Oral Sex and Fingering for Dummies. We found this cool little guide that was posted anonymously online and decided to share it with our readers. In the article you will notice we personally add our own commentary, from a woman’s perspective.
This Sex and Fingering guide is not meant to be followed every time you have an encounter; pay attention to breathing, body language and sounds while having fun, and adapt things as necessary. Every encounter is unique. Steps have long explanations, but they don’t need to take long.
Step 0: Consent, Contraceptives, STD protection
- Make sure to talk with your partner about having a plan for contraception before having oral sex (or fingering). Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: You can get STDs from oral sex, fingering, and any body to body contact where you are penetrating inside another person’s body.
- Make sure the other person is feeling safe, appreciated and respected, and that they are reciprocating.
- Talk about this stuff in the appropriate context (don’t just come out of the gate with it), but treat it with naturality. If you feel like it’s normal to about this stuff, it will come out as normal.
- Talk about your partners boundaries. Respect your partners boundaries. A no is a no, a stop means full stop, no questions asked besides asking if they are okay.
- At some point, you will need to define the boundaries of your relationship and what both of you want.
- Talk about your partners kinks and preferences, soft no’s and hard no’s. Tell your partner yours.
- Before an encounter, it’s important to lay the groundwork.
- This means, be flirty with texts (not creepy, just flirty). Don’t overdo it. Just see how they respond and increase or decrease the heat from there.
- Be interested and reciprocate. Ask about how their day went, about interests, hopes, dreams and such. I like listening to people’s stories, so even if it’s a hookup, I’d like to know them. This is personal, but I’m more attracted to people I am interested in.
- In your bag: condoms, water based lube, towels. A change of clothes in your car. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: I prefer Coconut Oil as a lube, but remember, coconut oil and latex condoms do not play well together, so this may be for something to use once you and your partner are not using condoms.
- Have condoms on you at all times. Preferably not in walled or in places they can get wrinkled, and don’t forget them in the glovebox of your car, as heat may ruin them.
- TRIM YOUR FINGERNAILS. If you put your nails inside your mouth, against your cheeks and you can feel the nail, you might hurt a vagina while fingering. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: Nothing is worse than long nails or dirty short nails. Let’s not just how horrible long fingernails feel, but fingernails also carry bacteria. I find it amusing how many women get a yeast or urinary tract infection after a first experience with a man. I usually hear this is because they believe their bodies aren’t used to the PH balance of his body fluids or his dirty little penis. In all honesty, if his fingernails aren’t groomed and cleaned properly, that is possibly the actual culprit of why some women end up dealing with various infections after a new encounter. CLEAN, TRIM, and take care of your damn fingernails!
Step 2: Foreplay
- This means flirting, teasing, kissing and using your hands.
- About flirting and teasing: it’s okay to be inexperienced. Take it easy and don’t overdo it, pay attention to body language, sounds, and most importantly, what you partner says turns them on. Go from there. Listening is the most important thing. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: In my experience with different bi/lesbian women, as much as I have heard that women know a woman’s body, so far, women have been the worse fingering and oral sex experiences I have had. They are either too rough, or they expect to make a woman orgasm in minutes. No patience or stamina to actually get an orgasm from me. Most of the oral/fingering from other women have been horrible experiences, especially if a woman doesn’t communicate or ignores body language. Ask a person what they enjoy, don’t be ignorant. And pay attention to body language!
- As far as kissing goes, it comes with practice. Erogenous zones are are usually neck, earlobes, tights. Gently biting their lips can be a good move. But again, pay attention to your partner’s response.
- Same thing with hands. Slowly guide your hands all over their body, without touching genital areas or sexual places, like ass and breasts. At maximum, gently glide over them to tease your partner. Be super patient and pay attention, and you WILL find her special spots. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: Although having my breasts and ass rubbed can get some of us in the mood, don’t forget to focus on our legs, tummies, and feet. If you nicely rub our bodies in areas we are insecure about and mention how sexy we feel, or how nice our body looks, you will find your words massaging our ears are much more powerful than your palms grabbing our asses.
- If you really want to tease a woman, stay away from the most obvious area that she is waiting for you to touch. With her pants and panties on, touch everywhere around her vagina, without touching the seams on her pants where her vagina is at. Even go as far as grinding your fingers into the cracks of her ass over her clothes and add pressure to where the rim of her ass would probably be. Avoid groping her vagina. This will eventually give her blue labia (blue balls) and she will either moan for you to touch her vagina, or you’ll feel her pants getting moist. Her perspective: Yes please!
- At this point, you can do a slow burn and start being more aggressive, or go with the explosive route and touch them like they are begging you to do. My personal preference is to take her pants off at this stage, and glide over her panties with my fingers, near the vagina and clit, indicating that I will go there next. If you are doing everything right and taking your time, you will probably notice that the crotch area of her panties are soaking wet. This is a huge sign that you are on the right track with your foreplay. Undoing her bra and grabbing her breasts are also okay, but don’t be to anxious. And remember, make sure you talk to her and tell her how hot and sexy her body is to you. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: If everything was done right, you will be able to feel the best part of a woman. The clear sweet froth that drips from our bodies when we are extremely turned on. And don’t start getting crazy or going to fast like as if you have turned into a tasmanian devil. Most woman aren’t turned on by a grown man that acts like a 2 year old who is starving for his ba ba the first time he sees a woman’s breasts. Aggression is okay, but keep it controlled.
Step 3: Fingering and oral
- Pleasure is your goal, not orgasm.
- MAKE SURE YOU ARE USING THE HAND YOU TRIMMED. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: TRIM BOTH OF YOUR HANDS, and also use both. Showing us you are clean as well as ambidextrous in the bedroom lets us know we are about to have a great experience.
- If you have a free hand at any moment, make sure it’s being used to explore her body/do more sensual touching.
- The vagina has an anterior wall. The g-spot is a few inches in that wall after the entrance, upwards towards her stomach, not down towards her anus.
- You shouldn’t go straight to fingering. “Touch the clit first, before putting fingers inside. Stroke it gently, rub little circles, get her excited. Often a finger inside can make this feel even better but it’s not even necessary always.”
- Start with 1 finger, gauge response. You wanna do the come hither motion on the g-spot. After a while, gently put another finger in. Do everything gently at the start. Maintain the come hither motion, but you can start being creative. Some women might prefer circular motions, others might prefer continuous pressure. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: Two fingers isn’t necessary at all. I am not sure why men like to stuff as much as they can inside a woman, but that is what your penis is for. 1 finger nicely rubbing inside my body, finding my spots, is all I need. In fact, one finger with a tongue flicking my clit will get me off every time.
- When things start getting hot and heavy, do the come hither motion with more strength or faster, or use more strength to apply continuous pressure. If she says anything like (“yes, just like that!”), KEEP DOING IT. DO NOT CHANGE IT UP. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: This is where body language matters. Lesbians and men that have watched “how to” videos on making women squirt, and all the other sources that mention “come hither”, be careful. Every person is different. Personally, rubbing your fingers in a upward motion too much inside my vagina will irritate my body. Although some women may love it, a lot don’t. So watch her body language and if she tries to move up and away, do not follow her body as if she is only trying to get away because “it’s so hot to her she can’t take it anymore!!!!” No, she is scooting up letting you know it feels uncomfortable. She may even fake an orgasm to get you to stop. In my experience, as well as surveying other women, most women admit to faking orgasms when they are trying to be “polite”, don’t want to hurt a guys feelings, and just want the experience to stop. Whether the sex is going too long, the fingering is painful and irritating, or she just wants the entire experience to be over. Stop expecting results from your fingers. It’s just a tool, not the end game.
- You can kiss her/her body all over until you decide to go down.
- At some point during this, I like to incorporate oral sex, if it’s a partner I trust and/or we did STD screening. There are a million ways to do oral. Don’t go straight for the clit, it might be too sensitive. Explore everything down there: the major labia, minor labia. Start with a feather touch with your tongue, and add pressure as necessary. You can do a licking motion like a cat, circular motion, or suck her clit. Be creative, but better than that is to listen when she tells you that’s good or when she outright tells you how she prefers oral.
- Be patient and don’t pressure her to orgasm, this can take a while. So make sure you are in a comfortable position. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: I’ve taken a few minutes up to a few hours to reach an orgasm through oral sex. The technique doesn’t have to change, my orgasms aren’t something I can control. It can feel perfect, and still, sometimes I will need hours to climax. I can’t control the “switch”. Just a few weeks ago it took me 3 hours to orgasm. So if you are dedicated to pleasing your woman, get comfortable. If your arms go numb or your tongue and jaw hurts, don’t be afraid to stand up and move around. Ask your partner if she wants you to get her some water or something to drink. Let her know how much you love going down on her and you will go back down in a few minutes. With proper communication, this works. You can also make sure to have a playlist ready with music you both enjoy and a candlelit lamp that gives a good ambience. Set the mood for her and yourself. Like I said, no lesbian has ever made me orgasm through oral sex. They go hard (way too hard for me) for 10 minutes at most, and if I don’t fake by then, they will stop. This has been my experience with multiple women that have all bragged about making their partners cum every time. I find that men will go hours and are to the task, no matter how long it takes. Again, this is my experience.
- She might squirt, so be prepared for that. Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: If you have talked to your partner prior, most women that squirt will hint that they squirt. Whether it be voluntary or involuntarily. Personally I have experienced that women will squirt when you have hinted that you enjoy that type of play. And I have experienced that when I let the woman know we are not interested in squirting, they tend to be able to orgasm without repainting the room in girl grool and urine. Communication is the key here.
- She might want to stop after a while, either because she is overwhelmed, or she wants penetration, or she is satisfied even without an orgasm, or something went wrong. Make sure to listen and learn for the next encounter if that is the case.
- If she is overwhelmed, it’s time for cuddles and pillow talk.
- If she wants penetration, remember the most important thing, besides communication and consent: don’t be anxious and tease her. Don’t just take your clothes off, use previously learned weak points until she is begging for it. Strip little by little.
- Nina Hartley has a very good video on positions. Angling your dick towards her g-spot to continue the stimulation from before is really fun, and you grind your pelvis against her clit to stimulate it (this is called the coital alignment technique). Sexblogging.com / Her perspective: Notice in the video linked that it’s okay to talk with a partner. Not all sex is like a porn video where you do not talk and just fuck. Communicate! Also notice that using a vibrator, regardless of how the finger is moving, is the key to making a fingering session perfect. Be open to toys, because a finger is complimentary to a tongue or toy, not the end game. As a girl I never sat around dreaming about how I couldn’t wait to orgasm from someone’s fingers. Much like 70% of women cannot come through just penis penetration, they also cannot come from just your fingers. Snap out of fantasy land and understand the tools you have, and what you can add to these tools to give your partner a great experience!