Threesome Memoirs – Foxy Brown

foxy brownVenice: A few months ago I spoke with a very attractive black woman, that for the stories sake, I will call her Foxy Brown. After some light conversation, we ended up talking about the different things we were interested in. One being, our sexuality. I am openly bisexual so I do not keep this a secret from anyone. If it makes another girl uncomfortable that I am very interested in women, I can’t really concern myself with making everyone else happy except me. I informed Foxy that my husband and I have hooked up with various girls we were both interested in. At the time, she was in a relationship as well and also allowed other women in her bedroom. This is usually how it goes when you meet another bisexual woman. We both weren’t interested in hooking up with another couple; however, we were on the market for a sexy single lady looking to play in our bedrooms. We traded a few sexy stories and pictures and learned a little bit about each other. After a few days, we both kind of stopping reaching out to the other and lost contact.

A few months later, I get a text message from a number that I am was not familiar with. I responded back that I was unsure who was texting me. She replied with a selfie. As soon as I saw the photo, I remembered who she was. I let her know she looked gorgeous and asked how she was doing. She didn’t hesitate to let me know that her and her boyfriend were no longer together and that I had been on her mind since the last time we spoke. I knew what this meant.

I informed her that she would need to submit an application with her STD results, a photo of her breasts, vagina, and face, and we will go through all the other sexy single applicants applying for a position in our bedroom and possibly give her a call back. Okay, I didn’t do that at all. I immediately responded and let her know that she should come over and hang out. This was probably the least flaky woman I have dealt with, because we literally made plans for that same night.

Ryan: When Venice told me she met another girl and showed me the photos I was a bit uncertain. I have really only been attracted to Asian women or very dark brunettes. Of course, that is just a preference. I find women in general beautiful, but I have always been extremely picky about who I have hooked up with. My friends in high school used to tell me that my standards were too high. I didn’t care, if I wasn’t interested in a girl, I just wasn’t interested. I knew I didn’t want to be intimate or share an experience if I was only halfway into it. Truthfully, until I met Venice, I felt that way about most of the girls I dated.

With that being said, Foxy looked extremely attractive. Her skin was smooth and dark. She had a young college face, very full lips, and what looked to be extremely large breasts. The best thing about the photos I saw, none of them were trashy. Every photo she was nicely dressed. I can respect that. Growing up, I did have a small thing for the rapper Foxy Brown, and since she really resembled her, I let Venice know she could go forward with her plans. Her response: “Yay!”

Continue Reading Threesome Memoirs – Foxy Brown

Freaky Friday Search Terms – tiny penis & wet cunt blog

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. old man and young girl
Venice: That’s totally us, you know, since you’re older than me
Ryan: Um, yea, by a few weeks..!
Venice: That’s irrelevant. I like older men. You know this.
Ryan: We graduated high school together.
Venice: Shut up, old man.
Ryan: What?? I can’t hear you..
Venice: 
Ryan:

9. real sex old couples
Venice: What a coincidence. They searched for “real sex old couples” and they found us.
Ryan: What is that supposed to even mean?
Venice: Poor baby.  Easily confused.  Alzheimers.   Who knows what else.
Ryan: What does any of that have to do with this being a coincidence?
Venice: Ryan, don’t think so hard, I’m worried you may have a stroke or something.  Would you like me to make you a hot cup of Ensure?
Ryan: Stop already.  The random keywords people search for leading to our blog doesn’t  mean I am old. It’s just  stupid keywords that has nothing to do  with us.
Venice: It’s okay, I understand it’s hard to accept Ryan.  I trust Google over you.  That’s all I am saying.   And the fact I like older men, further proves them right.
Ryan: Google can suck my penis and floss with my grey pubic hairs for all I care.
Venice: Dementia is setting in.

8. underage sex
Ryan:
So yea, what was you saying again?
Venice:
 Fuck Google.  They can suck my pre-puberty titties for all I care.
Ryan: 
Hah!

7. old vagina
Venice: Yea, so these keywords are really stupid this week.
Ryan: What’s wrong Venice?  Old lady pampers in a bunch?
Venice: Don’t fuck around with a girl and her age or weight.  I will bite your fucking face off Ryan.
Ryan: Well, someone has sand in her vagina…old…the vagina is old that has sand in it but not you.  I am talking about another person’s old vagina that also is angry about Freaky Friday keywords and threatening to literally eat off their best friend’s face.
<Venice throws her sandal at Ryan>

6. tiny penis & wet cunt blog
Venice:
Can I have my sandal back please?
Ryan: Nope.  Welcome to shoeless world.
Venice: Ryan, you know my feet are old and brittle, I don’t want to step on glass on accident.

Ryan:
We are in the bedroom, your feet are fine.
Venice:
Pleeeaaassseee?
Ryan: Adding more letters to your please does not change my mind.
Venice: I’ll suck yo dick…
Ryan:
No more ammo for you, this war may not be over yet.  I may not be a smart man, but I’ve learned what the sandals are capable of.
Venice:
Pretttty please?  If you give it back I will totally ignore this next keyword, which I believe has the term tiny penis in it.
Ryan: So yea, I definitely think we should make sure your feet stay warm.  I don’t want you to step on any sharp objects like glass or something.  Good point Venice.
Venice: Ahh, that’s so sweet.  See how just a tiny little bit of kindness goes a loooongggg…
Ryan: …awwww you said you wouldn’t do that!
Venice: Okay okay, do you love me though?
Ryan: Yes, you know I do. Let’s just bury the hatchet and move to the next keywords, okay?
Venice: Deal.

5. what are the statistics that mature women walk around in public with butt plugs
Ryan: I love scientific perverts.  Not just Googling for smut, but instead wanting to know the statistics of old ladies that like to walk around all day with big ass butt plugs in their granny panties.
Venice: Tiny penis and wet cunts…
Ryan:
Venice:  I had to pee this morning so I went into the bathroom.  I bent down and heard this loud clink sound.  I looked into the toilet and my butt plug fell into the water!
Ryan: Hahahaha.  Random.
Venice: Seriously.  I then had to make a decision.
Ryan: What? Not to wear your butt plug after you analed the night before because your ass is so loose it can whistle when you walk?
Venice: Even though that comment was pretty douchey, no.  I had to make a real decision.
Ryan: What?  I like hearing the Andy Griffith theme song when you walk by.
Venice: Anyway, I had to decide if I was going to try to flush the butt plug, take it out of the water and throw it away, or clean it off and take it home.
Ryan: Yea, that’s a tough decision.  So?
Venice: Flushed.
Ryan: Whaaaaaat!?  Bullshit.
Venice: I wasn’t going to dig it out.
Ryan: No way that thing flushed.
Venice: Big 300 pound men can drop a log and it flushes with no problems.  Trust me, that anal plug is headed to the big ocean in the sky.
Ryan: That would be funny if the next Nemo movie your butt plug is in the background.
Venice: Hah!  Also, tiny penises…
Ryan:

4. girl gets fast cum in ass
Venice: That doesn’t surprise me that they ended up here.
Ryan:  Uh…huh?   Are you saying that I cum fast when I fuck your ass?
Venice: I’m just saying that you’ve always said anal was an intense feeling.
Ryan: No, that wasn’t just what you were saying.
Venice: What was I just saying?
Ryan: You were suggesting that you weren’t surprised those search terms led to our blog.
Venice: Yea, because I cum super duper  fast when you’re in my ass.
<Venice looks away and scratches her neck.>
Ryan: Yea uh huh.  Maybe I’m just super duper excited to finish fast so I can hear the Andy Griffith theme song.
<Ryan rubs his forehead with his middle finger.>
Venice:
Maybe it’s whistling because it’s extremely bored.
<Venice rubs her nose while making an L with her hand.>
Ryan:
Wow, really?
Venice: I love you.
Ryan:  Your love  isn’t a band-aid and I’ve been seriously wounded.
<Venice reaches up with her fingers to close Ryan’s eyes>
Venice: Just close your eyes Ryan, go to the light.  Let it go.  Just let it go Ryan…
Ryan: …NEXT FUCKING SEARCH TERM PLEASE.

3. beautiful penis
Venice: Before you start, yes, Ryan, your penis is beautiful.
Ryan: Do you mean beautiful in a “Brazilian supermodel” way or a “baby penis with angels smiling innocently in a Renaissance painting” way?
Venice: I mean I like how your veins envelope your penis.  I like the color and how the head is proportional and pretty. I like how it makes my cervix pop in a painful/pleasant way and makes me walk funny or  bleed all over the sheets the next day kind of way.
Ryan: Yea, those are all good answers, too.  But Brazilian supermodel beautiful or baby penis of love artistic beautiful?
Venice: You mean like a tiny penis?
Ryan:
Ryan: Come on.
Venice: What?
Ryan:
Venice: Okay, a Brazilian supermodel way.  <sighs>
Ryan: Yes!

2. الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا 
Venice: الفيديو الجنسي في آسيا؟
Ryan: أعتقد أنها ينبغي أن تكون أكثر تحديدا
Venice: بالضبط. لأن هناك العديد من البلدان الآسيوية
Ryan: أوه لا … هنا نذهب مرة أخرى
Venice: ماذا؟ هناك!

1. is it true that when a mans sperm is poured into a womans ass the ass will become bigger
Venice: This has an urban legend undertone to it.
Ryan: Yea, this is not the first time I’ve seen this searched.
Venice: This week alone I saw “womans ass bigger with semen,” “does a woman’s anus grow because of semen,” and “I came in my wife’s ass will it get larger”
Ryan: Who the hell wants to know this? I mean, semen has great properties, but to make a body part BIGGER? If that were the case I’d be rubbing my semen all over my cock every day as much as humanly possible.
Venice: Tiny penises all over the world would rejoice…
Ryan: …we had a fucking deal!?
Venice: Okay, give me a retry!
Ryan: The topic was about sperm having the ability to make things larger.
Venice: In that case my pussy would be as large as the planet Jupiter from all your cum that has been inside me.
Ryan: Wow, that was kind of hot.
Venice: Yea it was…

 

This Friday Is On Me

fridayRyan has been grilling for me every Friday for about 3 years. Each Friday, my day is filled with the thrill of knowing I’ll be getting faded with Ryan and enjoying a New York Strip or Ribeye (with grilled corn, broccoli, or whatever sides I feel like having), followed by (or following, depending on horniness and intoxication levels!) rough and kinky debauchery.  The end of the work week signifies a celebration, a party that I prepare for and look forward to. Although Ryan himself has said to me several different times, “Do you really want steak today?”  I follow it with, “What the fuck…YES, I WANT STEAK! I wait all week for it!”  Ryan made a promise to me 3 years ago that every Friday he’d grill for me, and my steak meal at the end of the week was a way for him to show his appreciation for everything I do for him.  It is also a part of our intimacy circle and makes me feel spoiled, which I really enjoy.  I deserve my man cooking for me.

Occasionally, we’ll eat out (on a Saturday or Sunday). It’s not as fun as preparing food together at home, but I welcome the change. Although tomorrow is Friday, I’ve decided to spoil him this week with a special meal.  Inspired by the different places we eat out, I have listed tomorrow’s menu:

 
Spinach cheese dip
Strawberry Lemonade (Vodka)
Shrimp Scampi Linguine (with garlic cheese bread)
Caramel Pecan Brownies à la mode
 
I’m making everything from scratch!  I’m even putting together a new playlist!  So if you have any song suggestions, let me know!

Random Moments With Us – Do You Know My Blood Type?

Last night, Ryan dropped a glass onto the floor and it shattered.  As he reached over to the pantry to get the broom and dustpan, I tried to carefully spin around to sit on the counter.  I felt a little tingle in my big toe but thought nothing of it. I watched as Ryan swept the entire kitchen floor and even into the dining room.  The tingle in my toe began to irritate me. As I turned to look at my toe, I saw smeared blood down the inside of my sole as a red fluid continued to pool around the source.

“Oh, no… I did step on a piece of glass,” I said. Ryan continued to sweep as he apologized profusely. “Not your fault,” I told him.

A few minutes later, with a piercing needle and a tweezer, I was able to remove the piece of glass. It continued to bleed as I covered the cut with a tiny circle Band-Aid. It was the only size I had.

As we were getting ready for bed, I held up my foot to Ryan and said, “I could have died!”

“I know, I know…you could have died,” he played along.

“I lost so much blood!”

He pulled me onto the bed and I lay my head on his chest. “Yes, V, you lost a lot of blood.”

“I may need to go to the Red Cross. In case I pass out, do you know my blood type?”

He made a letter V with his index and middle fingers, placed them over my eyelids and made a pulling down motion, as if he were shutting the eyes of a corpse. “Shh, ssh.  It’s okay.” I laughed as I pushed his hand off my face. “It’s okay to let go, V. LET. GO,” he said as he pinched my nostrils together while cupping his palm over my mouth.  I laughed even harder as I pushed his hand away yet again. “Shhhhhhhh..shhhh,” he said as he put a pillow over my face. “Be free from the pain. Walk to the light, V. Walk to the light!”

The next afternoon in the car, I told him I was having trouble walking at work because of my injury.   I also asked if he thought maybe amputation would help with the pain.  He laughed and suggested pulling over to a the cemetery we happened to be driving passed and physically kicking me out of the vehicle.  Literally, kick me out with his shoe in my back.  He made me visualize that I would grab the window of the car and hang on as he tried to drive off, yelling, “Stop Ryan, stop!”

He said he would yell back to me,  “It’s okay baby, don’t hold on, go to the light! Don’t worry I will come back on every anniversary and birthday.  Don’t fight it.”

Alcohol and Sex – Different Types Of Sexual Body Shots

alcohol and sexRyan and I have decided to do a blog on the different types of body shots people can in the privacy of their own home. Because we rarely go to any bars and most of the drinking we do is at home with each other, we’ve created a lot of body shot techniques that we hadn’t seen before.  Although there is nothing new under the sun and some recipes are the same as your typical body shots, the purpose of our consumption was to enhance sex, not get drunk and stumble to a cab.  Whether it be to get a small quick buzz to intensify sex, or just something fun to do together on a Friday night, here are a few original ideas for body shots.

Shot Caller:

Silver Tequila of your choice (Patron)
Lime slices
Sea Salt

Lick your partner’s earlobe, behind there ear, and down the neck.  Leave it wet with saliva.  Gentle rub sea salt over the earlobe, behind the ear, and down his or her neck.  The saliva should help the salt stick to the skin.  Take a sliced lime and put it in your partner’s mouth.  Once your shot is prepared, lick the salt off your partner’s earlobe, then take the Tequila shot. Move to your partner’s mouth and suck on the lime slice as if you were kissing. Once you have chased the Tequila with the lime, go back behind your partner’s ear and suck the remainder of the salt off his or her ear and neck.

Shotty:

Vodka of your choice (Absolut)
Sugar
Lemon slices

Lick your partner’s nipples and leave them both moist with saliva.  Pour sugar on each wet nipple, the saliva should  help it stick to the body.  Take a sliced lemon and squeeze a trail of juice from your partner’s belly button to his or her pubic area (above the dick or clitoris).  Leave the lemon on top of her pussy (or cock — you could squeeze the juice down the length of his shaft and leave the lemon on his balls if you prefer).  First you will want to lick off the sugar off your partner’s nipples then take the shot of vodka. As you swallow the vodka, follow the happy trail (lemon juice) down to his or her genitals until you reach the lemon.

Cum Shot:

Dark Rum of your choice (Captain Morgan)
Fresh Semen
Vanilla Coke

This shot will keep any woman extremely horny all night.  Take your man and handle his business, however you feel like handling it. Blow job or hand job, or a mixture of both.  Make sure he knows your plans, as this body shot needs a fresh batch of semen to start things off.  As he cums, make sure he  ejaculates  into a shot glass (or two separate glasses).  Fill the remainder of the glass(es) with dark rum.  A true Cum Shot. Chase the shot with Vanilla Coke.  Trust me, the semen has mood altering hormones that mix perfect with the buzz you get from alcohol. This combination drives me crazy mentally, because I know what I swallowed, and the night has only just started.  He is already happy himself (he came, and he watched his cum used as a shot mixer).  He can finish off the night returning the favor.

Money Shot:

Jagermeister
Energy Drink of your choice (Red Bull)
Fresh Semen

The Jager Bomb with Semen.  Like the Cum Shot above, this is a “start up the night” shot. Nothing will get you going like this shot.  Horny, drunk, hyper, and sex.  Need I say more?  The alcohol and caffeine combination is known to give you an intense rush, but for those of us who appreciate and notice the mood altering changes semen has on our bodies after we swallow, it takes the Jager Bomb to a whole other level.  Mix the Jagermeister with his freshly squeezed semen in shot glasses. Depending on the amount of semen you can get out of him, you could do a couple shots.   Follow the shot with an  energy drink of your choice.  You’re welcome.

Riding Shotgun:

Coffee Liqueur of your choice (Kahlua) — or any liquor of your choice
Whip Cream

Although this is a body shot, I’d say skip the whole shot glass portion of this one. Because you will have to be riding your partner, you should instead just take a large swig of coffee liqueur (or alcohol or your choice) from the bottle as your shot.

First, your partner will have to be underneath you with his or her legs closed.  In my opinion, it’s preferable to be having sex, but that will be up to you.  The guy can also do this shot as well.  In fact, one of my most orgasmic positions is the guy on top of me with my legs closed.  Because of the angle of the shaft and how it rubs over my clitoris as it penetrates, it almost feels like being fucked while someone  else is rubbing my clit.   As you are riding your partner, hold his or her hands above his or her head.  Take your whip cream and spray it under your partners arms, and up his or her biceps (the guns).  Take a shot of the coffee liqueur and then slowly lick the whipped cream from underneath your partner’s arms and biceps.  Since the underarms release a lot of pheromones, it can be extremely intimate.

Shot In The Dark:

Dark Rum of your choice (Captain Morgan)
Coffee Liqueur of your choice (Kahlua)
Chocolate Syrup

Half rum, half coffee liqueur.  The coffee liqueur will make the chaser unnecessary.  Pour the liquid chocolate in between your partner’s ass cheeks (this is a messy shot, but I enjoy wild and messy).  Take the shot of Rum and lean them over.  Run your tongue up his or her ass and butt cheeks.  Since no chaser is needed, this is a perfect time to give and let your partner enjoy receiving a little analinguist.   There isn’t much that feels better than having a slight buzz and feeling the sensation of a tongue rubbing your ass and rim.

3 Point Shot:

Dark Rum of your choice (Captain Morgan)
Irish Cream Liqueur of your choice  (Baileys)
Powdered Chocolate Milk Mix (Nestle Quick Mix)

Suck on your man’s penis and balls and leave them wet with your saliva.  He’ll really enjoy this. Gently rub the powered chocolate milk mix on his balls and penis (the penis is optional — depending on if he is erect and it’s going down your throat)  Although the concept behind this shot is deep throating, any female can do this.  If your guy is not erect, this shot should be easy for any woman to perform.  Mix the shot with half dark rum, half Irish cream liqueur.  The Irish cream liqueur will make the chaser unnecessary.  Take the shot and put your man’s entire erect penis in your mouth (I enjoy doing this with an erect penis, because feeling the shaft move down my throat helps replace the alcohol burn — and it’s also extremely intense for him as well).  If he isn’t erect, same thing.  After you’ve got his entire penis in your mouth, stick your tongue out and clean the chocolate off both of his balls.  Make sure he is watching. Slowly pull your mouth off his dick and suck as hard as you can stretching his penis it’s entire length on the way up and getting off all of the chocolate flavor.  Finish cleaning up the balls and enjoy the taste.

Pussy Shot:

Cherry Vodka
Sugar
Whip Cream
Rub your finger in your ladies vagina, stir the shot with the same finger before taking it to the face.

Make sure he is real comfortable because once he takes the pussy shot, you shouldn’t expect to see his face anytime soon.  Have him lick your pussy and suck on your lips until your entire area is soaking wet.  Also make sure he sticks his fingers inside your pussy and gets your juices all over his fingers.  Have him rub your juices all over your lips and inner thighs.  Once it’s wet, he will need to grab the sugar and sprinkle some all over your pussy.   He then will need to spray some whipped cream around your clit area and inside your vagina and ass hole.  Not a lot, as you do not want food inside these areas, but enough so that he can dig inside your body with his tongue and taste the sweetness.

After your pussy is covered in sugar, he needs to go down and lick the sugar off your lips and thighs.  Then he takes a shot of cherry vodka and chase it by sticking his tongue inside your whip cream soaked ass and vagina.  The deeper his tongue goes, the more whipped cream he gets.   Once he is finished with the whipped cream, he needs to stay down for as long as your hands can hold his head there, because the pussy shot is the grand finale.  He needs to eat you out until you cum all over his face so he can really get the true chaser in a good pussy shot.  Your cum.