Our Circle

by androCircle (noun)
a group of persons sharing a common interest or revolving about a common center

Ryan and I have have this concept called “The Circle,” which I will take full credit for creating between us.  The Circle came into fruition as we discussed the importance of maintaining a continual form of love and respect.  Several years ago we realized that we were living life in a dotted circle, meaning that we loved each other, but were doing things (in life and in the bedroom) out of obligation and without real enthusiasm; we were a pair of married zombies.  For example, I would go to bed without spending intimate time with Ryan.  It’s not that I felt like I didn’t need to, but instead I felt that I didn’t have a reason to make him happy because he didn’t make me happy.  It was in all sense of the term, a “dotted circle.”  The hash marks were the times where we made the effort to be with and satisfy the other, but for some reason, the other didn’t reciprocate, thus creating an incomplete circle.  The spaces in between the hash marks of the circle represent the dead time between the moments in which one of us has failed to do our part in continuing our circle of love.

As this first definition states, this group of persons is, of course, me and Ryan, as we are the only two in our relationship.  Our common interest is our mutual desire to maintain a healthy marriage.  Our eyes opened to the shortcomings that stemmed from each of us.  It took both of us to get to this zombie state and it will take both of us to make our Circle successful.  I didn’t have to convince him that he was doing things wrong or vice-versa. In fact, we both were glad to point out the other’s deficiencies and work together to find solutions.  It took us breaking years of bad habits, breaking old ones, and creating successful ones to reassess our marriage.

The Circle almost became a living being that we respected, revered, and even feared, if we didn’t comply with it.  It got to the point where we were forced to put aside our differences that we had at the moment to remember the circle and what it represents to us. Ultimately, we used it as a way to show the other that we were doing our own parts to live up to the standards of the Circle by saying things like, “Even though you’re mad at me right now, I still love you. You don’t have to hug me back, but I’m not breaking the Circle.” It was like using reverse psychology on the other, and not in a detrimental way.

wedding ringsCircle  (noun)
A series or process that finishes at its starting point or continuously repeats itself; a cycle

In a nutshell, the Circle is ensuring that one good turn deserves another.  One of the very first concepts of our Circle was to incorporate twice daily intimate time.  This wasn’t set in stone because sometimes I’d sneak in a little dick-sucking or fucking during our lunch hour (three a day); or if one of us was sick, a bit of fondling (at most) and cuddling would be considered our intimate time.  That’s life; we don’t have complete control of everything.  The only thing we can control is whether or not we can incorporate any form of intimate time (however little) in the day.

When I first proposed the idea of the Circle, he asked me to explain the concept.  It was in the middle of the work day, so I texted to him the following:

“The Circle is when I do something for you that starts off your day right, like sucking your dick, which in turn will ensure you think about me all morning and give me that extra attention throughout the day.  As you chat and text because I am on your mind, I will in return appreciate the attention and think about you all afternoon.  Whether it be small talk or spending lunch together, it’s the little things we used to overlook that make a huge difference now.  By that night, I will want to show you my appreciation, and probably fuck your brains out.  In doing that, you will be happier more responsive man and cuddle me through the night.  Going to sleep being cuddled, makes me want to wake up and cuddle your balls.   It’s a circle.”

This sounds very “Who’s on first” but, well, you get the picture.  As nonsensical as it sounds, that is exactly what the Circle is: it just keeps going and going, world without end, Amen.

I love to wake up in the morning and spend intimate time with my man for many reasons: it makes me feel like I’m doing my job as a wife, I complete my part of the Circle, I love contributing to Ryan’s reason to starting off his day right, and it ensures that our intimacy cycle continues. It also has altered his entire mood.  This isn’t just a one week thing, I am going on the third year of our circle, and he has absolutely changed.  If you give your man the attention he wants, he will give you back the attention you want.  I need this completion for the sake of my happiness as well as his. It’s not blackmailing the other, it’s not used as a tool for coercing him to take me shopping all day on Saturday, and it’s not forcing me to give him a blow job whenever he wants one.  We do what we do because we want to, not because “Oh, I fucked you this morning, so I don’t need to give it to you tonight.”  No, no, no. We do what we do because making the other happy is a process that ensures our circle keeps moving; everything about the Circle is positive.

yinyang“Circle the wagons” (idiom)
 to form the wagons of a covered-wagon train into a circle for defensive purposes, as against Indian attack

I’ve heard of this term before. I understood that it was a tactic used in the covered wagon days to fight an onslaught of enemies.  In a way, our circle monumentalizes this concept. One of the first times Ryan has applied the Circle with us was at a fast food drive-through.  If I ordered french fries, I wanted him to ask for ketchup, maybe a few extra napkins, and an extra salad dressing.  If I really felt in the mood, I’d even want him to ask for croutons.  Because of the glares the disgruntled fast food workers gave him, the old Ryan hated the process of asking for anything extra. I mean to the point to where he would get mad at ME for even asking him in the first place.  After the circle, he realized that our 90 seconds at the drive-through window and the “pshaw..whatever” attitude they gave him were absolutely not worth making me, the most important person in the world to him, unhappy. In fact, today he won’t even leave the window without saying to me, “Look in the bag, did you get a everything you need?”  Our Circle, our world, is comprised of the two of us and what we do to ensure the other is taken care of.  It is the small changes like these that let me know that he fully understands the Circle, the power it has over us, and that allowing an “Indian attack” (outside parties and/or events that could impede our circle) overcome our “covered-wagon circle” (our Circle) is detrimental to us.

For me, I am driven to completing, I mean CONTINUING, my parts of the circle because I can only benefit from it. Ryan has fulfilled his parts in many ways: he grills for me every Friday (including buying, preparing and cooking all meat and side dishes), he has shown me endless attention by ways of texting, calling on the way to work and home, and random lingerie spending sprees (basically anything that helps me feel sexy including lotions, make-up, nail polish, etc.).  Some people might argue that we are too needy, that we put too much emphasis on the attention we give each other, that we’re too smothering.  Well, this is how WE work, this is what we’ve determined makes OUR marriage successful. I need this attention and HE needs the attention in return.  Through open communication and understanding of the other’s needs, we’ve managed to pinpoint our needs that have helped us to rejuvenate our relationship.  We started our journey with a circle, our wedding rings, and we saved our marriage with a circle, our love.

Q&A: How do you enjoy sex if you have it everyday?

1287554731Mark via the internet

If I read your bio correctly, you guys have sex once or twice a day?  I am curious how a couple can even enjoy sex if they have it every day.  Do you change positions non stop, talk different and role play, or add anything extra each day to make sex more enjoyable?   I have sex with my wife maybe twice a week and we are both scared that if we had it more, we may end up hating it.  We do different positions and even role play, but I am just boggled how anyone could have sex with each other every single day and it not get completely old and boring.

Thanks guys.

Venice’s response:

I believe that the excitement of sex doesn’t just come from the sexual act itself, but from the closeness and intimacy you feel when you’re with each other.  To me, if you want to orgasm and you’re using your partner to do it, you’re already going about it the wrong way.  Sex shouldn’t be used as a time to get your rocks off.  It should be used to tell your partner that you missed her throughout the day, that you thought about her all day, that you couldn’t wait to get home to her.  It should be used to remind her of your love for her, of how her body feels on you, under you, etc.  Making love is another form of communication.  It’s like saying, “I love you and missed you” with our bodies.  Do you ever get bored or tired of hearing your partner say he/she loves you before she goes to bed or leaves for work?  If you are in love, I wouldn’t think so.  Well, making love or having sex with someone you love, is our body’s way to communicate and say we love each other.  It doesn’t get old.  It’s like naughty snuggling.  Don’t count the number of times you have sex a week.  If you feel like you want to be intimate with her, kiss her arms or her neck.  If the time is right, you will both be put in a loving, intimate mood.  On the other hand, we do use sex to satisfy our sexual needs.  I say this because a guy can jack off and a girl can grab her Hitachi Magic Wand and that would be end of that.  When we are feeling frisky and adventurous, we cut straight to the chase.  I get him hard by stroking him and talking shit, or I devour his cock and then slide myself down on him.  We’re open about the things we want to try and are constantly changing.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  But that is the beauty of a relationship: your partner is there to fulfill your fantasies and fetishes without judgment.  My time with Ryan doesn’t get boring.  See how I said “time”?  It’s not about sex and cumming, it’s about a break from our hectic schedules to be with your mate.

Ryan’s response:

Me and Venice  have sex twice a day, every day.  We wake up with each other and go to bed with each other.  This isn’t something we have always done, but as we grew and learned each other, we realized that to keep a relationship strong, you have to work at it.

If I want strong healthy teeth, I brush and floss daily.  If I want a strong healthy body, I work on it each day.  Whether it be eating properly, cardio, or lifting weights in the gym, it’s a lifestyle.  A relationship is no different.  If you want a healthy strong relationship, you have to be intimate and work on it each day.   If I go to the gym with a negative attitude and tell myself, “Oh my god, this is so boring to sit here and exercise.”  Guess what?  It’s going to be boring.   The first thing you adjust is your attitude.  A good sex life is a lifestyle.   If you keep a positive attitude towards sex, then sex will be amazing.  If you wake up in the morning and remind yourself how much you love your partner, how can that get boring?  Not only will sex be amazing, but your mind will be preoccupied with your partner throughout the day.  If you know each night that no matter what, you will get to experience your partner’s positive attitude, enthusiasm, and body, the pressure free atmosphere of sex becomes the most relaxing part of your day.    I do not ask myself if I will get lucky tonight, I do not have to.  I can kiss on my wife and hug her without her feeling I am doing this to get something back.  Whether I kiss her or not, we both know, we are going to be intimate with each other.  There are no hidden agendas behind our affection.  There is no resentment towards how we treat each other to get what we want, because our sex life is our lifestyle.  We do for each other because we want too, we have sex each night because we understand it will keep our relationship strong and healthy.  How could a man or woman who sleeps with each other each morning and night, sharing intimate moments,  ever want or accidentally cheat?  How could a man who wakes up to his wife giving him enthusiastic oral sex ever want oral sex from any other woman?  The same question for a woman, except worded slightly different.  How could a woman want attention from another man if her partner is enthusiastic about giving her attention, whether it be in the bedroom or in conversation.

I can type forever regarding the importance of intimacy, but let me answer the question more directly.  Does watching TV 4 hours a day get boring?  Does sitting on the computer each night for hours get boring?  Does looking down on your phone playing Angry Birds and tweeting get boring?   Does playing with your kids and spending family time every day get boring?   People do things daily, as a part of their own lifestyle that never gets boring.  It’s what they know.  How could spending time with the person you picked, out of billions of people, to spend the rest of your precious life with it, ever get boring?   Now add being naked, whispering dirty in each others ears, smelling each others odors and feeling the warmth of their skin on yours, while taking this huge organ that only grows for her, and sliding in and out of her body ever get boring?  How could a woman not want her man hard inside her, pumping like a machine, waiting for that moment his body releases all his DNA for her insides to feel and keep.   Love and sex  don’t die with time, if done right, they get stronger.  With the right attitude it gets more powerful.  As time goes on, instead of your sex life fading into obscurity, it builds and grows into something stronger and more intense.  The things you learn, the dirty talk you gradually get braver to say, the ideas and physical feelings you never noticed, now intensified.

I’ve always loved sex, but nothing compares to having sex when both partners promise to always be as enthusiastic as they can be, no matter what is going on around them.   The more I am intimate with Venice, the more I fall in love with her.   It’s hard work staying in love, but having sex and being intimate each day makes that task so much easier.