Q&A: My Girlfriend Tricked Me To Go To Church To Talk To Her Pastor About Our Sex Life

My Girlfriend Tricked Me To Go To Church To Talk To Her Pastor About Our Sex Life

A few weeks ago my girlfriend (at the time) invited me to come to church with her.  I’m not a church person, but out of respect and love for my girlfriend, I agreed to go. For religious reasons, my girlfriend often felt guilty whenever we were done having sex.  I am 19, she is 18.  I never really understood her religion, but I didn’t pressure her to become sexually active. She was the one who initiated sex most of the time, even though she would up begging God for forgiveness afterwards and promising never to sin again. She prayed a lot and we sinned a lot. I enjoyed our sex life and so did she. At some point, she stopped praying after sex, which made me think she was finally learning to accept that it was natural to be sexual. However, I didn’t realize the extent of her guilt until that morning in church when the pastor approached my gf and I after the service and asked us to meet with him in private.

During the meeting with the pastor, he revealed that my gf requested to see him and she wanted me to be present. I was completely blindsided. The pastor said that my gf confessed to what we have done behind closed doors and explained that she wanted him to pray for both us at that moment, so that we could fight our sexual urges. I reluctantly agreed to the prayer, which made my gf smile and hold my hand. The pastor asked us to close our eyes before proceeding to pray. It was a long prayer.  He knew more than enough details about our relationship and our sex life. It was embarrassing and infuriating. When we were done at church, I broke up with my gf. It was painful for both of us, but the pastor situation was too much for me. I could no longer compete in the bedroom with God.

Yesterday she reached out to me after 2 weeks of zero communication. She said she had a new hairstyle – pigtails. I knew what that meant. When we were still together, I used to joke about wanting her to get pigtails on each side so I could pull on them during doggy style. The new hairstyle is an invitation. I’m not sure if I should accept or decline. The part of me that is thinking with my dick definitely wants to fuck her again, but the other part of me is thinking about her religious baggage. To those of you who are or have been in my shoes, what would your advice be to someone like me?

Venice’s Response to sex and the church

Do what makes you happy.  Personally, I think you breaking up was the right move.  If you don’t have the guilt she has, why put yourself through that?   

Obviously she has inner issues with sex and her religion. This might be more than just her religion, but a personality thing.  If it isn’t religion, it would have been her parents.  If it wasn’t her parents, it would have been some sort of issue she had with her sexual thoughts or experiences as a child.  Some people just can’t be happy having sex.  Unfortunately it’s what the world has taught us.  Your parents appropriately keep you from touching yourself as a child, or even thinking about sex.  You’re scolded for it.  But that doesn’t stop our curiosity, so we learn to hide it.  Sex and masturbation becomes something we keep a secret and never talk about.  Obviously school will not touch on various sexual topics because parents and the churches influence keeps actual sex education out of school. You can learn about math, your alphabets, history, but not sex.  Because apparently sex isn’t something you should learn and it’s only appropriate to learn after you are married.  You and your future partner should figure it out as adults.   

The church teaches us it’s a sin.  The government teaches us it’s bad, because if a teenager has a child they may end up needing government assistance.  So their goal is to keep people who are not ready for children, away from sex.  Your parents have their own agenda, whether it be embarrassment, your future, or just unaccepting that their child is sexual and growing up.  In other words, we are taught sex is so awful and wrong that feeling guilt is “normal”.   

I don’t blame your ex-girlfriend for how she feels, but I do feel bad for her.  Obviously she loves sex.  It’s unfortunate that the world has conditioned us to feel so guilty about something we were all born from and instinctively desire.  If you think you are up to the task of dealing with her guilt, continue your relationship.  However, be aware, sometimes certain personalities just can’t be happy doing what they love. 

Ryan’s Response to sex and the church

I have never dealt with this type of personality and I probably couldn’t.  We are all limited to our own experiences and although I am a people watcher, this isn’t something I am familiar with.  I have always wondered how some people deal with a partner that is extremely religious.  Most of my father’s side of my family was killed by Jim Jones so I was raised to question everything, especially organized religion.  

I would be extremely upset if I was put in the situation you were put in.  I like to think we are all individuals and if she can’t accept sex doesn’t make you feel guilty, nor do you want to be prayed with about your sexual desires, it isn’t a good fit.  And that’s that.