My parents have been together a long time, almost 40 years. I’ve seen them go through a lo— never mind. I haven’t seen them go through much. Why? Because I was raised in a typical Asian household. What I mean by that is it was hard to talk to them because I couldn’t talk back, i.e., question their authority and/or parenting skills, which made it hard for me to talk to them at all. I felt a lot of resentment and bitterness because I considered myself a good kid despite living in an environment of abuse, betrayal, little emotional support…and murder. That’s right..murder. I had two rabbits, John and Marsha, who had four little rabbits. I came back and they just happened to “run away.” I was crushed. A few years later, I spent the Fourth of July with my aunt and uncle, but before I left I told my parents that my cockatiel needed more bird food. When I came back it was dead. I don’t know how I survived my childhood living with serial murderers.
I don’t want this blog to be a bitchfest about what awful parents I had. They weren’t perfect, but they, like most people, are better grandparents than they were parents. That alone can ease a lot of hurt and release grudges that people my age with children may have. And I know that I could have had it much worse. Today, I count my blessings and have come to peace their shortcomings as parents and mine as a daughter.
My upbringing and family life were big reasons I didn’t think I’d be a great wife or mother. All my mom taught me was to go to school, school, school. Keep my room clean, and go to school. It was a very simple relationship, mine and my mother’s. She spoke highly of me when I was still there and from what I can tell, after I left. But after having kids of my own, I wanted to be more than what she was. I wanted to be a better mother than she was, and I wanted to be a better wife than she was.
From early on in our budding parenthood, I knew that Ryan and I weren’t raising our kid in a conventional way. We were so protective of our daughter and it resulted from the three of us being close. We didn’t live near any relatives, so she went with us everywhere. Our date nights were at Chuck E. Cheese and our best investments was a video tape rewinder for our movie collection (thank goodness for Blockbuster VHS movie sales). We were tight on money, but damn, we were happy.
She loved to hold our hands, snuggle, and we goofed around. She would play the Rugrats video game on the Playstation as I did homework next to her. When she stopped drawing three stick figures of her family, it was quickly replaced with love notes all over the house, in my purse, on the refrigerator addressing me and Ryan as her “best friends.” She didn’t understand why her friends at school were talking shit about their parents or why they get pissed off when their parents friend them on Facebook. These were such foreign concepts to her.
Our relationship with her and how we raised her was vastly different than how he and I were raised. We were judged for not putting her in daycare, for not having playing dates, for not forcing her to sleep in her own room as she got out of diapers, for letting her stay up late with us, just to name a few. But what she was “lacking” from those experiences, was replaced by the bonding we did by always being together. And as she got older, Ryan and I decided to be open parents with her, and subsequently, her younger siblings.
1) Open conversations. Like with any relationship you have, it’s always advised that honesty is the best policy. We don’t try to disgust her or embarrass her. But if my parent radar goes off, my immediate response is to let her know that I was a girl once too (and later, a teenage girl). I found that she was easier to talk to when she knew that we I’d gone through the same thing.
2) Drinking and other grown-up activities. For the first 15 years of our marriage we never drank. But when we did, it was always on a Friday and it was always in our home. This meant our kids would be home. I was hesitant at first because we emphasized “no drinking” for so long. I remember seeing my dad’s arm slung over my mom’s shoulder after a night of drinking in the backyard, giggling but at the same time feeling awkward. We didn’t want our kids feeling that same awkwardness with us, so we let them know that we don’t drink outside of home, which means we never drink and drive. Ideally, parents would try to shield these types of habits, but when it’s not possible, honesty is a perfect second best.
3) Honesty. Being called out for hypocrisy is embarrassing. Rather than tell our kids, “Don’t ever drink, smoke, or do drugs,” we tell them, “Yea, we tried it and wasn’t as great as people made out to be.” Clearly my goal is not to be parent of the year, but I think kids appreciate it more if we are honest and know that we make mistakes.
4) Being friends. Having girls makes it easier for me to relate to them. They’re always asking to borrow my clothes, hair accessories, and feminine products. She wants me to cut her hair? Dye it? I’m there for her. They show me songs to add to my playlist and viral videos to laugh at. They’re definitely my friends in that I listen to how their day went at school and I give them impartial advice.
5) Apologies. If I’m wrong, I apologize. Simple as that. And I expect the same from them.
6) Our primary role. I love the relationship we have with our kids. They tell us they love us when they leave the house, they tell me to have a great day at work, and they feel bad if they get don’t hug us back. “I know you’re mad at me, babygirl, but I’m going to give you a hug anyway. You don’t have to hug me back, but I want you to know I love you no matter what.” Works every time.
7) Open door policy. If our kids come to us and say, “Can I talk to you guys?” we drop everything or at least plan for a talk after dinner. We discuss everything as thoroughly as possible and leave nothing unanswered. We end each conversation by reinforcing that we have an open door policy and they always come first.
These seven things were NEVER discussed with me. I grew up being told that my parents had the final say, and if they were wrong, then time would probably make me forget it. Wrong. It’s not how relationships work – not with your employees/employers, not with your friends, not with your family, and certainly not with your children. Not only do I learn to do something by example, I also learn NOT to do something by example. Part of having a good relationship with our children is having a good relationship with Ryan and making sure that we’re on the same page in how we raise them. I didn’t know it, but I’ve become the parent that I wanted and the parent I want to be. My Relationship With My Parents My
When we got this item in the mail, the presentation really impressed us. The boxing of the Pulse II almost feels like you are opening fine jewelry. The outside of the box has a nice mirror like effect, and the item is packaged with a small cloth pouch. It feels soft and looks almost like a toy built for royalty. The creators really took time in developing this tool. First impressions are everything, and this item looks so classy that I felt like I needed to go wash my penis before I dared put it around my cock.
I think about what people mean when they say “It was love at first sight.” Clearly it means when they first saw their significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, etc., that he/she was in love INSTANTLY. It’s a laughable concept, but valid to those who’ve experienced it. In the days before I met Ryan, in middle school, and certainly in the time when I had no desire to get married, I saw a boy who I thought was super cute. I stared at him as I walked from third to fourth period. I had never heard him talk, I didn’t know if he was AP classes or in remedial classes, and I didn’t know if he beat his dog. All of which were fairly important to me. After a few days, I decided to make a move in the best way a middle schooler could – I made a slam book. If you don’t know what this is, it’s an interview book of sorts and it was a big deal when I was growing up. Basically it’s a binder with loose leaf paper in it and each page has a question on it: name, favorite color, favorite movie, favorite actress/actor, and “If you were stuck at the top of a Ferris Wheel, who would you want to be with?” My slam book included a page entitled “Phone Number,” because I’m slick. I had all my friends fill it out just for show, then one of them gave it to my crush for him to do the same. All that just to get him to write his phone number. And he did. To make a long story short, I, the stalker, became the stalkee, and it was the most grueling 58 days of my life. Because this was during the summer, I was saved from the future embarrassment of seeing him around school and people knowing that we “went out.” This validated the belief that love at first sight is bull crap.
A review for men’s underwear? Absolutely. These briefs linked are highly recommended for new piercings, for fun, for comfort, and believe it or not, for quality. Nothing, and I mean nothing I have ever worn feels as comfortable as these briefs. And I have worn boxer briefs since the day they came out. I can still remember being young and wearing tighty whities, really because I had no choice and didn’t know better. As my teenage years came, I switched to the loose boxers most men wore. From prison reality shows, to business men, we all went through that stage where the loose boxer was more manly than the tighty. However, in the 90s, retail stores began selling the tight version of boxers, which still covered the legs but were form fitting. The word boxer brief was born.
The days of my penis slipping through the penis hole and rubbing against my jeans or zipper of my loose fitting boxers was over. No more sitting on my balls sac on accident or running and feeling my penis bounce back and forth between my legs. The things we never speak about but still happened to us all. The snug fit of boxer briefs kept men from having to look like 8 year olds, but maintained the comfortable fit that kept our manhood curled up and tight against our body. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have been able to play basketball in high school without them. So why are these boxer briefs better than the cotton ones we have all grown to love? Well for one, they are see though. This reason alone makes them the best boxer briefs ever. If I am in my underwear, chances are I am okay with you seeing me nude. I don’t parade around in my briefs for people who I am not going to be nude in front of moments later. I wouldn’t suggest these for prisoners of course, because that would probably send the sexual crimes through the roof. However, for men who like having that secret sexy feeling, wearing these briefs does that for you. Venice loves how they look on me, it keeps my crotch and ass totally aired out so there is 
no sweat build up, and if you have a new piercing, the air keeps your guiche, penis, ass, balls, and body as dry as possible under your jeans. Cotton briefs are like wearing a sweater for your balls. So yes, sweat creates odors, odors creates wives not wanting to pull your pants down and put your balls in their mouths. Bad. However, all the reasons I mentioned above still isn’t why I wear them. I bought one pair (they ship from China — make sure you buy a size one or 2x bigger than your real size, as their sizing is different) to be kinky around Venice. Just a spontaneous purchase because I was horny one day and wanted to walk around in see through boxers…
This song popped up in my playlist after I transferred a bunch of songs from my old phone. I’m sure a lot of people who remember Nirvana and Kurt Cobain will remember him as a musical genius. I don’t know about all that. I think Nirvana was about being at the right place at the right time. But that’s neither here nor there. Today I’m going to dissect the song lyrics to “In Bloom,” not line by line, but rather by each concept. Back in the 90s I wasn’t into them enough to sit down and think about the lyrics. But as I listened closer, I realized this is a song about an adolescent boy’s adventure in masturbation. (Lyrics in bold)