Q&A: Boyfriend found videos of me in old amateur porn. How do we recover?

Boyfriend found videos of me in old amateur porn. How do we recover?

Disclaimer: I thought I’d deleted the pictures from everywhere but somehow he found them on my laptop.

If it matters, my boyfriend is in his early 30s and I’m in my late 20s.

A few months ago, my boyfriend of 2 years found old videos and pictures of me having sex with someone else. It was someone I had previously told him I’d had sex with, so he knew it’d happened. He did not know the other guy personally.

Since then, he has confided in me that he felt numb after seeing the pictures, sex is emotionally painful for him because the pictures and videos pop into his head several times and it makes him lose his sex drive, and he has not felt as affectionate towards me.

In the first several days following his discovery, we had a lot of weird, emotionally detached sex, initiated by him.

Now we still have sex as much as we used to, but I can tell there is some kind of block… he’s just not into it like he used to be. Neither am I because I feel sad about what he saw and I know it hurt him. He doesn’t kiss me or hug me like he used to.

We both agreed that we don’t have bad feelings for each other, however, we don’t know how to get over this. Any advice on moving forward would be greatly appreciated.

Venice’s response to him finding my old amateur porn
This is a tough situation. That kind of discovery can be very devastating to someone. Because even though he knows that you’ve had partners before him (I’m assuming), seeing pictures of you with another man (even if they were before you started dating each other) would just as bad as seeing you with a new man you are cheating with. Right now, he’s traumatized and no matter how hard he tries to tell himself that they’re not recent, it still hurts him to see another man do that to someone he loves. You will just have to reassure him that you have no feelings for your ex and that you did not intentionally keep the pictures. Remind him that you would never let another man touch you while you’re together. They’re just pictures from your past, not your present.

Ryan’s response  to him finding my old amateur porn
This is a tough one.  I don’t know how you will recover, but if you love each other and you are meant to be together, you will recover.  Only time will fix this one.  From seeing your ex lovers penis size, to seeing the things he did with you.  You can never erase the pictures in his head, but if you love him, you can paint your own pictures.  Love makes everything better.  Love makes a dick bigger.  Love makes sex better.  Assure him, if you love him, that everything he does, everything he has, is better in every way.  

Venice tells me my dick is bigger than an elephants.  Although that absolutely is not true, she says it in such a way that I say, “Fuck it, maybe it is.”  Woman can convince us of anything.  The power of pussy, the power of love, the power of your natural innocence.  White lies, love lies, I don’t care what anyone says, it makes me feel good.  It helps with my insecurity.  And if a woman loves you so much she believes her own lies, I can live with that.  Like in the movie The Matrix when the man is eating a steak he knows isn’t real, “Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”

Goodnight, sweet, dirty, naughty, prince – The End of Tumblr as WE know it

Well, the only reason we used Tumblr was for the awesome adult content, gifs, meeting other sex bloggers, and networking with others that have the same interests as us:  sex.  Those days appear to be over.  We have now deleted all the gifs and images we posted over the years that I supposed would no longer be allowed.  Now we will see what happens with the various blog topics that sit in the ghost town once known as Tumblr After Dark.  Here is what we have left: sexlifeandeverything.tumblr.com

And here is the official announcement from the staff of Tumblr:

A better, more positive Tumblr

Since its founding in 2007, Tumblr has always been a place for wide open, creative self-expression at the heart of community and culture. To borrow from our founder David Karp, we’re proud to have inspired a generation of artists, writers, creators, curators, and crusaders to redefine our culture and to help empower individuality.

Over the past several months, and inspired by our storied past, we’ve given serious thought to who we want to be to our community moving forward and have been hard at work laying the foundation for a better Tumblr. We’ve realized that in order to continue to fulfill our promise and place in culture, especially as it evolves, we must change. Some of that change began with fostering more constructive dialogue among our community members. Today, we’re taking another step by no longer allowing adult content, including explicit sexual content and nudity (with some exceptions).  

Let’s first be unequivocal about something that should not be confused with today’s policy change: posting anything that is harmful to minors, including child pornography, is abhorrent and has no place in our community. We’ve always had and always will have a zero tolerance policy for this type of content. To this end, we continuously invest in the enforcement of this policy, including industry-standard machine monitoring, a growing team of human moderators, and user tools that make it easy to report abuse. We also closely partner with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and the Internet Watch Foundation, two invaluable organizations at the forefront of protecting our children from abuse, and through these partnerships we report violations of this policy to law enforcement authorities. We can never prevent all bad actors from attempting to abuse our platform, but we make it our highest priority to keep the community as safe as possible.

So what is changing?

Posts that contain adult content will no longer be allowed on Tumblr, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to reflect this policy change. We recognize Tumblr is also a place to speak freely about topics like art, sex positivity, your relationships, your sexuality, and your personal journey. We want to make sure that we continue to foster this type of diversity of expression in the community, so our new policy strives to strike a balance.

Why are we doing this?

It is our continued, humble aspiration that Tumblr be a safe place for creative expression, self-discovery, and a deep sense of community. As Tumblr continues to grow and evolve, and our understanding of our impact on our world becomes clearer, we have a responsibility to consider that impact across different age groups, demographics, cultures, and mindsets. We spent considerable time weighing the pros and cons of expression in the community that includes adult content. In doing so, it became clear that without this content we have the opportunity to create a place where more people feel comfortable expressing themselves.

Bottom line: There are no shortage of sites on the internet that feature adult content. We will leave it to them and focus our efforts on creating the most welcoming environment possible for our community.

So what’s next?

Starting December 17, 2018, we will begin enforcing this new policy. Community members with content that is no longer permitted on Tumblr will get a heads up from us in advance and steps they can take to appeal or preserve their content outside the community if they so choose. All changes won’t happen overnight as something of this complexity takes time.

Another thing, filtering this type of content versus say, a political protest with nudity or the statue of David, is not simple at scale. We’re relying on automated tools to identify adult content and humans to help train and keep our systems in check. We know there will be mistakes, but we’ve done our best to create and enforce a policy that acknowledges the breadth of expression we see in the community.

Most importantly, we’re going to be as transparent as possible with you about the decisions we’re making and resources available to you, including more detailed information, product enhancements, and more content moderators to interface directly with the community and content.

Like you, we love Tumblr and what it’s come to mean for millions of people around the world. Our actions are out of love and hope for our community. We won’t always get this right, especially in the beginning, but we are determined to make your experience a positive one.

Jeff D’Onofrio
CEO

With that said, we feel bad for the various bloggers that used Tumblr as their main platform.  Contact us if you need anything that maybe we can help with.   

Christmas Photo Shoot – Have a Sexy Christmas

Dusty Rose – Lights!   Enjoy the tunes while browsing through our Christmas Gallery!

Sexy ChristmasBack in 2012 when we started our blog, Venice and I wanted to find a sexy way to celebrate Christmas and December.  We came up with the idea to do a photo shoot every day up until Christmas.  I believe it all started on December 1, 2012, when I asked Venice if she wanted to do a photo shoot with me cumming all over her milk and cookies.  Of course she jumped at the opportunity because she loves taking photos, and definitely doesn’t have a problem eating cookies and cream during the holidays.

From there it spiraled into us setting up a second Christmas tree specifically for photo shoots.  We’d message each other throughout the day and plan our next shot.  It was fun, but it was also a lot of work.

Even though the photos are from 2012, they are still timeless and we enjoy sharing them.  Welcome to the month of December!   Happy holidays everyone!

TAGS: sexy christmas