Have you ever pulled into an 10 minute oil change shop and thought to yourself, “I wish they had 10 minute vagina repair shops.” Sure you have, we all have.
Some doctors say vaginal surgery can increase pleasure and improve appearance, but these procedures are rarely medically necessary, are hardly ever covered by insurance, and can cause nerve damage. A few of the so-called corrections offered:
Labiaplasty (Labial Reduction Surgery) – $6,000 +
Labial reduction surgery is performed to correct enlargement of the labia. Enlargement of the labia minora (inner vaginal lips) affects many women in the United States. The medical term for enlargement of the labia minora is labial hypertrophy. Women who have an enlarged labia minora experience larger outer lips that protrude beyond the labia majora. Women may suffer from pain during exercise, sexual intercourse, cycling, and horseback riding, as well as when wearing tight jeans.
Labia minora reduction is a procedure done in an outpatient setting under local anesthesia and mild sedation. Labiaplasty surgery reduces an enlarged labia minora with little or no visible scarring. During this procedure, the surgeon will contour, reshape, and reduce the size of the labia. The procedure results in a sleeker, thinner appearance of the labia. After the surgery, the patient must get 2 to 3 days of bed rest and apply ice to the area. This can reduce the size of the inner or outer labia and even out asymmetrical lips. However, visibly asymmetrical and uneven lips are actually the norm.
Ryan: Not only the norm, but how I’d hope most men prefer to see a woman’s vagina.
Venice: Do you think men want symmetrical vaginas?
Ryan: Men? No. Boys? Maybe.
Venice: Ah.
Ryan: The best part about pulling down a woman’s panties is seeing her vagina. Her unique shape, smell, size, and yes, how her lips appear. I mean, other than me experiencing you, we’ve been with the same girls. What do you think?
Venice: Nothing turns me on more than seeing a woman spread her legs and show me her vagina. It’s why I am bisexual. I’ve never really looked at the vagina and thought it was anything but sexy, and I love the variety.
Ryan: What about your own?
Venice: See, that’s funny. Of course I have thought about what it would be like if my vagina wasn’t sideways, the same as I have thought about my breasts being uneven. But I’ve never looked at another girl and felt anything but turned on.
Ryan: Welcome to my world.
Vaginoplasty – $7,000 +
Also known as revirginization surgery, this procedure tightens the inner canal of the vagina for a pre-pregnancy feel. It’s often performed in a conjunction of a perineoplasty in order to address both outer looseness as well as inner. The truth: No published studies show whether “rejuvenated” women feel more or less satisfaction.
Ryan: You’re Asian, so we just saved $7,000 smackeroos!
Venice: Cha-ching. Not to mention, I’ve never had a vaginal birth.
Ryan: Asian Problems.
Venice: Wait, do you think they can fix that my Asian vagina is sideways though?
Ryan: You didn’t notice me ignore you the first time you said that?
Venice: I noticed. I thought it was just because you were used to my sideways vagina?
Ryan: Ha, your vagina isn’t sideways. The internet has changed that stereotype about your Asian vagina.
Venice: Now we’re just all hairy and moan from 3 inches of penetration.
Ryan: Yea, pretty much.
Perineoplasty – $7,000 +
Perineoplasty restores an injured perineum that makes the vaginal opening wider than normal. Women put themselves at risk when they give birth because this can disrupt muscles that keep the opening of the vagina narrow. The perineal muscle can tear and retract, causing a “loose” feeling at the opening of the vagina. Women who have this problem complain of sex not feeling like it used to. Perineoplasty surgery restores the outer opening of the vagina. The procedure is done by a laser, in an outpatient setting. Recovery takes a couple of days, and within a week normal activities may be performed.
Venice: Dang, our vaginas have a lot of surgical options.
Ryan: Yea, we could skip all these surgeries if they could just learn to enlarge our cocks better.
Venice: Thank goodness they haven’t figured that out yet. I can’t imagine what some of you guys would do with your cocks.
Ryan: Well, we wouldn’t have balliaplasty because our testicles weren’t symmetrical, I know that much.
Hymen Restoration – $5,000 +
Hymen restoration is a surgical procedure that repairs a torn hymen by reconstructing the thin ring-like skin membrane that partially covers the opening of the vagina. Women who have this procedure are restored back to a “virginal” state of being. The procedure takes 1 to 2 hours and is done on an outpatient basis under local anesthesia or sedation; patients can return to work the following day.
Venice: No thank you, you’ve already ruined my body once. That was enough for me.
Ryan: Please, I promise I will go slow.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: But baby, it will only hurt for a few seconds.
Venice: Are you really trying to annoy me right now?
Ryan: Just let me slide it in one time so we can see how it feels.
Venice: Yea, little did I know you could finish before you even slid it in once completely.
Ryan: Ha! Low blow.
Venice: Thank god that experience didn’t last long.
Ryan: Okay, let’s not bring up the past. I’m a forward thinker, I like to think about tomorrow…not yesterday.
Venice: Yea, there really wasn’t much to think about yesterday huh?
Ryan: Dammit.
The G-Shot – $1,550 +
It increases the size of the G-spot area via a collagen or cosmeticfiller injection; this supposedly intensifies sensation. Shots last three to six months. Beware: Its effectiveness is in doubt.
Venice: I bet when you walk into the office during this procedure you see Snoop Dogg doing a crip walk in a nurse outfit and Dr. Dre holding a scalpel.
Ryan: Ain’t nothing but a G-Shot Baby, two locced out lips and they craaaaazy.
Venice: I’ll do anything to your pussy if you pay me!
Ryan: Unfadeable so please don’t try to fade this.
Perigee Vaginal Mesh
Perigee is a procedure that treats bladder prolapse (cytokine). This occurs when the wall between the bladder and vagina weakens, forcing the bladder to drop into the vagina. This procedure allows the surgeon to apply a supportive mesh that provides support where the bladder herniated into the vaginal wall. An incision is made in the vaginal wall where the tissue between the bladder and vaginal wall is separated. Two needles are passed on the side of the labia, transporting the mesh to the desired location. The mesh is secured under the bladder and the incision is closed. A woman who has this procedure should expect to stay in the hospital for at least 24 hours.
Ryan: Um, okay. This is considered plastic surgery?
Venice: This seems like a serious medical emergency to me.
Ryan: Right? I mean, if my bladder was falling into my penis, I wouldn’t be happy at all.
Venice: This put’s that whole, “He fucked me so hard it gave me the pee feeling” into perspective.
Ryan: For sure.
In summary, Ryan and I both agree that we feel vaginal plastic surgery isn’t necessary, but we aren’t hear to judge other peoples decisions. If it makes a woman feel better about herself to have a certified (by a doctor) tight vagina, even if the guy having sex with her can’t feel the difference, who are we to judge. Maybe it helps her relax in bed knowing her vagina is symmetrical; therefore, helping her orgasm because she is relaxed and feels sexy. I personally wouldn’t opt for surgery and Ryan has made it very clear he would hate my guts if I changed my vagina in anyway. Once a man falls in love with it, he falls in love with it. The details, the lips, the shape, the smell, the feel, all of it. Once we have them in love with it…nevermind.
I’ll save that for another blog.