Category: Question & Answer

Your question, our answers.  Relationship advice, sex advice, and us fielding all types of questions from all over the internet.

June 1, 2015

Q&A – My Wife Hates Sex, Why Won’t She Just Give Me A Hall Pass?

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hall passMy wife has a very low sex drive and does not need or want sex. She refuses to give oral, claiming it causes lockjaw and is painful for her. So the only time we have sex is when she can’t put me off any longer and feels sorry for me, on average every 6 weeks or so.

The sex itself, to be honest, sucks. I won’t bore you with details, but it seems like she wants to make sure it’s as unpleasant for me as it apparently is for her.

I’m to the point where I hate to even ask. I’d rather take care of myself…

So I’ve often wondered, why won’t she just give me a hall pass?

Two things I must share about myself. First, I’m not a cheater. I’ve been ruthlessly faithful, even when sorely tempted by willing, attractive, available women in places my wife couldn’t possibly find out about.

Second, I identify as poly, and dabbled with multiple simultaneous relationships, as well as BDSM and swinging, too, with prior girlfriends. I told my wife all about this stuff before we married, because I didn’t want any secrets. She seemed intrigued, even turned on, by my “dark side.”

We went to some kinky parties and a swing club once (I watched her dance with and kiss a girl!), and talked about the possibility of having an open marriage. Ever the pragmatist, she said she was open to the possibilities, but if we had kids, she wouldn’t want to put them at risk. Whatever that means…

Naturally, we had kids shortly thereafter. All talk of anything out of the ordinary came to a screeching halt.

So here I am 11 years later, not getting my needs met.

I mean, she doesn’t want sex at all, but I want it as much as possible, up to 3 to 4 times a week.

Almost everything else about our marriage is tolerable, and if we worked at it, fixable. But I can’t for the life of me figure out a better solution for our sex life.

I’ve done it before, so I know I could handle a secondary, simultaneous relationship. It wouldn’t be “an affair” if everyone know what the deal was. (I wouldn’t want to do it unless everyone was on board.)

Sigh… I mean, really, what’s the big hangup!?

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” I swear I would come back every night. I would love my wife SO MUCH MORE if she would just give me a little freedom!

If she asked me for this, I would grant it in a heartbeat! I would say, “PLEASE go fuck that guy’s brains out! Have a ball! Just be home by 11.”

I’d love to know what you and your readers’ opinions are on my situation.

Continue Reading Q&A – My Wife Hates Sex, Why Won’t She Just Give Me A Hall Pass?

May 21, 2015

V’s Wet Inbox – Do You Enjoy A2M / ATM?

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Anal CumWhat are you thoughts on ass to mouth? Do you enjoy it?

Ass to mouth (ATM/A2M) is the act of a man having anal sex with a woman and then pulling out his penis so the girl can suck on it without washing off first.  This was originally practiced with one girl giving oral sex after being analed, but has now turned into multiple women (threesomes or more) pulling out the penis while a woman is being analed, sucking on it to lubricate it, then sticking it back inside the other woman’s ass.

When I first saw an A2M I was appalled. APPALLED! I’d see it in porn. I thought it was something that porn stars did that was above and beyond the call of porn duty. My initial reaction was disgust. I thought: “Doesn’t it smell? I bet there are little chunks on his dick! I would never ever ever ever do that. Ever!” Then the feeling of disgust went away quickly I started thinking my own personal hygiene habits. And, to be a bit graphic, after each time I go to the bathroom, I would wash not only the outside of my rear, but also the inside, i.e. colon. Why? Because I could, at any given time, have Ryan put his penis is me. So I try to be ready. In fact, I am always ready.

Most girls would squirm or get pissed off if their man even grazed his dick against their ass holes, but when it happens to me, I raise my body up to make sure Ryan has full access and can get in there without any trouble. The last time this happened, he was on my back as I lay on my stomach. He began to speed up and dig really deep in me. He got very hard very fast and I knew he was going to cum soon. Then I felt him let go of my arms and raise up onto his knees. and slide the first few inches of his cock in my ass. His dick was wet with my pussy juices so he was able to go in gently. I felt his dick twitch in me several times as he moaned. I turned around, grabbed his dick and put it in my mouth. I squeezed the rest of his semen out as I stroked him clean and sucked his dick dry.

To answer your question, yes, I enjoy moments like this because I know I’m clean and turns us both on to know that we have no limits in the bedroom. It turns us both on and I get to be this amazing porn star of a wife that makes Ryan love just a little more each time I do it.

With that being said, I would not want to A2M with another woman’s ass on Ryan’s dick.  The last woman we were with loved anal and mentioned it multiple times, but Ryan made sure to let me know that he is totally uninterested, even disgusted by the idea of analing some girl he has no emotional connection with.   He let the other girl know he wasn’t interested.  We’ve analed in front of other women, but Ryan has never analed them.  All the girls I have been with licked my ass directly without needing the penis to feed them second hand Venice-Ass, so I guess they were all into A2M.  I’ve only licked another girl’s ass once, but I was drunk and Ryan wanted to see it!

May 4, 2015

Q&A: My Husband Will Not Quit Touching Himself

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touching himselfMy husband often wears only boxers when he’s at home and he has this habit of constantly touching himself.  Some of the time when I look at him, his penis is actually erect or semi erect.  I am unsure if he is masturbating, turning himself on, or just constantly itching his penis.  It seems like he is always scratching, fondling, or rubbing his own testicles.  Even when we are snuggling in bed and I’m laying against him, I can feel him touching himself.  It didn’t use to bother me but over time it is really becoming a problem.  I do not want to see my husband as some guy that sits around the house touching his penis all day.   

Is it always sexual? Or do some guys just like to play with their stuff?   I don’t know whether to be jealous, turned off, or just ignore it.

Venice’s response:
Seems like this is something that a lot of guys do. I remember seeing Al Bundy put his hand in his pant waist when I was a kid in every episode of “Married…with Children.”  It was weird to me and I always thought, “Why is he touching his penis?” Looking back at it now, he was not touching his penis. But I was a kid and it was soft core porn-ish to me.  But let’s think about it: middle-aged man who had a crummy job, sassy kids, and a wife who nagged him. All these things could be stressors in his life. And although he’s not physically touching his dick, I really believe it’s a symbolic gesture of what your husband does at home: constant touching of his penis.

And guess what: I do it, too. Sometimes my hand will wander until they get beneath my panties and before I know it, I’m feeling myself up. I’ll lay in bed and touch my lips. I feel my skin. I’ll squeeze my lips between my fingers up and down. I’ll tickle the crease of my thigh. I’ll rub my pussy hole without sticking my fingers. And I rub my clit.  I’m not doing it to orgasm at all. I may not even get to the point where I am so turned on that I WANT to cum. I do it simply to relax, and it just feels so damn good.

Do I think what your husband does is to be perverted? No. He’s not doing it in front of open window or in front of your friends.  Is he doing it to ejaculate?  It certainly doesn’t sound like it. Does he think what he does is wrong? I don’t think so; he’s obviously not trying to hide it from you.  He’s in his own home.  Frankly, I consider it very normal.  I see it as a positive thing if your husband is comfortable enough around you to not be judged for something that others could see as perverted or weird. We all have strange habits and the one person who should embrace them is your spouse.

But how is it a problem to you? As long as he doesn’t do it in public, it should not be a problem. And don’t ignore it because he’ll never stop. It’s pointless to ask him to. He’ll resent you and will eventually do it behind your back.  You definitely do not want that. My solution: do it for him! The next time you’re in bed together and you see his hand down his boxers, put your hand down there with his. Feel what he does, learn what he does to himself, be a part of his semi-sexual routine. I promise you, he won’t turn you down.

Ryan’s response:
Some guys definitely like to play with their stuff.  Everyone is different though.  If a man lives his life trying to be absolutely perfect to his spouse, hoping she never sees any of his bad habits, he may run to the bathroom to pick his nose or go into a closet to privately adjust his junk.  I used to be that way about everything until I met Venice.  I think it’s a comfort thing.  If you find someone you really love, you end up totally being yourself around them.  Unfortunately this means the person you love ends up being annoyed by your habits.   There is such a thing as too comfortable.

It’s hard work living together everyday and still staying totally in love.    How does one pick his nose, fart, burp, use the bathroom, have bad morning breath, rub his testicles, and accidently have long nose or ear hairs and still keep a woman attracted to him?  It’s tough.  As much as I’ve tried throughout the years, I am still human.  As we get more comfortable and our spouse becomes an extension of us, it’s hard to keep anything from them… including the bad.  This is why communication is so important.  I literally have conversations with Venice where I explain that I have to embrace some of her flaws, the same way a guy who is scared to step on cracks in the sidewalk needs to FORCE himself to step on those cracks to embrace his fears, so I don’t start getting turned off.   I tell her this hoping she does the same for me.  If you focus on the bad, it snowballs into horrible.  If you focus on the good, it snowballs into a great relationship.  For instance, if we both focus on our bad morning breath, eventually we’d never want to kiss.  Whether we clean our teeth or not, eventually the bad morning breath snowballs into disgusting mouths, which then snowballs into no kissing, which then snowballs into less intimacy, which then snowballs into not kissing your spouse in years.  This HAPPENS.  So instead, we will brush and kiss each morning and after we spend lunch together.  Please see the 5 second kiss rule.

Now, I said all that, just to say this.  I do actually catch myself touching myself.  I think it may be a comfort thing.  Like, the whole world sees me as this person that wakes up, showers, gets dressed, and goes to work.   But, at home, I am so comfortable with my wife that sometimes I will lay in bed and talk to her as I touch myself.  Not in a sexual way, not in an erection way, but more of a squeeze the head of my penis and get this relaxing chemical release.  There is absolutely no sexual arousal at all.  It relaxes me.  Why?  I have no idea.

If your husband is getting an erection, I am unsure exactly what he is feeling.  It seems like it may be partially sexual.  Talk with him about that.

I do think rubbing his balls would annoy most people.  It’s not like a man’s testicles are the cleanest part of our bodies, and if he is just rubbing them all night and touching the light switch, computer keyboard, or remote control, I would be annoyed as hell.  Or just grosssed out.  Talk to him about it and let him know he may be comfortable doing it in front of you, but you are not comfortable with seeing it.

Ignore it or annoyed, you feel what you feel.  However, I really don’t see a reason to be jealous.   Are you afraid he may leave you for his hand?   Talk to him.

April 27, 2015

Q&A: I Quit Shaving My Face Until My Wife Shaves

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ladywithbeardShe is really upset and hates my new beard.  She has said something to me a number of times about wanting me to shave. So I asked her are you going to shave for me? Of course, she says no. I don’t know if I’m to shave soon or decide to fuck it and see if I can get her to see my side on this. She says it hurts when she shaves when it grows back in. Well, my face doesn’t exactly feel awesome when I have to shave daily or close to daily either.

What do you guys think?

Venice’s response:
Shaving for the first time will cause a lot of irritation. That’s a fact. Whether you’re 18-years-old and shaving for the first time because all the girls in your sorority are doing it or you’re a regular shaver and you’re shaving for the firs time in weeks. It will itch like crazy, your skin will be irritated, and it may even get raw from the excessive scratching you may do in the ensuing days. But I do feel that once she does shave a few times, she will get used to it. And if she shaves at least twice a week to maintain its baldness, her skin will get more “calloused” and will grow accustomed to the shaving. It will stop itching, and unless she cuts herself, the stinging sensation is only temporary, just like a man who shaves his face.

In my opinion, I believe men and women should at least make an attempt to do what his/her partner asks of them. Why be so close minded? How does that positively affect the relationship by saying no? It shows you’re stubborn, it shows you’re selfish, and most of all, it shows you’re not willing to make the other person happy. The first time Ryan asked to ejaculate on my face, I was pretty scared. Why? Because some had gotten in my eye and it was just a bad experience for me. But after I got over it, and rather than thinking of the negative aspects, I thought about how I’d be pleasing him, how it would turn him on, how it would make him love me just a little more (yes, it’s possible even if he says “I love you with all my heart”), and how I’d be fulfilling a fantasy of his. Me. He could see other chicks do it and say, “Just like how my woman does it, but it’s better because it’s her.” How can I ever tell him no to anything when I’m the one he wants to do these things to?

In your case, it seems like you want to turn this into a tug-of-war by saying “My face doesn’t exactly feel awesome when I have to shave daily.” Pretty juvenile. If neither of you will comply with the other’s wishes, then neither of you should complain.

Ryan’s response:
I imagine in a few months you will be looking like Forrest Gump when he was running the map.  And your wife’s vagina will also still be a glorious forest of love.

I think what you are doing is silly.  Communicate with your wife and let her know how important it is that she shaves.  If she has her reasons why she doesn’t want to shave, and they are sincere, then you will just have to accept those reasons and take into consideration the type of person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. What you are doing isn’t sincere, that’s the difference. You are not shaving because you want to teach her a lesson.  She is not shaving because it hurts and makes her feel uncomfortable.  Big difference. Your not shaving is out of spite, and in my opinion, a very immature way to get your point across.

I do tend to agree that your spouse should naturally do things that make you happy though.  For instance, waking up and fixing her hair may not be the funnest thing in the world to do.  In fact, I am sure everyone would like 5 more minutes of sleep.  Not to mention, I am sure her hair may snag and feel comfortable until she gets the kinks out, but she still does it.  She does this to make herself presentable and decent to the world.  Whether it be makeup, high heels, thongs, or anything women do that isn’t necessarily comfortable, just to make themselves look good and feel sexy.  Why wouldn’t she put up with a little discomfort if it makes you happy?

I find it lazy and selfish to ignore the small things you would appreciate her doing, but that still doesn’t change the fact that you not shaving out of spite isn’t the way to “teach her a lesson.”  She isn’t a dog or lab rat.  Your marriage shouldn’t resemble a psychology lesson. Communicate with her and let her know how important her shaving is for you.  If she decides she doesn’t care, then you know what type of person you are spending the rest of your life with.   Not that her jungle below is enough to file for divorce over, but the small red flags of selfish behavior definitely snowball into problems in the future.

Good luck.

TAGS: shaving your vagina

March 9, 2015

Q&A: Mama’s Boy

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mamas boyHi guys! Me and my boyfriend are fairly young, early twenties, and we haven’t been dating super long, but we have both discussed marriage and being together for the long haul! We both know what we want out of life, and we know that we love each other. However, there is one problem and I’m not exactly sure how to deal with it…he is very close with his mother due to the fact that he is all she has. Her parents have passed and she has no siblings or any other children. Recently he told me that his mother would always come first to him, and I understand wanting to be there for her, but I don’t think that’s necessarily fair when it comes to my relationship with him. He says that I need to be okay with her going on vacations with us, but I think I deserve my own time. I love his mom, she’s probably one of the sweetest ladies I’ve ever met, but still, it can get annoying since he tells her everything and they talk daily. I guess what I’m trying to ask is: am I being selfish for wanting him to put me as a top priority in his life and put me first sometimes?

Venice’s response:
What a good son for looking out for his mother. She’s very lucky to have a son who worries for his mother’s well-being. With that being said, I definitely do not think you’re being selfish for wanting to be top priority. It’s natural people in a budding relationship to want to be with each other as much as possible. It’s part of the bonding process. It helps establish a couple’s places in the relationship. It’s a test to see how the other reacts to stressors in the relationship, i.e. needy mothers.

Additionally, your boyfriend needs to realize that it is YOU that he will one day marry, not his mother. I understand his love for her and her current state of loneliness, but he must learn to balance his time between you and her. Not only that, but she needs to stop relying on her son for emotional support. He is his own man now which means that he has to learn to make decisions that will keep everyone happy and satisfied. Being in a relationship is hard work and whether she knows it or not, her intruding on his relationship can potentially do a lot of damage just by preventing him from spending time with you. When Ryan and I were still dating, he let me know..no, he showed me that I was his top priority. Even when we were separated by distance, we ensured that our relationship and our happiness took precedence. We made sure that we talked every single day, whether it was by text or by telephone, most of the time it was both. I sent him care packages, and he visited while he was on break from school. He even missed his first first nephew’s baby christening because he didn’t want to miss my phone call. To be fair, I didn’t ask him to. But maybe Ryan can shed some light on that…

As far as him telling her everything…um, why does he do that? The occasional motherly advice is warranted, yes. But he should really consider keeping his love life personal. Allowing her to know the little details of your relationship keeps you both under the microscope. Nip that in the bud FAST. Years from now, I’d hate to hear, “Do you still have a problem with climaxing with the light on? Did he tell you what I suggested to him?” GOD.

You can suggest to your boyfriend to take his mother out once or twice a week (a movie, lunch, shopping, etc.), maybe during a time when you’re at work, school, or when you’re out with your own friends. He doesn’t need to spend all of his free time with her. Quality, not quantity, will make her appreciative of him. Sabotaging his relationships is NOT in her best interest. It will lead to one failed relationship (if not marriage) after another, then he will never have kids, which will lead to the destruction of their blood line. And even though that is a hypothetical/worst case scenario, you could see that mothers aren’t mean to be part of the relationship equation.

Ryan’s response:
No, you are not being selfish for wanting him to put you first.  His mother will always be important in his life but a wife should always be first.  As of now you aren’t his wife so maybe that’s the issue.  However, if he has asked you to marry him then he needs to know you come first.  You are the only person in his life that he will ever “pick” to be with him forever. You need to be compatible.  Your personalities need to fit.  You’ve got to be his top priority because you are the only person in his life that isn’t bonded by blood.  In other words, your relationship is only permanent because of a promise (or court document).  His mother, his family, and his future children were all put in his life (or will be put in his life) without him really having a choice if he will be compatible. Whether he likes their personalities or not, they will be in his life forever.  You are the one person he has to keep happy and be happy with, otherwise the relationship can dissolve. Therefore, a wife should always be the number one priority in a man’s life.  I know it sounds bad that I mention he should even put you above his future children, but the point is, his (your) children will eventually reach 18, move on, have their own families (wives/husbands that they will also need to put their mothers/fathers), and he will still be with you.  Your marriage goal should be to grow old together, without compromising your own happiness.

With that being said, my answer depends on whether or not your boyfriend really wants to marry you.