A Real Couple Blogging About Sex, Life, and Everything In Between +

September 24, 2015

What It Feels Like For A Woman To Have Sex

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woman sexNot all women, but me.

While we have sex, Ryan has said to me several times, “You feel so good, I wish you could feel what I feel.” While it’s definitely a compliment to me, I knew there was no way I could physically/physiologically relate. We can discuss how a sinus headache feels or how good it feels to have someone rub your feet, but male and female orgasms are something I’ve never really been able to compare. Not only am I unable to relate, I really don’t feel there’s anything remotely similar between a penis and vagina to which I can compare the feeling. I understand they both contain nerve endings that, when stimulated, result in an orgasm, but unless we switch bodies, I won’t get it, because I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever have a penis.

Now, because I’m very ticklish, it’s hard to enjoy foreplay in the traditional sense, i.e. being kissed, licked, massaged, etc. I love to be touched, caressed, massaged – all of that – but the tickle sensation always cuts the foreplay short. I’ve gotten better about only because Ryan knows my body. When I lay on my stomach and he massages my back, he know to stay toward the middle of my back, to press hard, or even scratch with increased pressure. When he sits at the edge of the bed and kisses on my neck, he knows to keep his hands on my upper thigh and not on my waist. If he does and he feels my back arch or if I inhale sharply as a reaction to being touched in a sensitive area, he pulls his hand away quickly. But there is a very, very brief moment between his sensual touching and a downright tickle attack where my body is in a heightened state of euphoria. Goose bumps form along my arms and back, the hairs on my body dance, and my nipples get sensitive. I shiver and moan and can feel my eyes moving to the back of my head.

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September 21, 2015

Review: Hipster by Liberator

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First of all, Liberator is a local company just a few miles away from us, so let’s just say we may be a bit biased.  🙂

Okay, not really, being bias is for the weak. Venice and I are strong like bull! However, it is cool to know that the flagship store is near us. Knowing that if this order didn’t turn out right, I could easily storm into the flagship store and flip over tables of anal plugs and penis pumps until I got my satisfaction.  “First of all Ms. Liberator Store Manager Person, either you guys need to add a few inches to this Hipster’s height, or you need to make my penis a few inches bigger.  No exceptions.   I’ll wait over there by the strap ons and ball gags until you decide what you need to do.”  Let’s just hope the Hipster is everything we wanted it to be…

So we got this small package in the mail and had no idea what it would be.  We hadn’t ordered anything small and the box was the size of computer tower.   I opened the box (in the future, if anyone is interested in us recording our box openings, leave a comment and let us know) and saw what appeared to be a cute red velvet material folded nicely, a nice zipped up bag the size of a round couch pillow, and a promotional photo of a woman and her Hipster.  Seeing the red velvet and the promotional photo let me know this was the Hipster. My first thought was, “Oh God, this is blow up furniture.”  A bit disappointed, I pull the material out of the zipped up bag.  It looks like a very durable material. My next thought was, “How long will it take Venice and I to pop this damn thing.”   I saw printed on a small piece of paper, “Vacuum compressed.”  Unsure exactly what that meant, I dug my fingers into the plastic and ripped the material out of the bag.  And then… I was attacked!   As soon as the air hit the inside of the bag, I learned that not only was it not inflatable, it was ready to come out of the package and launch at me.  I panicked, thinking the Hipster would get stuck in the plastic as it expanded, I fought back to rip off all the plastic wrapping so it could expand without any problems.  It did.  In fact, I was blown away by the packaging.  The Hipster is huge, sturdy, and I don’t think there is any way Venice and I could do anything destructive to this thing no matter how rough we got.   I grapple/mma on material similar to what is inside the Hipster, and this stuff is durable as hell.

2015-07-14For me, this is a good thing.  Because recently Venice broke a bouncing sex chair (and my penis) a few months ago and it scarred/scared me for life. We just happen to be filming as it happened.  Yes, that *.gif is the bouncing sex chair breaking mid bounce.  Thankfully my penis made it out of the accident with only a few minor scraps and bruises.

Anyway, I promised myself that if we did more reviews, we would not judge how safe a sex toy is on the environment, how certain rubber will loosen the vagina much more significantly if it’s twice the size of a softer rubber dildo, or how rubbing a sex toy against your body may cause red marks if you do it too hard.  We review for fun, for the experience. I’d like to make sure all our reviews talk about our own personal experience with the product and not something we’ve read or researched.   I also like to have fun, make jokes, and just be myself. No infomercials allowed.  Let’s leave those types of reviews to the sex toys gurus… I just want to fuck Venice while she bends over this sexy ass red velvet pillow.

With that being said, when Venice saw the Hipster on the bed, she ran full speed with her jeans on and belly flopped onto the cushion yelling out, “I’m so tirrrrrred.”  She grunted when she landed. I turned around and laughed when I saw the position she landed in: ass up / face down.  I wanted to rip her jeans off on the spot.

Don’t move, I want a photo!

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September 17, 2015

Q & A: I’m A Virgin and Depressed, Should I Hire An Escort?!

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escortsHey guys, from Australia here. First off, where I am from escorts are totally legal and regulated.  I figured I would at least get that part out of the way to save the legality part of this question.  Okay, now on to my dilemma.

I am in college, a senior and I am still a virgin at 22 years old. It’s Ironic too because I dress decent, have a good group of friends, and I work out everyday.   However I have always believed my face is ugly.  My mom has tried to diagnose me with body dysmorphia, but I think that’s what all mothers do. I’ve overheard plenty of girls whispering that I am unattractive.  The few girls I have asked out have responded in what I took as disgust.  I can’t help or fix my face, so I am going to be ugly forever.  I have felt this way for as long as I can remember and as a result I have never achieved any form of confidence in my life. It really sucks walking around campus with people, and you are just thinking the whole time about how you don’t measure up to anyone else in terms of looks and confidence.  I do have a pretty good job for a college student and also play in a band on the side.  I don’t think I am lacking in extra curricular activities or depressed because of anything other than feeling like no girl will ever really want me.

The past few months I have become even more depressed because It seems that I work so hard to feel good but still feel like shit.  I hate not having confidence because of my v card and facial unattractiveness, which then perpetuates the cycle of not being able to get women because I am insecure. I feel like when I am talking with a girl, all I can think about is how I suck and how there are so many better guys out there that she could easily get. This then oozes out of me in minor ways which women sniff out in an instant. Sometimes I do feel confident because my day is going well, but I find most of the time it sucks.

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September 14, 2015

Random Moments – I Left My Phone At The Bank (Lost Phone)

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phone shockOkay, so I left my phone at the bank. Let me translate.  I lost my homemade porn storage device at a place where there are 5 nosy women just looking for something to do. I think losing my phone may be in my personal top 5 of my biggest fears.  Forget my credit cards, forget my cash, I just do not want to lose my mobile smut machine.

Speaking of my smut machine, it may be time to send this machine to the mechanic (trashcan) for an upgrade.  For weeks now my phone has been messing up.  After I am done using my phone and lay it down, later when I pick it up it is still on (the screen is just black), or the power is totally dead.   I also noticed that there is no lock screen when this happens.  If I turn the phone back on, it will be on exactly what I  was looking at last without a lock screen.

With that being said, I had to run to the bank and get into a safe security box for work.  Before I left, I may have been glancing at twitter.  Don’t ask me why I look at smut on twitter at work in the middle of the day, because usually I don’t.   However, if I publish a blog I will check out twitter to make sure my blog published or see who commented.  Every now and then I will see some random *.gif tweeted that I will click, just to get a closer look.  I call it:  pussy click bait.  I’m a man, I can’t help it.

So I ran into the bank and showed my identification, which is in my phone case.  I got in and out quick and got what I needed. About 2 hours later I got a call at my office from a clerk at the bank.  When I picked up the line she said, “Hello Ryan, did you forget something?”

I responded, “What, my keys?”  I had no idea why I said that because I couldn’t have drove back to work without my keys.   I just really had no idea why she was calling.

She laughed and said, “Are you missing your wallet?”

Fuck, my wallet.  Otherwise known as my fucking phone. Otherwise known as if you click the gallery icon you end up seeing about 50 cock pics of myself, in various random positions that Venice requests during the day, face showing, smiling, and looking like a total toolbag.  You’d also see about 500 various shots of Venice and her vagina, face, titties, ass, whatever.  That “wallet” is my porn stash.

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September 10, 2015

Q&A – Love Her, Love Her Not. Sexually Incompatible

Question & Answer 3 Comments

sexual incompatibilityHi Venice and Ryan,

I’d like to ask your advice. I’m currently living with this girl I met in college. We’ve been together a while and we get along really well. Because of work, I will need to move away in a few months. Our locations leave me two options: marry her or break up.

Now I would probably marry her, except the sex is not great. It’s good, but she doesn’t like anal. She couldn’t continue during the few times we tried. She also can’t deepthroat and isn’t great at blowjobs. And I haven’t even mentioned ass to mouth. Those things are really important to me and I can’t stand the thought of never engaging in them again.

Would I be making a bad choice to pass up a good relationship like I currently have? If I did, and I never met anyone else, I’d kick myself for giving up what I had. But if I marry her, I’d probably hate myself for signing up for a lifetime of being sexually incompatible.

Any advice? Thanks, and good luck on your awesome sexual adventures.

Venice’s response:
If your love for her can see past her sexual shortcomings, then hold on to her.  Kinky sex is not a driving force in a relationship.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way…

Kinky sex may not be a driving force in a relationship, specifically one where the people in the relationship don’t want to hurt the other’s feelings or want to communicate to each other for fear of being left, cheated on, etc., but many times it will take a back seat in a marriage. If it gets to that point, you’ll kick yourself because you know that you chose to be with someone who wasn’t perfect (for you). It’s important to work out these differences BEFORE you marry someone. In your case, it’s like waiting to get married to consummate the relationship. Yes, you can always say, “I love her for the person she is, not so I can have kinky sex anytime I want,” (which is a silly excuse, in my opinion), but if you think about it, we ALL marry someone for the person they are. I married Ryan because he has proven his loyalty to me, he loves the things about me that I consider flaws, and he’s got a fat penis. Those were all important things to me while we were just dating and they’re still important to me. I didn’t marry him after he cheated on me or after he’d said, “I love you, but could you please lose 10 pounds?” or because he has more than a micropenis.

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