Freaky Friday Search Terms – small dicks don’t feel good because they poke the rectal walls

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. underage penis
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Expect a knock on your door at anytime.  Good work Agent V.

9. cumming at wrong time
Not possible…
Venice: Possible.
Ryan: At church?
Venice: At your child’s parent-teacher conference.
Ryan: Depends on the teacher, in my opinion.
Ryan: At Disney World on the Haunted Mansion ride?
Venice: No, you’re timing was great then.
Ryan: At work?
Venice: If so, you’ve failed many times. 
Ryan: Well, that is after work, big difference.  Technically the office becomes a bedroom when your co-workers leave. 
Venice:  Then explain the midday ‘sneak to the back’ copy room thing with all your co-workers definitely there…
Ryan: Was that a wrong time?
Venice: Not really. 
Ryan: So what are you saying then?
Venice: I guess there really isn’t a wrong time.   Well, except church.
Ryan: Well, technically we are married so it’s not like…
Venice: Stop.

8. xairu vagina foto
Ryan: hairy vagina photo!
Venice: Tell him what he won Chuck!
Ryan: Finally my hidden skill of deciphering one handed typing has paid off!

7. figure 8 deepthroat
Ryan: Yes please?
Venice: You’ve had it.
Ryan: Part of your blow job techniques article?
Venice: Uh huh…
Ryan: It’s my ballzheimers again.  Maybe you should help me remember?
Venice: Like, what, are you going to type your next comment as if its a narrator describing the scene or something?
[I slowly unzip my pants and pull my cock out]
Ryan: No, I am not corny like that.
[Venice gets down on her knees and begins to deepthroat me.  I grow in her mouth and wait to see if she can really figure 8 her throat as she deepthroats.  She can.]
Venice: Happy?
[I am]
Ryan: I am.

6. pictures of pussy before it grows hair
Ryan: da FBI willy youzes da googlez?
Venice: Yes they do Mr. Pussy before it grows hair guy!

 5. tweety bird cum
Venice: Flagged?
Ryan: I don’t know about that one.  Maybe the FBI will let this one slide.
Venice: PETA won’t.  Flagged.
 Ryan: Hahaha.

4. shaving vagina before interrogation
That’s what I always do…
Ryan: Yea, I’ve heard about how detectives will immediately check a woman’s vagina for hair to figure out if they committed a crime or have any information.
Venice: I want to let them know I have nothing to hide.
Ryan: So, in other words, you don’t want your pubic hairs to testify against you?
Venice: Yes, no telling when those curly bastards will say something incriminating.  Off with their heads!

3. my wafe laik big cock fuken
Ryan: my wife likes to fuck big cocks!
Venice: Seriously, that’s amazing.
Ryan: Thank you, I have been working on this hidden talent for years.
Venice: I bet. 

2. my dad swallowed my cum
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Relax Barney Fife. 
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Oh god, I have to get you a whistle or something to blow on.
Ryan:  Too easy?
Venice: Way too easy.

1. small dicks don’t feel good because they poke the rectal walls
Sounds fairly accurate in my opinion.
Ryan: Well, I bet her rectal walls don’t feel good either then!
Venice: Oh Ryan, are you white horsing for the small penises of the world again?
Ryan: I’d say I was white minature ponying for them, yes…
Venice: Captian SaveASmallDick
Ryan: Whatever.  I bet her rectal walls feel like shit anyway.
Venice: I see what you did there.

Threesome Memoirs – Giving Him A Double Blow Job

bjSo far Ryan and I have had fairly positive experiences – for the most part. Do we regret doing anything we’ve done?  Not really.  I find purpose in every act in which Ryan and I have partook.  Every act, each person, all experiences – all were worth doing if it meant my man and I came away closer than before having done it.

For me, my absolute favorite thing to do in a threesome is the double blow job.  In fact, this is something I feel totally at ease with, and since I do, I can enjoy every aspect of it.  Since first revealing this to Ryan, he has asked me numerous times, “Why do you like double bjs so much?”  Rather than answer, “I just do.”  I felt we both needed a more thorough explanation as it helps to understand the female psyche (or at least mine) during this act which should otherwise be considered sacred by keeping it solely between husband and wife.

Let me begin by saying, for strictly monogamous couples, I believe a woman should do everything in her power to give her man the greatest blow job.  I may not be the best bj giver, but I know what my husband likes (enthusiasm, dirty talk, and variety in speed, content, and option for places to ejaculate, to name a few).  I, myself, have come to understand how to give Ryan the most visually stimulating as well as physically satisfying blow job.  The confidence I have knowing what he wants reflects my actions and attitude when another woman is helping me please my man.

Being a cheerleader.  I am excited, grateful, aroused – all of these things – when there’s a woman in my bedroom.  But since she’s the outside party, I do my best to make her feel safe and welcome.  If I were in her position, I imagine I would feel unsure of what was expected of me.  I would feel awkward, especially not knowing if there were boundaries that the other couple has discussed prior to me being there.  Since they take a chance at looking foolish I definitely do not want her to feel unwelcome. The most basic and probably most supporting thing I can do is to encourage her from the get go.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told the other woman, “Good girl,” “You look so fucking sexy with that dick in your mouth,” or “I love how that cock slides between your lips.”

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Threesome Memoirs – Double Penetration

double penetrationWith a blog titled Double Penetration I am scared I may have to block our emails from the surge of men ready to fill out a DP Job Application to join us in our bedroom.   Don’t worry, you didn’t miss the sign up sheet, that is never going to happen.

Saturday night, I was taking shots of Patron and preparing the camera for a second night of photoshoots with Venice and her friend.  This is the same friend who the weekend before we hooked up with and had more of an oral only threesome.  She and I ate out Venice, Venice and her sucked my dick and balls, etc.  We already know where we stand with her, so the night usually ends with some sort of play.  I wasn’t in the greatest mood but hopefully as the clothing came off and my lenses heated up, I would feel a little better.

The first shot was of an Asian massage, so both ladies stripped and Venice grabbed the Grape Seed Oil.  Venice made sure she let her friend know that Grape Seed Oil can be used on the inside or outside of her body.  That made both girls giggle.  Venice had never really given an Asian massage, so they both discussed the positioning or what exactly should be shown on camera.  I sat back with the camera in hand and waited for them to figure out exactly what they wanted.  To be a photographer isn’t hard, but to be a photographer that has to continuously come up with sexy ideas is absolutely hard.  Therefore, tonight I wanted to drink and just make sure they were focused.  My goal was to stay stress free and click the button.

As the shoot went on, the girls got more into each other and less into the idea of there being a camera in the room.  I had a hard time even doing my only job correct, keeping them in focus, because honestly I didn’t want to see what was going on behind a camera lens.  At times I would quit clicking and just watch the action.

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Threesome Memoirs – A Threesome From Every Perspective – Our First Friend

Venice’s experience:

Usually with our threesome experiences we deal with women we have only known for a short period or only few months.  However, we do know a few ladies who we have known since the beginning of our threesome journey, that either played the role of the more experienced mentor or we just had too much distance between us to ever physically connect.   In this case, our friend Lexxi, is someone we have have known for a long time, but the distance between us was too great for anything other than her giving Ryan and I advice on our journey.  We were always grateful for her input, and of course, we were both attracted to her as a person.  Other problems?  Oh yea, I forgot to mention she was married and we were also good friends with her husband, who has played a role as Ryan’s mentor and has even been quoted by Ryan in different blogs he has written.  So, having a threesome was never really an option.

After months of talking about soft swinging or threesomes, we all got more familiar with one another.  Although hard swinging, which is full swapping, was always a hard boundary we were not interested in, soft swinging, where we would open our bedroom to another couple simply to watch them play with each other while we did the same, was something that piqued our curiosity.  Honestly, at first, this was our original goal.  I do not think it was because we wanted to swing, but we both felt like we were exhibitionists and wanted to share our sexual experiences while another couple watched.  I just wanted to see another woman.  Through the website, starting with deepthroating videos, we eventually recorded ourselves having sex and submitted these videos to porn websites, which in total, probably got us near a million views.  Whether we purposely did it or not, we became soft swingers to every couple that ever watched our videos and knew us personally.  They could talk to us, see our sex videos, and in essence, get turned on by what they saw.  This was really like new-age soft swinging.  However, because of me not wanting to be watched or around another man, the idea of soft swinging eventually faded.  I have since blogged about how I felt like I was a lesbian married to Ryan.  It’s true, but it’s not true.  I like men, and I know that I could only live the rest of my life with a man.  However, those areas of my heart and mind are taken.  I have no desire to experience another man, no fantasies, and therefore my only focus is on other women.  Do I really feel like a lesbian?  Absolutely not, but that is the best way I can describe what I feel.

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A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind – 14 Sex Blogs & Websites to Follow in 2014

AGWDM-2014-art-300x192One of our favorite bloggers, Bobbie Morgan, has listed us as one of the 14 Sex Blogs & Websites to Follow in 2014.  Although we feel her list is a little biased because we love her so much how could she not mention us!   She has been listed on our site since the day we opened and we do not intend on ever moving her.  She has also made our quarterly and top lists (whenever we get time to put those lists together) every time.  Thank you for the 2014 love Ms. Morgan!  We were just joking about the bias thing.  We really are just that good!  lol

14 Sex Blogs & Websites to Follow in 2014