Q&A: My Wife Smells and Got Upset With Me Because I asked Her To Shower

My Wifes Smells

Sometimes when I have sex with my wife, there’s a kinda poopy smell coming from her butt. We don’t do anything with anal at all, but sometimes I’m just kissing her butt cheeks and the smell is a bit off putting. Anyway, I’ve never said anything to her about it. But yesterday we started having sex and I found a piece of toilet paper wedged between her butt cheeks. She was embarrassed when we both realized what it was. In a very gentle and polite way, I then asked her when she had showered last. She then started to cry uncontrollably and not talk to me for the rest of the night. She also went and took an extremely long shower until I knocked on the door and asked to her stop because it’s not healthy to shower for that long.

I feel terrible now and not sure how to fix this. I never even got to tell her that the smell has bothered me before–we never got that far since she started crying. Since she is generally extremely concerned with cleanliness, I’m also worried that she is going to start obsessing over this issue, perhaps to the point that she might not want to have sex for a while or that she starts over-showering.

What is the best way to approach this? Her overall hygiene is excellent. I think since she is European, she sometimes showers less than what I’m used to as an American though. I really don’t want to make the situation worse, but we are always very honest with each other and usually it works out fine. I think this particular topic just struck a nerve with her.

Venice’s response to my wife smells

This is embarrassing for a female, but it’s a much needed lesson.  We don’t naturally just know that our bodies aren’t enjoyable if our partners don’t tell us otherwise.   I didn’t always wash after I sat down on a toilet, or wash after I used the restroom.  I wiped and moved on with my day.  I was a little girl.  I didn’t have a boyfriend, no one went down between my legs after work or before I went to bed, so who cares!  Now?   I wash everyday after work and after I use the restroom.  If I know my husband will be going down on me, or I plan on asking him to go down on me, I will take extra care down there and make sure he never experiences another vagina like mine.  I understand you feel bad she is embarrassed, but we all learn through our mistakes.

In my experience, as a bisexual woman, I have been with women that were also unfresh.  I don’t get understand it, but apparently no one has ever taught them how to wash properly. 

I know we are human.  I know we get musty, we sweat, and we get our own juices caught in the folds of our vagina.  Much like smegma to an uncut penis, we can have the same issues if we don’t wash properly. Our vagina isn’t a gift from God that the angels come down each night and take care of it for us.  We have to go in there and put elbow grease into our labia and make sure that baby is cleaned, waxed, and ready to ride!   

Ryan’s response to my wife smells

In my opinion, obsessing on being clean for your husband is a good thing.  There is nothing wrong with her making sure she is clean before you have sex.  There is also nothing wrong with her needing to shower before oral sex, or before she knows you will be kissing her body.  That’s a healthy obsession.  A woman should want to be clean and fresh for her man.  And at the same time, a man should want to be clean and fresh for his woman.  I’d imagine that if my balls or ass smelled and I wanted oral sex, Venice would tell me.  I’d WANT to be told.  And in response I would make sure I washed before I asked her to give me oral sex.  This isn’t an obsession, this is learning how to be clean for your partner.  In life, when I was growing up, I could masturbate without showering and no one cared. When you are in a relationship, things change.  It’s growth.  Although she cried and her feelings were hurt, that’s how we learn.  Sometimes it takes embarrassment to make sure it never happens again.  It also shows how much you care for her and love her, because you feel so bad you caused this embarrassing moment that she may never forget.  But she shouldn’t forget.  

A man and woman should takes care of themselves and try to be as clean as possible before they are intimate.  This is important for various reasons.  I won’t go into much detail, but smelling poop, seeing toilet paper, and various other complaints about her hygiene, add up.  Eventually you would lose respect for her and even love her a little less.  It’s a slippery slope.  Be proactive so your thoughts stay positive.  When she washes and showers prior, make sure to give her positive reinforcement and tell her how good she smells.   

I am not saying random moments after working out, or spontaneous quickies should be avoided when not clean, but most of the time, you should make sure you are clean for your spouse.

In the future I would talk to her about her hygiene when you aren’t nude and in the middle of sex.