Month: March 2013

Part of my transformation to becoming a woman was to pinpoint my shortcomings and rectify them.  Just because Ryan and I picked each other over the billions of people on this planet doesn’t mean everything is perfect.  I had to step back and look at myself in another light, a light that wasn’t very flattering.  I’m not saying that I’m right or wrong, but I do know through experience what works for me.

In looking at myself and seeing the way I treated Ryan and sex over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that a woman should never suppress a good man from being a man.  Let me try to  explain.

We know that men are naturally built more physically superior to women: they’re taller and for the most part, stronger.  They also have deeper voices that connote aggression.  It’s the sound of the baritone coupled with non-physical aggression that can submit others without having to use physical force.  Women can learn to harness this aggression in a positive way to use it to their advantage; this means realizing that a man is capable of violence (protecting his woman during a bar fight, carrying her out of a burning building, etc.).  We look for these characteristics in a man and we are drawn to them for survival aspects.  Additionally, society has also taught us that men wield this natural power and have the ability to overwhelm more delicate creatures. Yes, I know there are exceptions.  But for the most part, men are the more physically superior sex.  As women, we learn to control this physical strength and make it our own.    I don’t want to get to far ahead of myself, so let’s stick to our men for now.

One way men release their aggression is through the use of force.  They punch walls, they break things with bats, they lift weights, they train and release stress with physical activity, and yes some even fight or start fights.  Unfortunately, for the men who can’t control themselves, their significant other can become a target of this aggression.  These aren’t the men I am talking about in this article, the ones that become violent with a woman, those men are garbage.  A real man uses his natural strength and aggression to protect what he loves the most, his wife and family. Because men have this natural advantage over women, they should never use it against them.

This is where trust plays a big part in a relationship.  If you have seen your man at his worst, his all-time low and he still wouldn’t think of hurting you, you know you can open the doors to physically trusting him.  If you have seen him angry and he still protects you physically and emotionally, then how could you not trust him when he is happy?  When I say happy, I mean during sex.  Most men are at their happiest when they are inside their woman.  The drug-like reaction to sex gives men a natural high.  I’ve given Ryan a blow job and watched his eyes roll back in his head like my mouth was a heroin injection.  Sometimes he will mumble something that makes no sense, like he is completely gone from this world.   I get this same reaction when I ride him or when he is going deep and slow inside me.  This is when he is at his happiest.  Maybe not in life, but daily.  Nothing will make him feel the way I make him feel each day. With that being said, again, if you can trust your man would never physically harm you when he is upset or angry, then you can trust he would never purposely hurt you when he is happy.  As his aggression comes out during sex (commanding you to a certain position, pulling your hair, pinning your arms down, fucking you hard and using his dick to punish the bottom of your pussy, spanking, etc.) by all means, let him be the man his instincts are telling him to be.   Trust that your man will never really hurt you.  These inner desiress are what makes a man tick.  The more you let him experience, the more he will appreciate you.

A prime example of this is our HIDDEN CAMERA video.  I placed my cell phone on a chair at the end of the room and called Ryan into the room.  He seemed pretty surprised since we don’t usually fuck in any rooms aside from the master bedroom. My intent was to record how I could take the reins in the bed, be in control, and be the dirty, nasty woman he loves that I can become.  I took his pants and boxer briefs off and sucked his cock, making him moan with every undulating wave of my throat around his manhood.  I do this as a warm up.  Before I knew it, our roles were reversed and he was giving me sexual commands.   I listened and did everything he said without hesitation.  As he picked me up off the bed and spun me around preparing to fuck my face, I took the role of the submissive female he needed at that moment and let him totally take me.  After getting my face fucked for a few minutes, he turned me over and rammed his tongue down deep in my asshole, wetting me up just enough to make sure his dick would slide in my anus without ripping it.  This wasn’t my plan, and the young me definitely would not let him take my ass without a couple months notice and a lot of begging.  My original intent was to take control and dominate him.  Not with strength, but with my sexual prowess.  But once the animal instinct in him was roused, I knew what I had to do: I had to let him be a man.  To  suppress his urge would be emasculating him.  Never suggest to your man that you do not want him to be a man, especially when you know his intentions are good.  A man needs to feel like an animal, he needs to lead his pack.  It’s his instinct to ravish his woman and make her swoon underneath him.

I strongly believe that it’s crucial for a man to be able to show his manhood, not only in day-to-day life, but also in the bedroom.  Not every single moment, but a woman must allow him to “flex his testosterone.”  It’s a man’s job to protect a woman with his strength, that’s why a woman seeks out the taller, stronger, and all around more manlier male. Women are drawn to someone who can protect her. These are the genes she wants to pass to her offspring to ensure survival.  It’s instinctual in all species. Once a man has found his mate, it means he has found someone who has made him happy and complete. His priority is to PROTECT the one thing in the world that makes him happy.  Protecting his woman is protecting his own happiness.  The better the woman treats him, the more he wants to protect her. Not just physically, financially, or from harm, but also protecting her heart.  He doesn’t want her to experience pain and will do whatever he can to keep her from heartache.  So it goes without saying that the protection he provides for her will include shielding her heart from other men taking it from him.  If the threat isn’t physical, a good man will better himself to make sure she sees no better options.   His attention is hers.

This is how a woman tames her beast.   This is also how a woman abuses her own new powers, especially younger women.  Once a woman realizes she controls his happiness, it’s easy for her to ween him, giving him just enough to satisfy his urges. This weening process usually goes unnoticed, but it happens.  It happened to me.  Not maliciously, but I went from giving Ryan sex each day because I wanted it, to telling him he wants it too much.   What could emasculate him more than making him feel wrong for wanting his woman too much?   Even though that is the way I felt, I was young-minded.   Ryan took what he could get and slowly became more of zoo-raised lion, a tamed beast.  Although he remained loyal, mentally I wasn’t there for him during sex.  I may never have an answer for why.   And even though we were still in love, I felt like he no longer cared about protecting my attention or heart.  This could have been the beginning of the end, for both of us.

There is nothing wrong with trying to help your man become a better person, but don’t emasculate him.   By no means am I innocent of this.  I remember clearly giving Ryan dirty looks and saying things like,  “Please do not hold my head down against your crotch, I can do that myself.”  He was a good man, so for the next few years he probably never touched my head again.  If he did, I would stop sucking and glare at him.   My young mind didn’t grasp that I was turning my man into something I didn’t want.  I wanted a man, but my own ego got in the way of letting him be a man.  I was in a tug-of-war and my ego was beating the lady inside me.  I loved anal orgasms, but I hated he wanted to fuck my ass.  I wanted to taste all of him, but hated thinking he would feel so good about cumming in my mouth.   I could see a porn and get horny watching a man shoot his cum in the porn stars face, but I didn’t want Ryan to do that to me.  If he asked, I would always let him, but my attitude or body language let him know I wasn’t happy.  This took its toll.  With age, I learned that I controlled whether our sex was good or bad.  I controlled what could happen and what couldn’t happen.  I controlled where he could cum or if I would help him jack off onto his own stomach.  I’ve learned with a good man that wants to keep his woman happy and protect her, will in essence give up his manhood for her.  I never wanted Ryan to quit being the man I fell in love with and it was this thought process that led me to burying the little girl inside me.

So I asked myself, do I want a boy that makes love to me like a high school kid that is overly worried about me being mad or upset after sex?  Or do I want a  man who takes his woman and makes her beg for more.   My attitude and limits control our sex life.  I decided to grow up and let go of the invisible rope and quit playing tug-of-war with myself.  Now I prefer him grabbing my head and holding me against his crotch.   I love feeling his strong grip on my head.  I want him to roll me over and take my ass.  Our best sex is when he is in my ass and I get to be a total woman and scream for him to take all of me.  I can’t even fuck him anymore without asking him to hold my arms as tight as he can above my head.  I want to feel overwhelmed by his manhood:  his dick, his body, his strength, his attitude, his aggression.  I want to feel his 6’5″ frame squeeze my shoulders and arms as his hips push his long engorged dick  in my body as hard as he can.  I want to be his stress relief and show him how resilient a strong woman can be.  No matter how much effort he puts into his thrusts, he knows I want it all.  I want him to know I am the one that gives him more pleasure than anyone ever could.  I want to show him I have no limits because I trust he would never hurt me.   I want to feel his entire body, machine-like, turn into putty in my hands as he unloads his semen inside me.   I want to hold him in my arms and tell him I am okay as I listen to him catch his breath.  I want to run my fingers through his hair and tell him he is the best man I’ve ever had or known.   This is my role as a woman.

Let a man be a man.