Q&A: My wife asked me not to cum in her. Is this okay?

nocumJohn via the internet

Hello Venice and Ryan.    I guess my email isn’t really a question but I just want some sort of confirmation that I have the right to be mad and upset.  My wife, who is on birth control, was having sex with me about 2 months ago and said, “Please do not cum in me, it feels gross.”  I immediately stopped having sex because I was pissed  and left the room.  The next time we had sex, she said the same thing again.  This time I didn’t really want to stop though, so I pulled out and came on her.  Since then,  I have had sex a few more times and I have had to either pull out and cum in my own hand or on top of her stomach.  If I cum on her stomach she makes sounds like, “Ehhhhhh”.  Is this normal?  Do I have a right to be pissed off? 

By the way, I have been married for 8 years and up until a few months ago, I have always came inside her and she never showed any signs of being grossed out by my cum.  

Venice’s response:

Yes, you have a right to be pissed off!  After eight years of marriage you would think that she would be used to seeing, feeling, and tasting your cum.

My feeling towards Ryan’s cum is this: I love it.  I don’t want to see it wadded on a piece of toilet paper to be flushed down the toilet when I can have it in my mouth or being absorbed in my pussy or ass.  I don’t want to see it on the floor or the table or the stairs (yes, it’s been to all those places before).  His cum is not his, it’s mine.  Even after I’ve drained him dry and his balls are already creating more juice for me, it’s all mine.  His cum represents life, my love for him, his most sacred fluid and I am the only person in the world who can have it.  No one can make it shoot from his body except for me.  If he wanted to jack off (and I make sure he cums once a day minimum) and cum, he has to get permission from me or I feel totally disrespected.  I changed my whole attitude towards his cum, but with that, I would now be upset if he wastes it or makes it less special than my mind has made it.  That’s the difference between me not caring where he cums, to now caring, so I want to be a part of his orgasms, always.  If he makes his cum unimportant or something he can just jack off by himself and wipe on an old napkin, then why the hell should I think it’s special and want it in me?   I choose where it goes in my body.  I love the taste, the warmth of it as it leaves his body and shoots onto me.  If it’s on my face, I wipe it clean and lick my fingers.  I feel lucky to be the only person with whom he can share the vulnerable moment when his semen leaves his body. Taking his cum in me is just one way for me to show that I love him.

To hear that your wife doesn’t want it in her pisses me off.  That is the most extreme opposite of how I feel.  I know for a fact that a man loves to see his woman take his cum and swallow it, play with it, rub it on herself, and just enjoy his hot load as it squirts out.  Just like in porn, the final scene is always the cum scene because it’s the perfect way to end a sex session.  She’ll either swallow it, rub it on her tits, or play with it in her mouth.  That’s what men look for.  If your wife can’t do what emotionless adult stars can do, there is something wrong with her.  Husbands and wives should not only love each others’ flaws, bodies, and bad habits, but also the juices made during sex.  After eight years she suddenly wants you to stop showing her your cum?  That doesn’t add up. Something is wrong on her end and the “no cum” attitude is just the starting point.  Don’t let it turn into resentment and hate because that’s where it’s heading.

Ryan’s response:

Yes, you have the right to be pissed off.  That is insane.   I do not agree with the following either, but I can at least understand why a woman wouldn’t swallow.   Sometimes mentally, a taste and texture can just make a person gag or absolutely not want something in their  mouth, and although I disagree (grow up and get over it), I get it.   However, to request that she doesn’t want you to cum inside her vagina because it feels gross  is just an absolute slap to the face.  Unless she is off birth control and worried she may get pregnant, that is just flat out unacceptable in my opinion.   I’d go as far as to say, that is a red flag for the beginning of a divorce, being out of love, and/or her being unfaithful.  A person who begins to bond with someone else will turn their loyalty against you, just to show the other person they are now loyal to them.    Not letting you cum inside her would be a huge loyalty move/ease guilt with her new prospect.   This may be a huge assumption but the least you can do is check up on things and make sure you are still the only person on her radar.   Cum doesn’t get gross 8 years later, especially when cum inside the vagina is as old as people exist.   She is alive because of that “gross” act.

Your cum is an extension of your body and manhood, to be told it’s gross is equivalent to you saying to her, “Can you please put this bag on your head while we have sex, you gross me out.  In fact, keep it on all day and only take it off when I am not around.  I do not want to be reminded that I actually sleep with you.”

Dumb right?   Look into your relationship.  If you are messing up and have stopped giving her the attention she needs, make those changes.   Something isn’t right.  A woman in love wants her man inside her.  In fact, I’d say a woman truly in love wants her man’s fluids inside her, just as much as she wants to kiss him deeply and share saliva, hold hands, look into his eyes, and cuddle him all night so every germ on his body becomes part of her.  Not to mention it goes against every instinct in our bones.  I know people use protection and condoms, but in this case, it isn’t about that.  She called your sperm gross inside her.  EIther she is the most insensitive woman on earth or something is up.

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John, do not let this discourage you. Obviously, Ryan and Venice have a hyper exaggerated sex driven relationship (which is great for them) but most are not like this. Venice’s love for cum is to the extreme and I would never expect that from an 8 year marriage if it was not like that to begin with. Clearly, this is a talk you and your wife should have. Perhaps she has a small allergic reaction that causes her some discomfort. You wouldn’t necessarily know about it if she hadn’t told you before. Or maybe she is lying about being on birth control at the moment; she may have forgotten. Now, at the extreme far end of this is the possibility of your wife being in an emotional or intimate relationship with another man. This would lead her to not want to become a “whore” in her head, so she would eliminate one aspect of sex she might deem “gross”. However, I think that possibility is next to none, and I HIGHLY recommend you talk with her about this issue over a nice meal that you cook for her. Bring it up organically, maybe before sex but after foreplay. Goodluck to you, and remember, out of all the issues you could come across, put this shit in perspective. Your wife loves you and you love her. This is a trivial sex issue that exists only because it makes you feel less manly, but you are still entering her and she is still yours. Don’t lose focus and blow this out of proportion.

I’m having to agree with Ryan on this part, there’s a pretty good chance she’s cheating on you.
People don’t just up and change their mind after 8 years of marriage with a cum full vagina sex life. Unless she’s now accepting it from someone else.

My wife (26 years of marriage) says the same thing, she’s being unfaithful.

I don’t like it when my husband cums inside me.

The feeling of semen streaming out of me afterward is gross. It feels like my period. Also, there is just so much of the stuff that the streaming lasts for hours. I also do not like the way my vagina smells after my husband has ejaculated inside me. The mixture of my juices and semen leaves an unpleasant odor. I know that I don’t have an infection so it is just a natural thing.

I enjoy having sex and I don’t mind swallowing semen or my husband ejaculating on my ass.

I am completely faithful to my husband and I still have him cum inside me once in awhile because he enjoys it. I just hate dealing with the mess and smell afterwards. I have always felt this way. We’ve been married for five years and together for nearly 9.

It sounds very possessive to require your man to ask permission to masturbate because his cum is yours. I can’t imagine many men would be okay with that. I don’t know if this couple had children at the time they answered this question but I’ll say that after kids sex decreases (it picks up again once your kids are old enough to lock out of the bedroom without worrying that they’ll tear the place up) and finding time to rub one out can be scarce. When my husband gets the opportunity, I would never have him stop to ask permission. It’s selfish and degrading to him. He should be allowed to have his privacy. It can be a mood killer when I know he knows that I’m masturbating. It can be sexy but really only if we are spending the night apart or part of foreplay.
I’m fairly certain that when my husband gets home from work and spends 30 minutes in the bathroom that he is not taking a shit while scrolling Facebook the whole time but when I’m trying to make dinner and keep little hands out of snacks, I don’t want to know that’s what he’s doing. I’m fine giving him his time to unwind after work before he tackles the children.
Okay so to the original question. My husband and I have been married for about 100 years. He has always unloaded in me with except maybe a handful of times 99 years ago. It’s gotten old for me and I think he prefers it mainly so he doesn’t have to have good timing and he thinks the clean-up is easier. It’s getting boring for me. Because it’s something we’ve been doing for 100 years now, just about anything else seems exciting. Also, I don’t particularly like having afternoon sex and then feel like I’m leaking and wondering if I have a big wet spot on my ass while I’m at the grocery. And the clean-up is easier… For him, he doesn’t have to feel obligated to bring me a towel or go clean himself up; he thinks that if it’s in there, there is no mess. The reality is that unless a woman is ovulating, it leaks out. Ours bodies break it down from the thick sticky stuff men are used to shooting in their tissues to liquidy milky fluid that flows out of us and sits uncomfortably between our thighs all night and then trickles down our legs in the morning while we’re rushing around to get our kids fed and on the bus.
I have recently told my husband that he can’t cum in me all the time anymore too, and that does not mean I’m unfaithful or unloving because I won’t accept his seed (or whatever). BTW, the reason why the last scene in porn is the “cum shot” is because typically a penis is flaccid after orgasm and a limp dick isn’t as fun to play with, so it’s the last scene for the same reason your keys are always in the last place you look; there’s no point to continue to look once you find them!
I told him to cum somewhere else because after 100 years of a leaky vagina, I’ve simply decided that it’s messy and doing it the same way after all this time has gotten boring, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me taking ownership of my sexuality and my body. I am allowed to change my mind or finally decided to tell him that I don’t like it after any amount of time. Maybe she’s shy about telling you what she wants so in the moment she tells you what she doesn’t want. Even after 100 years, but maybe ESPECIALLY after 100 years of being together and knowing each other’s bodies, it can be uncomfortable for me to bring up to my husband topics about sex. It’s something that we used to be so open about but since we haven’t had to talk about it in so long and sex isn’t new to us anymore, it’s a topic that I don’t know how to bring up and it can be uncomfortable not knowing how your partner will react. I don’t want him to think that I haven’t been satisfied and I’d say this woman has plenty to worry about when it comes to talking with you about sex if you’re going to get up and storm out when she tells you what she doesn’t want–seriously? My children behave that way, my husband doesn’t. Shouldn’t she get a say in what happens in the bedroom too? It shouldn’t all be about what you like to do. Husband and I haven’t done anal in about 30 years and I brought it up to him the other day and it was hard to do; since my last pregnancy, I have had problems having orgasms and that’s another thing that was hard to talk about and my husband isn’t so sensitive that he would get up and leave, he knows that our sex isn’t only about him. You need to cut this woman some slack. You’re reading into this too much, she probably doesn’t know how to bring up that she needs a change without hurting your feelings and you’ve probably made it worse. If you’re really interested in making sure she enjoys herself and not just about you, then use an open mind and non-confrontational tone of voice and ask her, if she doesn’t want it in her, where does she want it? Ask her if she doesn’t like it or just wants to change things up. Don’t talk too much about you, ask about her. Then you can explain to her why it upset you and made you storm out like a child. If you explain why you acted like an asshole, it goes a lot farther in getting a favorable result than when you just act like an asshole and say nothing.

Sorry but when you’re wife (or husband) tells you they are “grossed out” about something you do, especially in her case, ejaculating in the vagina….that is just fucking rude. Period. She needs to check herself. To try and say, “cut her some slack” is nonsense. That is NOT how a loving, married couple communicate. It’s true, we don’t know the entire story. We never will. It was an anonymous posting. But if that is how it went, the wife is wrong. You don’t hurt your husbands feeling like that in an intimate moment.

I do not allow my husband to cum inside me either anymore. Haven’t for several years now. After about 15 years of dealing with a sticky mess between my thighs, I finally put an end to the problem a few years ago. My husband cums copiously and he makes a huge mess and I would rather not have that nasty mess inside me oozing out of me all day and ultimately imparting a rank odor in my vulva. He can use a condom, pull out, do outercourse or stroke off, but never cum inside me. It is my body and I should not be considered “selfish” if I exercise the right to decide what I will allow to be deposited inside my body. I am not saying he can’t cum, just that he is not allowed to cum inside me. He is bit on the submissive side anyway so he is ok with my calling the shots (pun intended).