Loneliness, Porn, and Losing Your Soul Mate

porn lonelinessLoneliness, Porn, and Losing Your Soul Mate

Below I have added an interesting story from an anonymous author on Reddit we decided to share with our readers.  These type of random stories get a lot of attention so we decide to archive it in case it gets deleted.  It deals with being lonely and needing porn.  However, unlike young kids not finding dates because they are addicted to porn sites, it is quite the opposite.  It’s about older gentlemen that uses porn as a way to get through life after his wife has passed.  Loneliness isn’t easy.

I get it.

This actually reminds me of Robert Kraft, the owner of the New England Patriots being arrested for paying for an illegal hand job at a massage parlor.  However, what is usually left out of this story is that his wife has passed and he was 75 years old at the time of the incident.   It doesn’t make it legal or moral, but maybe it explains why a billionaire would risk his reputation to get an illegal hand job at a massage parlor.

Below is the full story: 

Writing this on a throwaway account because I could get fired for what I did.

I work at a store that deals with technology. I won’t be specific, but it’s a pretty big store, and a family store with things for kids to play with and little classes for them. We do sales and repairs, so we’re pretty full-service and often busy and crowded.

The other day, I was approached by a coworker with a question about the parental controls on a device. I’m one of the people who is very familiar with software and interfaces, and parental controls are one of my knowledge points that a lot of the younger workers aren’t familiar with (even though I’m not a parent myself), so this wasn’t unusual. The questions centered around removing them. My coworker asked if I could take over, and I said okay. This was all very normal, right up until he said “It’s this old guy. He wants to watch porn.” That got the requisite “WTF” look from me, and my coworker stifled a laugh. “Thanks for dealing with it,” he said. I kind of shrugged. I mean, I like porn, I’m not shy about browsing it, and that people have “needs”. I had no problem handling it, though I bet other coworkers might say I should just send him to a manager to get “politely declined service for that subject.”

He takes me over, and introduces me to this very old man. He looked like he might have had Parkinson’s, with the tremor in his hand. His iPad was also very old, as was the software on it. I could tell at a glance that his system had a version from before 2013 (because I’m a nerd who can tell these things at a glance). His iPad would not even be compatible with newer systems.

The old man didn’t say anything about porn, but he said that his grandkids had been over, and he thought they did something to his iPad, because it wasn’t working like normal. He said he thought that they’d set some parental controls “to block stuff so kids can’t see it”.

I smiled, and sighed, and began to tell him the usual speech about how parental controls work, and how we’d need the passcode if one was set up, and if he didn’t have it, it would require deleting the device and beginning without a backup to get things working again. His iPad didn’t appear to have much on it. But when I got to the settings, I was surprised to find there were no parental controls turned on.

I stopped, and I let him know that it appeared there were no controls or limits set. I turned them on and off just in case. I had to ask him. “So what wasn’t working?” I was starting to worry it might be a software incompatibility due to new web standards, and that his old iPad might not be able to be updated to match them. Internally, I did not want to have that conversation. People his age were often on fixed incomes, and could not afford to get a new device.

He began trembling again. “I’m 93,” he said. “My wife died. I have nothing left. And the…the videos I’d watch, they aren’t working anymore.” He took the iPad and started to go to a webpage. “I go to xnxx, and the images are there, but when I…”

I stopped him. “Sir, uh, our WiFi blocks that,” I said. I remembered using that site myself. It was one of the regular sites I’d used to go to for many years.

He nodded and closed his eyes. “Please, I don’t have anyone. I just…need something.”

I was struck. It stopped being funny. He was so fucking lonely, and the videos he watched online were important to him. I could see in his eyes, it was something he needed, to just keep existing. And I could see just how ashamed he was to come in, with such a subject and a need, but his loneliness was too much for his shame. He was practically in tears.

I acted like what I did next was a big decision, because I thought I had to put up the act, even though it was a quick decision for me. I pulled out my phone, and I turned on the hotspot, and I put his iPad onto my phone’s WiFi. This would bypass the content restrictions our WiFi had. He thankfully had a cover on the iPad. I held it at a low angle, and positioned it so we could see but hopefully there’d be as little a chance for anyone else to see. I typed in xnxx.

The porn site came up, and I kept furtively looking over my shoulder. He said “This is how it comes up, but when you tap, it doesn’t play anything…”. So I tapped. While the page changed, I remembered to turn down the volume, and I did.

The video came up and started playing. A-okay, no problem.

He began to say it wouldn’t do that at home, but still started thanking me. Still, I wasn’t satisfied. If there’s a bug, and it works sometimes but not others, it’s not fixed, it’s just a clue to find it. I tried other videos and they all worked.

I closed the webpage and the iPad. He looked so thankful. I told him I didn’t do anything, so I wasn’t sure it was “fixed.” I considered that maybe his kids, the grandkids parents had put parental blocks up on his own ISP, but they’d block the entire site, not the vids. I told him to try it again at home. I didn’t know why it hadn’t worked, but at least we’d proven that his iPad could play them.

He left, and even as I told him that I wasn’t sure we could help further he kept thanking me. I just stood there for a moment, and then I started tearing up and had to leave the sales floor.

It struck me how lonely he was, how the porn was one of his only ways of just having moments of satisfaction. I felt that hard. I’m serially single. I’m very lonely, and porn is my escape, and I’m just 42. I realized the state he was in, that’s something that is likely coming. For all of us.

I know that a lot of my coworkers would laugh at the guy, the pervert coming in, needing his porn. But I felt sad. Sad for him. Sad for all of us. I know that loneliness. It’s waiting for us all.

I don’t know if there’s a moral here. I just thought I should share. And please, I know porn is something we laugh about and make fun of, and it’s deserving of that. But sometimes…let’s take away the shame of it. You’re lucky if you don’t need it to get those little moments. Don’t take it for granted. And allow whatever moments others have, however they get them, without shame or looking down.

There is a moral here.  It isn’t just about being sad.  It’s about having a soul mate… and maybe having to deal with losing your soul mate.  And what happens if your soul mate passes in this life and you are left alone?  What happens if you do not want to “move on” and find a new relationship, a new person to love, or someone else to fill the void. Male or female, you may still have urges to release or have a physical need that needs to be met, but do not want an emotional connection. What can you do?   Well, you can move to Nevada (or any country) where prostitution is legal, or watch porn.   Whether you call it therapy or a release, porn isn’t always such a terrible thing.   

 

Q&A: My Mom Found My Receipt for my Bondage Set and 10 Inch Dildo

10 inch dildoMy Mom Found My Receipt for my Bondage Set and 10 Inch Dildo

My mother knows my partner and I haven’t been sexually active for a while, she won’t be angry or anything it’s just incredibly goddamn embarrassing.  My 10 inch dildo guilt.

Well, the parcel arrived while my parents were at work so I destroyed the box and all packaging. Shredding everything into tiny pieces before putting them in an opaque carrier bag an into the bin. I thought I’d been very careful, I go away for the weekend to find a “Thank you for your purchases!” on my desk, with ALL my purchases listed including a bondage set and 10 inch dildo.

How incredibly embarrassing.

It wasn’t in an envelope or anything, does an invoice go to the house owner? I’m so fucking scared to have this conversation, actually teary from embarrassment.

Venice’s response to mother finding 10 inch dildo

Michael Jackson comes to mind:

You are not alone!

We’ve been doing this for too long (but not quite as long as the dildo you purchased) when we start recycling huge dildo problems.

Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, or like me, swallow the entire 10 inch dildo and call it a day.

 

sitting on a 10 inch dildo The best course of action here is to pretend nothing is wrong. Not only that, pretend nothing is even wrong with a 10 inch dildo. My advice is to walk up to your parents and ask them if they found a receipt from a sex store.  If they affirm, look your father dead in his eyes and say, “Well at least you only saw the receipt for what I warm up with and not the real deal…”

Maybe this will teach them never to use their eyes again around any piece of paper that is on the floor around your bedroom door.  Later, text your dad and ask him the dimensions of the bedpost.   Tell him you and your boyfriend are doing some bedroom shopping.

I’m kidding.

Seriously, it’s no big deal.  I get the embarrassment, but you’ll all get over it.  They are probably just as embarrassed as you.  Rather than throwing it away and living with the shame of knowing and you being oblivious, they let you know that they knew.  Some people do prefer to not have these weird secrets.  They may never want to discuss it, but they want you to know, they know.  That’s it.

Ryan’s response to mother finding huge dildo 

I’ve been caught prone masturbating by my mother.  Not really nude or anything, just my shorts pulled halfway down and me grinding against a towel.  My mom walked in like, “What are you doing?”  Obviously that was embarrassing as hell for me.  I just yelled, “Nothing!  Close the door!”  

Yup, the old classic “close the door” response!

I have been caught by my wife masturbating more times than I’d like to think about.  Each time was embarrassing, but the last time she just laughed and walked off.  This was in the beginning of our relationship when our sexual compatibility was off.  In fact, I did a lot of things during those days that embarrass me to even think about.

get off your high horse and sit on a 10 inch dildoEither way, I lived through it.  My parents lived through it.  Venice lived through it.   You’ll live through it.  Your parents will live through it.   We aren’t perfect and the sooner you accept that, the better off you will be.  It’s okay that you like 10 inch dildos that you could probably pole vault with and break records at the Summer Olympics, no big deal.  Who doesn’t?

7 Years – Our Christmas Past and Present (s)

7 Years – Our Christmas Past and Present (s)

Cookies and Cream

It all started in December 2012 with our Chocolate Chip Cookies with Nut photo shoot.  After that photo shoot we decided to take a picture every day leading up to Christmas.  It was actually a bigger task than we thought it would be.   But we had fun and 25 days of memories.  Now, in 2019, we are going to try and do a more comedic approach maybe.  Maybe sexy.  We will try to reverse roles and see how the pictures turn out.  I assume silly as hell, but it should be fun.  Although we will not do every day, as some of the sexy shots redone would be more gross than funny or sexy.  We will try to keep it classy and redo the photos that can work both ways.   For example, cookies n’ cream!  For those of you that have been around since the beginning, it should be entertaining.  You can check the original 2012 photo shoot post here.

Also, here is our favorite little hidden gem we found last year when we were making a lo fi Christmas playlist.  Our new tradition for our December 1 blog:  We LOVE the movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.

If you didn’t get the Christmas feels from that song, then you may not have a soul!  Talk about taking us back to our childhood and just blasting our ears with holiday greatness.  Love it! 

Let’s get back to the photos.  Below you will see our original idea with the silly border (at the time we loved it).  We kept the same vibe and spirit and left the border the same.  Enjoy.

Christmas Past – December 1, 2012

Christmas Present – December 1, 2019

Damn, we are packing this blog with all types of neat stuff!  Perfect song for this blog, Lukas Graham’s 7 Years…

 

Naughty Selfies – Santa’s Little Helper

Naughty Selfies – Santa’s Little Helper

I’ll try to keep these selfies limited to new outfits, panties, and ideas, rather than the exact same poses and panties every day. Thankfully, I do change my panties! Unfortunately, until I learn how to stretch and morph my body into alien-like positions,  I am a bit limited at what I can do with my camera!

Dear Naughty Selfie Diary: It’s Nippy November!

I originally posted this photo on my naughty twitter account as soon as the Santa themed nighty arrived.  When my husband saw me wearing it,  he yelled, “Stand still, do not move a muscle.”  

If you look close, you can actually see me standing totally still.  See!  I’m not moving! 

Or…maybe you can see my nipples and thigh gap.  It’s whatevz.  

Although technically not a selfie, for us, anything taken with our cell phones is equivalent to a selfie.  This was taken on the fly. You can check our Erotic Photography section for photos that are sexual, but also taken in an artistic way (we hope).   Our original plan was to redo our entire Christmas photo set, but now I am unsure.  We will see what happens with that.  

You can check out all my naughty selfies here!

 

Q&A: I’m Tired of My Husband Watching Porn Before He Has Sex With Me

I’m Tired of My Husband Watching Porn Before He Has Sex With Me

I don’t mind him watching porn in general. Not a big deal. But for the past couple months or so, he will walk into the bedroom fully hard expecting a blowjob, be all revved up because he has been watching porn, and then fuck me. No foreplay to speak of for me really, and if he takes time to do that, then I have to suck him hard again.  That leaves me out of the mood because, well, sucking flaccid dick isn’t super duper hot. Makes me feel kind of pointless and not all that wanted. So lately I’ve just been letting him fuck me and not really bothering with trying to orgasm because there isn’t any guarantee that it is going to last long enough for that. I told him I would like more foreplay and explained this to him and he asked what I want. I said I have no idea, because I’m inexperienced and don’t know what I want in the moment. I just want him. I was told I need to initiate more and ask for foreplay instead of just letting him have sex with me, but as explained, that is also unmotivating. I think I just don’t want to have sex at this point. It’s so much work and very overwhelming.

 

Venice’s response to husband watching porn 

Ryan has done this a few times, but it doesn’t really bother me.  It also never became a habit.  For him it was more of him watching porn late at night while I was in bed.  Rather than finishing by himself, he will come to the bedroom and involve me.  It’s flattering I suppose, because at least I was on his mind.  

Pro:  You are on his mind, because trust me, men can finish by themselves if they are watching porn.  Easy.

Con: Porn is not foreplay and he is disregarding your feelings.  You aren’t a fuck machine and he shouldn’t expect you to get him off just because he is horny from porn.

I understand your issue, although for me, the con doesn’t bother me.  I am totally okay being Ryan’s fuck machine and taking care of him.   If you can find that same submissive girl inside yourself, maybe that is an answer to your problem?

If you think using porn by himself as foreplay is bad, Ryan has also woken me up while pinching the head of his penis, holding a full load of cum in his shaft.  Porn wasn’t even foreplay, it was the whole event!  I just swallowed.  lol   I never really ask what he was doing prior, but I assume he was watching porn and masturbating.  I don’t really care, because I probably just want to go back to sleep.  Rather than waste his cum, he will wake me up and let me know to open my mouth.  Although this sounds awful, I prefer it.  We are intimate enough that he doesn’t need to masturbate, but if he does, I’d like to know it.  Him waking me up is more like him telling on himself. I find it adorable.  He isn’t proud, but he loves seeing me swallow.  I love swallowing him.  This doesn’t happen often, but we have a total open door policy and this is how our relationship works.  No cum gets wasted.

Suggestion:  Watch porn with him.

With all that said, if it bothers you,  tell him it bothers you.  There really isn’t much advice to give other than communicate and let him know that you are not interested in servicing him after he watches porn.  Although what I said was contrary to your experience, that doesn’t make me right.  It’s just what I prefer.  If I was annoyed by Ryan watching porn alone, I’d let him know.  

Ryan’s response to husband watching porn

I think the last comment of your question says it all.  

“I think I just don’t want to have sex at this point. It’s so much work and very overwhelming.”

This is probably why he resorts to porn to get  himself turned on.  He could just finish alone, but he still comes to you for sex.  Maybe you should join him and watch porn with him?  If that also disinterests you, maybe your sex drives just aren’t compatible.  This can be a major issue in a relationship and you may want to read about dead bedrooms and partners with incompatible sex drives.  This pretty much leaves both people totally unsatisfied in a relationship.  One is forced to do something that they find boring, way too much.  The other is forced to deal with no enthusiasm during sex, no initiation, and boring sex.  I’ve learned that the more bored the partner with the low sex drive is, the more they purposely act unenthused.  Consciously or subconsciously they are hoping they can bore their partner into also not wanting sex. Imagine that.

Enthusiasm and attitude is everything.  If you initiate, he probably wouldn’t resort to porn.  However, you will still be dealing with a flaccid penis, because that’s how our penises work. We start all foreplay flaccid, and may even stay flaccid all the way up until penetration.  We have no control over this.  As much as Venice embarrassed me in her response, there was a time when she also had what I consider a very low sex drive.  At least compared to me. I felt bad even asking for sex.  When I did ask, she would purposely give me lifeless oral sex and even sometimes pretend she was falling asleep.  Sex was much the same, but that is how she would get back at me just because I asked for sex.   She wanted me to feel what she felt while having sex.  However, I didn’t feel boredom, I felt unloved and unwanted.  She felt bored and that I wanted her too much. 

Let’s compare these needs?  One feels they are wanted too much.  The other feels unloved and unwanted?

One feels they are used for pleasure.  The other feels unused and can’t give the other pleasure.

I am a bit biased, obviously.  But the issue is real.

I watched porn because it was the only thing that could satisfy my drive. Back then,  I didn’t wake her up, and I didn’t ask her to swallow when I was done.  She hated swallowing!   

We married young and it’s so easy to get caught up in thinking sex is boring and just something adults do.  As we’ve stated since this blog started, our relationship needed a catalyst to realize it’s worth it to have a good attitude, enthusiasm, and be intimate with each other as much as humanly possible.  From a death in our family, to us almost separating, our catalyst was realizing we both didn’t want to give the next person the exact same effort it would require to make that person fall in love, that we could give each other, and fall back in love.   I’ve always said, when you split up, the next relationship will get the best version of you.  So why not just give that best version of you to someone you have history and family with?  That idea changed us.  We started our journey with this new mindset in 2012, when we started this blog. We’ve only gotten closer, more intimate, and have became amazing lovers and best friends.

Back to the topic.  It sounds like your partner may be insensitive.  While at the same time you openly say sex is boring and too much work.  He should work on listening.  You could work on telling yourself that intimacy and sex is a positive bonding experience.  Holding hands, hugging, spending time together talking, can all be too much work if you have negative thoughts about it.  Switch your vibes up and practice being positive.  Nothing will change your life more than good vibes and a positive attitude.

 

Continue Reading Q&A: I’m Tired of My Husband Watching Porn Before He Has Sex With Me