June 22, 2015

Q&A – Negotiating For A Blow Job

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ProstitutionIf you have not had a blowjob for a bunch of years, don’t give up all hope.

I didn’t keep track of the exact date, I didn’t know it was so important at the time, but somewhere around 7 years ago I got my last blowjob.

I read about keeping yourself clean, and doing more housework and bla bla bla, which for my case was a complete waste of time because I already do all that.

So it seems to me the key factors are that my wife went on a trip without me for a few months, I think this allowed her to really see how other people live and what it was like when I am not around to do things for her. If we had not had this break I think nothing would have changed.

Then when she got back she wanted to see a show in Las Vegas, which was not unusual. So I bought the plane and show tickets. Then right before we left we were getting along pretty good so I suggested that if she liked the show maybe I could get a reward in the way of a BJ. She thought about it and kind of made a joke that if it was a good show then I would get one.

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June 18, 2015

Random Moments – Exercising Nude To The New Kids On The Block

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blackoutRyan and I went out to eat last night at our local wings bar. As we made our way home, we saw a huge, gray mass in the sky hovering near our house. Flashes of lightning lit up the sky as we pulled up into the driveway. The wind picked up when we got into the house and I feared one of the pine trees in the backyard would surely topple over. Thunder shook the house; I thought Ryan was hitting the wall from behind the closet door. It felt was that close. As I put some french fries in the oven for everyone to eat with the hamburgers I made the night before, the lights flickered for a split second. But I wasn’t worried because this is very normal and very expected during a storm.

A few minutes later, however, the entire house powered down and I stood for a moment waiting for everything to turn back on. I made my way to the cupboard above the stove and took out a box of matches and several tea lights. I placed several around the kitchen and some in the master bedroom where we were all congregated. We were all on our phones, but for some reason my connection was spotty. I decided to watch a movie on my phone, confident that I could get at least halfway through on the 52% battery life I currently had.

“You should turn off your phone just in case the power doesn’t turn back on.  You’ll need it as an alarm tomorrow morning,” Ryan said.

Reluctantly, I turned off my phone and plugged in my charger anyway. Just in case. “Arrgh! What did people do back in the 1960s and whatnot?!” I look around at everyone’s faces lit up by the their 4G glow mocking me as I sat in my own corner of darkness. I stood up and felt around for my sports bra. I made my way to the garage in just panties and a sports bra, stumbling over scooters, shoes, and a 12-pack of bottled water. I took three tea lights and set one next to me as I climbed onto my elliptical machine. I do 30 minutes in the evenings, but tonight was going to be a challenge. I had no way to monitor my speed and for how long I’ve been exercising. Ryan came in and shone the flashlight over the monitor so I could fix my settings. “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit.”

tumblr_nlh0dz9IGP1sq616go1_250So I began moving my arms and legs. My mind started to feed on itself. “Is that a light out there? Or is that lightning? Is someone out there with a flashlight? Are they going to break in and kill us like in ‘The Strangers’ with Liv Tyler? How fast can I get in the house, grab my phone so I can call 911, gather my kids into Ryan’s closet while he gets the gun loaded? It’s the light again! That’s not lightning! What if my legs are too wobbly to make it out of the garage? What if I trip over the bottle water? There’s the light again! Can they hear my elliptical machine from out there? Should I tell Ryan? I don’t want to die without pants on! There goes the light ag–WHO THE FUCK IS OUT THERE?!?!”

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June 11, 2015

Random Moments – The Orgasm Drive-By

Blog, Life & Random Moments 1 Comment

3904335177_e1010679e2_zAfter work yesterday, Ryan and I went to the mall to look for a birthday present for his sister. “I think she needs a new wallet,” I told him. So we entered through Sears because it was the quickest way to get to Old Navy.

As we were walking through the ladies section, stopping and glancing at different outfits, Ryan says,”I’m so hungry.”  His face looked weary because he skipped lunch that day.

“Me too,” I replied.

He shuffled his feet, exaggerating his hunger even more. “I want Chinese food,” he suddenly said as we passed by the ladies shoes.”

“Yea! That sounds good!” I said. We hadn’t eaten Chinese food in a few weeks and it sounded like a good idea.

“Mmm…I’d really like Mongolian Chicken…onions steaming hot and soft, dripping with sauce…and Sesame Chicken…Oh, god!! Thinking about it makes me want to orgasm!” As he said the word “orgasm” we passed by a lady hidden behind the lingerie panties and lingerie section. She gave Ryan a shocked look like, “I knew I shouldn’t have worn my yoga pants today.”

I looked at Ryan, laughed and said, “She gave you that, quit looking at my nipples glare!”

“Oh yea, she’ll have a story for her husband tonight.”  Ryan continued, “Oh Em Geeeee George, this guy was peering at my from behind the panty rack just watching me hold these brown silk bras up to my bosoms.  I can tell he was like a savage animal ready to pounce on me before he yelled out to everyone that he was orgasming to me. I feel so violated, sugar muffins!”  Orgasm Drive-By Orgasm Drive-By Orgasm Drive-By

June 8, 2015

Your Self-Stock (part 2) – Older Women Fuck Better

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stock-market-womenOlder Women Fuck Better

In a previous blog Venice wrote about her self-stock (How My Self-Stock Changes Over The Years) and made a lot of great points.  She spoke about her younger days and how she viewed herself, to how she changed over the years.  This blog came to fruition during a car ride when I was trying to explain to her that a guy in my position has no desire to ever cheat.  She understood, but I wanted her to really understand, so I came up with a self stock analogy to try and better explain myself.

When I was a younger I used to watch television and for whatever reason, spot a random woman from say…a shampoo commercial.  My eyes would fixate on how she washed her hair in the shower, showing parts of her body, and I would fantasize about the different things we would do together…nude…while rubbing her breasts on my face.  I didn’t need direct contact, I just needed a thought of her.  Those thoughts turned into dirty ideas, those dirty ideas took a life of their own.  Without the woman ever knowing me, she took advantage of me…in so many good ways.  In my mind, I came up with various scenarios, and as soon as my young body would orgasm, I no longer thought of the woman taking a shower washing her hair again… or until next time I saw the commercial.

At that time in my life, it didn’t matter if you were a random woman on a commercial that would never say a word to me, or a girl in my class that thought I was cute. Any woman, regardless of her self-stock, was a possibility for me.

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June 4, 2015

Creampies, Swallowing, Snow Balling, and Cum Play

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creampieI’ve recently discovered the joys of creampies. Ok, not quite recently. I know what they are as I’ve seen them in a few porns. And to be honest, I thought it was pretty disgusting. But for those of you who aren’t aware of what a creampie is, lemme ‘splain. A cream pie is when a man ejaculates in a vagina and the semen seeps out. Similarly, an anal creampie is the same, only it comes out of her bootay. So when the semen comes out, it looks like, you guessed it, a creampie.

At first I really didn’t care for creampies. The 11-year-old me who just got through the mandatory Sex Ed week in grade school would to overthink it: “Oh my god, what if the porn star gets pregnant? Will she know which guy got her pregnant? How many guys will she have to do a paternity test for?” Yes, those were all thoughts that have actually gone through my mind as I jill off to creampie videos. Now, however, as a normal, everyday watcher of porn, it turns me on. I no longer see it as something perverted. And I definitely do not get worried about porn stars unintentionally becoming mothers. I still think of it as a random guy marking a nobody’s body as his territory, but now, creampies have a whole new different connotation.

And because I watch a lot of porn, I’ve become well-trained on how to spot a pre-emptive creampie. The guy will turn the chick so that she’s on all fours (because that’s the best camera angle to show a creampie). He will keep fucking her either in her ass of vagina, and will continue to do so until he cums. When he does, his balls will tighten up and his pace will quicken. He knows when he’s about to orgasm. Even though it feels the best to stick his dick all the way in her when he cums, he will refrain from doing this and cum as shallow as possible, even go so far as to pulling out all the way except for his head. This ensures that more of his semen will come out for the creampie. My favorite is when she pushes out the white ooze into a fancy little glass goblet (which the production assistant probably got from TJ Maxx because they’ve got fabulous deals; I don’t really care for the plastic ice cream bowls you get 4 for $1 at Wal-Mart during the summer months, that’s so tacky) and she drinks the semen. That takes swallowing to a whole new level and is up there with cum swapping, only you do it with yourself.

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