Years ago, when Venice and I were still dating, we explored each other’s bodies daily. I had never really touched my body, my testicles, and as I already mentioned in a previous article, I masturbated prone. I was young, around 19 years old, and during a blow job while standing up Venice felt a lump in my testicles. This was a first for me, as I had never really explored my testicles and didn’t really know what all the different textures felt like. After she showed me, I also felt the lump. This freaked me out so I made an appointment with a doctor on a military base. I was still a military dependent in college, so I could still use the on base facilities.
On the day of my appointment, I was a bit nervous. I had never dropped my pants in front of a doctor so I didn’t know what to expect. What’s funny is, growing up I played sports but was extremely shy, so my dad would sign the all my sports physical forms, as a doctor, to save me from having to drop my pants and cough while I was a teenager. I know that sounds dumb but I appreciated not having to be humiliated. I probably wouldn’t have played sports in school if my dad actually made me go to a doctor prior. I hated the idea of exposing myself. I also didn’t think I needed a doctor to fondle my nuts while I coughed to know that I could play basketball (which I played every day my whole life up until that point).
Back to my lump. As Venice and I sat in the back room waiting for the doctor to enter, we heard a female voice next door talking to a nurse.
“Seargent Tucker came in today again,” the first female voice announced.
“Oh no,” Responded the female second voice. “Again?”
“Yes, I walked in the room this time and he had his penis already out, exposing himself to me. This is the 3rd time this week he has came in and had me check him,” said the first female voice.
“That’s ridiculous,” responded the second female voice.
“While I am checking him he starts getting an erection so I stopped immediately,” says the first female voice.
“You should call his commanding office and let him know what he is doing,” the second female voice responded.
At that point I made a funny face and looked at Venice. Venice looked back at me and made a hand motion of someone giving oral sex and fondling a man’s balls. I couldn’t help but laugh. I suppose on military facilities there isn’t really a “knock before you enter” protocol because my physician entered the room and caught Venice giving oral sex to air while I was watching and laughing. What a great start for such an embarrassing situation for me.
The doctor, an Asian lady that resembled Lucy Liu, asked if she was interrupting something. Like two shamed school kids, we both looked down and shook our heads no. She then asked me what my reasons were for coming in that day. I explained to her that we found a lump in my testicles and wanted to know if I was dying. She asked me to stand up and remove my pants so she could have a look.
Jeez, slow down Doc.
So, let me list all the things going through my mind:
- Doctor, how long do I have to live?
- I hope Venice doesn’t slap this doctor for touching me.
- Please penis, don’t be “just stepped out of a cold pool” tiny right now.
- I hope the doctor doesn’t laugh at my penis.
- I hope my dick isn’t swollen or too big. I don’t want her to think I am Seargent Tucker
- Will she be able to tell that my penis is crooked just by looking at?
- Oh God, why the fuck does she have to be a woman.
- Oh God, why the fuck does she have to be a Asian woman.
- Oh God, why the fuck does she have to be a cute Asian woman.
- I hope the doctor doesn’t excite me and cause my penis to grow.
- Her hands better be warm if she touches my balls.
Seriously, what the fuck is the proper etiquette with your penis when a doctor enters the room? Is it allowed to be stretched a bit so it isn’t totally shriveled?
Not to be a pervert, but I can see why Seargent Tucker seemed to be having so many penis problems himself. This doctor was adorable. I started counting sheep in my head trying not to think about anything sexual. I was extremely embarrassed about exposing myself to a doctor, as the only person that had ever seen me nude was Venice, but I guess you can say I have this thing for Asian women. Doctor or no doctor, I said a small prayer asking the Lord to please help me control my penis so it does not make any sudden movements. I pulled my pants down and watched the doctor eyeball my penis and testicles. She fondled me for a few moments and couldn’t find the lump. I asked if I could show her where, and she nodded. I put my finger on the area of the lump and she placed her hand where I was pointing. She confirmed she also felt a lump and asked me to lay down. I still had my pants halfway down to my knees and wobbled my way to the patient table. I looked over to Venice, who was making her tongue poke out the side of her cheek inside her mouth, to suggest a blow job, and gave her a dirty look. As I laid there naked, exposed to the doctor who was fondling my balls, with my girlfriend watching, I wanted to disappear from earth. I hated every second of it. I really felt even more stupid when I found out there was nothing wrong with my testicles and it was merely a bent vein in my sac that hardens (when my testicles are not fully sagging) when I stand up.
Years later Venice teases me about this situation and calls it our first threesome.
Yesterday while on twitter I made a comment about no longer wanting to have threesomes with Venice because I feel depressed afterwards. Although I have never tried to figure out the explanation behind this depression, I got a response from a twitter follower named @Verbal75 that used the term Top Drop. Venice and I had never heard of the term so I asked him to explain what it meant, and he did. Although I am unsure if that is exactly what I am feeling regarding threesomes (that will be another blog), I have dealt with feeling depressed after having everyday vanilla sex with Venice. Either way, as an introvert I was interested in the terminology and asked if @Verbal75 would like to write a blog about what he was trying to explain to me. Amazingly, by the next day, I had this story in our inbox.
Venice: It comes to no surprise to me that actress, Paula Patton, wife of singer Robin Thicke, has finally filed for divorce. I’m not going to go on about “she was too good for him anyway” the way the Ricky Smiley morning radio show did this morning, because she’s not. Paula Patton and Robin Thicke are two beautiful people whose relationship was enviable because of the length of time they’d been together (since they were 14 years old), which is right up there with Denzel & Pauletta Washington (married 31 years) and Kevin Bacon & Kyra Sedgwick (married 26 years). That is the primary reason I had for going “Aww” every time I saw them in a picture together. I’m sure there are other couples who’ve been together longer, but these are the ones that come to mind from my generation. Celebrity or not, you gotta love relationships that (may or may not) outlast their careers.
With a blog titled Double Penetration I am scared I may have to block our emails from the surge of men ready to fill out a DP Job Application to join us in our bedroom. Don’t worry, you didn’t miss the sign up sheet, that is never going to happen.