothing pleases me more than him sticking his face and tongue in my ass.  I love feeling his tongue dig deep into my vagina while at the same time his lips and teeth open up enough so that I can feel them rubbing and scraping on my ass hole’s texture.  It is the ultimate feeling for me and it seems like everything is being stimulated at the same time.   Even as a young girl, if Ryan played with my vagina while eating me out I would almost orgasm immediately when I felt a finger “accidently” rub over my ass hole.  Eventually his pinky would find a permanent spot deep inside my ass while his face was buried in my thighs.  The thought of this drives me insane.

Other pleasures I get from anal or ass play is knowing how much it turns Ryan on to rub his ass hole with my free hand while I suck his dick.  Or sticking my tongue in his ass while I am trying to catch my breath face fucking.  When in the mood, I want to dig my tongue in him as deep as I can because I know it drives him crazy.  I love letting him know I worship his body, including his ass.  As for Ryan, for as long as I have known him, this was his biggest fetish.  I remember when we were still dating, him barely knowing how to kiss let alone fuck a girl properly, bent over the bed asking if I ever licked anyone another man’s ass.  I hadn’t.  In fact, I had never even been asked before that.  I giggled and spread his cheeks.  I remember saying, “It looks like a balloon knot!”   A few moments later, my mouth was submerged in his ass, two butt cheeks on each side of my face, and my tongue deep in his young butt hole.   I will never forget hearing his moans, it was the first time I’d heard a man moan from oral/anal pleasure.  

6. Oral.  This isn’t normally classified as a fetish because in today’s pop culture a woman is expected to give her man oral sex, and vice versa.   However, if I wake up each day thinking about sucking my husband’s dick, I have a fetish.   Or if my husband gets so turned on by me sucking his dick that he has to pry my mouth off of him just to fuck me, I would say I have an oral fetish (true story).  I enjoy feeling his warm organ in my mouth, soft or hard.  I enjoy feeling it grow on my tongue.  I enjoy the texture as it rubs past my lips and down my throat.  I enjoy watching his eyes roll back in his head as I look up at him with his penis in my  mouth, watching his facial expressions.  I enjoy making his body sweat and tense up from what I do with my  tongue and throat.   That isn’t all though, I enjoy licking under his arms and around his nipples.  I enjoy my body being licked, behind my neck, down my back.  I love feeling his tongue slide over my ass crack and into my sphincter  or vagina.  I love oral, and I’d say it’s a fetish of both of ours because we please each other with our mouths  every night. 

Now that I realized my fetishes are not-so-newly-found ones, I’d like to point out an article in Psychology Today entitled “Fetishes Do Not Exist.” It opens with a the definition of a paraphilia: a type of mental disorder characterized by a preference for or obsession wit unusual sexual practices, as pedophilia, sadomasochism, or exhibitionism.” Author Dr. Ogi Ogas led a team of researchers on an investigation of online data for paraphilias (one of the goals was to determine “if online behavioral data could enhance our knowledge of the distribution and prevalence of fetishes”), there were several conclusions: data found didn’t support atypical, unusual, or disordered paraphilias; the majority of men who research erotic content have at least one significant sexual interest, e.g. “small breasts, busty Asians, or forced feminization” (the most successful adult video/image hosting sites feature a broad spectrum of interests; the male sexual brain is “designed to imprint upon individual sexual cues […] (namely breasts, butts, and feet,), female types (young or MILF, skinny or BBW,) or reproduction-oriented sexual situations. These all direct men towards intercourse and are a sign of the healthy, natural functioning of the male brain.” These paraphilias were then compared to natural sexual behavior in birds and mammals, like male baboons fetishizing female buttocks or male roosters fetishizing red female combs (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/billion-wicked-thoughts/201205/fetishes-do-not-exist).

What I found I found to be extremely refreshing is their desire to move away from the terms “paraphilia” and “fetish” because they tend to have a derogatory connotation like “retarded,” “spastic,” and “hysteria.” Further, “these men and women don’t suffer from these “atypical” and “deviant” fetishes, but rather a range of typical sexual interests that can mostly be predicted from the natural operation of healthy sexual mechanisms in the brain.”

I found Psychology Today’s definition of addiction to be spot on as it relates to sexual addiction: “Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction)

I’ve heard some women refer to the man in their lives as “sex addicts.” What does that mean? That he wants to have sex with you a few times a week? That he grabs your ass while you’re grocery shopping? That he fondles you in the middle of cooking dinner? That is not a sex addict. That is a prude woman who doesn’t appreciate the way her man shows his affection. On the other hand, if he’s paying for sex instead of taking you on vacation, if he’d rather spend time perusing porn websites while you wait in bed in your new lingerie, if he gives you gonorrhea from one of the sexual partners he fucked at the club, or if your bank account has been overdrafted because of monthy charges of multiple porn sites, then I would say he’s a sex addict. Do I drink alcohol? I sure do. But I don’t drink and drive, I make sure my man is around me when I do, and I don’t act like a fool in front of our friends when I do. The difference between healthy moderation and alcohol addiction is not the amount consumed, but the adverse effects it has on your life and those around you. It’s our responsibility to differentiate addictions and normal sexual behavior and misconstrue one for the other.

So I say, explore your experiemental side. Don’t get stuck having missionary sex. Rest assure in the fact that you are not alone in the fetishes you may think are unusual. And if others think you have an unusual “fetish,” show them Dr. Ogas article asserting that FETISHES DO NOT EXIST.

April 17, 2013

Woman Using PAM as Lubrication Gets Arrested

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barbarahallmugshotOn Wednesday, May 30, 2012, a Florida woman was having sexual relations with her boyfriend when she asked him to bring her olive oil or PAM cooking spray for lubrication.  But when her boyfriend misunderstood and brought up his former fling named Pam, she wasn’t having it.

When Barbara Hall, 60, asked her 45-year-old boyfriend to go to the kitchen for some “sexual lubricant,” he obliged, according to police reports.

Then things got slippery.

“Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray,” the report states. “Barbara believed [the victim] misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam. … [He] admitted to having sex with Pam recently on her boat.”

Hall then allegedly flew into a violent rage, punching her boyfriend repeatedly and then chucking the olive oil bottle, a keg cup and a flashlight at his head. She told cops that she had no recollection of the assault.

She was arrested on a domestic battery charge and taken to jail. Her boyfriend went home.

As reported by Andy Campbell of The Huffington Post

Police report below:

hall_b2