A Real Couple Blogging About Sex, Life, and Everything In Between +

June 7, 2023

Q&A: My Girlfriend Tricked Me To Go To Church To Talk To Her Pastor About Our Sex Life

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My Girlfriend Tricked Me To Go To Church To Talk To Her Pastor About Our Sex Life

A few weeks ago my girlfriend (at the time) invited me to come to church with her.  I’m not a church person, but out of respect and love for my girlfriend, I agreed to go. For religious reasons, my girlfriend often felt guilty whenever we were done having sex.  I am 19, she is 18.  I never really understood her religion, but I didn’t pressure her to become sexually active. She was the one who initiated sex most of the time, even though she would up begging God for forgiveness afterwards and promising never to sin again. She prayed a lot and we sinned a lot. I enjoyed our sex life and so did she. At some point, she stopped praying after sex, which made me think she was finally learning to accept that it was natural to be sexual. However, I didn’t realize the extent of her guilt until that morning in church when the pastor approached my gf and I after the service and asked us to meet with him in private.

During the meeting with the pastor, he revealed that my gf requested to see him and she wanted me to be present. I was completely blindsided. The pastor said that my gf confessed to what we have done behind closed doors and explained that she wanted him to pray for both us at that moment, so that we could fight our sexual urges. I reluctantly agreed to the prayer, which made my gf smile and hold my hand. The pastor asked us to close our eyes before proceeding to pray. It was a long prayer.  He knew more than enough details about our relationship and our sex life. It was embarrassing and infuriating. When we were done at church, I broke up with my gf. It was painful for both of us, but the pastor situation was too much for me. I could no longer compete in the bedroom with God.

Yesterday she reached out to me after 2 weeks of zero communication. She said she had a new hairstyle – pigtails. I knew what that meant. When we were still together, I used to joke about wanting her to get pigtails on each side so I could pull on them during doggy style. The new hairstyle is an invitation. I’m not sure if I should accept or decline. The part of me that is thinking with my dick definitely wants to fuck her again, but the other part of me is thinking about her religious baggage. To those of you who are or have been in my shoes, what would your advice be to someone like me?

Venice’s Response to sex and the church

Do what makes you happy.  Personally, I think you breaking up was the right move.  If you don’t have the guilt she has, why put yourself through that?   

Obviously she has inner issues with sex and her religion. This might be more than just her religion, but a personality thing.  If it isn’t religion, it would have been her parents.  If it wasn’t her parents, it would have been some sort of issue she had with her sexual thoughts or experiences as a child.  Some people just can’t be happy having sex.  Unfortunately it’s what the world has taught us.  Your parents appropriately keep you from touching yourself as a child, or even thinking about sex.  You’re scolded for it.  But that doesn’t stop our curiosity, so we learn to hide it.  Sex and masturbation becomes something we keep a secret and never talk about.  Obviously school will not touch on various sexual topics because parents and the churches influence keeps actual sex education out of school. You can learn about math, your alphabets, history, but not sex.  Because apparently sex isn’t something you should learn and it’s only appropriate to learn after you are married.  You and your future partner should figure it out as adults.   

The church teaches us it’s a sin.  The government teaches us it’s bad, because if a teenager has a child they may end up needing government assistance.  So their goal is to keep people who are not ready for children, away from sex.  Your parents have their own agenda, whether it be embarrassment, your future, or just unaccepting that their child is sexual and growing up.  In other words, we are taught sex is so awful and wrong that feeling guilt is “normal”.   

I don’t blame your ex-girlfriend for how she feels, but I do feel bad for her.  Obviously she loves sex.  It’s unfortunate that the world has conditioned us to feel so guilty about something we were all born from and instinctively desire.  If you think you are up to the task of dealing with her guilt, continue your relationship.  However, be aware, sometimes certain personalities just can’t be happy doing what they love. 

Ryan’s Response to sex and the church

I have never dealt with this type of personality and I probably couldn’t.  We are all limited to our own experiences and although I am a people watcher, this isn’t something I am familiar with.  I have always wondered how some people deal with a partner that is extremely religious.  Most of my father’s side of my family was killed by Jim Jones so I was raised to question everything, especially organized religion.  

I would be extremely upset if I was put in the situation you were put in.  I like to think we are all individuals and if she can’t accept sex doesn’t make you feel guilty, nor do you want to be prayed with about your sexual desires, it isn’t a good fit.  And that’s that.

May 31, 2023

Face Slapping During Sex: Everything You Need To Know About Slapping Your Partner

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Face Slapping During Sex: Everything You Need To Know About Slapping Your Partner

Some people may go through their entire sexual lives and never once think about slapping or having their face slapped during sex. It’s not something all people think about. I know I never thought about it and I like to consider myself someone who has tried everything. 

In our relationship, my husband and I had certain kinks that prior to ever doing anything sexually, that was already in our minds. When I my husband his dirtiest fantasy, he told me it was being rimmed by a woman.  This was in the 90s when this just wasn’t something that girls did (times have changed).  My husband believes this kink was planted in his head when a rumor floated around his school that a popular guy gave his letterman jacket to a popular girl when she licked his ass. This is at least what the guy told the fellas in the locker rooms when she was spotted with his jacket. Although never confirmed, the seed was planted. 

My fantasy was being forcefully taken.  I will avoid the word commonly used with this concept, since it could trigger some people. However, I was pretty vanilla otherwise, but always had a fantasy of being forcefully held down and fucked. This wasn’t something my husband had thought about or even liked, but I can tell it really affected him. He was naturally soft and gentle but would slowly start getting more rough during sex because he knew it is what I liked.  

So lets talk about face slapping during sex. 

Are you curious about slapping your partner or being slapped by your partner during sex?  A slap across the face can be fun and exciting, as long as you are doing it correctly.  

When it comes to spanking, slapping, whipping, choking, biting, and scratching, things can get a bit painful. There are also questions of whether or not slapping is abuse, harmful, or a sign you’re unhinged. Any erotic pain-play can stir up emotions in many of us. That’s normal. Sex comes with all kinds of emotions, both positive and negative.

However, nothing is wrong with any sexual act between two adults if you are both into it, have consented, and are turned on by it.   Slapping is totally acceptable.. In fact, any sexual act between consenting adults is perfectly fine. You’re not an evil person for wanting to slap or be slapped.

If you are new to face slapping, here are a few tips that can help you transition into 

Communicate about Slapping During Sex

  • Before you do anything, you have to talk everything through. There should certainly not be any unexpected face slapping during sex. That is non-consensual play and a big no-no. If you’re going to slap your partner (or be slapped), everyone must be on board and into it.
  • If you’re wondering how to introduce the topic, no worries. First, ask them if this is something they’d be willing to explore. Slapping a face is a step up from spanking a butt. Slapping can be very empowering and sexy for some people, and not at all for others.
  • I find that the easiest way to introduce a partner to slapping is by watching some porn where slapping is an element. The key is to find a video where the slapping isn’t scary or seemingly non-consensual. Meaning, no going to Pornhub or RedTube.

Due Diligence or Deep Dive, Do Your DD.

  • Do your due diligence. Do not go into aggressive sex or BDSM without knowing what you’re doing. You can read blogs like ours or search for articles on slapping during sex.  Although this will not teach you all the ins and outs, it can prepare you for what is next.
  • Sit in on a sex class about slapping during sex. At various sex conventions you can sit in on classes that teach you about slapping, choking, and every kink in existence. 
  • Watch YouTube videos that go into detail about slapping during sex. Here is a good video on spanking from sex educator Jess Wilde. He is another intro video, from Nina Pain, which is basically face slapping for dummies.

Explore Ass Smacking First

  • If you haven’t gotten good at smacking her ass during sex, do not move into slapping her face. Face slapping is basically butt slapping, only more advanced and with more risks.
  • No slapping until the you’ve learned to spank properly . Now, you might not be into butt slapping, but are turned on by face slapping. This is totally valid. It’s not so much about doing things that aren’t sexy to get to the sexy part, it’s about working on a meatier canvas before going to a bonier, softer one.
  • A butt is going to absorb a slap more easily than a face. There is generally less pain and greater surface area to work with. Practice on butts, and then move to faces.

Have A Safe Word.

  • Before aggressive sex or role play, set up a safe word. This should be a non-sexual word that lets your partner know they should stop and check on you. I recommend something like the following: pineapple, stop before I bite you, or whatever phrase or word you want.  Personally we do not need a safe word, as we can talk openly and I’d just say stop.  But every couple is different and do whatever is best for your sexual dynamic.
  • Admittedly, depending on the dialogue you use during sex, safe words are important because if you’re in a session where you are being submissive, the words “no” or “stop” might be a part of your role play.  A safe word should stop all role play and bring your partner back into reality. Remember, that as the person being slapped, you are still in control of your body. 

Start Slow When Slapping During Sex

  • Don’t begin your adventure into slapping by screaming “woooooooo” and doing the Rick Flair slap across the face of your partner. That’s probably not going to end well. You may end up with a bruise or a black eye. Not sexy at all!
  • Start with soft slaps. When you’re making out, pull back and lightly slap your partner across the face. Rub the spot where you hit them to soothe the skin. Kiss them lightly in the same spot you slap them. 
  • Work your way up to harder slaps. Communicate and talk with your partner to make sure they are okay. 

How To Warn Her Prior To Slapping Her During Sex

  • When slapping, never just surprise her with a random slap. This doesn’t feel good, trust me. Let us prepare so we can brace ourselves or enjoy the sting. A random sting sucks. Try placing one hand on the opposite cheek of the person you’re slapping. This helps stabilize their head to absorb some of the slap. 
  • Rub her face or grab her cheeks gently prior to slapping her. This is a great way to warn her that a slap is coming.
  • Softly grab her by her throat without choking her and gradually put your hand around her lower jaws. Grab each side of her face and squeeze a bit, not really a choke but more of an aggressive warning that a slap is coming.
  • Put your hand over her face and put pressure down on her. This is a huge warning that a slap is coming.

Where Should You Slap Her?

  • The face is a highly sensitive area so be careful.
  • Stay away from places like the ears, nose, throat, or eyes. Try to focus on her cheeks. If you slap someone in the ear, it doesn’t feel good.  You may not always hit directly on her cheeks, but try to keep in that general area.

Face Slapping During Sex

So do you think you are ready? Make sure you communicate with your partner and both of you figure out what is best for you. No guide will be perfect for you because every relationship is unique and you have your own sexual dynamic.  With us, I like to be slapped and choked as I orgasm on his dick.  It makes my climax much more intense. I also like to be slapped as he cums inside me because there is something about feeling him angry while he cums inside me that turns me on.  It’s almost like he is mad at me because my pussy is so good he can’t control himself.  I love it.  I love slapping. And I really love to be choked.  But that’s a whole other blog!

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May 24, 2023

Cuddle Positions – Sleepy 9

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Not a 69, but a sleepy 9.   This position can be fun and is a lot more comfortable than  you think.  Both partners use their underarms to hold the leg over their body.  Your heads rest on each others thighs and you can see and smell your partner all night.   Extremely intimate and fun position to go to sleep in, then wake up in.

Pros & Cons
+ It’s fun going to sleep.
+ It’s fun waking up.

 

Why is Cuddling so important?

When you cuddle with someone you care about, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that calms you and makes you more likely to deal better with stress.  Cuddling also has a large connection with being nurtured.   It has been shown through research that cuddling helps an infant develop an attachment to his/her parent.  This is instinctual and as you grow older, adults can cuddle to form this same attachment.  Cuddling has also been shown to boost an infant’s oxygen levels, calm its breathing, and ease pain signals. And for an underweight baby, it raises survival chances by more than a third. It helps the brain grow and makes infection and other illnesses, like hypoglycemia or hypothermia, less likely.   This is why we love to cuddle.   

Benefits to our bodies from cuddling

  • Ease Stress
    • When you cuddle with someone you care about, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that calms you and makes you more likely to deal better with stress. 
  • Helps Your Heart
    • It’s good for your heart.  Cuddling lowers blood pressure. Scientists say it’s clearer that women get this benefit from cuddling, but it seems to be true for both sexes.
  • Relieves Pain
    • A good cuddle may give you more than just moral support after an injury. The oxytocin cuddling releases can help block pain signals. 
  • Fight Colds
    • Too much stress effects the immune system.  Hugs from people you trust may protect you against this common virus, especially if you’re under a lot of stress. And if you’re already sick, more cuddling might keep your symptoms from getting worse.
  • Connects You to Your Partner
    • Oxytocin is sometimes called the love hormone.  Whether having sex, cuddling, touching, dancing, or holding hands, your body is releasing oxytocin.  Couples who cuddle and kiss freely tend to be happier, healthier, and less stressed.
  • Helps You Sleep
    • Oxytocin is the key ingredient again. Because of oxytocin calming effects, it relaxes you and helps you sleep.

Benefits to cuddling your partner

  • Cuddling improves satisfaction in relationships. 
    • In an experimental study, increased cuddling for married couples resulted in statistically higher relationship satisfaction. This finding was particularly notable as the couples who increased their cuddling behaviors were compared to couples who increased time spent together over mealtimes and those who did not change their behavior.
  • Cuddling helps maintain focus on your partner. 
    • In the same study, with increased cuddling, the focus is honed in on our romantic partner as opposed to thinking “what else is out there?”
  • Cuddling releases oxytocin and promotes positive emotions. 
    • Affectionate touch behaviors release oxytocin.  Oxytocin is a natural love hormone that helps us feel closer to our partners. When we cuddle, we feel a surge of positive emotions such as love, adoration, and trust. While cuddling typically occurs around sexual activity, it is perceived to be a nurturing type of behavior rather than a sexual one.
  • Cuddling after sex benefits your relationship. 
    • In a longitudinal study, the duration and quality of post-sex affection including cuddling are related to greater subsequent reports of relationship and sexual satisfaction.  Couples can use this time to be close to each other physically and emotionally, sharing their thoughts and feelings, or not saying anything at all.

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May 17, 2023

Do Men Prefer Giving Oral Sex With Women Fresh Out of the Shower or Do They Enjoy Our Work Bodies

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Do Men Prefer Giving Oral Sex With Women Fresh Out of the Shower or Do They Enjoy Our Work Bodies

Although a woman’s first reaction to this type of question would probably be she prefers to be freshly showered.  It’s a natural thought process for us to want to feel as clean as possible for our man.  Whether it be insecurity or feeling self conscious from hearing when we were young the jokes about a vagina smell be similar to fish.  Mine sure isn’t.  But this is why communication is important because what you believe, may not be what he desires.  Ask your partner what they prefer.  Personally I do not mind my husband going down on me after a long day at work, but I also make sure it’s on a day where I didn’t use the rest room at work, or some other public bathroom.  Neither I nor him like the idea of him going down on me and eating me out when I was sitting on a work bathroom.  Besides that variable, he does prefer my natural smell over soap and water.  So I keep that in mind and try to make sure I am as fresh as possible at all times.  Whether it be unscented wipes, using our bidet, and hoping in the shower mid day if I come home for an emergency “number 2” during a work day.   As I have stated many times on this blog, me and my husband both like to shower after going “number 2”, even with the use of a bidet.  

I once was told something funny by a lesbian girl who was flirting with me.  I informed her that we couldn’t hang out this weekend because I was on my cycle.  She responded, “I am true lesbian, I run red lights.”   I thought it was hilarious.  So this poll isn’t just for men, it’s for anyone that enjoys going down on women.  Maybe one day we can do a poll and separate the answers to men vs bi/gay women.  Personally I prefer a woman fresh out the shower when I go down on them.  I do not enjoy the idea of a long day of sweat and pheromones.   

To Shower or Not To Shower

We decided to add a poll.  Although we understand that some people may respond with answers like, “I just want her comfortable” or “Both”.   Our poll’s goal isn’t to play the middle ground, we want to see which preference is the majority when it comes to showering and oral sex.  

 

Do you prefer to give oral sex to a woman immediately after a shower or (6-10 hours) after?
Vote
×

 

Here are a few comments on the topic from around the web.

Either, but i preferably no balls of toilet paper.

 

Fresh, because it seems to allow her to be more into it and less anxious about how her pussy tastes or smells, which makes it more fun for both of us because she’s more relaxed.

 

The cleaner the better but I won’t say no if it’s the end of the day too. If she’s not showered for a couple of days or whatever then it’s probably gonna be a no.

 

I much prefer it fresh out of the shower but that sweet and ripe scent full of their pheromones in the evening is also nice.

 

I’m down for anything, but fresh out of the shower isn’t my favorite. I love the way my wife smells (all over, not just there), and that’s a big part of my enjoyment when we’re together.

 

The absolute best is when she’s worked the whole day, i need the smell. Its arousing to no end

 

I strongly prefer “well marinated” but am happy any time … fresh out of the shower would be my least preferred.

 

I prefer it fresh

 

I’m more attracted to a natural musk that’s present several hours after a shower. Clean is fine, but I’d prefer a nice scent. Multiple days without showering? No thank you.

 

Honestly wouldn’t matter either way (unless it was really pungent). I’ve even eaten out my wife when she was on her period (not during the heaviest part) a couple of times, and that wasn’t a problem. Only time I’ve ever really hated it was one ex who used to use products on her pussy to “make it smell nice”. It didn’t.

 

 

 

 

May 10, 2023

How to Wash Your Penis

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How to Wash Your Penis

Believe it or not, some men have no idea how to wash their penises.  Whether it be lazy, thinking their penis is like their thumb and never smells, or just ignorant to their own bodies.  Anything resting between your sweaty thighs or on your sweaty balls is going to have to be cleaned.  I do not care how clean you think you are.  Let’s get started with our how to clean your penis guide.

The Washing Your Penis Technique

Gently wash your penis each day. If you are uncircumcised, carefully pull back and clean underneath the foreskin, as well as the tip of your penis (the glans) using only water and a very gentle soap. Don’t scrub this sensitive area.  If you are circumcised, lather up your penis and shaft with soap and stroke yourself.  It really is that simple.  Personally, I use antibacterial soap, but use whatever your body handles well.  Some men complain soap irritates their penis, if so, try soft body wash or baby wash.

If you are uncircumcised, make sure you gently dry the tip of your penis, the area underneath your foreskin and the rest of your penis. Replace the foreskin over the tip of the penis.   If you are circumcised, you should still dry your entire penis prior to putting on your briefs.  Leaving your underwear moist can cause jock itch (fungal infection).

Do not take the One Chip Challenge and follow up by masturbating.

Another tip for your tip, wash your hands.  If you touch raw foods or things that could possibly irritate your penis, it could lead to bacterial growth and cause unwanted odors.    It can also lead to a very painful experience if you were to touch something like hot peppers and then rub your crotch.

Another effective method to making sure your penis is clean, is to always wash your penis after sex.   What’s interesting is a lot of times women do not know that the penis may smell after sex because of their own smell.  As much as men should wash their penis, women should know that sometimes that smell coming from his cock is coming from you.

Can someone please tell my boyfriend how to wash his smelly penis?!

Can a dick not smell at all?  I am talking about after showering. When I first met my boyfriend his dick didn’t smell.  I remember it because it was my first time seeing a dick in real life and I was surprised that it didn’t smell or anything.  But from the second time I saw it, it smelt really bad.  Now, even after showering, it still smells.   I asked him If he washes it and he said with just water.  He doesn’t like soap because he thinks it is bad for his penis and makes it smell worse.

If dicks in general are all like this, I don’t think I will ever have sex with men again.  Can a penis not smell at all? 

Imagine.

Some women with a lot of experience with oral sex understand that their saliva, even if your breath is fresh, can have an off-putting smell.   If you don’t believe me, simply suck on your finger and smell it.  If you really want to treat yoself, put the finger as far back as you can in your throat and then smell.   Whether it be the deep hidden yeast on the back of your tongue, tonsil stones, or whatever the cause, giving a man oral sex and smelling his penis during can lead women to believe his penis smells.   

This thought reminds me of the first time my daughter wore a mask and said, “Eww, what’s the smell!”    

Antiperspirant

This is a metrosexual / gay man’s best kept secret.  Antiperspirant can keep your cock and balls dry and shower fresh throughout the entire day.  It will be up to you to find a spray that smells “fresh” more so than smelling like cologne.  No one wants a dick that smells like cologne.    Some men may be sensitive to antiperspirants, but I can safely say I have been using it for years and the only side effect I’ve had was my dick always smelling great.  Not too powerful, but never musty.

Stay away from baby powder

The only time I have had issues below was when I was a teenager and would lather my dick and crotch in baby powder.  I have always wanted that fresh smell.  I believe because baby powder has cornstarch it actually helped caused my jock itch. It didn’t help that I was an athlete and worked out all day.  But none the less, I have never had the issue again after I quit using baby powder.  Take that with a ‘grain of salt’ though, because that is just a bit of bro science.