Q&A: Recently my boyfriend found out sex occasionally hurts me.

Recently my boyfriend found out sex occasionally hurts me 

Recently my boyfriend found out sex occasionally hurts me. It’s not all the time but when it happens its usually for a very short time in the beginning and/or towards the end of rougher sex (especially if it goes on longer than like 10 minutes). I didn’t tell him earlier because it’s normal for me (happened with my previous partner too) and I didn’t think the pain was worth making him stop. It came out during a slightly drunk conversation a few weeks ago, so now he knows. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me and asked me to tell him if it hurts in the future.

Since our conversation I’ve experienced pain (beyond just being kind of sore) five times and each time I let him know. He stopped every time but seemed a little upset about it. He has never been mean and after a few minutes asked if I was okay each time we stopped but I could tell he was frustrated initially (maybe disappointed too?). I’m concerned this is ruining sex for him.

I’m wondering if he really wants to know when it hurts or if he just asked me to tell him because he felt like he had to? Would it be wrong not to tell him when I’m pain? I’m inclined to think keeping it to myself will ultimately make him happier.

Venice’s response: Sex hurts me
I once read about something called “Sexual Frigidity.” I’m not a doctor, but just reading the definitions online, it seems that SF can range from the inability to achieve orgasm (anorgamsmia) by physical means (heat/cold intolerance), drug-induced anorgamsmia (nicotine, drugs, etc.), or just aversion to intercourse (including a mental block and wanting to stop). 

Now, from personal experience, the pain I feel is always temporary and the reasons I feel it is caused by different reasons. Maybe I’m about to start on my period, maybe my husband’s dick is too hard (I rate hardness in terms of percentages where 85% is ideal and 100% is the moment just before he orgasms and it’s rock hard), maybe the angle isn’t ideal (while being at 95%)…there are so many factors!

Once I feel this pain (and I always feel it), I am more likely to “clench up” and wiggle my body in a way to keep him out of me. That is my own frigidity at work. But once I realize what is going on, I don’t tell him to stop. I tell him to work it slow and deep, I change positions until my body gets used to a dick being in me at that moment, I play with myself. Basically, I do NOT tell him to stop, but find ways to keep the sexual momentum going until the pain I initially feel is gone.

This pain really is temporary for me, but it feels so good. Mentally, I love knowing my insides get stretched and worked; I love knowing I have a big dick that makes me ache and throb; I love knowing my man can pound me and even if it hurts at first, the pains of having a big dick is better than the pains of having a little dick. Sex hurts me.

Ryan’s response: Sex hurts me
The question and Venice’s response sounds a bit scary for me.  Personally I do not like pain during sex.  My only experience is when Venice uses her finger inside me during blow jobs or hand jobs.  Although it feels great once in there, the initial penetration and exit, always make me whine. The pain doesn’t feel good, nor do I like it.  I think that is part of why men love women, they are so fragile physically, yet their vaginas are so powerful and tolerant.  They do so much for us with their bodies and take all our stress and muscle inside them as part of their every day life.  We literally use our dicks to stab their insides and murder their pussies, getting rid of all our stress, and they lay there happy, tolerating, and in love with us.  It’s so endearing. Sex hurts me.

Sex and Toast – A Helpful Analogy for your Love Life?

Sex and Toast

I heard a pretty good analogy the other day and figured I would share it.  Although Venice and I eat and cook whatever we like these days, there was a time when I was also just eating toast with her.  And anything that wasn’t toast, even if it was tasty and sweet, we had always been told it was bad for us, would make us gain weight and possibly ugly to everyone else.  We were both conditioned to eat safe and healthy, and toast was just that.    Now, before I get into the analogy, I will say over the years I have heard sex compared to various things.  I believe the first comparison to food I ever saw, was to cereal.  A man that wasn’t married compared married to eating the same cereal each day.  He may have been a comedian, I was young. He bragged about there being so many different flavors of cereal on the shelves, why would he choose to eat one forever?   I also heard an analogy from a swinging couple that compared vanilla sex to vanilla ice cream.  Sometimes they just wanted neapolitan ice cream.  And after they ate neapolitan ice cream together, vanilla just tastes so much better.

Anyway, analogies are a great way to communicate in a relationship.  They have always worked for me.  If you can find an emotional connection to something your partner loves, and compare it to something you love, it may help them understand what you are going through.  Below is a good example of a that.

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I’ve been banned for trolling because of my ideas about Sex on my Period

Sex on my Period

As weird as it may sound, I have been banned from marriage forums because of my lifestyle, my ideas about sex, or how I believe relationships work.  I guess I can understand why.  A lot of these marriage websites preach ideas about monogamy, so I already do not fit in.  The fact I allow other women in our bedroom with me and my husband is already breaking a few marriage rules.   However, my ideas about sex on my period wasn’t something I thought was out of the ordinary or so unbelievable that I would be banned and called a troll.

First, let me remind you of how much I love my cycle.  To have a period is a blessing. It’s beautiful. It’s Mother Nature telling you, “You can have children now.” It means legacy. I love my period. I embrace it every month. I look forward to it and everything that comes with it – good and bad. When I tell my husband that I want him to fuck me on my period, I’m not trying to disgust him. I’m not doing it as punishment or revenge. I do it because he is the only person in the world who deserves to mix fluids with me. How can I not love feeling a hard dick easily slide inside me because of my heavy flow of blood.  I love feeling the wetness beneath me, the red smearing between our bodies.  Nothing turns me on more than soaking his lap, his man bush, his balls, his stomach, with my blood and egg.  To me this is equivalent to his cum dripping all over my body.  His semen is one half of procreation, my egg is the other half.  He isn’t using his millions of sperm to make babies, we are done with that.  So in other words, his little “eggs’ are in his body swimming around waiting to be released for no other reason other than they want to explore the world, my vagina, my back, my face, my throat, and my ass.  Lucky little guys!  Well, my egg is also waiting to be released.  And when I release it, I like to cover my man’s body in it.  I want to ride him on a heavy day and let my fluids pour out all over him.  And much like men want to see how we react to the release of their semen, I like to see him react to release of my blood and egg.  So much so, that I will get off him, grab my phone and demand he stroke himself in my fluids while I take pictures of his body and dick soaked in my menstrual cycle.  I’d upload the pictures, but I’d probably be banned from the internet!

Is that weird?  lol   Okay, maybe I deserved to be banned! Sex On My Period