Hello Venice and Ryan, I must say, you guys have an amazing blog. I actually found your website using a google search term that you guys may feature in a future blog, “wife wants threesome.” Hopefully that one isn’t as weird or funny as the ones I read on your other post. Also, I actually found your threesome article extremely informative and am wondering how you guys plan on safely adding a third to your bedroom? I am in the same boat I believe, except here in Nevada, there are some counties that have legal brothels. We also have a lot of escorts but I am unsure of the legal issues regarding that. However, my question to you both is, how would you feel about adding a professional for a threesome, rather than getting lucky and finding a single woman, or a couple with the other husband willing to sit on the sidelines ?
Hello, very interesting site. I actually ended up here because of xhamster but do have a question for you both. Well, I guess I just need your advice. I have been married for 11 years to a beautiful woman that is my absolute best friend. We have a 9 year old daughter together and everything is perfect, except I have absolutely no interest in women. Although I suspected I was gay from an early age, my dad was very strict and I just wanted to make my family proud. My wife was the only woman that ever really turned me on, so I figured she was the one. Now, 11 years into the marriage, I cannot get an erection at all with her. In fact, our marriage has been completely sexless for about 3 years. This is killing my wife, as she thinks I have an erection disorder or find her unattractive. She has purchased books on sex and marriages, has given me oral sex for what felt like hours, and still nothing.
I do not think she knows this, but I do get erections frequently, but only when viewing gay porn. I masturbate without her knowing and feel like I am only sexually attracted to men. I have approached my wife about the idea of an open marriage, but this hurt her feelings. I covered my tracks by suggesting it to her, as a way to fulfill her needs since I can no longer perform. I am unsure if she was so hurt because I was suggesting she was shallow enough to fuck other guys because I can’t make love to her, or because I suggested an open marriage. Either way, I am gay.
What should I do? I would love to stay with my wife and help raise my daughter, but I need to get this lifestyle thing off my chest. I’m tired of hurting her. I’m tired of lusting men behind her back. I’m tired of sneaking around masturbating. I’m tired of lying.
Venice’s response:
I can’t imagine how torn you must feel. It was a good move for you to ask you wife about an open marriage. Have you told her you were gay yet? If not, that may be the reason her feelings have been hurt. It goes without saying that you will need to break the news to her gently. Reassure her with the positive things about her and your relationship before you tell her you’re no longer interested in her, or other women for that matter. I would suggest telling her how much you love and care for her and that the reason you are approaching her with this news is that you would rather be honest with her first before hurting her. If you’ve never cheated on her – with a woman or a man – tell her that too.
If it were me telling my husband this news, I would make sure he understood that it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, but I could no longer continue in a marriage under the assumption that I was a straight woman, and that if I did, I would be doing us and our daughter a disservice by living a lie. Try to make her understand that attraction to one’s partner – sexually and emotionally – are crucial parts to making a relationship work. If they’re missing or unfulfilled, that person will almost likely turn to someone who can fill that need. If not, that person will live in misery.
A marriage cannot survive purely on love. Sexual attraction, honesty, and loyalty are important elements that define a successful connection. In your case, honesty is going to play a huge part in how your wife will perceive your “break-up.” The one thing that would ease my mind if I were your wife is the fact that you don’t want to continue hurting her. When it’s all over, she will be able to say, “At least he didn’t cheat on me.” That may the best thing that comes out of this.
Ryan’s response:
This is a tough one. The key to a good marriage is communication, but in this case, communicating that you are gay and prefer an open marriage may end your relationship. I suppose it comes down to what your goals are as a father, husband, and man. If you want to be openly gay and can no longer live the way you are now, talk with your wife and accept what’s going to happen afterwards. Let her know that you are not in a hurry to start meeting guys and having sex with them, but you want to quit hurting her. When she realizes that you aren’t just going to pack your bags and jump in the sack with a bunch of men, she may relax and appreciate the honesty. It’s not unheard of in these situations for the wife to end up being your best friend, but I doubt she will stick around as your wife and keep you as her gay husband. You can both still raise your daughter but it may be in two different households. This is something you will have to understand before you make your decision to talk with her.
Another suggestion I have: after you tell her, if she is understanding of what’s going on with you, ask if you can bring gay adult videos into the bedroom. There is an article floating around written by an ex-Playboy Bunny who has said that Hugh Hefner would line all the in-house Bunnies up twice a week outside his bedroom door, and one by one they would service them. Whether it be oral or sex, they would take turns, maybe five minutes each. Although this seems like a dream come true for most men, the article stated that he would have gay porn playing on a movie screen in his bedroom to help him keep his erection. Maybe after you come out, your wife will understand you need certain things to achieve and erection, but once you get that erection you can both enjoy it. I really don’t understand how your own hand could be more sexually attractive than your wife’s hand, mouth, ass, or vagina. Your hand isn’t a man.
Hello Venice and Ryan. I’ve never really emailed a question to a website before but yours seems interesting and I would love your opinion on a certain issue I have been dealing with.
A quick background. I’ve been married for about 7 years and so far everything seems great. We both have normal sex drives and usually have sex about 2-3 times a week. As a kid in the lockerrooms, and later in college, I was always teased about my penis size. I was on the wrestling team and the guys nicknamed me, “Light Switch.” As you know, the singlets don’t hide much. My wife also knows this because we started dating in college. Although she never teased me, she knew of the nickname. It never really seemed to bother her.
I’ve also viewed a few articles about the average penis sizes in men all over the world. I am considerably under most of the averages, except for like Korea. Too bad I don’t live in Korea (bad joke I know)! I am unsure if you need my exact size, if so, just email me back.
Either way, it’s well under average but I have never had problems getting my wife to orgasm. Most of the time I will make her orgasm prior to intercourse with my fingers or tongue. Lately, she has been talking dirty in the middle of sex and she started saying things like: “Oh my god, your cock is huge!” “You are going to tear me in half with that fucking big dick.” “I have never seen anyone as hung as you.”
I know this sounds a little wierd but what should I do? I am unsure if she is teasing me or I really am the biggest man she has ever had. Why would she say these things? Neither of us were virgins and she never lived in Korea, or dated a Korean, so I have a hard time believing I am the most hung man she has ever seen. Your thoughts?
Venice’s thoughts:
Thank you for your question. I particularly like this one for several reasons. But first let me explain something – “penis average” reports are subjective in the same way pain is subjective. My threshold of pain is higher than Ryan’s, but if we present a back problem to a doctor, we will be prescribed the same medicine, even if my pain tolerance is higher. The standards of measurement are ..well, who KNOWS what the standards are! For the sake of argument, the measurements of other penises worldwide are irrelevant in your situation.
I understand your frustration and the questions you must have as to how genuine your wife is in calling your cock huge. In all reality, who cares if she honestly does or doesn’t believe your measurement is longer, wider, etc than any guy she’s been with. I want to congratulate her personally for figuring out what many women do not do: express to her man that he has the biggest dick she’s ever had. If I tell a chef, “This is the best tiramisu I’ve ever tasted!” I promise you he will not go home that night and question the deliciousness of the dessert. Instead, he will relish in the fact that he has satisfied a customer to the point where he has claimed he has tasted nothing better than what he was just served. The chef will look over his ingredients, preparation, and attempt to recreate the recipe over and over for future customers. That is, until a food critic says otherwise.
Saying you have the biggest cock she’s ever had makes her a good lover, not a liar; it makes her an awesome wife, not a deceiver. The more she says this, the more she will believe it and the more it will be true. She says it to you to boost your ego, which in turn will help you to become a more confident lover. When you’re having sex, her mind is focused on you and your body, and what you do to her. Don’t allow your obsession with any hidden agendas on her part take away from the intimacy that you share together. Your constant looking into the gift horse’s mouth will put thoughts in your head that put a wedge between you two. Men WANT a woman who tell them their dicks are huge. Be appreciative that she does it of her own accord.
Ryan’s thoughts:
These things are always so easy to answer for me. COMMUNICATION. Ask her.
I guess for this blog I can write a few assumptions but that’s all they would be, assumptions.
Does it turn you on to hear how big you are? Maybe this makes you fuck her better? Maybe when she mentions how big she thinks your penis is, you get extra excited and it does get bigger? Maybe she enjoys feeling your excitement when she tells you how big you are? Maybe it turns her on to fantasize about you being huge? Maybe she thinks you are huge? Maybe she is vocalizing what she thinks in her head, and wants you to hear and affirm her thoughts? Maybe it turns her on more to know you accept you’re huge to her? Maybe she just wants you to fuck her like you are huge and the alpha of all men? Attitude.
Let’s say she doesn’t think your dick is huge, but during sex these thoughts pass through her mind. Her talk is equivalent to role play. I’ve fucked Venice from behind and pretended I was raping her. Does that mean she was raped? Absolutely not. It’s just random thoughts that pop into our head to make the situation exciting and different. Good sex is almost all mental. If she tells herself you have the biggest cock in the world, she can put herself in that situation mentally and absolutely enjoy the idea of a being with a horse cocked man. A lot of good women do this without their husbands ever knowing. It’s not a mistake that most happy women feel their man’s size is perfect for them. Women on marriage websites will brag about their husbands being huge, especially newlyweds. The first thing these women say if things end up not working out? “Oh my god, he was tiny.” Does that mean she was lying? NO. When a woman is happy with a man, everything is better, including your dick. When a woman is happy with you, in her mind, your dick is a redwood tree and she enjoys the idea of being your lumberjack. When she is unhappy, your dick is a tumbleweed and she prefers nothing more than watching that little dried up shrub to roll on by. All mental. Guys do the same thing, whether it be about smells, how good she is in bed, etc.
The mind is a powerful thing. I do not think women consciously come up with these evil plots to trick men, but because of love, they truly want their spouse to be the man of all men. I’ve accepted this. Sometimes Venice will see a large object or a giant penis and immediately whisper in my ear, “that’s small compared to you…..” and she’ll grab my crotch like she is pinching a baby’s cheeks — not reach down and barely be able to hug my mountain of a crotch because it”s so huge she can’t get her arms around it. However, she is not joking, she absolutely means it. It’s not true, but she means it. Her intentions aren’t mean, aren’t evil, aren’t trickery, it’s what she feels. She is proud of her husband regardless of his dick size, and to let him know, she communicates this with him. That’s what good women do. As a good man, don’t question it. Give her exactly what she wants, a huge cock. Fuck her like your dick is the biggest thing on earth, attitude is everything.
I’m here because I found out my husband is cheating on me and I need advice.
Some background information:
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have 1 child. We married young and although I never told him, a few days before my wedding my husband’s best friend made a pass at me. I figured it was the alcohol and didn’t want to ruin my wedding so I never told anyone. Although he never hit on me again, I always felt he was a douche.
Anyway, last week I was sitting on the couch with my husband watching television. He just upgraded his phone to the iphone 5 a few months earlier. I was messing around on it and for whatever reason he just snatched it out of my hand. I didn’t say anything because I never really went through his phone before, but I knew this was a red flag.
When he went to sleep, I snuck over to his side of the bed and grabbed his phone off his night stand. He must have just added a lock code but I put in his birtthday and it unlocked. At first I checked his browse history and didn’t find anything suspicious. I then went to his bookmarks and text messages, still nothing. At this point I figured I overreacted and started just messing with his pictures and stuff. Immediately I noticed that he had some porn type stuff. I looked closer and it was him. My jaw hit the floor.
There are tons and I mean tons of pictures of my husband giving oral sex to another man. Even more disturbing is the fact that the majority of the pictures show my husband’s face covered in semen. I just totally lost it and started crying. To make matters worst, there is a video of him giving his friend a blow job on the toilet. This is how I figured out who the other man was, in the video I hear them both talking back and forth. It’s his best friend.
I’m so disgusted because these two have been friends for over a decade and I feel like my entire marriage was a lie. Should I just file for divorce after I show him what I found or should I have a talk with him about our relationship? I am confused because there is no other woman. At the same time, I am disgusted by what I saw. I am also heartbroken by all the lies. I don’t think I can ever trust him again. I feel so used. I also feel this weird feeling that maybe he asked his best friend to hit on me hoping I would cheat on him with his secret lover. This is all just so confusing.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Venice’s response:
Thank you for your question. I’m sorry that you have been put in an awful situation. But the solution is simple: get out while you can. I know it’s easier said than done to tell you to leave him, especially when you have a young child together. But I’m thinking about the long run as his sexual desires progress by moving to other areas of his life. I don’t pass judgement on his sexual preferences, but it’s his dishonesty that has caused him to keep secrets from you. You could have gone to counseling or separated amicably, but now you have to worry about how long he has been doing this, with how many men, if he has any diseases, if you have any diseases, and of course, the lies he has told you in order to be with other men. It’s endless.
There are multiple levels of wrongness done to you: cheating, dishonesty, and the betrayal of your wedding vows. I could understand if you’ve both had prior discussions about bringing other fantasies into your marriage, but it doesn’t seem like you have. Or even if you have, you certainly did not agree to the behavior and lifestyle portrayed by the pictures with his friend. Even if he says he’s willing to change, you have to understand that the hormones that drive a man are very powerful, strong enough to put his marriage, health, and family, in danger. If you do decide to stay with him, understand that his sexual demons are hard to expel, so know that he will have to work with those demons on an hourly basis to keep them from taking over his life. Get answers, get honest answers: is there even the slightest possibility that he could do this to you again. I would want 100% assurance, and if there’s the slightest hesitation, it’s over. I would never give advice I wouldn’t take myself. In this case, I would leave.
I would also get tested for STD’s just in case.
Ryan’s response:
Personally I feel cheating and lying can’t exist without the other. The two cannot be seperated. There is a huge difference between being open and honest with your partner about your life and desires, and living out your desires but keeping your partner totally in the dark. The act of being with another person isn’t cheating, it’s the act of being with another person and lying about it. I want to make sure I said that because you mention that you were confused because there was no other woman. I get what you are saying, because if Venice was to sleep with another woman, I wouldn’t be upset unless she kept it a secret from me. The secret could mean Venice has feelings, wants to betray me, enjoys sneaking around, or just knows she was doing something wrong. For me, this behavior is a violation of your relationship. He doesn’t respect you or your feelings. That’s cheating, regardless of the lover being the same sex.
With that being said, you were blatantly lied to and cheated on. You are not confused at all, you are exactly right, your entire relationship is a lie. You should never trust your husband again and my advice is to get out while you can. Not only is he not the man you thought he was, but he is possibly totally gay and in the closet. He may have used you to hide his secret life, but giving a blow job to his best friend on the toilet isn’t something he can just fix and stop. That is rock bottom gay and apparently he loves it so much he recorded it.
Get out, file for divorce, and read about his possible narcissistic personality disorder. He married you and had a child while living a lie the entire time. Not good.
If you can keep the divorce friendly for your child’s sake, that would be great.
Me and my husband have been married for over 5 years and until recently I never gave him any oral sex. I’ve decided to change that. I have been reading different blogs and websites, yours being one of them, and I am trying to open my mind and experience everything with my husband. My only concern is, I have tried to swallow cum with my a previous boyfriend and I immediately threw up all over him. I know that is bad, but it wasn’t just me spitting him out, I actually threw up from the taste of it, all over his lap. After that episode I have maybe given a few more blow jobs but never let a guy finish in my mouth.
Anyway, when I met my husband he told me from the beginning he just wants me happy. I told him about my past, the good, the bad, and the embarrassing, and he immediately let me know that I would never have to do anything I was uncomfortable with. Believe it or not, he has stuck to his words. I’ve never felt any pressure from him about oral sex. The few times I came close to initiating, I got scared because too much time between us has passed and I feel embarrassed. I also don’t know when to stop giving oral without hurting his feelings. I do know that I want to give him oral sex because I love him more than anything in the world and he deserves it, but I know I will never be able to swallow his cum. Do you guys have any suggestions?
Venice’s response:
Thank you for your question. I commend your husband for respecting your wishes about not asking you to give him oral sex or swallow. If the taste of semen makes you throw up, that is just awful. I know that me swallowing has made me closer to Ryan. I yield a certain dominance over him when I tell him that no one can have his cum but me, that he better not be wasting all that precious juice. I even get pissed off at the idea of him jacking off and wasting my cum. I’ve turned my cum swallowing into a game, a game where I make all the rules.
Remember this: I know it’s not apple juice, it’s cum, I get it. But the THOUGHT of it, what it represents to ME as Ryan’s wife, makes it the most delicious thing in the world. If you have to train yourself to love it, then do so! I hate to make this comparison, but it’s like smoking a cigarette for the first time: you try it because of peer pressure or you want to impress the other cool kids. At first you don’t want to do it, but you push through it, even forcing yourself. You start gagging and coughing. It’s the worst feeling ever when it burns your throat. But you see everyone doing it and you want to fit in. So you smoke another one; same reaction. You repeat this process until finally one day, your body is used to it and needs it. Now the cool kids are hanging around you all because you have this one thing in common. Well, pretend your husband is the cool kid and you want to impress him.
Also, I commend you for trying to initiate. It shows that you are willing to do it! My suggestion would be to take baby steps. If you do initiate oral sex, squeeze his penis hard after he has an erection for a few minutes and you will notice a clear sticky drop will appear around his urethra opening. This is his froth. This is the lubrication his body naturally provides to make sure his penis can penetrate the vagina. I personally think froth is very sweet. It has its own taste and texture. I think that would be a better approach to having him shoot his load into your mouth. Don’t take a whole load at once for the first time with your husband. Just a drop or two, or a small lick off his stomach. Let it sit on your tongue for a moment. You’ll realize it’s not disgusting and certainly not poison.
Remind yourself that this is your husband’s semen, the man that you love, the man who would do anything to protect you. It’s been five years and he hasn’t even suggested you give him oral sex. He sounds like one of the patient understanding ones. Wait to see how patient and understanding he will be after you blow his socks off. Once you give him oral sex on a regular basis, and possibly even swallowing him, new doors will open and you will both benefit from your new-found sexuality. “I will never be able to swallow his cum.” Never say never.
Ryan’s response:
First, thanks for reading our blog. I am glad you want to open up and try new things with your husband. 5 years is a bit long but it’s better than 10 years I suppose.
Oral sex does not have to involve any sort of “completion”. Sometimes Venice will give me oral sex just to get me erect and use her saliva to lubricate my penis for anal or vaginal intercourse. Every morning Venice wakes me up kissing on my neck, then under my arms, then each of my nipples, until finally she gets between my lap and will lick and suck on all of my sexual body parts. Sometimes she will focus on my balls, other times she will lick and suck on my penis. I never orgasm. We both know our morning time is for intimacy and enjoying each other, not to get worked up and have orgasms. It’s our way to show self control and appreciation for each other without turning kissing and closeness into pure sex.
Those are just a few examples of giving your husband the oral sex he deserves without having to taste his semen. The key here, like with most questions, is communication. Talk with your husband and let him know you feel nervous but want to give him oral sex. I promise you, he will embrace the idea. Let him know that you would prefer to give him oral as a form of foreplay, rather than a finishing act. Explain why. If he has been as patient as you say he is, I have no doubt he will totally understand. Also, if he knows oral is now something you are interested in trying, he will help initiate, taking away any of the embarrassment you may have felt before.
Now, let’s talk about the taste and idea of semen. If you think your husband’s semen gross, it will be gross. If you think his semen is the next best thing since honey, it will be honey. Whether it be the texture, the taste, the smell, or just the idea from it coming from inside another human’s body, it’s all in your mind. Let go of the childhood belief and grow into the woman he deserves. Semen should be everything but gross. That is the essence of your man, his being, his manhood, his ancestors, his past and his future, his dna, his seeds, his insides, his everything. His semen is an extension of him. Enjoy and take your man, all of him. It isn’t gross or disgusting, and it definitely shouldn’t make you puke. Free your mind and let it grow with your relationship. If a man went down on a woman and puked because her juices tasted weird to him, what would you think? It’s immature and young minded. As we grow older we learn to appreciate the finer things in life: the juices inside our partners being one of them.
Venice’s suggstions on swallowing cum:
Deepthroat. Our blog has gone into great detail about how I taste nothing, feel nothing, and smell nothing. If I am deepthroating, Ryan’s semen bypasses all my taste buds and goes straight to my stomach. For me, this is definitely neat, especially since you can feel his balls on your lips squeezing with each thrust. You can also feel his thick urethra tube at the base of his penis, where his kegel muscles are the most powerful, pushing his semen into my body. For me, the downside is I love to taste Ryan and his cum. Therefore, I enjoy letting him unload his first shot into my mouth and then slide him down my throat to enjoy the experience of his orgasm. This is the best of both worlds.
If you cannot deepthroat, try having him cum as far as he can in the back of your mouth. The goal is to get his semen past your taste buds. This may not help with the texture, but if the taste if what bothers you, this will help.
Get drunk. Most of us are just looking for a reason to lose our inhibition. That 4th or 5th shot of alcohol doesn’t taste anything like the first shot right? Well guess what, your husbands semen will taste like buttersworth syrup after a few drinks.
Use chloraseptic or some other numbing agent for sore throats. Not only does the choloraseptic have an decent flavor, but it also numbs the mouth and throat. This can help you with gagging during deepthroat, or keep you from tasting and feeling the texture of his semen. Chloraspetic can also numb the taste buds which keep you from tasting anything.
Give him oral in the morning. I’ve read that the gag reflex is the least active in the morning. Wake up, brush your teeth, give your man a blow job, swallow his load, head off to work. This lazy morning gag reflex can also help you get his penis deep in your mouth if you normally deal with a super sensitive gag reflex.
Wash down the semen with something sweet. Whether it be a coke or cold drink, wash down the semen so the after taste doesn’t make you gag or puke. Think of his semen as the alcohol and you can pick your own chaser.
Suck on a jolly rancher, tic tac, or a breath mint before oral sex. If you are skilled enough, keep the jolly rancher in your mouth while working his shaft. I know this may sound hard, which it may be, but it will definitely help with the taste.
Ask your husband to eat pineapples the night before you give him oral sex. It is rumored that pineapples make the semen taste much better. Experiment with different foods and see if it changes his semen’s flavor.
The biggest problem is your mind. I’d guarantee if you have trouble swallowing, you are the type that overthinks things. Relax, enjoy life, enjoy your man, take your mind off swallowing semen and think of something sweet. Truthfully, this is all in your mind. Grow up.
Practice by taking cum shots in the mouth without swallowing. This could be something you while taste testing his semen/food intake. The more you let him cum in your mouth the more you will get used to the texture and flavor. As you get more relaxed and comfortable, swallowing will get much easier.
Use flavored lubrication. Use honey! Although you won’t really need lubrication with oral sex, if you were to lube up your husband’s penis with flavored lubrication, like syrup or honey, the sweet flavor taste will overwhelm your tastebuds. The sticky sensation may also be amazing for his balls or anus play. Try it.
We will update this section as we think of more helpful tips in swallowing sperm.
Mark from Nevada
