Category: Sextras

December 27, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – cumming in ass while on steroids

Freaky Search Terms , , , , , , No Comments

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. could sperm increase the ass
Venice: My ass would be extremely increased.
Ryan: You do have a nice jungle booty for an Asian girl.
Venice: So sperm gives you that ghetto booty huh?  Oh black women, you’re dark dirty secret is out.
Ryan: That was racist.  Ghetto booty and dark dirty huh?
Venice: I blame Sir Mix-a-Lot and Lil Kim.

9. how to cum inside a womans ass
Ryan: Do you need a tutorial for this seriously?
Venice: I still get surprised by some of these search terms, especially the ones asking for instructions.
Ryan: Not to let the guy down, I’ll make it simple.  Insert your penis into a woman’s ass, then move back and forth until the friction makes your penis ejaculate.  Here is the tricky part, do not pull your penis out and shoot semen in your own face.
Venice: That’s the key here guys.  I’ve noticed a lot of you fellas end up splurging on your own faces.  Leave your penis inside of her anus please.
Ryan:  Exactly.  Then release.
Venice: Then wash.
Ryan: Then wash again.
Venice: I’m a bit scared that us clarifying that they need to leave their penis inside of the woman’s anus while they ejaculate may confuse them.  We emphasized staying inside them so much that they may not understand that it is safe to remove their penises after they ejaculate.   I feel our instructions are a bit incomplete.
Ryan: Well I didn’t tell them to remove their clothing prior to putting their penises inside of a woman’s anus.  What if they do all this with clothing on?
Venice: This worries me Ryan.
Ryan: Would you like me to add a step prior to washing?
Venice:  Please Ryan, for the sake of the readers who need these tutorials.
Ryan: First of all, before putting your penis inside of a woman’s ass, please find a willing woman and make sure you both remove all of your clothing.  This is an important step.
Venice: Very important.
Ryan: Okay, now after reading the steps above, please add these next steps prior to “Then wash.”  Once you release your semen, please make sure your penis is completely finished ejaculating.  After ejaculation, slowly remove your penis but do not look at it.  You may regret what you see.  Walk to the shower and place your penis under lukewarm water.  Do not place the penis under the water until it warms as the cold water may cause pain.  Grab a bar of soap and clean off your penis thoroughly.
Venice: Then get a towel and dry off.  Please put your clothing back on prior to going outside.
Ryan: I’m still a bit scared we missed something.
Venice:  I think we’ve confused whoever searched for this tutorial even more than he was prior to asking.
Ryan: Probably.

8. pouring cum into her ass
Ryan: Okay, ignore everything I said above and just pour semen in her ass like a glass of Kool-Aid.
Venice: Ha!  You think that was the same guy still trying to figure out the proper method to cum in a woman’s ass?
Ryan: Apparently so.  I guess he figured pouring or funneling would be easiest.

7. hairy wagina porno
Venice: Starring Elmer Fudd.
Ryan: Wascally Wabbit Wagina featuring Juggs Bunny and Bare Rabbit.
Venice: …Or Who Banged Roger Rabbit featuring Thumper.
Ryan: Ha, they both sound like hits to me.
Venice: I’d watch them.

6. cum eat gay baby
Venice: Is this some sort of abortion or new Chinese technique to get rid of gay children? Eat them.
Ryan: Sounds disgusting.
Venice: Well, I am sure Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce would help.
Ryan: Really Venice?
Venice: I’m just saying, I didn’t make up the damn search term.  Truthfully, I bet Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce would make gay babies taste much less disgusting.
Ryan: Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce is delicious.
Venice: You’re damn right it is.

5. have you ever sucked cock at a wedding
Ryan: Venice?
Venice: I sucked yours after ours.  Does that count?
Ryan: I’m not sure.  Judges?

4. hubby sucking best man
Venice: Ryan?
Ryan: Ha!  So I guess the previous search term was a set up?
Venice: …
Ryan: …
Venice: Well answer my question.
Ryan: My best man was my father, so the answer is NO Venice.
Venice: Judges?
Ryan: Whatever.

3. is it wrong to cum on your wife if she said no
Ryan:  Probably, but the good thing is she is your wife so you have access to her panty drawer and her toothbrush.
Venice: Oh my God.  Seriously Ryan?
Ryan: Seriously.  I mean, if your says no to letting you cum on her you should just wipe your sperm on her clean panties or toothbrush.  It’s our instinct to mark our territory.
Venice: That’s disgusting!
Ryan: Well, use Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce as toothpaste.
Venice: …
Ryan: Touché?
Venice: It is delicious, I admit.

2. my wyf loves oder mans cum
Venice: Someone in the trailer park got a laptop for Christmas.
Ryan: I’m going with an underaged trailer park occupant.
Venice: He has a wyf though.
Ryan: Like I said, I am going with an underaged trailer park occupant.
Venice: Ha, that’s true. How could someone that spells that poorly even use Google?
Ryan: Hopefully he Googles contraceptive.
Venice: Too late already… he ended up at our site.
Ryan: …
Venice:  The guilt has set in.  We just helped create more.
Ryan: You can’t blame yourself baby.  If it wasn’t our site it would have been “A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind” or “Sex.com.”  You saved your friends the guilt.

1. cumming in ass while on steroids
Ryan: Hilarious!
Venice: Ha!
Ryan: I call that a real Hulk Smash!
Venice: I call that “1 night in Chyna”
Ryan: Ha, yea that too.

Dislclaimer:
Ryan: We have no affiliation with Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce.  We were not paid to promote its delicious flavor.  However, if you were to try and eat gay babies, I would highly suggest getting Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce.  Or if you think your husband is urinating or ejaculating on your toothbrush because you did not allow him to cum on you, use Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce as toothpaste.
Venice: Urinating?
Ryan: You are not supposed to talk on my closing disclaimer.
Venice:  Oh it’s like some sort of legal thing?
Ryan: Yes.  People will think we are selling Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce or promoting eating gay children with Sweet Baby Ray’s deliciousness.
Venice:  It is yummy.  I bet it really could make a gay baby taste like a gourmet meal.
Ryan: Gay babies… mmmmmm.  Real soul food.

November 15, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – men with clits

Freaky Search Terms , , , , , , No Comments

freakyfriday

Each week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. cum on my top
Ryan: I got nothing here.
Venice: It’s going to be one of those days I guess?
Ryan:  Well, I mean, what really can I say about ‘cum on my top’
Venice: Maybe we can work that ‘Cum on my top?  My sleeves or  collar ‘ angle?
Ryan: No, you can work that angle if you want, I’m going to sit out this search term.  I can’t force the magic to happen, it just does.
Venice: Oh dear.  What a diva.

9. penis contest
Venice: And the biggest dick award goes to…
Ryan: …
Ryan: Do you want me to drum roll?
Drum roll sound
Venice: Aww, you are smiling and waiting for me to finish?
Ryan: … hell yea!
Drum roll sound
Venice: Wait, what was I saying again?
Ryan: … something about the biggest penis I think.
Drum roll sound
Venice: Are you sure?
Ryan: … yes, I am positive. Go ahead, finish …
Drum roll sound
Venice: And the cutest penis I have ever seen goes to …
Drum roll sound
Venice: … Ryan!
Ryan:  Oh wow, that just went from Best Actor to Best Original Soundtrack for an Obscure Black and White Documentary.
Venice: Yay!  You won!

8. men with clits
Venice: That guy definitely didn’t win.
Ryan: Touché.

7. my wife doesn’t like my cock
Venice: That sucks.
Ryan:  Well, I removed that one tattoo that you didn’t like, maybe he could try that?
Venice: Are you saying he should remove his cock?
Ryan: I mean, she may like him better without it?
Venice: Your butt cheek is much sexier without that tweety bird tattoo.
Ryan: Really, a tweety bird tattoo?  For the joke’s sake you couldn’t give me like a cooler butt cheek tattoo to remove?
Venice: Like Roy Orbison?
Ryan: Waterboy!

6. the rules of swallowing cum
Venice: You must show your man his hard work and let him enjoy the visual of his cum in your mouth prior to swallowing.
Ryan: Yes.  Great rule.
Venice: While showing your stallion his delicious juices, you must make cute little sperm bubbles on your lips and let them pop all over your face.
Ryan: Yes.  She definitely knows her rule book here.
Venice: Before swallowing, you must savor his flavor and gargle while he watches.
Ryan: An older rule, but that is definitely accurate.
Venice: You can also push the sperm back and forth through your teeth to show him you want his flavor to marinate all throughout your mouth.
Ryan: Absolutely, he must marinate.  That’s an important rule for sure.
Venice: Finally, you must grab him by his throat, force his lips open, and spit it back in his mouth so he can also do all of the above as well.
Ryan: Uh, that’s definitely not a rule.
Venice: Well it should be.
Ryan: I will talk to the rule makers of swallowing and discuss that idea.  If for whatever reason the rule makers agree to your suggestion , there is still a lot of paperwork and red tape involved in the rule changing process.  Honestly, it’s really not even worth the effort.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: Seriously, let’s keep these rules simple for our readers’ sake.

5. wake up with dick in her pussy
Venice: This happened to me once. Freaked me out because I knew you weren’t in me when I fell asleep
Ryan: Freaked me out too because I wasn’t in you when we woke up either.
Venice: …
Ryan: Kermit?
Venice: Busted!

I once came home and Venice put her pants in the living room.  Her panties were thrown on the couch, and she put her bra on the bedroom door knob.  I walked into the bedroom and she popped out of from under the covers and said, “Ryan!?”  Then she grabbed her life sized Kermit the Frog stuffed animal and made him pop up from underneath the covers and look at me too.  In her best Kermit the Frog voice she said, “Ryan?!”

I later jacked off on her Miss Piggy stuffed anmal and made Kermit watch.  (Read article here)

4. is it wrong to cum on my wife while she is asleep
Ryan: That depends on if she fell asleep during intercourse?  You get to finish what she starts no matter what sleep stage she is in.
Venice: My suggestion would be, whether she started it or not, to do it when she’s in deep sleep.
Ryan: I don’t know if that’s even legal.
Venice: When a tree falls in a lonely forest, does it make a sound?
Ryan: No, but when a woman wakes up with sticky stuff all over her in the morning, she may make a sound then.
Venice: Yea, but what about the tree?
Ryan: …
Venice: You see, you and the tree are one.
Ryan: Stop trying to confuse me.

3. my wife’s body is nude when she is sleeping on youtube
Venice: Was she sticky?
Ryan: Did youtube capture any sounds?
Venice: The magic?
Ryan: Oh yea, it’s flowing right now.

2. do sluts have loose vaginas
Ryan: When I go to prison I’m going to need a non-slut for sure.  It’s really not possible for a slut to secretly carry my contraband supplies in with a loose vagina. She’ll walk up to the prison guard and when he says, “Spread them,” a fucking toaster oven falls out of her crotch like nothing happened.  Not good, not good at all.
Venice:  Don’t worry Ryan, I’m tight enough to hold that toaster oven in place even if I have to spread them.  I’ll be your Bonnie.
Ryan: Hell yea.  This is going to be great.

1. how to self suck your own dick and eat your own cum
Venice: Step 1, remove your bottom rib.  Step 2, stretch.  Step 3, have a two-foot long penis.
Ryan: That’s funny, because you just told me to get on my shoulders.  Then you pushed my ass down to my shoulders until my dick flopped against my face.
Venice: Wow, TMI.
Ryan: It happened.  Just accept it.
Venice: Can I get some TMI with those fries?
Ryan: Accept it.  You made me slap my own face with my cock.
Venice: … and I’m done here!

October 18, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – Reasons why girls cum tastes salty

Freaky Search Terms , , , , , 1 Comment

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

This week we are actually doing something a little different.  We have Chico Dusty from Sex.com with us to share some of his thoughts.

Chico Dusty:  First of all, I’d like to thank Ryan and Venice for having me here. I’ve been a fan of theirs for a while and since getting to know them via Twitter I’ve come to realize that they are two of the best people in the whole wide world.

Anyways, that’s enough flattery for now. It’s time for an introduction.

I’m Chico Dusty.  Some of you may already know me from The Sex.com Blog.  When I tell people I write for Sex.com, they usually say, “Oh God. Sex.com?  That was the first website I ever visited.”

Some people are drawn the simplicity of the domain name, others find me by the sheer insanity of what they searched. Today, I’m going to share with you the craziest search terms in Google Analytics for a very special Sex.com edition of “Freaky Friday Search Terms”.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.  Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on sex.com.

10. a knight’s tale nude
Chico: I’ve definitely never written about A Knight’s Tale but I do secretly love this movie because there was a period in my life where I was watching it weekly on TBS Superstation. How were they able to find me based on a secret love of this movie? Are there any nude scenes in A Knight’s Tale? I genuinely don’t know. There definitely weren’t when it was airing on TBS.
Ryan: Hey man, you’re really the writer for sex.com?  That was like the first site I ever visited when I turned 18.
Venice: Sure Ryan, you waited until you turned 18, huh?
Ryan: Of course I did. 
Chico: Uh huh.
Ryan:  I still remember on my 18th birthday I typed in S on my browser and it tried to default me to ScoobySnacks.com, because that is where I usually visited prior to coming of age.  But on that glorious day I actually went to sex.com.
Venice: So was it worth the wait?
Ryan: Well, unfortunately, I learned that day that I was extremely under average.  Thanks a fucking lot, Chico.
Chico: No problem.
Venice: Oh dear.

9. anyone remember internet pics from 2005-2007 of girl named “summer”?
Chico: My advice to this person is to stop living in the past. 2005-2007 was a long time ago. This “Summer” girl is just a memory and you’re going to find her with this vague description.
Ryan: Daaayuuumn, Chico is dropping big knowledge beans on ’em.
Venice: Knowledge beans?
Ryan: Sure, why not.  I’m trying to be “hip cool Ryan” today.
Venice: Stop.

8. beastiality archive
Chico: I knew that secret archive of BESTIALITY would come back to haunt me someday.
Ryan: Where?
Venice: He’s joking, Ryan.
Ryan: How do you know?  He doesn’t seem like he is joking.  Did you see his advice in the previous search term?  Knowledge beans and everything.  He is genuinely trying to help people here.
Chico:  Ryan…
Venice: Chico, no, don’t do it.  Don’t feed into it.  Don’t feed the animals.
Ryan: Speaking of animals, I’d like to see that hidden archive Chic Doggy Dogg.
Chico: Ryan…
Venice: Let it go Chico, he’s not right.  He’s just not right.

7. sex woman no torso
Venice: Wtf?
Ryan: I believe that is called a Flesh Light.
Chico: Does anyone know what the appeal of having sex with a woman with no torso? Maybe it’s just me, but for me I like a woman with a torso.
Ryan: Where would I cum?
Venice: This really confused you huh, Ryan?
Ryan: Seriously, like, her tramp stamp would have to be on her shoulders if she didn’t have a torso.
Venice: Oh god.
Ryan: If I wanted to slap her ass would I have to punch her chest?
Chico: That’s not quite what I expected.
Venice: Ryan’s heard that a few times.

6. Cheetos porn
Chico: As far as food and sex go, I draw the line at chocolate. Chocolate is delicious and it can act as an mild aphrodisiac. That’s why chocolate and sex work.
Venice: Ooooh, I can do chocolate.
Chico: Cheetos though? No thanks. I would rather get pegged than have that greasy, orange dust all over my skin and sheets.
Ryan: I’d have to test the lubrication elements between the Cheetos and chocolate to really make an educated decision.  It sounds like the greasy orange dust may have a slight edge over sticky chocolate., but before I give any input, I’ll research a bit more.  I like to make sure anything I say is as accurate as possible.
Chico: Seems like it.
Ryan: …
Venice: Yea, Mr. Accurate, A.K.A. Knowledge Beans

5. Has India Reynolds done porn befor?
Chico: Yes, she’s a porn star.
Ryan: Wait, so you’re saying a porn star has done porn before?
Chico: Yes.
Venice: Deep…
Ryan: Real deep.

4. How do I watch porn?
Chico: The first thing you need to do is learn how to watch things…
Venice: Chico wait, let me take this one. 
Ryan: You sure, Venice? This may be a bit over your head?
Chico: That’s true, it could get a bit complicated Venice.  Just say your safety word and I will help you out.
Ryan: What the hell?  You and Chico have a safety word Venice?
Venice: Purple nurple
Chico: …
Ryan: …
Venice: Okay, anyway, back to the question.  First, you have to find porn.  Then you watch it.
Chico: My mind is blown right now.
Ryan: Purple nurple?

3. How sexually good will a pornstar make me feel if she were to fuck me?
Chico: Probably pretty good. Just think about how sexually good you usually feel after you fuck and then multiply that by 3. Get it? 3X? XXX? Stupid joke. I know. I’m sorry.
Ryan: …
Venice: …
Ryan: Hey man, are you really the guy from sex.com though?  That was like the first site I ever visited.
Chico: …
Chico: Is he going to do this the entire time?
Venice: Maybe.
Ryan: Do what?

2. Is having sex in a car bad luck?
Chico: Unless you manage to break all the mirrors in the car while you’re having sex, I would say that you’re in the clear luck-wise.
Ryan: Well, if the car is parked under a ladder, it could be a bit sketchy.
Venice: Especially if like a black cat jumps on the hood and looks in the car while you’re having oral sex.
Ryan: Well, if her name is Mary and she is on her period?
Venice: Oh my god, you’re so bloody Mary!
Chico: Bloody Mary?
Ryan:  Okay, listen, if one of you says that name again I am stopping right now.  Not funny.
Venice: But we’re not even in a car Ryan, it’s okay.
Ryan: Seriously, not funny.

1. Reasons why girls cum tastes salty?
Venice: It’s probably not a girl’s cum. 
Ryan: Are you licking a girls cum off sweaty balls?
Venice: Did your salty sweaty balls rub up against her pussy before she came?
Chico: Maybe she just peed?
Venice: It’s not pee though.
Ryan: It is if it’s salty. 
Chico: If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about why a girl’s cum tastes salty and just take solace in the fact you were able to make her cum. All things considered, making a girl cum isn’t THAT easy.
Venice: Chico just changed the topic to save an argument.
Ryan: It’s pee.
Venice:  It’s not pee.
Ryan: It’s water that comes from the bladder.
Venice: Whatever.
Chico: Thanks again Ryan and Venice. I love you both very much.
Venice: Bloody Mary!
Ryan: Wtf, not cool at all.

September 27, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – my buddy made me suck his huge dick

Freaky Search Terms , , , , , 1 Comment

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. dont cum in my wife
Ryan: Or have sex with her.
Venice: Or kiss her.
Ryan: Or think about her.
Venice: At least he had some boundaries though.
Ryan: That’s true.  It could have been worse I guess.   Don’t walk up to my wife while she is in the shower after you came inside her and stick your finger up her vagina to hold the cum in like a cork.   
Venice: Now that’s a husband making a stand.

9. his n her butt plugs
Venice: Ohhhhh, amazon.com here I come.
Ryan: Ohhhh, so which hole do you consider the man, your vagina or your ass?
Venice: Real cute Ryan.
Ryan:  Whatever, just know, you’ll be wearing both.
Venice: Just know, that leaves no holes for you.
Ryan: Unless you’re also buying a matching pacifier, I still have a hole.
Venice: … and that hole has teeth smart guy.
Ryan: That is NOT funny.  In fact, I am editing out that comment just so other women who read this don’t get the wrong idea.
Venice: Uh huh, we’ll see.

8. why guys don’t taste their cum
Ryan: We do, we just don’t talk about it. 
Venice: You shouldn’t give your man a choice.  Scoop it out and push it in. 
Ryan: Nice.  I imagine 100s of very straight, never taste my own cum alpha husbands, will enjoy their wives new technique you taught them tonight. 
Venice: You didn’t mind.
Ryan: Oh, so we’re having one of these days huh?
Venice: What?  I’m just saying, you didn’t mind, Mr. “Oh God, feed me my own juices and make me your bitch, Venice!”
Ryan: Wow.   I’ll be editing that one for sure.
Venice: Uh huh, we’ll see.

7. 69 techniques with ball sucking
Ryan: You know at least a couple 100.
Venice: I don’t think he meant that.
Ryan: That’s funny because just last night…
Venice: That is kind of funny.   I was just doing this.
Ryan: Well, this one won’t make any sense to anyone but us, but that’s okay. 
Venice: I’ll explain.  Last night I was on top of Ryan 69ing, and I started sucking his balls while he ate my ass and vagina.   True story. 
Ryan: True story.

6. how to swallow his cum
Venice: Open your mouth and let him cum inside there.  Close mouth and swallow.
Ryan: Might be a bit too complex, can you simplify it more?
Venice: Open, close, gulp!
Ryan: Seriously, I think this person may still have trouble understanding, maybe you can just show them visually and demonstrate on me?
Venice: Okay (Link).

5. dental dam porn
Venice:  So I just googled dental dam.
Ryan: Yea, me too.
Venice: Bucket list?
Ryan: Added.

4. my buddy made me suck his huge dick
Ryan: Talk about bad luck.  Not only did he end up with a horrible friend that forces him to  suck cock, but he also happens to be  fucking huge.  
Venice: Bad luck? Luckiest friend ever!
Ryan: Ugh, you’re such a size queen.
Venice: Listen, us ladies gamble when we choose our men, okay?  We see a guy that we like and walk up to play him.  He is firm, colorful, and lights up the room, so we get excited and reach for the handle on our slot machines.  Hopefully we don’t end up at a nickle machine, you know?
Ryan: No, I don’t know.  I didn’t realize you thought of me as a damn slot machine either. 
Venice: No, you’re my jackpot.
Ryan:  Awwwwww….
Venice: I bet you won’t edit that shit out, huh.

3. how i got my man to suck cock for me
Ryan: Apparently you find him an aggressive friend with a huge cock.
Venice: Ha! 

2. how long does it take for sperm to come out of butthole
Ryan: Venice?
Venice: Depends really. 
Ryan: Oh man, she is about to make Bill Nye the Science Guy proud right now.
Venice: Well, there are so many variables.  The tightness of your sphincter muscles in your anus and the amount of times the penis thrust inside you to loosen those sphinter muscles.  Also, the quantity of the semen itself.  If the man has a huge load, gravity will take effect much faster. 
Ryan: Interesting stuff here.
Venice: I personally like to lay on my tummy after anal so gravity pushes the semen deeper into my colon and I  absorbs the nutrients.  I will also stay in this position a few minutes and check my twitter and E-mails.  I like to stay connected.
Ryan: She likes to absorb her jackpot.
Venice: Then finally I will rinse off, but as I do, I squeeze my sphinter muscles in my ass the entire time.  This keeps Ryan’s semen in my body, which is where I want it.  
Ryan: She likes to keep that jackpot inside her.
Venice:  I really regret that compliment now.
Ryan: Cha Ching…. jackpot baby!
Venice: Anyway, to answer your question, it stays in your colon until you use the bathroom.

1. how to give a blow job without getting juices inside the mouth
Venice: Ryan?
Ryan: Ha! 
Venice: Care to share your advice or experience with us, Bill Nye?
Ryan: Too funny.  I don’t give blow jobs, and seriously, other than that jackpot comment, I am pretty much going to edit out all your comments this week.  The new working title will be, “Ryan’s Opinion on Freaky Friday Search Terms” 
Venice: Uh huh.

September 20, 2013

Freaky Friday Search Terms – pressing my cock against Filipina rectum hole stories

Freaky Search Terms , No Comments

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. one night in Venice anal
Ryan: Ha!  Did you get permission from Paris Hilton and Chyna for this video Venice?  This sounds a lot like a remake of  “One Night In Paris” and “One Night In Chyna”
Venice: Oh, damn. Did someone “leak” a video of mine? 
Ryan: Sells so far:  2.
Venice:  Hey, that’s 1 more than the Screech Sex Tape!
Ryan:  That’s true.

9. when a men fucks a women how sperm goes inside vagina help
Ryan: How does the sperm get inside her vagina?
Venice: He sounds like he could be Asian.
Ryan: That’s not right.

8. пенис 21 сантиметр
Venice:  This is Russian for “21 inch penis.” Thank you, Google Translate Language Detector.
Ryan: I MUST BREAK YOU
Venice: Oh god. Don’t start.
Ryan: IF HE DIES, HE DIES.
Venice: Just stop Ryan.  That’s like the only Russian you know and it isn’t even Russian. 
Ryan: LIKE YOUR POPEYE YES, HE ATE HIS SPINACH EVERY DAY.
Venice: …
Ryan: Get your hands up!  Do you need a google translate language detector, it’s time to go to school!
Venice: YOU WILL LOSE!
Ryan: Ha!!!  That’s why I love you.

7. cum inside no permission
Ryan: That’s called a condom sweetheart.
Venice: Too bad so sad.

6. walked in on my husband jerking off to porn on his phone
Ryan:  I don’t get how you could really enjoy a porn on such a small screen. 
Venice: Maybe he was Asian?
Ryan: Ha!  You are such a racist.
Venice: Hey, if the truth fits, wear it.
Ryan: Wrong.
Venice: The shoe hurts?
Ryan:  Oh god, stop fucking with me.  So the lady walks in on her husband stroking it to porn on his phone.
Venice: I guess his phone isn’t as smart as he thought it was….
Ryan: The new Dumb Phone!  It has no mute button function and turns your phone’s volume all the way up any time it loads a porn. 
Venice: It automatically sends all sext messages with strange women to your spouse’s email.   
Ryan: Every time you send a random penis picture to gay men on craigslist, it forwards it to your entire office.  2 year contract and activation fees required.
Venice: This just in, Chuck, apparently there has been a new surge of men buying flip phones and beepers.  We can’t explain this technological dumbing down phenomenon.
Ryan: Ha, Chuck huh.  Didn’t want to go with the classic Dick?
Venice: … oh you’re setting me up with that one.  Oh. No. Ryan. I. Don’t. Want. To. Go. With. The. Classic. Dick. You. Give. Me. All. The. Dick. I. Can. Handle.
Ryan:  Oh yea?  And you’re stupid!

5. wife says my penis is perfect does that mean its small
Venice: Probably.
Ryan: There are a few words you do not want to hear when your wife describes your penis.  One is definitely, “perfect.”  A few others:  Adorable. Cute. Precious. Cozy. 
Venice:  Or tiny.
Ryan:  Yea, tiny wouldn’t be good for sure.  We want to hear things like, magnificant.  Amazing.  Breathtaking. 
Venice: Huge.
Ryan:  Yea, or huge, that’s always good.
Venice: Horse-like.
Ryan: Yea, horse-like would be pretty cool to hear.  I mean, I personally wouldn’t know because like, it isn’t something thrown in my direction on the daily.
Venice: I’ve called you my little pony!
Ryan: Yea, uh, not quite the fucking same as horse-like  but whatever.  The jury is still out on that one.  The whole, little-pony thing.  I mean, technically, I guess a pony would be more hung than a human, but in comparison to a horse, it’s smaller.  Plus, why does it have to be a little pony?  Why not a normal pony or maybe even a pony that children may mistake as a small horse? 
Venice: It’s better than calling it a Carebear right?
Ryan:  Way off topic, but yes, I guess it would be better than it being called a Carebear.
Venice:  Exactly.  Next term please!
Ryan: …

4. pressing my cock against Filipina rectum hole stories
Venice: I love when search terms are succinct and to the point. 
Ryan: “I want a cheeseburger, grill the bun, double cheese, lite mayo, no lettuce, two pickle spears, and my cock pressed against a filipina’s rectum please.”
Venice: Would you like to supersize that?
Ryan: No, I am your little pony remember.
Venice: Let it go Ryan, just let it go.

3. why do japanese women have hairy pussy’s
Ryan: Because it’s sexy?
Venice: To get to the other side?
Ryan: To cushion the pushin?
Venice: So their husbands won’t get mad and see there is still a lot more room in their vaginas?
Ryan: Oh wow…
Venice: Do we get like a top answer or something?  Maybe a big X on the screen like Family Fued if  we answer wrong.
Ryan:  Yea, your answer definitely gets a red X.
Venice:  Survey says!

2. mastirmation women
Ryan: Well, he didn’t totally mess that up.
Venice: If you would proof read your articles Ryan, people that spell just as bad as you would never find us.
Ryan: I do it on purpose for this exact reason.

1. adult poem on penis and pussy
Venice: I’m glad we can help students with their english projects.
Ryan: For sure, and our site is stacked with adult poems on penis and pussy.
Venice: A modern day Emily Dickinson
Ryan: You can call me Edgar Allan Poke
Venice:  I’ll call you Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ryan:  Or William Shakespears
Venice: Okay, you’re reaching…
Ryan:  What, shake spheres, like shake two balls?
Venice: Let’s just end it there.
Ryan: Shakespears, like he strokes and make his balls bounce.  Get it?
Ryan: Venice?
Ryan: Whatever, William Shakespears wasn’t a reach at all.