Q&A: Why Do I Cry After Sex?

After sex I always feel like crying

So basically, every time I sleep with my partner and in any previous relationships before, I’ve always felt bad after sex. I’ve cried a few times before but I always told them it was so nice and that’s why I cried. Well, it’s not that it wasn’t nice and whilst we’re at it, it doesn’t feel bad in any way and I love it! It’s just that afterwards I hate that I did it. I regret it and I don’t understand why because there’s nothing to regret about sleeping with the person you love more than anything.

Also, I really hate being held or kissed afterwards, most of the times I wish I were somewhere else, alone by myself. It’s really odd because I don’t know where this is coming from or why I’m so emotional and weird afterwards, as nothing negative has ever happened to me or I can’t think of anything that’s triggering this behavior. Does anyone else feel the same way? Why am I so disgusted afterwards?

Venice’s response: 
I have cried during sex a few times with Ryan but that is my only experience with that emotion. I believe my crying had to do with me feeling in love and being happy.  It may also have had something to do with feeling another human inside my body or enjoying me, because that wasn’t something I was used to either. I also was experiencing the sex euphoria for the first time and not really understanding why everything felt so good.  I think my experience isn’t quite the same as yours.  You may have experienced something traumatic with sex growing up, or you may just feel ashamed you liked something that the world tells you sex is something you do after you are married.  If you are religious, had strict parents that talked down on sex, or just wanted to save yourself, and slowly the more men you open up to, the more men have you as a notch on their belt (sorry, that sounds awful).  I will admit, sometimes the guilt is real.  When you do find your future husband, it may hurt him thinking about your various other experiences with different men, different sizes.  Men are sensitive and maybe you understand this idea already and feel guilty about that?  There are so many reasons and emotions behind crying, you should look deeper inside yourself and figure out why you react the way you do.  

Ryan’s response:
I have only cried once after sexual activity.  My moment happened the first time Venice experienced me having an orgasm.  We were just making out and weren’t sexually active yet.  We talked about it a lot, but had never had any type of penetration.  She was whispering in my ear how much she loved me, rubbing my body, while I stroked myself.  I was so insecure about my penis and everything she would glance down, I was scared and felt inside she didn’t like what she saw. I was young though, and this was the first time I felt comfortable enough to let a girl even look at me.  As I came she whispered in my ear that it was so sexy and she couldn’t take he eyes off my penis. I think this was the first time she saw a man cum in real life, and the first time a girl had ever seen my orgasm.  I made a mess on myself.  I felt so vulnerable, so ashamed, so embarrassed, and truthfully, thought that Venice was laughing at me on the inside.  I don’t know why, but I felt almost as if I exposed myself, but she kept her purity.  Other than her naughty talk, she was still a total secret to me.  When I was in high school, I was always so concerned about a girl having sex with me and then running off and telling all her friends my penis size, how I fucked, and a bunch of other things I know today aren’t even that serious. Regardless, I took my privacy serious (I would have never thought that one day I would turn a live stream and let people voyeur our everyday sex life).  This fear kept me from being intimate with any girl, even though I did have a few chances.  I began crying, my stomach soaked in my own semen, and Venice asked me what was wrong.  I could only say, “You are never going to love me after this.” In my mind, I felt almost used, exposed, and my biggest fear had came true: A girl saw everything about me, knew what it was like to experience me, and I knew nothing about her.  

I was wrong about my fear and shortly after Venice and I began having sex. She had been the only girl I was ever comfortable enough to let her see me nude, and to also maintain my erection without my nerves getting to me.   As far as I know, Venice never talked about her experience with me to others, and none of her friends giggled at me, made fun of me, or said anything to me about what had happened.  

I think crying after sex has to do with our society making sex  taboo and shameful, especially prior to marriage. You are also coming down from an endorphin high, which messes with the chemical balance of your body.  Even if you do not have an orgasm, sex feels good because your whole body has a chemical reaction.  Endorphins are released and you feel this very strong connection and euphoric feeling.  As soon as sex stops, sometimes the connection stops as well.  The high goes away and reality sits in.  “Was I just used?  Am I a slut?  Does he really even love me?  Why am I doing this?”  Below is a an article I found regarding my answer:

According to a 2015 study published in Sexual Medicine, crying after sex (known as post-coital dysphoria or PCD) is a bit more common than one would think, at least in college-aged women. The research found 46 percent of those surveyed had cried at least once after sex, while five percent of those surveyed had felt down or blue multiple times after intercourse in a four-week span.

Ian Kerner, a sex therapist who spoke to Health about the topic, said that part of the reason why PCD occurs in some cases is chemically based. “Especially for women, sex and orgasm can release the hormone oxytocin, which facilitates attachment and connection,” Kerner said. But, especially with more casual sexual encounters, there can be a disconnect between the chemicals signaling attachment and the fleeting reality of the situation. “With a pattern of fight, have sex, and repair, the sex may feel great, but afterward, you may realize you aren’t really connected or you’re still angry,” explains Kerner. 

Additionally, the Health article mentions PCD to be reflective of issues in a relationship if it occurs after intercourse with your significant other (although, sex is one of those totally normal things couples fight about).  Kerner says that more research is needed on the topic, but recommends seeing a sex therapist as a possible avenue to addressing the experience. – Health


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