Okay, so I left my phone at the bank. Let me translate. I lost my homemade porn storage device at a place where there are 5 nosy women just looking for something to do. I think losing my phone may be in my personal top 5 of my biggest fears. Forget my credit cards, forget my cash, I just do not want to lose my mobile smut machine.
Speaking of my smut machine, it may be time to send this machine to the mechanic (trashcan) for an upgrade. For weeks now my phone has been messing up. After I am done using my phone and lay it down, later when I pick it up it is still on (the screen is just black), or the power is totally dead. I also noticed that there is no lock screen when this happens. If I turn the phone back on, it will be on exactly what I was looking at last without a lock screen.
With that being said, I had to run to the bank and get into a safe security box for work. Before I left, I may have been glancing at twitter. Don’t ask me why I look at smut on twitter at work in the middle of the day, because usually I don’t. However, if I publish a blog I will check out twitter to make sure my blog published or see who commented. Every now and then I will see some random *.gif tweeted that I will click, just to get a closer look. I call it: pussy click bait. I’m a man, I can’t help it.
So I ran into the bank and showed my identification, which is in my phone case. I got in and out quick and got what I needed. About 2 hours later I got a call at my office from a clerk at the bank. When I picked up the line she said, “Hello Ryan, did you forget something?”
I responded, “What, my keys?” I had no idea why I said that because I couldn’t have drove back to work without my keys. I just really had no idea why she was calling.
She laughed and said, “Are you missing your wallet?”
Fuck, my wallet. Otherwise known as my fucking phone. Otherwise known as if you click the gallery icon you end up seeing about 50 cock pics of myself, in various random positions that Venice requests during the day, face showing, smiling, and looking like a total toolbag. You’d also see about 500 various shots of Venice and her vagina, face, titties, ass, whatever. That “wallet” is my porn stash.
Continue Reading Random Moments – I Left My Phone At The Bank (Lost Phone)
I originally titled this blog “Congratulations Venice!” I changed it because I ended up about 7 or 8 paragraphs deep and decided to give it an actual title. My original purpose was to give a quick summary on her weight loss and tell her congratulations for losing over 40 pounds in 8 months! If you see her on twitter @Venicebloggs, maybe give her a quick tweet congratulating her. She’s earned it.
Venice never needed a damn pill. What’s funny is, at 19 she had the skinniest arms and shoulders I had ever seen on a girl. I could see the anatomy of her clavicle and shoulder bone. By far the slimmest girl I ever dated. Those pills may have helped her lose 10 pounds quickly, although probably all water weight, but she didn’t need it. She’s a tough girl. Anything she puts her mind to, she can do. Venice was in the military, so this wasn’t the first time she made this lifestyle decision. She was in great shape while in the military. I saw her go from not being able do a push-up, to doing 20. From not being able to run a mile, to running 3 (and lost 20 pounds on accident, no pills needed). This was a long way long way from her teenage days of having the skinniest arms I had ever seen and still being extremely unathletic. In my opinion (she’d disagree), she was naturally slim but had horrible eating habits (her mother gave her money for Carl’s Jr. each night instead of making home made meals) and probably hadn’t exercised a day in her life. Her arms were sticks, her waist horded all her fattening food, and she felt “fat” just because she didn’t look like a swimsuit model. She used to say to me, “Just because I am 129 doesn’t mean I am not fat.” I was just a young guy. Guys already don’t get it. But at that age, I really didn’t get it. I cared very little about any of her body issues. All I cared about was her vagina (which unfortunately I didn’t have one of my own, or before her, one to play with). I just really really wanted it. Seriously. Eat Carl’s Jr. all you want, just please eat that greasy ass burger while you squat over my face so I can study your pussy up close. Thanks.
So I have decided to add a new series to our blog. Nothing crazy or elaborate, in fact, just the opposite. A simple diary of something I want to remember for myself later. I am not trying to win a Sex Pulitzer, impress anyone with my writing, or create a smut story so detailed you guys can jack and jill off and finish before the ending. This is just a section for me to keep track of the small things we do and have done over the years. If it’s something I am doing recently, I will add a date for my own personal reference. Although we still only submit new blogs on Mondays and Thursdays, the dates will be accurate for when the sexcapade occurred.
So I have decided to add a new series to our blog. Nothing crazy or elaborate, in fact, just the opposite. A simple diary input of something I want to remember for myself later. I am not trying to win a Sex Pulitzer, impress anyone with my writing, or create a smut story so detailed you guys can jack and jill off and finish before the ending. This is just a section for me to keep track of the small things we do and have done over the years. If it’s something I am doing recently, I will add a date for my own personal reference. Although we still only submit new blogs on Mondays and Thursdays, the dates will be accurate for when the sexcapade occurred.
So I am at work on a Friday and I have to use the bathroom. Usually, I do not use the bathroom at work unless it’s an absolute must. I’m the type of guy that likes to be at home, on my own toilet, and do my business in familiar territory. My stomach doesn’t care about all that though.