This story is a bit funny because recently we’ve reached out to a few companies with media inquiries regarding their products. Our goal was to get more content for our review section. Of course we start contacting companies we considered to be the most popular, Doc Johnson easily in the top 3. With that being said, we sent the public relations department an email and told them a little about our website and past reviews. Within a few hours we received a response. Little did we know, we had already reviewed a product of theirs: Realistic Vagina – The Pocket Pussy. The email response had the following quoted:
So, Venice and I have found the worst sex toy ever. The pocket pussy. What started off as a simple curiosity, turned into me experiencing the midget’s version of a Fleshlight. Worst toy ever.
Yea, so pretty much, not a great start. However, in The Pocket Pussy’s defense, those quotes were from our original review, which we had edited a few months later when I revisited the sleeve on my own one night (self snitching). Originally I was using The Pocket Pussy like a Fleshlight, which meant I was leaving it inside the container it’s stored in. Because of the small size, that absolutely didn’t work. After I took it out of the hard container and used it as a sleeve (holding the soft material in my hand), I rewrote the review in a more positive light and turned the old review into a quote. However, we’d look like jackasses explaining that to the Doc Johnson’s public relation person, so we just left things how they were and took the L(oss). There is no way we were going to admit to being sex toy inept.
So we marked Doc Johnson off our list and started looking for less popular companies maybe we haven’t already given bad reviews to, such as, “Big Silly Willies Trailer Park Toys — we also make silicone beer holders!“
A few weeks later we get a box in the mail from Doc Johnson. How did I know it was from Doc Johnson? Because every corner of the box was taped up with large writing that said Doc Johnson all over it.
So yea, our mailman knows what’s up now.
Not really sure what was inside it, I held the box up to my ear and listened for a ticking sound, just to make sure it wasn’t some sort of time bomb or explosive vagina device. You never know, our review of their Pocket Pussy was pretty harsh.
……..Worst toy ever.
As I opened the package, those words echoed in my head. “Worst toy ever. Worst toy ever. Worst toy ever.” Venice stood back against the wall covering both of her ears.
Continue Reading Review: Balls Deep 9 Inch Stroker Pussy by Doc Johnson
Okay, so I left my phone at the bank. Let me translate. I lost my homemade porn storage device at a place where there are 5 nosy women just looking for something to do. I think losing my phone may be in my personal top 5 of my biggest fears. Forget my credit cards, forget my cash, I just do not want to lose my mobile smut machine.
I originally titled this blog “Congratulations Venice!” I changed it because I ended up about 7 or 8 paragraphs deep and decided to give it an actual title. My original purpose was to give a quick summary on her weight loss and tell her congratulations for losing over 40 pounds in 8 months! If you see her on twitter @Venicebloggs, maybe give her a quick tweet congratulating her. She’s earned it.
Venice never needed a damn pill. What’s funny is, at 19 she had the skinniest arms and shoulders I had ever seen on a girl. I could see the anatomy of her clavicle and shoulder bone. By far the slimmest girl I ever dated. Those pills may have helped her lose 10 pounds quickly, although probably all water weight, but she didn’t need it. She’s a tough girl. Anything she puts her mind to, she can do. Venice was in the military, so this wasn’t the first time she made this lifestyle decision. She was in great shape while in the military. I saw her go from not being able do a push-up, to doing 20. From not being able to run a mile, to running 3 (and lost 20 pounds on accident, no pills needed). This was a long way long way from her teenage days of having the skinniest arms I had ever seen and still being extremely unathletic. In my opinion (she’d disagree), she was naturally slim but had horrible eating habits (her mother gave her money for Carl’s Jr. each night instead of making home made meals) and probably hadn’t exercised a day in her life. Her arms were sticks, her waist horded all her fattening food, and she felt “fat” just because she didn’t look like a swimsuit model. She used to say to me, “Just because I am 129 doesn’t mean I am not fat.” I was just a young guy. Guys already don’t get it. But at that age, I really didn’t get it. I cared very little about any of her body issues. All I cared about was her vagina (which unfortunately I didn’t have one of my own, or before her, one to play with). I just really really wanted it. Seriously. Eat Carl’s Jr. all you want, just please eat that greasy ass burger while you squat over my face so I can study your pussy up close. Thanks.
So I have decided to add a new series to our blog. Nothing crazy or elaborate, in fact, just the opposite. A simple diary of something I want to remember for myself later. I am not trying to win a Sex Pulitzer, impress anyone with my writing, or create a smut story so detailed you guys can jack and jill off and finish before the ending. This is just a section for me to keep track of the small things we do and have done over the years. If it’s something I am doing recently, I will add a date for my own personal reference. Although we still only submit new blogs on Mondays and Thursdays, the dates will be accurate for when the sexcapade occurred.
So I have decided to add a new series to our blog. Nothing crazy or elaborate, in fact, just the opposite. A simple diary input of something I want to remember for myself later. I am not trying to win a Sex Pulitzer, impress anyone with my writing, or create a smut story so detailed you guys can jack and jill off and finish before the ending. This is just a section for me to keep track of the small things we do and have done over the years. If it’s something I am doing recently, I will add a date for my own personal reference. Although we still only submit new blogs on Mondays and Thursdays, the dates will be accurate for when the sexcapade occurred.