Celebrity Sex Tape Reviews: Kim Kardashian and Ray J

KimandRayThe tape that made Kim Kardashian famous and the only thing we will ever remember what’s his name for.

In February 2007, a pornographic home video with The Sinbad Show child actor, Ray J, made with former girlfriend Kim Kardashian in 2003 was made public. Kardashian sued Vivid Entertainment for ownership of the tape. In late April 2007, Kardashian dropped the suit and settled with Vivid Entertainment for $5 million.

Ray J mysteriously ended up with 5 new cars and a mansion yet had nothing to do with selling the tape to Vivid to begin with.   It must have been all that big UPN money he made with his sister Brandy on Moesha.  I also think Ray J did some sort of music once, but most of us remember him from his role as the foster son in The Sinbad Show, and everyone knows he got that Sinbad money.  Our point?  Ray J, you may have “Hit It First” — after a long line of guys that hit it before you that weren’t getting that sister’s coattail money, but that’s your legacy.   Let’s see how much we can mentally erase you from each scene as we try to watch Kanye West’s baby momma, Kim Kardashian, get busy.

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Female Orgasms: Myths and Facts

Female Orgasms:  Myths and Facts by The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada (SOGC) with extra commentary from Ryan and Venice Bloggs of sexblogging.com


female orgasm

The myths and facts of the female orgasm.


Definition: Anorgasmia (no female orgasm)  is an inability to reach orgasm and is thought to occur in about 10% of women. Anorgasmia may be either primary (the woman has never been able to reach an orgasm by any means) or secondary (an orgasm was experienced at some point in the past). It may also be global (orgasm is not experienced by any means) or situational (orgasm may be experienced in certain sexual situations but not others; for example, with manual stimulation but not with intercourse).

 Some Myths Regarding Female Orgasms

There are several myths regarding female orgasms. These myths can sometimes cause problems for women and their partners.

Myth: An orgasm is always an earth-moving experience and there is something wrong with a woman if she is unable to reach orgasm.
Fact: Some women have orgasms and don’t know it. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. They do however reach a peak of arousal after which they feel very relaxed and contented, the same feelings other women experience after orgasm.  Some women may feel their bodies spasm and their muscles contract, but not have the earth-moving intensity of other orgasms.   By contrast, some women that do get very aroused and do not experience an orgasm will sometimes feel “nervous” or “edgy” or even an aching discomfort in their pelvis.
Venice Bloggs: I believe there is so much more to an orgasm than the physical sensation felt between a woman’s legs. When we first got married Ryan would fuck me hard when I was laying on my stomach. For some reason, I would get a twitching feeling in my cervix area every time he was done, and ONLY when he was done. I had no idea what this was, but I came to believe it was like the after-sensation you get when you someone hits your arm really hard and your muscles would contract for a moment. I thought the same thing happened in your vagina. I never gave it a second thought. Sometimes I would lay there after sex, numb and unable to move.  I’d feel this sensation  deep in my vagina, and just rub my sore pussy until I felt the energy to snap out of it.  Only in the past year or so did I realize that this was a non-clitoral orgasm. Ryan would ask if I wanted to cum after sex, to which I would respond, “No, thanks. When you cum I feel like it’s my cum, too” as in I felt as if I had already orgasmed. What I soon realized was I was achieving an orgasm in a way I wasn’t used. I didn’t understand my body completely yet.  I didn’t realize my body had different levels of orgasms and sensations.  I have even squirted before from this hard deep sex, but because my physical reaction wasn’t as intense as a pure clitoris orgasm, I figured it “just felt good.”   I was used to getting an orgasm through oral sex or by using a hand or toy during sex.  These orgasms are extremely intense.  The orgasms I get through pure intercourse were less intense, but still give me a sense of fulfillment; enough so that I don’t feel the need to grab my toy or have Ryan’s mouth between my thighs afterwards.
Ryan Bloggs:  I’m a man, so obviously my thoughts on these myths/facts  are just my own experiences and opinions.  I understand this concept above  because I myself have different types of orgasms.  When getting oral sex, I almost have to force and overly fantacize to reach an orgasm.  When I do get to the point of orgasm, I do not feel drained or tired.  The orgasm was physical but because I do not want Venice to work too hard orally, the orgasm is more for her than me.  Yes, I ejaculate, but it is very much different from an orgasm I try to hold and keep from happening.  When masturbating, I also do not end up exhausted and slumped over in my chair.  Although I do not have to force the orgasm, it doesn’t completely drain me or give me an “O” face.   However, with a sex orgasm, the one I do not want to happen, as I release, I lose every muscle in my body.  I almost feel in pain.  My body almost always drops uncontrollable on Venice and my body is completely satisfied.   However, I have had orgasms with intercourse that vary.  Sometimes I can keep going after I orgasm because I am not drained at all, I become multi-orgasmic.  Sometimes I can’t even move afterwards and become a slug.

Myth: “Normal” women reach orgasm through intercourse.
Fact: Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation of female sexuality. In the past, people thought that “mature” women had their orgasms with intercourse; you will sometimes run across an older book that has this view. However, laboratory studies in the 1960’s showed that an orgasm is an orgasm no matter which way you obtain it. How a woman reaches an orgasm has nothing to do with her mental health or emotional maturity.
Venice Bloggs: Normal women can’t deepthroat, normal women don’t love anal sex, normal women do not want to have sex with their husband’s two times a day. In other words, who cares what normal women do. Now that I’ve ranted, I will say that I was the unfortunate 1/3rd as a young woman and I had this same belief. I thought that something was wrong with me because I could masturbate or orgasm through oral sex, but not  penetration.  I didn’t feel “normal.”  I had no idea there was a difference between orgasms brought on by clitoral stimulation and those brought on by penetration. It’s unfair to say how a “normal” woman can achieve an orgasm. There are women out there who orgasm by purely thinking about it. Does that mean they are abnormal? Of course not. Each woman has their own becoming in tuned with her body. After I met Ryan, we quickly learned to have intercourse and orgasm together, simply by using our hands to rub my clit while he fucked me. Now, as a more mature woman who is definitely more in touch with what I feel, I am all of the above (see also:  All Kinds of Orgasms Last Night). Sexual maturity means I’m more experienced as a lover, I am more educated as a giver and a receiver, and I am more receptive to the different methods females can enjoy sex, with or without the possibility of achieving an orgasm.
Ryan Bloggs: I have always been somewhat cerebral and Venice was not always orgasmic through pure intercourse.   Therefore, I have researched this topic thoroughly and learned a long time ago that the majority or women are not orgasmic through pure intercourse.  By this I mean, orgasmic simply because a dick rubs back and forth inside their vaginas.   Most of the ones that think they are, really orgasm because the male pubic bone (or testicles, depending on position) rubbing and friction created during sex massages their clitoris.  Also, although I was never a huge porn watcher, I would notice that the only scenes that were believable to me, where the ones where the women screams and immediately slaps and rubs her own clit as she orgasms.  For me, this was always common sense.  I know when I orgasm, the last thing I do is just sit there and let my penis twitch in the wind.   As soon as I feel the build up, I grab my penis and squeeze, almost hurting my own penis head by forcing the blood upwards to make it huge, then stroke.  This is not only to release the semen, but also to put pressure on my penis head (which is like the female clitoris) to intensify the orgasm.  I understand everyone is different, but the idea of orgasming through pure intercourse has always been foreign to me.  I always used my hands, toys, or purposely grinded my body against Venice’s clit to help her achieve her orgasm as well.  Although Venice was originally just the 1/3rd above and could only orgasm through oral sex, she gradually learned to orgasm through sex with help from our fingers or a toy, to now being able to cum from intercourse alone.   This was not easy for us, as I had to put my own ego aside from the beginning and know, not all women will just orgasm because I stick my dick inside them.  It isn’t that easy.  In the end, I believe Venice had to learn to listen to her own body and enjoy what she feels, before she could enjoy mine.

Myth: Inability to reach orgasm, or anorgasmia means a woman is “frigid” or that there is something seriously wrong with her or her relationship.
Fact: Women who were able to have orgasms in the past but can no longer do so may be suffering from a medical problem or a side effect from medication.  Women who have never had an orgasm may never have learned what type and duration of stimulation they need.
Venice Bloggs: Understanding how an orgasm works isn’t something we are born knowing. The inability to reach orgasm may be caused from the lack of knowledge or reasoning as to what is going on with her body. For many years, even into my marriage, I believed there was something seriously wrong with my body, my mind, or my inability to appreciate sex enough so that I could orgasm from Ryan’s thrusting. But through talking and being open with what I was physically feeling and through experimenting with new positions, I was able to understand the mechanics of how my body achieved the different ways to orgasm.
Ryan Bloggs: Unfortunately, as a teenager I felt like this.  Rather than understanding everyone is different, I either blamed myself or blamed her.  The idea of not being able to enjoy sex made no sense to me, because I was young and enjoyed it myself.  It’s hard to understand something you yourself will never deal with.  It takes time and experience to realize the world doesn’t revolve around your experiences, feelings or ideas.  Eventually you open up and learn to accept being non orgasmic has nothing to do with your penis or your partner’s lack of wanting you or sex. 

Myth: If a woman cannot reach orgasm, then her partner is not a skillful lover.
Fact: While there are many ways a loving partner can help a woman reach orgasm, in the end, a woman is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. That does not mean her partner should not be involved. Communication between partners is very important. It is up to the woman to inform her partner her likes and dislikes in their love making.
Venice Bloggs: A man isn’t a mind reader, or in this case, a “body reader.” How can I expect Ryan to help me achieve an orgasm if I, myself, did not know? I had to learn what MY body liked and what MY body positively reacted to, because what may work for me may have the opposite effect on another woman. Additionally, so many factors come into play: sexual position, strength, speed, open-mindedness, just to name a few. Even if both partners were experienced lovers (and by that I mean by the number of people they’ve had sex with) that doesn’t make him/her “skillful.” Each new lover requires a different approach and set of skills to become that person’s “perfect lover.” In time, Ryan has become my perfect lover by reading my reactions and adjusting to my needs in bed.
Ryan Bloggs: Venice taught me everything I know about sex, so we/I learned everything together.    We met young and inexperienced.  If I was an unskillful lover, the blame is on each of us because she molded me into the man she wanted me to be.  I had the tool and the willingness, but I was never naive to the fact I was clueless when it came to a woman’s body.  I had never seen or made a woman orgasm, so the sex part I could do, but seeing her orgasm was a first for me.  Men aren’t born with the ability to please women, even if they think they are (those men that think they are, I’d say are probably worst lovers).    I was open to learn, listen, and communicate.  I have always been a strong believer of the following  fact:  It is the woman’s responsibility to learn her own body and find out what makes her tick.   As she learns (or already knows), she needs to communicate this to her lover.  Poor communication makes for horrible sex.  Although it wasn’t something that happened over night, throughout the years we have found out exactly what makes us tick.  Does that mean I am a skillful lover?  I don’t think so, because every woman is different.   I could be an absolute klutz in bed, but with Venice, because of communication and understanding her needs, I feel I am the most skillful a man could ever be with her body.

Myth: A woman has to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex. This myth seems to be more common among men than among women.
Fact: Many women enjoy the closeness and physical intimacy of sex and are satisfied even if they do not, or do not always, have an orgasm.
Venice Bloggs: I suggested to Ryan that I’d been foregoing orgasms after sex because I felt like I had already came, implying that his orgasm gave me sexual gratification. In hindsight, a lot of times I would feel my body and inner muscles contract but was still unaware of what had  happened because I didn’t lose total control.  Also, if I have ever had a headache prior to sex, afterwards, at least for the following 30 minutes, my headache is completely gone (this kind of takes away my whole, “I have a headache excuse” huh?).   While these orgasms may be my reasons behind feeling so satisfied and relaxed,  I also believe that my giving nature has in turn allowed me to become a giving lover; I was satisfied sexually knowing that I worked hard to make Ryan cum. I was mentally fulfilled. Sometimes I want to be fucked hard, sometimes I want to be massaged and have him lick my back. I play my sexual needs by ear, and if they do or don’t lead to penetration, which may or may not lead to an orgasm, I know I will be satisfied because I was in control of my needs.
Ryan Bloggs: This is something I still haven’t grasped completely.  If Venice doesn’t feel like having a physical orgasm, she still tells me she loves sex with me.  She also says that her making me orgasm totally satisfies her, as if it was her own.  I have a hard time getting this.   Maybe I am selfish and she is giving, but I am still learning.   It’s not something I will complain about, but sometimes she does get irritated and ask, “Why do you want me to cum so much?”  As her lover, I want to physically give her orgasms.  However, this isn’t how she always enjoys sex or being intimate.  For me, this is hard to understand. 

What can you do?

It is possible to try too hard. Focus on enjoying the process, not on whether or not you will have an orgasm.

Communicate with your partner your preferences when it comes to sex. Your partner cannot read your mind.

If you or your partner are doing something pleasurable, encourage your mate to continue.

Learn to enjoy and feel comfortable with your sexuality. Your current inability to have an orgasm is not a reflection of your femininity, your psychological or emotional health. Putting yourself down just makes it that much more difficult.

Some women have trouble concentrating during sex. If that is the case, you may wish to fantasize, i.e., thinking about something sexual may excite you and may reduce negative emotions. If you feel that you are very close to achieving an orgasm, alternate tightening and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. This may sometimes trigger a real orgasm.

For some couples, love making ends once the man ejaculates. Often, at this point the woman is very aroused. If this is the case, you might ask your partner to continue stimulating you with his hands or his mouth once he is finished. Some women feel uncomfortable doing this, thinking that this would be selfish or that their partner would be bored. In fact, your partner may enjoy giving you pleasure. Rather than being selfish, you are giving your partner the chance to please you.

What about Vibrators?
Vibrators, either plug-in or cordless, supply more intense stimulation than can be obtained with either intercourse or manual stimulation. They can be especially helpful if you have an illness that makes it hard to reach orgasm, such as multiple sclerosis. They can be used by you or together with your partner as part of your love making.

Suggested Books
There are several good books available with “exercises” to help you reach orgasm. These usually focus on learning to have an orgasm by yourself and then, once you know the desired manner and amount of stimulation you need, you can teach your partner how to please you. It can also be helpful for your partner to read one of these books. Women of some religious faiths may sometimes feel that self-stimulation, or masturbation, is wrong. Others of the same faith feel that since the long-term goal is to improve the relationship then self-stimulation is okay in the short term.

For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality: by Lonnie Barbach. Written over 20 years ago by a woman who ran groups for pre-orgasmic women, this book has a lot of personal stories. Women like it because they see they are not alone and they can usually identify with one or other of the stories.

Becoming Orgasmic: by Julie Hieman and J. LoPiccolo. A bit more clinical than the previous book, it also has exercises to help a woman think about where she learned her ideas about sex and whether these might not be realistic.

The Gift of Sex: by Cliff and Joyce Penner. Written by a Christian couple, this is a very frank and helpful book, especially for women who find some of the suggestions or assumptions in “secular” books objectionable.

If none of the books or suggestions are helpful, you might consider asking for referral to a sex therapist or psychologist specializing in treating sexual difficulties.

Dirty Talk – Breakfast In Bed

breakfast in bedEvery morning Venice wakes me up kissing my neck, under my arms, down my stomach, until eventually she is between my legs playing with my genitals.  Usually this routine ends with her sucking on my balls and dick, maybe a few minutes of fucking, including anal, but never an orgasm.  This is something we practice called “our circle,” and it’s purely for intimacy.   It’s not just a blog topic, it’s really our daily routine.  It may sound weird, but if I know that night Venice will want and expect more intimate time with me, there is no real urgency to orgasm every time I get an erection and am intimate with my wife.  I enjoy waking up with her saliva or vaginal juices  on my penis, semi-hard, and still horny because I didn’t cum.   It’s definitely waking up on the right side of the bed.  This “circle” seems to keep her on my mind all day and makes me much more attentive to her.  Whether that’s right or wrong, it works.

This morning, Venice was in a great mood and extra perky.  This means she hops on me like Tigger from Pooh, and nibbles on the side of my face and neck.  She grabs my arm and lifts it over my head, semi bites my pierced nipple and quickly moves her face under my arms.  As she kisses my underarm area, my penis almost immediately gets erect, no matter how tired I am.  If a guy has a g-spot, this is probably mine.  Venice slowly works her way over to my other nipple and underarm, kissing me across my chest on the way there.  Maybe it’s her good mood that gets my juices flowing or maybe it’s the fact it’s Friday, but before she got down to my dick, I already know I want to fuck her.   This means, I want to cum.  When I say in the morning we usually are intimate with no orgasms, I mean it.  Maybe once or twice a month we have these moments (usually a Friday) where things get a little too hot or heavy, but the goal with our “circle” is to not reach that point, especially on a work day.  Luckily, this was a Friday!

As she plays with my dick and balls, rubbing and massaging, putting a single ball in her mouth and slowly sucking, or just taking my whole dick and shoving it down her throat.  Sometimes it feels as though she is like a kitten.  My genitals become her yarn as she paws my crotch.  Her moans are almost purr-like.  She nuzzles herself in my crotch, rubbing my dick and balls against her face.   I was rock hard.

I look down and ask, “Do you want  breakfast in bed?” 

She immediately responded, “Yes.”  

I then sat up and rolled her over, putting her face near the top of the bed.  She leaned her head back as I positioned my hips over her face.  I let my hard dick dangle above her, rubbing her nose and forehead, as I wrap my arms around her knees and legs.   I slowly drop my hard dick down into her throat, while at the same time burying my own face in her vagina.   We both already know that the goal is to feed her my sperm.   The term “breakfast in bed” has its own meaning in our world, as it took life a few months ago and became a part of our sex language/dirty talk.  I dig my hips low over her face until I can feel my dick pass through her tight throat, down her neck.  I also feel my balls press hard against her nose, pushing them back and up into my own ass cheeks.  I love this feeling.  The tip of my dick, the most sensitive part of my penis, can feel the textures deep in her throat.  I will never be able to explain this feeling properly, but you can almost feel the area of the throat where it seperates the throat passages, lung/stomach.   It rubs and tickles the head of my penis as my shaft moves back and forth inside her. 

The morning talk is loud and dirty as I grind my dick into her face.  “You want me to give you breakfast in bed?”  She can’t still can’t breath, mouth full of my cock.

Until I pull out and hang my dick above her face, she can’t get air.  This means, as soon as I lift my cock out of her, she gasps and breaths as loud as she can.  She is unable to respond to dirty talk until after she catches her breath.  “Give my fucking breakfast!” she screams.   “I want my morning protein.”  My dick hangs half way over her face while she talks and gets ready for more.  It’s dripping my precum and her  own saliva back all over her face as I wait to fuck her more.  She loves every second of it, as this is probably her favorite way to make me cum.  Admittedly, it’s not my favorite, but nothing makes me cum as fast orally as this technique.  And when I do cum, it’s more of a sex (intercourse) orgasm rather than a blow job orgasm (for me, there is a huge difference — later blog). 

After a few minutes of this back and forth, in and out, I unload deep inside her throat.  I bury my hips hard on her face as I thrust, exactly how I would fuck her vagina or ass, digging as deep as I can until I feel my shaft completely empty of fluid.  

Sometimes it’s worth it to be late to work.

When I started this blog, I actually wanted to talk about dirty talk and the language of sex.  After the first paragraph it seemed boring and I ran out of things to say.  Instead, I wrote about my morning.  However, the original topic was “breakfast in bed” and how Venice and I use it.  We both know what it really means, and we are both turned on by it.    Is it the double meaning that turns us on, or just that we call my sperm her breakfast, as if she needed my cum to survive.   Now, anytime she is giving me oral sex in the morning, our dirty talk almost revolves around that term.  It means to finish, to feed, to be intimate in the morning, and that I am taking care of her needs.   I dumb thought like breakfast in bed during oral sex, turned into a dumb thought while I was taking a shower after I came inside her throat this morning, turned into a dumb blog with an extremely sexy story.   I’m okay with that.

Couple Seeking Woman – The Needle in a Haystack

logoWe were asked to write an article for sex.com and we thought that would be a great idea.  The article is about the journey in finding a woman to join us in a threesome.  At the time, it was a complicated task because we really didn’t know what to expect.  Although our experiences and feelings have changed since this was originally published, it is still a great site so if you get a chance, check it out.   And of course, we appreciate Sex.com for asking us to write for them, while at the same time helping us reach a whole new readership.

 Couple Seeking Woman: The Needle in a Haystack

QueenKingQueenOn our blog, I’ve made it very clear that I was ready and willing to lose my “girlginity,” which basically means being with a woman sexually. But that doesn’t mean that because I’ve had a sexual awakening I’m ready to pounce on anything with a pair of hot tits and a pussy, and it certainly doesn’t mean I get a free pass to fuck any woman I want.  There’s a process, if you will, in seeking a woman who we will be allowing into our lives.  This complicated process would be akin to finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.

By putting our business out there for the world to read and judge us by, I realize that I might be scaring off potential “partners,” but conversely, it will also allow me to broadcast my requirements, my prerequisites, and my standards – something everyone should do with every sexual partner in order to get as close to exactly what they want.  Be picky, don’t settle.

I won’t be jumping into anything because I have so much to consider.  I’m not single; I’ve found my soul mate.  But now, I’m on a mission to find my “holemate,” so to speak.  I’m not looking for a female version of my man or a second wife for him.  For a relationship like mine and Ryan’s, our ideal triad would be filled by a female agreeable to a no-strings-attached situation, which should not be misconstrued as her constant availability for a booty call.  In fact, that is the exact opposite of what I want.  I’m interested in finding a friend, a good friend, one who I can talk to and understand my marriage and be open with my limitations.

Ryan has been a loyal man to me, so rewarding him by adding a female to our sex life while also exploring my bi-curious side would serve us both.  And I would absolutely love to spoil my man in a safe, reciprocated way.  We’re a territorial couple, but there are exceptions.  Ryan would allow me and her to be 100% intimate with each other in any way.  However, I’d want Ryan to be with me.  This is where things get complicated, as I do not want Ryan to be a creeper in the corner.

The female has to be open to both of us, enough so that she is comfortable being nude in front of Ryan, and him being nude in front of her.  If the moment calls for him just watching, I’d want her to be relaxed and turned on by him in the room, not uncomfortable.  Depending on how we all feel, I am open to Ryan being a part of the moment in a limited fashion, but not okay with any sort of penetration.  However, I would love for Ryan to fuck me as I lick her vagina, or have her lick my vagina as he fucks me.

Although Ryan has never expressed the desire to fuck anyone else, he will get to see another woman’s breast and pussy, he will get to have us both in the same room, he will get to see two women fuck in front of him, he will get to see me suck his dick in front of her, and he will have the privilege of having this other woman lick his balls, lick my juices off of his body, and enjoy and share my excitement of trying something for the first time.  There are so many possibilities to how we can enjoy this new person in our sex life all while following our rules.

She will not just be a woman who follows these boundaries, but a friend who understands our relationship and how we operate as a couple.  There doesn’t have to be a mutual physical attraction, but she and Ryan must both like each other’s personalities.  She can’t be disgusted or turned off by him or turned off by me being intimate with him either; this is important when all three of us are together.  If she and I are into each other and enjoyed each other sexually, I believe the territorial feelings in me will become less and less.  With a budding friendship the idea of sharing becomes less threatening.  If this were a random person we met in a club, the jealousy, regret, and resentment would eat me up inside.

I believe that this initial move to open up your marriage can go either one of two ways: becoming full swingers or strengthening your relationship by exploring more avenues of both partners’ sexualities.  Of course we are practioners of the latter.  Brought on by perhaps an early mid-life crisis or a much-needed change, this was a mutually agreed upon decision which cannot succeed without the other’s blessing. I imagine there are many couples just like us who are seasoned in their marriage/long-term relationships and finally getting the courage and have progressed to taking their love to a higher level who describe themselves as “experimental” or “looking for fun.”

I could definitely see this woman as being married and/or with children.  I could even see her as being single, but again, she has to have the same values as us and live by them.  The only concern I’d have is her non-loyalty to us and the threat of STDs that comes with the mindset and behavior of a single person.  But if we never find a female who is compatible with us, neither I nor Ryan would lose any sleep over it.  To me, it’s not the destination I’m concerned with, it’s the journey.  My journey which started with a demure little girl who didn’t know how to use her voice to express herself and ended up with a strong-willed woman who rocks her man’s world twice a day with every hole in her body.  I mentioned a sexual awakening because that’s exactly what it was: a realization that life is too short to fuck in the missionary position.  This realization came with open-mindedness to try anything sexually related – learning to deepthroat, craving anal, and opening up our bedroom.

TAGS: MW4W, couple seeking woman, couple seeking women, couple seeking woman, looking for a woman for a threesome, need a third partner for threesome, couple looking for a woman

Q & A: How Do I Tell My Wife I Am Gay? (Gay Husband)

gay husbandJohn via the internet

Hello, very interesting site.  I actually ended up here because of xhamster but do have a question for you both.  Well, I guess I just need your advice.  I have been married for 11 years to a beautiful woman that is my absolute best friend.  We have a 9 year old daughter together and everything is perfect, except I have absolutely no interest in women.  Although I suspected I was gay from an early age, my dad was very strict and I just wanted to make my family proud.  My wife was the only woman that ever really turned me on, so I figured she was the one.  Now, 11 years into the marriage, I cannot get an erection at all with her.  In fact, our marriage has been completely sexless for about 3 years.  This is killing my wife, as she thinks I have an erection disorder or find her unattractive.  She has purchased books on sex and marriages, has given me oral sex for what felt like hours, and still nothing.

I do not think she knows this, but I do get erections frequently, but only when viewing gay porn.  I masturbate without her knowing and feel like I am only sexually attracted to men.  I have approached my wife about the idea of an open marriage, but this hurt her feelings.  I covered my tracks by suggesting it to her, as a way to fulfill her needs since I can no longer perform.  I am unsure if she was so hurt because I was suggesting she was shallow enough to fuck other guys because I can’t make love to her, or because I suggested an open marriage.  Either way, I am gay.

What should I do?   I would love to stay with my wife and help raise my daughter, but I need to get this lifestyle thing off my chest.  I’m tired of hurting her.  I’m tired of lusting men behind her back.  I’m tired of sneaking around masturbating.  I’m tired of lying.

Venice’s response:

I can’t imagine how torn you must feel.  It was a good move for you to ask you wife about an open marriage.  Have you told her you were gay yet?  If not, that may be the reason her feelings have been hurt.  It goes without saying that you will need to break the news to her gently.  Reassure her with the positive things about her and your relationship before you tell her you’re no longer interested in her, or other women for that matter.  I would suggest telling her how much you love and care for her and that the reason you are approaching her with this news is that you would rather be honest with her first before hurting her.  If you’ve never cheated on her – with a woman or a man – tell her that too. 

If it were me telling my husband this news, I would make sure he understood that it wasn’t that I didn’t love him, but I could no longer continue in a marriage under the assumption that I was a straight woman, and that if I did, I would be doing us and our daughter a disservice by living a lie.  Try to make her understand that attraction to one’s partner – sexually and emotionally – are crucial parts to making a relationship work.  If they’re missing or unfulfilled, that person will almost likely turn to someone who can fill that need.  If not, that person will live in misery. 

A marriage cannot survive purely on love.  Sexual attraction, honesty, and loyalty are important elements that define a successful connection.  In your case, honesty is going to play a huge part in how your wife will perceive your “break-up.”  The one thing that would ease my mind if I were your wife is the fact that you don’t want to continue hurting her.  When it’s all over, she will be able to say, “At least he didn’t cheat on me.”  That may the best thing that comes out of this.

Ryan’s response:

This is a tough one.  The key to a good marriage is communication, but in this case, communicating that you are gay and prefer an open marriage may end your relationship.   I suppose it comes down to what your goals are as a father, husband, and man.  If you want to be openly gay and can no longer live the way you are now, talk with your wife and accept what’s going to happen afterwards.  Let her know that you are not in a hurry to start meeting guys and having sex with them, but you want to quit hurting her.  When she realizes that you aren’t just going to pack your bags and jump in the sack with a bunch of men, she may relax and appreciate the honesty.  It’s not unheard of in these situations for the wife to end up being your best friend, but I doubt she will stick around as your wife and keep you as her gay husband.   You can both still raise your daughter but it may be in two different households.   This is something you will have to understand before you make your decision to talk with her.

Another suggestion I have: after you tell her, if she is understanding of what’s going on with you, ask if you can bring gay adult videos into the bedroom.  There is an article floating around written by an ex-Playboy Bunny who has said that Hugh Hefner would line all the in-house Bunnies up twice a week outside his bedroom door, and one by one they would service them.  Whether it be oral or sex, they would take turns, maybe five minutes each.  Although this seems like a dream come true for most men, the article stated that he would have gay porn playing on a movie screen in his bedroom to help him keep his erection.  Maybe after you come out, your wife will understand you need certain things to achieve and erection, but once you get that erection you can both enjoy it.  I really don’t understand how your own hand could be more sexually attractive than your wife’s hand, mouth, ass, or vagina.   Your hand isn’t a man.

Good luck.  No easy answer here.