The New Me vs. The Old Me / Woman vs Girl

focusI can say with confidence that time, experience, and humility have transformed me from the little girl I was in high school into the brave, secure woman I am today.  When I say little girl I don’t mean someone who is younger than 18-years-old or someone who hasn’t gone through puberty.  I mean my attitude and outlook on my sexuality.

As a girl, I was taught to keep place a napkin on my lap during meals and say “please” and “thank you.”  But society, additionally, has emphasized the importance of waiting until marriage to have sex, not having more than one sexual partner, and not letting a man disrespect you in the bedroom.  Although I didn’t clutch my bible and do everything perfect, I adamantly refused to be sexually disrespected by a man.  This wasn’t in high school, this wasn’t in college – this was when Ryan and I first got married.

We were both young when we got married.  I was young-minded, still carrying these heavily-instilled pre-marriage beliefs in me.  It seems like I was bombarded with messages reminding me to cherish, honor, and obey my wedding vows, but no one gave me the okay to be a freak in bed and that letting a man control you was normal and not looked down upon.  I cleaned, did laundry, paid bills, and made sure my man never went hungry, but I had yet to learn to be an awesome and enviable wife.

Being disrespected in the bedroom meant so many things.  If Ryan even put his hand on my head and made the slightest indication to push it down or make me go faster, it pissed me off.  If he wanted me in a certain position, I refused to compromise. If he suggested exploring different things, I felt like he was using me to fulfill his slutty fantasies.  All these things were because I was insecure and made me feel less of a woman.  Women’s lib really did a toll on me.

Over time I came to realize that Ryan wasn’t controlling me. In fact, he only does to me what I allow him to.  Because in reality, if I truly did not want him to control my head, all I had to do was tell him not to touch me.  It’s like we walked on eggshells around each other.  I didn’t know how to express myself, I didn’t know how to compromise, to be a sexual negotiator.  I was afraid that letting go of my inhibitions would weaken me and eventually become too submissive to ever go back. But I’ve learned that part of a man’s masculinity is being able to control his woman in bed, an extremely sensitive place and one that can make or break a relationship. I now understand that by giving him this control over me, I ultimately am the one in control.

What I once considered disrespectful is now kinky, freaky, and dirty.  I make him pull my hair.  I let him hold my head in place as he rams his cock deep down into my throat.  It turns me on to gag as his dick head touches the deep recess of my esophagus. It excites me knowing I can absorb the impact of his 6 foot 5” frame as he fucks my ass. I used to get pissed off if any of his cum got on my face instead of ending up all in my mouth; now I lick it off my fingers as I push his semen into my mouth.  I lick my man’s ass, crack, and thigh creases when I stroke his cock.  I rub my face in his sweaty places and lick him clean.  When a woman does all this, there is NOTHING left for a man to control her with.  This is the ultimate control.

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I can relate to your transformation, in that I was a shy “innocent” girl when I met and married my husband, who has grown into a confident, happy woman. My transformation was more internal though. I was always open minded and thought this way, but was too shy to let that side of me out to most people. Maturity was part of my transformation. But another part started about a year and a half ago, when I got fed up with myself and got up off my fat ass. As the pounds started coming off, my internal walls started to disintegrate and the woman I am started to show. I couldn’t go back now if I wanted to (which, I sure as hell don’t!), but it’s still a process. I can honestly say I’m having a blast on this wild ride called life 🙂

Great comment Krystalla.

I am unsure if this sexually open woman was always inside Venice, but I do feel the “curious” woman was. From her bi and lesbian videos (not saying that means anything, but visually it has always stimulated her more than I felt I ever could alone) to one of her only real friends being lesbian. It wasn’t something she participated in, but it was something she kept around her. Visually, it definitely turned her on. But so did a bunch of other things.

I feel she suppressed these feelings because she was scared of what people would think, especially me. She liked the idea of being perfect. In her mind, being curious about a woman or just another person would open doors she didn’t want to open. She was content and complacent.

Life is just too short to be content an complacent. We found each other, now let’s enjoy the ride. As long as we are loyal to each other and communicate, this will make our journey together fun and fulfilling.

Anyway, this article is very accurate. Although for years she would give me anal sex on special occasions, she let me know it wasn’t something she preferred to do. This made me feel extremely guilty. I suppressed my own desires to keep her happy, when I honestly felt a man and woman should be open to everything together. Especially being that Venice’s orgasms while during anal sex seemed almost from a different world. Intense.

A catalyst in our relationship moved her out of her shell and into womanhood. She now begs for anal, never ignores me nude around her, attacks my body if I am near her, and taught herself how to deepthroat. This blog is constantly changing, and Venice seems to be changing with it. I like that she types thoughts out and puts it out for the public to read, because I think it helps confirm what she has been feeling inside but was just to scared to communicate. I hope this blog is something she will look back and be proud of, even if it seems x-rated and dirty. Everyone has skeletons, we just share ours publicly.

Hmm Food4Thought Ryan maybe I should write damn my most freakiest inner thoughts. Once you speak it or write it is because real

Thanks, I’m flattered 🙂 I didn’t start that twitter account to post pictures, it was to voice my thoughts and feelings about the lifestyle we chose to enter into. However I have discovered that I like taking the pictures, or having them taken of me.