Q&A: My wife asked me not to cum in her. Is this okay?

nocumJohn via the internet

Hello Venice and Ryan.    I guess my email isn’t really a question but I just want some sort of confirmation that I have the right to be mad and upset.  My wife, who is on birth control, was having sex with me about 2 months ago and said, “Please do not cum in me, it feels gross.”  I immediately stopped having sex because I was pissed  and left the room.  The next time we had sex, she said the same thing again.  This time I didn’t really want to stop though, so I pulled out and came on her.  Since then,  I have had sex a few more times and I have had to either pull out and cum in my own hand or on top of her stomach.  If I cum on her stomach she makes sounds like, “Ehhhhhh”.  Is this normal?  Do I have a right to be pissed off? 

By the way, I have been married for 8 years and up until a few months ago, I have always came inside her and she never showed any signs of being grossed out by my cum.  

Venice’s response:

Yes, you have a right to be pissed off!  After eight years of marriage you would think that she would be used to seeing, feeling, and tasting your cum.

My feeling towards Ryan’s cum is this: I love it.  I don’t want to see it wadded on a piece of toilet paper to be flushed down the toilet when I can have it in my mouth or being absorbed in my pussy or ass.  I don’t want to see it on the floor or the table or the stairs (yes, it’s been to all those places before).  His cum is not his, it’s mine.  Even after I’ve drained him dry and his balls are already creating more juice for me, it’s all mine.  His cum represents life, my love for him, his most sacred fluid and I am the only person in the world who can have it.  No one can make it shoot from his body except for me.  If he wanted to jack off (and I make sure he cums once a day minimum) and cum, he has to get permission from me or I feel totally disrespected.  I changed my whole attitude towards his cum, but with that, I would now be upset if he wastes it or makes it less special than my mind has made it.  That’s the difference between me not caring where he cums, to now caring, so I want to be a part of his orgasms, always.  If he makes his cum unimportant or something he can just jack off by himself and wipe on an old napkin, then why the hell should I think it’s special and want it in me?   I choose where it goes in my body.  I love the taste, the warmth of it as it leaves his body and shoots onto me.  If it’s on my face, I wipe it clean and lick my fingers.  I feel lucky to be the only person with whom he can share the vulnerable moment when his semen leaves his body. Taking his cum in me is just one way for me to show that I love him.

To hear that your wife doesn’t want it in her pisses me off.  That is the most extreme opposite of how I feel.  I know for a fact that a man loves to see his woman take his cum and swallow it, play with it, rub it on herself, and just enjoy his hot load as it squirts out.  Just like in porn, the final scene is always the cum scene because it’s the perfect way to end a sex session.  She’ll either swallow it, rub it on her tits, or play with it in her mouth.  That’s what men look for.  If your wife can’t do what emotionless adult stars can do, there is something wrong with her.  Husbands and wives should not only love each others’ flaws, bodies, and bad habits, but also the juices made during sex.  After eight years she suddenly wants you to stop showing her your cum?  That doesn’t add up. Something is wrong on her end and the “no cum” attitude is just the starting point.  Don’t let it turn into resentment and hate because that’s where it’s heading.

Ryan’s response:

Yes, you have the right to be pissed off.  That is insane.   I do not agree with the following either, but I can at least understand why a woman wouldn’t swallow.   Sometimes mentally, a taste and texture can just make a person gag or absolutely not want something in their  mouth, and although I disagree (grow up and get over it), I get it.   However, to request that she doesn’t want you to cum inside her vagina because it feels gross  is just an absolute slap to the face.  Unless she is off birth control and worried she may get pregnant, that is just flat out unacceptable in my opinion.   I’d go as far as to say, that is a red flag for the beginning of a divorce, being out of love, and/or her being unfaithful.  A person who begins to bond with someone else will turn their loyalty against you, just to show the other person they are now loyal to them.    Not letting you cum inside her would be a huge loyalty move/ease guilt with her new prospect.   This may be a huge assumption but the least you can do is check up on things and make sure you are still the only person on her radar.   Cum doesn’t get gross 8 years later, especially when cum inside the vagina is as old as people exist.   She is alive because of that “gross” act.

Your cum is an extension of your body and manhood, to be told it’s gross is equivalent to you saying to her, “Can you please put this bag on your head while we have sex, you gross me out.  In fact, keep it on all day and only take it off when I am not around.  I do not want to be reminded that I actually sleep with you.”

Dumb right?   Look into your relationship.  If you are messing up and have stopped giving her the attention she needs, make those changes.   Something isn’t right.  A woman in love wants her man inside her.  In fact, I’d say a woman truly in love wants her man’s fluids inside her, just as much as she wants to kiss him deeply and share saliva, hold hands, look into his eyes, and cuddle him all night so every germ on his body becomes part of her.  Not to mention it goes against every instinct in our bones.  I know people use protection and condoms, but in this case, it isn’t about that.  She called your sperm gross inside her.  EIther she is the most insensitive woman on earth or something is up.

Project: Asian Bush – Growing Out My Bush in Photos

Project: Asian Bush – Growing Out My Bush in Photos

When I first announced that I was thinking about growing out my bush as my next sexblogging.com project, I immediately received a lot of flack from visitors to our site.  The response to the idea was almost funny, because a few people E-mailed us almost begging me not to ruin my body.   The E-mails expressed how much they hated how the bush on a woman looked, how it was gross, how it was unclean, and how they would never be attracted to any woman who had a hairy snatch.

First, I’d like those upset followers to know the bush is not going to be permanent.  I will not be tattooing myself with genital hair that can never be removed.  I also promise you that I will shower daily and keep myself as clean as possible.   Unfortunately I cannot do anything about my snatch looking gross to you, but hopefully when I shave it off I will immediately be put back into the “ungross” category.

Why I Am Growing Out My Bush

I guess before I start I will try to explain why I thought the idea of growing out my bush would be fun to begin with.  I’ve notice online, and probably because of the laws in Japan that prohibit porn from showing the actual genitals, that a lot of Asian women have a bush.   I’d assume this is because if Japanese women did not have a bush, then their porn would show nothing.  Although the genitals are censored, the hair is not.  This would make pubic hair in the Japanese culture very important.  Even if a Japanese man is with his wife, obviously in real life there is no censor blur in front of her vagina, but since men have been conditioned to only enjoy the site of a pubic hair through porn and photos, why would he ask his woman to remove this aphrodisiac  (which we can now call an afrodisiac)? I believe the same can be said for the older generation here in the United States.  The younger generations seem to think that the bush is gross or unclean, while the older generations love and appreciate a hairy vagina.  When they grew up, all their porn had hairy women.   Their first experience was with a woman who had hair.  The bush was a sign of womanhood for them.   This lust and fetish doesn’t change because women in the 90s started shaving landing patches and bermuda triangles in their crotches.  Eventually, getting rid of any sign of hair and going completely bald eagle.   Some men absolutely love a thick bush, and I can respect that.

The Asian Girls and their Hairy Bush

Before you judge Asians as a non-evolving culture regarding pubic hair, think of the times you have seen pubic hair in an American movie.  Full frontal nudity is still rare, but when it does raise its head, the female actresses always seem to have hair.  The hair represents nudity without it being labeled as pornography.  It represents the taboo of the revelation in American cinema.  Conversely, in almost all American X-rated movies, the adult film stars have their pubic hairs shaved off (which has become an accepted norm) making it easier to see the details of dicks and pussy in action.

The History of the Bush and Pubic Hair

The history and the importance of why humans have pubic hair is unknown, but a lot of people suspect it has to do with the pubic hair helping to retain the natural pheromones produced by glands to entice the opposite sex.  Before you shrug off the idea that we actually need a reason to attract the opposite sex, try to understand that animals do go in “heat.”  Smells released from the female body attract the opposite sex (cats & dogs for example), and the male will know it’s that time.   Although we are not cats or dogs, the concept remains.  As noted in an article written by Dr. Kristie Leong:

A thick patch retaining a woman’s natural pheromones makes sense.  According to some theories, animals and people are attracted to members of the opposite sex who have pheromone scents that are distinctly different from their own. This reduces the risk of inbreeding, which could produce offspring with genetic defects. Pubic hair helps to trap these volatile scent molecules, which are quickly broken down when exposed to air.

I personally find myself attracted to Ryan’s underarms, which I kiss and lick each morning.  I also know my underarms drive Ryan insane.  I’ve watched him sniff and lick under my arms (when I do not get ticklish) and get the hardest erections I have ever seen.  I also will notice at times when we are having sex, he can cum almost immediately if I lift my arms up and let him smell my pheromones.  This isn’t just some article I read, this is my own experience.

I have heard of other reasons for pubic hair which I may not agree with, but I suppose are worth noting.  It is said that rough hairs in the pubic region help protect the delicate tissues of the genitals.  This would explain why the pubic hair is unlike the hair on your head.  I am unsure about this theory, as I let Ryan beat my thing up to the point of no return, and within the next few days my “delicate” skin is back and ready to fuck.  Hair or no hair, my vagina doesn’t feel more protected from the large penis going in and out of my body.   Since I wear clothing and do not walk around nude, I will never know if the bush protected women, or kept them warm when they didn’t have much clothing.   I assume the same would be said for the bush being this great protector.  I’ve heard that the bush helps keep harmful particles out of the vagina (an argument I’ve heard in defense of actually keeping a bush — people’s misconception of the lack of bush being “cleaner”).  Since we wear clothing, again, my vagina is protected from whatever harmful particles it needs to be protected against.   I am not a big fan of these reasons for keeping your pubic hair, but nonetheless, they are different theories worthy of this blog.

Less so now, but prior to civilized times,  pubic hair would also be a sign for a male to know a woman is ready to reproduce.   Pubic hair is a sign of puberty, which is also a sign a woman is fertile.  For that reason, girls with pubic hair are no longer girls, but women.  This concept is not too far fetched as Ryan has also told me that he cannot wait to see my pubic hair in all its glory.  He has also said that when he grew up, a shaved vagina was unheard of.  A real woman had hair.   All the porn he had seen, which wasn’t much, but the same dumb little VCR tape him and his siblings hid from their parents, had nothing but 70s porn stars, all full of hair.   This was the most sexual thing he had ever seen, and these women, hair and all, definitely turned him on.  Not to mention, he has told me all the movies in the 80s never showed genitals.  The only way “nudity” in a movie was either breasts, or a huge bush.  Unlike the younger generation that have no idea what it’s like to see bush in an 80s film (what do the films show these days?), Ryan loved it.   That love has definitely created a slight fetish, as he is excited as hell to see my thick Asian bush.

Enough with History, Let’s Get Into Growing My Asian Bush!

With all that said, let’s get back to the project at hand.  After a long and arduous adventure going from 25 straight days for our xxxmas pictures to 31 days of eating cum shots, we wanted to come up with something a bit easier.

Although the daily photo shoots were fun and Ryan and I got to spend a lot of time together, it was extremely tedious.  So in deciding our next project, we knew it had to be something that was  a bit less strenuous and didn’t take too much prep time. Fun, yet not exhausting. Finally I came up with the idea of growing out my bush.

The last time I had a bush was when I first Ryan.  That was many years ago and we had both forgotten what it looked like.  Growing up, I had a bush and that was that.  I never thought about shaving, trimming, or shaping it.  The first time I’ve seen myself truly clean shaven since puberty was after I met Ryan, about 6 months into our relationship.  Since then, I have never grown out my bush to its fullness, never going more than a week before shaving fully again.  I know from experience that the first day after I shave my skin gets very irritated.  In preparing for Day One’s picture, I shaved everyday for a week prior to February 1, 2013, the first day I will start growing my bush.  I did this in order to allow my skin to become less itchy, bumpy, and/or inflamed on the actual day of the the photo, and since I used a brand new razor this week I knew I would be more susceptible to cuts, nicks, and overall skin irritation.  Additionally, I used cocoa butter in the morning and evening to keep my skin soft and to lessen the appearance of chafed skin.  In my opinion, it has done an excellent job.  I expect that as my hair starts to grow in, I’ll experience major itching and prickling.

For the finished product, if I get one “you look like you got Buckwheat in a leg lock” joke, I know that I’ve succeeded.

Each week I will post my bush on my Twitter Page and add a photo of my growth in the gallery below.  On the final day (unless we end up loving the bush), we will post photos of me creaming up and shaving.

UPDATE: Project Growing my Asian Bush – Friday, March 8, 2013

I’m not gonna lie to you, folks: I miss being bald.  I have about 1/3 of an inch of hair since I first shaved a month ago.  This is the most hair I’ve had since…well, ever.  I cannot even remember what it feels like to have this much hair.  Judging from the amount of hair growth I currently have in the month since this project started, I think it’s safe to say that I’m going to be here for another two months. Before the start of this project, I predicted that it would take approximately three months. I came up with this number because several months ago I’d actually gone a week without shaving.

What I do know is that 1/3 of an inch is NOT a full bush for me.  How do I know?  Because I remember, at my peak, my loose hairs coming off as I ran my fingers through my hairs, examining them closely, and noticing they were closer to about 1 inch (fully extended and straightened out).  I remember wondering what the purpose of pubic hair being wavy and coarse was, and that clearly there is a specific purpose which your nether-hairs serve.  I came to the conclusion that the hairs seemed to act as Velcro, overlapping and using the neighboring hairs to latch on to, thus forming a barrier to protect the vaginal opening from dust, grime, lint, etc.   I don’t know if that’s how us ladies are built, but it sounds feasible.
Even with my hair at this current length, I can understand why most women prefer to be completely clean shaven.  I noticed last week that the hairs that were closer to my pussy hole absorbed a lot of lubrication (pussy juice, spit, etc.) that would otherwise be in direct contact with my skin is now caught in the carpeting.  Because of this, when Ryan’s cock goes in, the hairs come along with it.  Of course it’s not just the hairs going in, so if he goes in fast enough it will also take my lips and skin in that wouldn’t normally go in my hole.  If we’re not careful, this causes little tears and scrapes.  If it weren’t for the resiliency of the vagina skin, I’d be pissed at the fact I was constantly in danger of getting torn. Luckily for me (and Ryan) it usually takes about a day before the burning from the exposed skin is healed.  I don’t know how 80s porn stars did it.  I don’t know how anyone with an active sex life in this day and age STILL does it.


Update 2019?!  

No, I haven’t been letting it grow out for 6 years LOL.  I stayed completely shaved since that week 8 photo from 2013.  However, I have finally decided to go permanently natural. This seems to be extremely unpopular these days, but I enjoy how it looks and feels!   I am back to all natural and you can check updates of photos and my blog on the topic here.