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Is My Boyfriend Too Fat For Sex? 

So… I want to start off by saying that personally I find my boyfriend attractive but he is definitely fat. By that I mean I’d be unsurprised if he is not close to 400 pounds. At one point a couple months ago he said he was 360 (ish) I don’t remember exactly how much. However he is over 6 feet by a couple inches so it doesn’t look like he is as much as he is.  Is he too fat for sex?

Anyway… I’m near 100% sure that we can’t have sex. And I say this after having a couple positions with him in which we tried. I’m pretty short compared to him and so nearly every position his belly gets in the way. I haven’t said anything because the one time I tried he got really soft and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s never brought it up but has stopped attempting sex at all.

His dick is small, only because of the fat surrounding it. If he’s laying down and I push his fat out of the way I believe he’d have about a 5-6 inch dick. Because I’m barely capping 5 feet there is no way possible for me to be on top of him.  I can technically get on top there is no way for my knees to reach the bed/surface. To be honest I have to be in near splits to even get my legs around him. And if he isn’t laying down his penis is closer to 2-3 inches.

Plus because of the height difference if we try missionary he has to kind of hunch over me.  This means his belly keeps him from doing more than… barely fucking my entrance? I don’t know… this is awkward for me to type. I thought anal might work better with me close to the edge of the bed and him kneeling.  That didn’t work because belly is still in the way.  The other night I was on my side with my ass toward him and one leg pulled to my chest and he could just barely almost touch either one of my holes.  Other than his head rubbing my entrance, there is no real penetration.  I’m wondering if there is anything else I can do to make it work?

It seems mean to break up because we can’t do it but… I’m in my 20s and I really want to have sex. I don’t want to say our relationship is sexless because we do still fool around and I enjoy it, but I’ve only slept with 2 other people quite a long time ago.  I want to experience it again. Also if we stayed together I’d eventually want kids in a couple years and how would that even work?

It’s really an issue even with blowjobs because I have to hold his belly and blow him which means I can’t really use my hands and it’s hard to do it at the angle I have to use. Its turned something I’ve always enjoyed into something I’d rather not do at all.

Any tips would be appreciated. I’ve read stuff online and people say they’ve always worked it out but wont detail how other than not be self conscious? I love the heavy petting we do but… I want more in my sex life and the oral and fingering is not great if I’m honest (though he’s gotten better!).

Venice’s response to too fat for sex

According to a quick search, there are a lot of positions overweight men can enjoy with their women.  I do not really have many other tips besides a few links because I have never had this experience. For me to suggest anything else would be silly, since you could probably help other women dealing with the same issue as yourself more than I could.  In fact,  your question will be a lot more educational than my answer!  It seems you are working various positions trying to figure out what works best for you guys.  You have learned that pushing his fat down around his penis down exposes more penis. And you have tried bending over the bed, riding him, missionary, laying sideways, and even anal.  Just the fact you are experimenting and trying to find out what works best for you is a huge plus (no pun).  

In a recent study about premature ejaculations the results show that obese men tend to last longer in bed than slimmer men.  Seems like there are a lot of pluses to plus size men!

This was totally unknown to me.  As I read through the study it seems that obese men have more estrone, which may explain things.  

Estrone (also called oestrone) is an estrogen like estradiol and estriol. Unlike the other two, estrone comes from the ovaries, as well as the adipose tissue and adrenal glands. It is a weaker estrogen, commonly found in higher quantities in postmenopausal women.

This may also explain why they say larger men enjoy cuddling, are more sensitive to their partners needs, and are more in sync with your pleasure rather than their own.  

On another note, rather than trying to communicate with him about his weight while you are about to have sex, try to have a talk with him when you aren’t trying to have sex.  That way you do not have to worry about him losing his erection.

Ryan’s response to too fat for sex

According to Metro the top 5 male body shapes women enjoy in the bedroom:

1. Overweight / plus-size men: 38%
2. Athletic / muscle men: 21%
3. Tall men (taller than 6 foot): 13%
4. Short men (shorter than 5 foot 8): 10%
5. Slim / petite men: 9%

Interesting.  Metro also listed the top 5 reasons why women prefer ‘overweight / plus-size men’ in the bedroom: 

1. They seemed more eager to please me than themselves: 42%
2. They were more caring and gentle: 42%
3. They made me feel less self-conscious about my body: 27%
4. I had better orgasms: 19%
5. They were more adventurous and willing to try new things: 14%

As Venice previously said, this may have to do with the Estrone levels found in larger men.

However, as much as that top 5 list makes for a great article, my opinion has always been, most women tend to like what they have.  And according to the statistics, more than 1 of 3 adults are considered to be overweight.  That statistic would fall right in line with the amount of women that prefer plus-size men.  Much like our article about women describing the perfect penis, a lot of woman prefer exactly what they have. Especially when she is happy and in love. 

And there is nothing wrong with that.

Although I cannot help you with finding positions that work best for you, I do commend you for experimenting and figuring out what feels the best for you two.  It may come down to a conversation where you express how much you love him but would love to help him lose weight so you can enjoy his actual size.  Remind him that his dick looks sexy as hell when you push the fat around his pubic area down.  And let him know you’d love to get all that inside you one day.  Or you can look into having a conversation about penis extenders / enlargers, which can help increase the size of a man’s penis by adding a soft sheath over the penis and making him thicker and longer.   Although we didn’t have a great experience with them, I’ve read that a penis enlarger can make for great sex.