Want To Spice Up The Bedroom? The List Cosmo Won’t Show

no cosmoThis is the list you will never see in Cosmopolitan.   These suggestions are not for women who are squirmish or still feel sex has a lot of dirty aspects.   I actually wouldn’t suggest these techniques to any woman who isn’t married and totally in love with her man.  However, our readers can decide for themselves if they want to give their lovers moments that they will never forget.   These are the moves that will make him say, “She was the wildest woman I have ever had in bed.”   Whether he stays with you forever, or he moves on, he will never forget you.

1. During sex while you are both sweating, stop him from fucking you and beg for him to stick his balls and ass in your face.  As you clean his body, make sure you announce to him that you are a dirty girl who loves licking the sweat off his balls and ass.  This is the technique that most women after you probably will never hear about or try themselves, but he’ll remember it forever.

2. Again, during sex as he is sweating and he is on top of you, lift his arms up and lick under them. His pheromones and body fluids should be driving you to him.  This is what love is all about.  If his forehead or neck is sweating, pull him towards you and lick the sweat off of him.  This is the type of thing that not only keeps you in your man’s mind forever, but it also wins his heart.

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“Here I Go Again” – How Whitesnake Made Me Question My Sexuality

*Young Venice is italicized. 

whitesnakeI listen to Pandora at work. A lot. It helps me get through the day not to mention keeping me awake. I recently added an 80s hits station because sometimes I need to do the Carlton in my office to an era-specific type of music. Today, I heard the distinct synthpop intro of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” trickle through tiny mesh metal speakers on my standalone work PC. I quickly hit the thumbs up icon on the track. I love this song.

Being a sweet, awkward child in the 80s was a confusing time for me. I was pummeled with images of Boy George and Human League with their androgenous faces and creamy voices, not knowing if they were deep voiced women or just men who had long hair and lipstick. Do they want to be girls? Pat Benatar and Belinda Carlisle with their boycuts.   Do they want to be boys?  And it really hit home when I saw my carpool lady’s husband with a pierced ear. A pierced ear! My little brain couldn’t take it anymore.

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Review: Realistic Vagina ( The Pocket Pussy )

$(KGrHqFHJBkFBRkuV0(lBRyPKrQ(yw~~60_12Unlike the Fleshlight, this realistic vagina is made to be taken out of its container. It’s more like a masturbation sleeve, not really a Fleshlight you can hold or shove between the matress.  Without knowing it was just a sleeve and only having experience with an actual Fleshlight (which this thing mimics, just much smaller), we originally tried the product by keeping it inside it’s container.  Dumb choice.  Here is the original review:

So, Venice and I have found the worst sex toy ever.  The pocket pussy. What started off as a simple curiosity, turned into me experiencing the midget’s version of a Fleshlight.  Worst toy ever. Honestly, the item comes from China so it’s possible it may be much more useful over there.  However, it really is too small for a guy with an average sized penis.  If you are over 5″ in circumference, getting your penis inside this thing is nearly impossible.  There just isn’t enough room for the flesh-like rubber to stretch inside the tube.  Multiple times while Venice gave me a hand job she would try to slide my penis inside the tube, and instead of going in the mini vagina slot (lubricated properly), it slide over top of it and slammed into the edge of the container.  Screaming and having flashbacks of slicing a few onions (Venice said I was crying but I don’t think that was the case) followed.  My advice to anyone thinking about buying a pocket pussy, stay away.  It isn’t worth the possible injuries.  If you are a teenager and on a dry spell, I’d suggest buying a loaf of bread and throwing some warm jelly in it.

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Womanhood, Kids, and Angelina Jolie – What Makes a Woman

Mother JolieToday Angelina Jolie discussed the removal of her ovaries and fallopian tubes in an op-ed article in the New York Times. I never liked Angelina Jolie as an actress, but I never disliked her. I never followed her in the news, I never went out of my way to watch one of her movies, and I didn’t have the need to know much about her. I knew a few things about her, like she was Jon Voight’s daughter and Billy Bob Thornton was cheating on his fiancee (who supposedly didn’t find out until Billy Bob and Angelina were married) with her. She was just kind of…there. Eventually I saw more of her in the media not because of her movies, but because of her humanitarian efforts, her growing family, and health issues.

But it was because of these things that I started to feel like she wasn’t just basking in her celebritydom; I realized that she was very human, very big-hearted. Even during her failing marriage to Billy Bob she proceeded to adopt her first child at the age of 26. I can’t imagine celebrities at that age (Daniel Radcliffe or Taylor Swift) caring for a baby. Clearly she had other priorities in life.

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Random Moments: Steak And BJ Day

steakandbjSo I woke up on March 14 feeling amazing.  I knew from twitter hashtags and other social media outlets that today was Steak and BJ Day.  Ah yes, the day where I get to lay back and do nothing but let my penis poke towards the ceiling so Venice could admire it.   I look over to Venice laying next to me and grab her wrist so I can guide her hand to my hard penis.  I was smiling at her as she grabbed my manhood and kind of winked a little bit.  She made a happy expression as she touched me but quickly changed her look and asked why I was smiling so much.  I laughed a bit and said, “Well, today is Steak and BJ Day and I’m already doing my part.”

She looked back at me and responded, “What’s that supposed to mean to me?”  She continued to stroke my dick as she waited for my answer.

I took the smile off my face and explained, “It’s steak and bj day.  Today is my valentine.”  I smiled again and reached over to grab her head and guide her down into my lap.

She moved my hand and started negotiating with me, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll stop sucking your dick every day like I normally do, and instead give you a BJ on this so called holiday.   How does that sound?  Otherwise, I want you to take this hard dick in my hand and stick it inside my pussy and fuck me good.”

I guess that kind of put things in perspective.   Instead of getting a BJ, I got up and used my dick the way she wanted it used, and later that night I ate her homemade Chili.

I married a rebel. TAGS: steak and bj day, steak and blow job day