Freaky Friday Search Terms – tiny penis & wet cunt blog

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. old man and young girl
Venice: That’s totally us, you know, since you’re older than me
Ryan: Um, yea, by a few weeks..!
Venice: That’s irrelevant. I like older men. You know this.
Ryan: We graduated high school together.
Venice: Shut up, old man.
Ryan: What?? I can’t hear you..

9. real sex old couples
Venice: What a coincidence. They searched for “real sex old couples” and they found us.
Ryan: What is that supposed to even mean?
Venice: Poor baby.  Easily confused.  Alzheimers.   Who knows what else.
Ryan: What does any of that have to do with this being a coincidence?
Venice: Ryan, don’t think so hard, I’m worried you may have a stroke or something.  Would you like me to make you a hot cup of Ensure?
Ryan: Stop already.  The random keywords people search for leading to our blog doesn’t  mean I am old. It’s just  stupid keywords that has nothing to do  with us.
Venice: It’s okay, I understand it’s hard to accept Ryan.  I trust Google over you.  That’s all I am saying.   And the fact I like older men, further proves them right.
Ryan: Google can suck my penis and floss with my grey pubic hairs for all I care.
Venice: Dementia is setting in.

8. underage sex
So yea, what was you saying again?
 Fuck Google.  They can suck my pre-puberty titties for all I care.

7. old vagina
Venice: Yea, so these keywords are really stupid this week.
Ryan: What’s wrong Venice?  Old lady pampers in a bunch?
Venice: Don’t fuck around with a girl and her age or weight.  I will bite your fucking face off Ryan.
Ryan: Well, someone has sand in her vagina…old…the vagina is old that has sand in it but not you.  I am talking about another person’s old vagina that also is angry about Freaky Friday keywords and threatening to literally eat off their best friend’s face.
<Venice throws her sandal at Ryan>

6. tiny penis & wet cunt blog
Can I have my sandal back please?
Ryan: Nope.  Welcome to shoeless world.
Venice: Ryan, you know my feet are old and brittle, I don’t want to step on glass on accident.

We are in the bedroom, your feet are fine.
Ryan: Adding more letters to your please does not change my mind.
Venice: I’ll suck yo dick…
No more ammo for you, this war may not be over yet.  I may not be a smart man, but I’ve learned what the sandals are capable of.
Pretttty please?  If you give it back I will totally ignore this next keyword, which I believe has the term tiny penis in it.
Ryan: So yea, I definitely think we should make sure your feet stay warm.  I don’t want you to step on any sharp objects like glass or something.  Good point Venice.
Venice: Ahh, that’s so sweet.  See how just a tiny little bit of kindness goes a loooongggg…
Ryan: …awwww you said you wouldn’t do that!
Venice: Okay okay, do you love me though?
Ryan: Yes, you know I do. Let’s just bury the hatchet and move to the next keywords, okay?
Venice: Deal.

5. what are the statistics that mature women walk around in public with butt plugs
Ryan: I love scientific perverts.  Not just Googling for smut, but instead wanting to know the statistics of old ladies that like to walk around all day with big ass butt plugs in their granny panties.
Venice: Tiny penis and wet cunts…
Venice:  I had to pee this morning so I went into the bathroom.  I bent down and heard this loud clink sound.  I looked into the toilet and my butt plug fell into the water!
Ryan: Hahahaha.  Random.
Venice: Seriously.  I then had to make a decision.
Ryan: What? Not to wear your butt plug after you analed the night before because your ass is so loose it can whistle when you walk?
Venice: Even though that comment was pretty douchey, no.  I had to make a real decision.
Ryan: What?  I like hearing the Andy Griffith theme song when you walk by.
Venice: Anyway, I had to decide if I was going to try to flush the butt plug, take it out of the water and throw it away, or clean it off and take it home.
Ryan: Yea, that’s a tough decision.  So?
Venice: Flushed.
Ryan: Whaaaaaat!?  Bullshit.
Venice: I wasn’t going to dig it out.
Ryan: No way that thing flushed.
Venice: Big 300 pound men can drop a log and it flushes with no problems.  Trust me, that anal plug is headed to the big ocean in the sky.
Ryan: That would be funny if the next Nemo movie your butt plug is in the background.
Venice: Hah!  Also, tiny penises…

4. girl gets fast cum in ass
Venice: That doesn’t surprise me that they ended up here.
Ryan:  Uh…huh?   Are you saying that I cum fast when I fuck your ass?
Venice: I’m just saying that you’ve always said anal was an intense feeling.
Ryan: No, that wasn’t just what you were saying.
Venice: What was I just saying?
Ryan: You were suggesting that you weren’t surprised those search terms led to our blog.
Venice: Yea, because I cum super duper  fast when you’re in my ass.
<Venice looks away and scratches her neck.>
Ryan: Yea uh huh.  Maybe I’m just super duper excited to finish fast so I can hear the Andy Griffith theme song.
<Ryan rubs his forehead with his middle finger.>
Maybe it’s whistling because it’s extremely bored.
<Venice rubs her nose while making an L with her hand.>
Wow, really?
Venice: I love you.
Ryan:  Your love  isn’t a band-aid and I’ve been seriously wounded.
<Venice reaches up with her fingers to close Ryan’s eyes>
Venice: Just close your eyes Ryan, go to the light.  Let it go.  Just let it go Ryan…

3. beautiful penis
Venice: Before you start, yes, Ryan, your penis is beautiful.
Ryan: Do you mean beautiful in a “Brazilian supermodel” way or a “baby penis with angels smiling innocently in a Renaissance painting” way?
Venice: I mean I like how your veins envelope your penis.  I like the color and how the head is proportional and pretty. I like how it makes my cervix pop in a painful/pleasant way and makes me walk funny or  bleed all over the sheets the next day kind of way.
Ryan: Yea, those are all good answers, too.  But Brazilian supermodel beautiful or baby penis of love artistic beautiful?
Venice: You mean like a tiny penis?
Ryan: Come on.
Venice: What?
Venice: Okay, a Brazilian supermodel way.  <sighs>
Ryan: Yes!

2. الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا 
Venice: الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا؟
Ryan: أعتقد أنها ينبغي أن تكون أكثر تحديدا
Venice: بالضبط. لأن هناك العديد من البلدان الآسيوية
Ryan: أوه لا … هنا نذهب مرة أخرى
Venice: ماذا؟ هناك!

1. is it true that when a mans sperm is poured into a womans ass the ass will become bigger
Venice: This has an urban legend undertone to it.
Ryan: Yea, this is not the first time I’ve seen this searched.
Venice: This week alone I saw “womans ass bigger with semen,” “does a woman’s anus grow because of semen,” and “I came in my wife’s ass will it get larger”
Ryan: Who the hell wants to know this? I mean, semen has great properties, but to make a body part BIGGER? If that were the case I’d be rubbing my semen all over my cock every day as much as humanly possible.
Venice: Tiny penises all over the world would rejoice…
Ryan: …we had a fucking deal!?
Venice: Okay, give me a retry!
Ryan: The topic was about sperm having the ability to make things larger.
Venice: In that case my pussy would be as large as the planet Jupiter from all your cum that has been inside me.
Ryan: Wow, that was kind of hot.
Venice: Yea it was…


Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis Contest Winner, Says He’s Proud Of Victory

smallestpenisIt must takes big balls to be proud of having the smallest penis.  In that case, Nick Gilronan  must have testicles the size of watermelons.  Please see the photo.  Okay, wait, he doesn’t.  

The 27-year-old UPS Store worker who won Brooklyn’s smallest penis contest said he’s proud of his tiny package. 

Ladies, he always delivers.

“The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship. Same thing with breast size. We’re all made in different shapes and sizes, but the media puts pressure on people to look a certain way,” he told the website Gothamist  after his victory Saturday at Kings County Bar.  Gilronan then said he wanted to “put on a good show for the audience. Looks like my efforts were successful.”

Continue Reading Brooklyn’s Smallest Penis Contest Winner, Says He’s Proud Of Victory

Q&A: Is My Penis Size Too Small For Her and Does Size Matter?



Heath from New York 

Hello Venice and Ryan, I have been following your blog for a while.  I absolutely love watching your deepthroat videos, but that is partially my question I guess.  I noticed in an old article Venice wrote that she mentioned some women are not deepthroating if their men are not long enough to reach the back of their throat.  I also noticed that Venice seems to be happy about the fact she “really” deepthroats.   Not that there is anything wrong with that, but let’s say Ryan wasn’t that big, would you still be just as satisfied with him or yourself?

I didn’t write you guys for that though, I just figured it would be a good way to bring up my situation.  

My fiancee has admitted to me  that she has had a few boyfriends before me that were “probably” larger than me.  She also was previously married to a man for over 5 years that she said was so huge she didn’t enjoy sex unless he took his time.   I never got the exact details on any of their sizes, but it was obvious with the way she acted that they were much larger than me.  Don’t get me wrong, she didn’t just volunteer this information to hurt me, I kind of pushed the issue and was determined to find out more about the woman I love and want to marry.  I always asked her, “Does size matter?” and she would respond with, “Absolutely not.”   Now, with this new information, I am just unsure I satisfy her.  I talked with her about this and she said that I am perfect for her.  However, last year, before I knew all this,  she bought me some ExtenZe pills.   She said she saw a commercial and thought it would be fun to try.  Wtf?   She then later said it was just a gag gift, fucking with me.  She has never openly said anything to my face about my size, and when I ask, she always says I am perfect.   Why else would you buy your boyfriend a some damn ExtenZe though?   She wants me to have a better golf stroke?

Also, another thing I remember, before we were very serious, I was walking through walmart with her and we stopped in the condom section.   I picked up the magnum XL box and she giggled and said, “Are we going to make water balloons?”   I looked at her and said, “No, I was wondering what this brand felt like.”   She laughed and said, “Loose!” then nudged me in the arm like I understood the joke.   That really hurt my feelings but I am unsure exactly what she meant. 

I always considered myself average size.  I didn’t grow up with a bunch of guys and compare dicks or anything.   I had a pretty hard life, me and my sister kind of had to survive on our own.  No father figure, no real time to sit and worry about dick sizes.   Now that I finally met someone I really care about, I didn’t realize that dick size would end up meaning so much.   Do all girls care about dick sizes?   Even though my girl says I am perfect,  I feel like deep down inside she wants more.  Is this common for guys to feel?   Do women always compare their history of dicks with their current man’s size, but never really admit it?   

Venice’s response:

 Thank you for your question and for taking the time to watch our videos.  I feel deepthroating is an art, one that many women claim they can do, one that many men claim their women can do, and is something that I hold dear to me because I worship my man’s dick.  To answer your first question, if Ryan wasn’t as big [as he is compared to himself], would I still be just as satisfied.  Yes, I would still be happy if I knew I could deepthroat a longer dick but Ryan wasn’t big enough to really deepthroat. The act itself is gratifying, knowing I can satisfy my man, knowing he is satisfied by what I do for him.  Whether or not the penis goes down your throat, to shove your face as far as you can, is still cock worshipping.   Plus, if Ryan wasn’t the size he was, I wouldn’t have ever learned to slide a dick down my throat then, because he has the only dick I ever cared about satisfying in that way.   I wouldn’t have known any different, just like I don’t know different now.  A bigger or smaller man out there means nothing to me.

I can understand your frustration at your girlfriend buying ExTenze.  It’s like putting diet pills in a woman’s purse because you want her to be as thin as your lingerie-modeling ex.  You will see it as a negative thing at first; you might think she is comparing you to her exes.  But at least she’s not running back to them for the dick.  She wants to experience it with you, to give you what she knows her ex has, but does not want the PERSON.
About the condom incident, that was just rude.  Your girlfriend should never make you feel uncomfortable with body issues you have little to no control over, especially because she made it obvious that she has had bigger.  No, all girls do not care about dick sizes.  I have absolutely no desire for another dick, smaller, bigger, wider…whatever.  I love my man’s dick, but love the person who it’s attached to even more.  But the way your girlfriend jokes about it makes her sound insensitive to your feelings.  Pick a part of her body that she doesn’t like and make a joke about it.  I guarantee you’ll be in the doghouse for a week.  But that is partially where the problem lies, if she has no clue that it hurts your feelings, why haven’t you told her?  Your jealous and insecurities will tear your apart if, especially if she can be a part of the solution.

Ryan’s response:

 Is it common for guys to feel this way?  Yes.  Is it dumb to waste your time feeling that way?  Yes.  Big, small, skinny, fat, you have what you have.  You can sit there all day like a grown version of Pinocchio and wish to be a real man until a fairy comes along and grants your wish and gives you a huge cock, or you can go out and act like a real man because that’s what you are, regardless of where you stand on a dick size chart. 

In my opinion you seem to care more about your dick size than her.  Her joke, although stupid and insensitive, shows she probably doesn’t give two fucks about dick size.   She wouldn’t have made the joke if her life evolved around the idea of dick size is important.  She divorced a guy with a huge dick, because he was probably a huge dick.  She left all her hung  ex-boyfriends you seem so concerned about, and then ended up agreeing to marry you.   Obviously these big dicks aren’t that great.   If she cared so much about size, why didn’t she stay with her last husband?   Maybe instead of asking her how long his dick was, you should have asked how long he treated her with respect.   You asked her the sizes of her ex-boyfriends and you got your answer.   You want to be her biggest man?   Then be the man that makes her happy the longest.  Show her you have the biggest heart.  And also, show her  confidence.  Why be this great guy she decided to marry and end up being a half man-boy because you feel insecure about your penis size?   Why give so much weight to these assholes in her past because they were born with a longer piece of meat that hangs between their legs.  Forget her ex’s and forget their dicks.  She probably already would have if you didn’t ask her about it.

And if you think she still compares dicks in her mind each time she sees your penis, then go ahead and ask her which dick meant/means the most to her.  Ask her which dick made/makes her the most happy.   Ask her which dick matters?  If she doesn’t answer all those questions with, “YOU YOU YOU” immediately, then you chose the wrong girl to get engaged with. 

Does size matter?  Yes, to ex girlfriends, women who write blogs and need to entertain their following by naming their ex’s by their penis description (very common — also falls under ex girlfriends), and by women who you’ve dumped for being shallow.  Oh, that is also ex girlfriends.  When in love, and I mean truly in love, a real woman adores her man in every way…. penis size included.