Author: Venice Bloggs

May 23, 2013

Be That Woman – A Wonder Woman

All Sex Talk , , , , , 4 Comments
Be that Wonder Woman.
Be that Wonder Woman.

You’ve heard the saying, “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”  I, myself, am a true believer in this motto, especially with the endless pics of gorgeous women I know I can never compete with, even in my younger, more fit days.  I learned very quickly that in order to compete, I have to up my stock and give myself a fighting chance.

Before starting our blog, Ryan and I discussed the pros and cons of starting a website like ours.  We heard about people getting caught and losing their jobs over their personal lives via R- and X-rated blogs.  Of course this doesn’t make any sense to rational people because 1) who’s to say what is acceptable normal life behavior, and 2) If there were a desirable set of standards, how many of us comply or even qualify?  Very few. Very, VERY few.  Even Amish folks build electric fireplaces (https://www.heatsurge.com/).  The word “fetish” exists because of the standards of normalcy we’ve imposed on ourselves.  But that’s besides the point.  Our goal for the blog was to share and give ourselves additional motivation to maintain an active and exciting and loving sex-infused marriage.

For me, what makes a good male lover is his willingness to do whatever it takes to please his woman.  I’ve had Ryan fuck me all night, until his stomach hurt, thinking it was something I wanted.  Although it was a first for me, we were both young and he assumed the longer he made love to me, the better he was in bed.  The truth is, longevity is overrated.  I love Ryan, but taking his penis in my body all night, literally all night, got very uncomfortable.  At the time I didn’t show it because I didn’t know better.  He later told me that it was just as uncomfortable for him.  The cramping, his penis going numb, the drying (which back then we didn’t know how to stay properly lubed), and his soreness the next day.  He openly said, physically it was the least enjoyable experience sexually, but he did enjoy our time together.  I agree.  He thought that longevity alone is what women wanted and he was trying to please me.  He had the characteristics and good intentions of a good lover, but unfortunately good sex isn’t based off of high school myths and poor communication.   To this day, almost all of my earth shattering orgasms and best sexual experiences have easily been an hour or under.  That is plenty of time for a man to please me.  As much as I love feeling Ryan inside of me, I love to be able to feel my vagina lips an hour later, and I definitely would love to not feel like my bladder has shifted a few inches inside my body.  If Ryan didn’t feel the same way, I would embrace the idea of longer experiences, but for us, it’s unneeded.

Another example of a good male lover is his open mind.  Good lovers go out of their way to please their partners.  If lovers are watching a porn together and he asks her, “Do you want me to lick your ass like that?” and she responds with, “It looks like it would feel amazing.”  Whether or not two minutes earlier he felt licking the ass was disgusting or gross, a good lover will adapt.  Don’t judge her desires, fulfill them.   A good lover will go out of his way to do things sexually that please you: rim jobs, circle your hole, tongue fuck your ass, lick as deep as he can inside, and do it until you are satisfied.  Similarly, if she wants him to motion his hips a certain way or eat her out until she cums BEFORE they make love, then a man will adjust and learn what pleases his woman.  Even if he looks like a complete idiot, a good man will try his hardest to do it all.  I know, through communication, Ryan will do anything I ask of him sexually.  Whether it emasculates or embarrasses him, if he knows it’s something that turns me on, he will try it.  Not only try it, he will embrace it mentally with an open mind and make sure the entire experience is enjoyable for both of us, regardless of how he felt prior to finding out what I wanted him to do.  Attitude and enthusiasm are everything.

As a woman, a good lover is slightly different.   We have our own tricks.  For example, moaning.  Not the kind of moan you let out because something feels good (back rub) or tastes good (cheesecake) – those are the kinds of moans that appeal to your physical senses.  A sensual moan is one that lets your partner know that you enjoy what you’re doing – not because a dick feels good in your mouth or in your hands as you jack him off.   Unlike the moan of feeling him slide inside your body, where there is an obvious moan of pleasure because it physically feels great.  But a mental moan.  A moan to let your partner know you are enjoying what you are doing.  It’s the ultimate way to show enthusiasm, which helps your partner relax.  I’ve been told by Ryan that if he feels I am uncomfortable or bored, he will ask me to stop giving him oral sex or a hand job, and just fuck me.  Not that I don’t want to be fucked, but I do want my man to know that I enjoy him totally.  If he stops, I want him to stop because he wants to fuck me, not because he feels bad because I am bored.  I have to remind myself that this guy trusts me enough to get nude in front of me, totally exposing himself, and lays back for me to do whatever I want with his tool.  I love it, and I need to remind myself to appreciate the moment.  If he wasn’t around, I’d kill to have one more moment like it.   Appreciating the moment keeps me focused on my goal, Wonder Woman.

Before, moaning was actually hard for me.  I would moan during sex, but not during a blow job or while I rub his balls.  Why the hell would I moan then?  Perhaps it was my ego, perhaps I didn’t know better.   I knew Ryan loved to hear me talk or moan, but for whatever reason, I felt I was submitting enough, and moaning seemed to feel “fake.”  I don’t know if I felt like I kept my dignity by staying quiet, but I do know Ryan wanted more.  He has communicated with me later that when a woman that moans and talks during sex, is the type of woman he wanted me to be.  Rather than get mad or hurt, I told myself I will be that woman.

A woman submitting to her man’s needs is a woman men want.   His Wonder Woman.  Notice the comments women get when they hold a penis in their hand like it’s a gold ring and they’re Sméagol.   Ok, bad example.  If a woman looks like Sméagol, a penis in her hand is probably equivalent to a gold ring.   Anyway my point is, a woman who is truly enthusiastic and loves her man’s most intimate body parts, becomes the women men want.  Rather than fight this fantasy, submit to it.  Does it hurt our ego to worship our men’s penis like they worship our bodies?   Do I lose integrity?  I used to think so.  I also was bitter and annoyed at women who did moan and show enthusiasm.  I was a prude.  I called them phony and fake, paid whores.  But the truth is, if money makes a woman a better woman, why doesn’t love?   Is money more important than my love or Ryan’s happiness?  Absolutely not.

I was on to something here.

It seems as if men overdo their sexual tendencies believing it’s what makes their woman happy, while women seem to not do enough because they feel their man should be happy by simply getting sex in the first place.  A good lover, by nature, doesn’t hate what others do to be better in bed, instead they embrace it.   I want to be a good lover, too.

Let’s talk more about enthusiasm, the absolute key to a woman not just becoming a good lover, but probably the best lover her partner has ever experienced.  Going hand-in-hand with moaning is showing enthusiasm in bed.  A guy watches porn to hear the girls talk dirty, to see these women totally enthused and worshiping their male counterpart  – basically, wanting to experience this attitude that almost seems unreal.  If he watches a porn and says, “I want you to do that to me,” don’t misinterpret it as, “I want see her do that to me.”  He is openly telling you he wants you to try something.  Something similar happened to me recently.  Ryan asked if I could watch a video of two girls giving a sloppy, spitty blowjob to a guy.  To lessen the blow on my ego, he made sure I understood this was something I had already done to him in the past.  However, I was still offended because Ryan tells me repeatedly that I am perfect in bed for him.  If that was true, why do I need to watch it?  Was I lacking in the blowjob area?  Did I need to step my game up?  My first reaction was to be defensive.  I got pissed off.  But I soon realized that part of the enthusiasm is be willing to explore other areas of sex, within your boundaries of course, i.e. willingness and excitement toward the inclusion of unexplored acts of intimacy.  What made me perfect (to Ryan) was the fact I kept an open mind.  I have to keep an open mind and accept new ideas.  That’s what made me perfect to begin with.  It’s easy to forget when your brain snaps into defense mode, but the truth was, I had done something like it in the past, and he just wanted my opinion on whether I thought the video was exotic.  It actually was, so unlike me previously giving him a messy blowjob because I thought it was cool to be messy, I instead gave him a messy blowjob because I understood what made it exotic.  I got why it turned him on.  This made it easier for me to enjoy what I was doing.

Being “that” woman also works to the woman’s advantage.  The more you become the perfect woman for your man, the more he will love you for the constant adapting you do for him.  Unless your man is a selfish or  chronic cheater who doesn’t appreciate the strides his woman takes, he should realize that you are adapting to HIS tastes, HIS desires, HIS idea of a perfect woman.  You also become less susceptible to comments such as, “Damn, that woman has a fine ass.”  Why? Because you’ve armed yourself and earned the right to say, “Yes, she does.  But I bet she won’t let her man up in it every night.”

Becoming “that” woman – the one who you once envied for aesthetic reasons, the one you were jealous over, the one you thought you couldn’t compete against – allows you to be more comfortable in your own skin, to be more confident that you can not only keep your man, but keep him from wanting more.   A confident woman is a beautiful woman.  Because if you give him what he wants, why would he need more?

May 14, 2013

Face Fucking Until I Vomit

Blog, Extreme Sexual Ideas , , , , , , , , , , 9 Comments

FACE FUCKING:  Aggressive deepthroat fellatio (see previous article:  Face Fucking)

IRRUMATION:  The act of thrusting of the penis between the legs, breasts, feet, upper thighs (also known as interfemoral sex), mouth and throat, or between the abdomens of two partners. In the ancient Roman sexual vocabulary, irrumatio is strictly a form of os impurum, oral sex, in which a man forces his penis into someone else’s mouth, almost always that of another man.

These are both good definitions, but I will lean toward the second definition as I believe face fucking connotes a very forceful and passionate sexual act.

I’ve seen many amateur face fucking videos of all types: some where a girl is on her knees and takes no more than two inches in her mouth, another where she’s sitting on a couch and the guy is standing over her, and some where she’s got her head off the edge of the bed or couch.  When the guy holds her head and tries to fuck her face, she fights a little as she cannot take it all in.  It seems like they both enjoy the back and forth struggle.  However, at times the girls will jerk their heads back and give a quick look of “Damn, you asshole!  Don’t do it so rough!”   I know it’s just for show and as soon as the camera turns off, she cringes and complains.  I used to be really judgmental, saying things like, “But she’s not even taking him at least halfway down!”  It seemed that I forgot that I was physically able to only do what those girls did, if not much less. I remember when I could only suck to the bottom of Ryan’s circumcision scar — gagging immediately if I tried to take more.  

I did like the idea of the act – the violence, the aggression, the brute force of a man’s hips slamming his dick into my face and down my throat.  When I first started learning to face fuck, I was uncertain of who I was or what I was allowed to enjoy without being judged by Ryan, so I remember being hesitant in embracing it.  I also remember my first time trying.  I read that this face fucking technique, hanging your head off the bed, made it easier to learn deep throat.  It gave the penis a smoother path down your throat.   I remember Ryan fucking my face, and for the first time in my life, I felt in danger.  It wasn’t Ryan’s intentions, but as he pumped his hips in and out and got harder with each thrust, I no longer had any control.  If I closed my throat like I used to, his erection and sleek penis head would pry open my throat and tongue like a fleshy crowbar, and force its way inside.   The penis was built for this.  It scared me.  I remember feeling him cum with his balls smashed against my face, watching his ass hole pucker up with each cum shot, and feeling his hard dick jerk inside my throat.  Whether I wanted to swallow or not, was no longer an option.  I took his cum forever.

It’s not that I would get mad at Ryan for being the aggressor, because I like that.  It was the fact I lost all control.  As a young woman, I had to feel like I had some sort of control.  Even if it was my enthusiasm, I wanted to make sure Ryan knew I was in control.  With face fucking, there is no control or emotion.  Your face gets used and fucked with very little emotional connection.  As soon as I understood how my body and his body worked (my mind was accepting of face fucking as something I wanted to learn), I could not be stopped.  The more I realized I would drip and even squirt from being face fucked, I knew it was something I secretly desired.  It’s now my favorite position.  In bed, I love this absolutely powerless position.

So as I watched more and more face fucking videos (although normally I didn’t just watch porn when I learned to deep throat, I practically studied clips), I came upon one where a girl had her head hanging off the edge of the bed.  I thought it was going to be a humdrum face fuck, when suddenly her gag reflex kicked in and she threw up all over herself.  And being upside down, it was all over her face, nose, eyes…everywhere!  Chunks of food spewing and coating her face, as if someone threw a melted ice cream sundae with peanuts at her!  I don’t have a vomit fetish and seeing it didn’t give me a new goal, but it was her persistence and lack of fear and shame that I came to appreciate.  I don’t even remember if he came or not, but I know it is probably one of the impressive things I’ve seen anyone do.

Then I wondered how I would react if that ever happened to me.  Through deep throating I’ve learned two things: that I can handle Ryan’s cock and that I can control my gag reflex.

This weekend was different.  Ryan told me that he wanted to face fuck me, but pull out and cum all over my face.  We had fucked multiple times the few days prior but he purposely would stop before he came.  Now I knew why, he wanted to explode all over my face.  Of course I was down for it (see previous article:  31 Days of Cum Shots project).  This could be fun!   Me and Ryan took a few shots of rum to kick off our Friday barbecuing.  This is what we usually do, so my drinking was not threatened by the fact I would be face fucking moments later.  That day, however, was different.  Maybe it was my allergies and and the cold I was fighting because both were terrible that day.  After my fourth shot, I felt a slight burning in my throat, as if the alcohol was stuck in my esophagus.   I washed it down with some Coke and thought nothing more of it. 

As we waited for the steaks to marinate, we slipped into the bedroom and I jumped onto the bed.  I stripped down to nothing and lay on the bed as I waited for Ryan to mount my face. I looked up and over my shoulder as Ryan pulled his dick out and began stroking in front of me.  I wanted to taste him so bad.   I felt the bed shift as he made his way to me.  I eagerly pulled him toward my face and took his large soft dick into my mouth.  His hanging balls rubbed against my nose and face.  He pumped his hips as his cock began to thicken.  It grew slowly, bending slightly in my throat with each motion.  I love the feeling of his growing penis as it morphs from limp to thick to fat to fully erect.  When he’s thick, he forces his body to push his dick down my throat, slightly folding as it enters my tight throat.  The harder he gets, the easier it is to do straight down.  Friday, though, was different.  Ryan was talking dirty and began fucking my throat as hard as he could.  Slamming his cock into the back of my mouth at times, forcing his dick to find any hole to squeeze into.  I gagged a few times, but it wasn’t a big deal because nothing ever comes up.  I never ask him to stop.  In fact, I get upset when he stops and wants to fuck my pussy instead.  That day, he thrust his dick in my mouth, rubbing his sweaty balls and ass on my face each time he pulls out to let me breath.  I love it.

I can feel Ryan is about to explode because his movements got more intense.   He sits up and I put his ball sack in my mouth.  I feel him thumping my chin and chest with his dick telling me he is about to cum all over me.  As he lifts his body up and un-suctions his sack from my lips, he immediately replaces it with his long dick.   I feel his dick bury itself deep in my throat, as deep as it can go.  Within seconds, a gag feeling erupted, one that wasn’t any different from the others.  I ignored it and allowed myself to dry heave normally.  But as soon as Ryan lifted up, I felt a wetness bubbling up from my throat.  Not once did I feel like the contents of my stomach were going to expel unexpectedly because it happened so fast, and before I knew it, I actually threw up!  It wasn’t projectile vomiting but very subtle like a tabletop water fountain.   It wasn’t until I felt a mouth full of stomach acids and liquor actually in my mouth did I realize that there was stuff coming up.  For a split second I thought to myself, “Should I swallow this?”  Instead, I pushed out all the  viscous liquid out with my tongue and let it spill over the corners of my mouth and down my face.  The acids, working immediately, burned into my cheeks, some in my ear, as well as my hair.  As Ryan watched my face covered with vomit, he stroked his dick and shot cum all over me.   He later told me that as he pulled out to cum, he saw me throw up all over myself, then shot all over my wet face.  Obviously holding out for a few days was a complete waste, as I don’t care if he didn’t cum for a year, he wasn’t going to facial me worse than I had just facialed myself.

During any other time in my life I believe I would have been upset – by the mess, by the “disrespect” shown to my body, and maybe even by the embarrassment.  But the idea of being face fucked so hard that I threw up had become a badge of honor, one that meant I persevered and endured humiliation at all costs.  Immediately, Ryan asked if I was okay, hoping I wasn’t upset.  At first I didn’t answer, still shocked about what had happened.   After I washed off and got myself together, I opened the shower door and asked Ryan, “Did that turn you on?”   He nodded that it did, and I knew inside I really liked it as well.   Something the old me would not have enjoyed at all.

As I came out of the bathroom and looked at the bed, needless to say, the bed had two big wet spots (one on each side of my head), which I asked Ryan to cleaned up.

May 6, 2013

Interesting Search Terms

Freaky Search Terms 1 Comment

Occasionally we like to look at our search terms to see which terms are bringing readers to our blog. While these search terms do not dictate the subject matter of our work, we admit we do get a kick out of the results.  We have about a dozen or so search terms that have been searched 100 or higher.  Borrrring.  We did find a two-word search phrase in which a simple word order switch yielded a lower result!  As interesting as it is to see what our most popular search terms are, we thought we’d share some of our more entertaining ones:

World record cum swallow

Is my husband fingering at work

Young teen girl is giving a blowjob and he cums so deep in the throat that she almost drowns in sperm and the cum runs out through her nose

Why this girl said to other my dick is small

Please don’t cum in my wife

Suffercation sex

I made my husband suck another man’s cock

stepmom fuck blog

high quality sex blog <– you know, versus a low quality sex blog (shrug)

Ass stretching with pencils

Cum on food

Cum cookie

Fuck my pillow

Who deepthroats better men or women

I hate cum

How does my penis compare to a smaller one?

I aim for her eye sockets and nose

How to eat your cum

Miley Cyrus naked

Your mom deepthroat my dick + pic

Throat bulge while sucking dick

Erotic strangulation searches and methods

Donotcuminside

I like the feeling of cuming in my throat during deepthroating stories

Hand fetish

Big hand fetish

The sounds of women deep throating and swallowing cum

Roap.tight.throat.foked.mueder

Redhead archives

He needs cushion butt to fuck me

Drunk, he felt his pants being taken off

Choking and erection pics

Pink nipples

Deepthroat video where you can see the cock going down

Young men small penis blog

Dental dam porn

Real caught in bushes sex pics

My wife will not let me cum inside her no more

She woke up with sperm in her ass

Suck cock how to deepthroat directions

I enjoy gagging on my husband’s cock while he slaps my face

Big hand and dick up in my ass

deepthroat pass out

To be continued….

May 1, 2013

Fantasy – My First Female Experience

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Lately I’ve been thinking more and more about women. I always found a woman’s body attractive, but I was afraid of being called a lesbian. Not that it was bad because my parents never showed favoritism or dislike to any race, religion, or lifestyle. However, people have expressed same sex experiences as something that was sinful. But as MTV’s Real World, Girls Gone Wild, and the endorsement and praise of celebrities, politicians, and other public figures have become more mainstream, it’s become more acceptable to enjoy it and be aroused by it.

So now, I’ve been talking the talk through this blog, on Twitter, xhamster, and other sites of which Ryan and I are members. My eyes have been opened by the flood of people who were like the old me (quiet, afraid of being judged by others for saying a woman has a sexy body), the me now (open to suggestions, receptive to male and female flirtation), and the me who I want to be (willing to bring a female into our bedroom, vocal about my attraction to women). And I can relate to all of them. I still remember the hesitation of looking at a woman’s breasts and wondering if her nipples look like mine. I can now empathize with the women out there who have yet to experience another female – a kiss, a more-than-friendly touch on my hand. And I envy the women out there who already have.

As I said, I’ve been thinking more and more about women. But truthfully, it has never really stopped. My thoughts have been becoming more intense knowing that Ryan would not only allow, but also enjoy me being with another woman. With his acceptance, he has alleviated a lot of reservations I’ve had and has encouraged me to explore my curiosities.

I’ve noticed that a lot of girl-on-girl fantasies are written by men, so let me show you mine.

My ideal woman would be someone who I know as a person and in turn, knows me as a person. She is open, but not whorish; playful, but not a rough-houser; loving, but not needy. I want someone to accept me AND Ryan – as a married couple, as individuals, and as people. We both have to like her and she has to like us both (because we come as a team). These are all important factors to me because I want to be able to have complete control as to who I let into my life, marriage, and pussy. I want Ryan to be able to talk to her and feel comfortable around her, otherwise I would be excluding him as an active participant. I want the other woman to respect and understand our boundaries. I want her to respect us the next morning. I want her to remember our likes and dislikes. I want her to be attentive to my needs and allow me to explore. In a way, my search of my first woman experience will be an interview of sorts, one that you either pass or fail. That’s the beauty of doing a search – I afford myself the opportunity of an extensive search.

Assuming we find this woman, we’d spend an evening together (I’d prefer a casual restaurant on the beach or hanging out on the balcony also overlooking the beach) talking and have a drink or two. I don’t want to be wasted because I want to remember my first time. I’ve only known the rough face of a man, the grip of his hands, and the power of his body as he thrusts his cock in my pussy, mouth, or ass. This is what I love about a man – feeling overpowered, protected, knowing his brute strength is controlled as he drops down onto my body. Although I’m Asian, I’m not the stereotypical petite woman and it takes a real man to handle me. So having Ryan’s 6’5″, 220 pound frame on me is such a turn on. To be clear, I am absolutely not in a rush to make this happen. It may take a few months, it may take a year, it may never even come. If we never find the right woman, then so be it.

With permission from the beautiful @alwaysbinikki
With permission from the beautiful @alwaysbinikki

But for now I’m ready to feel a woman’s lips, feel her skin, and smell her skin – all the things Ryan loves about me. I know the places where I liked to be touched – behind my ear, down my jawline, between my breasts – and I would love to be able to make another woman experience it from me. I love my man’s hair; it’s what makes him a man, it’s what reminds me of masculinity. But there is something about a smooth, female body that is enticing. To me, it means she takes care of her body, she cares about her appearance, she wants others to enjoy her body, too. After my Project Bush Growth experiment, I shaved myself bald again. And though Ryan wanted me to keep it, he couldn’t keep his mouth off of me the night I shaved. He sucked and slurped and used his tongue as a wash cloth to clean me off! He moaned and told me non-stop to always keep myself shaved..he missed it! That was so unbelievably sexy to hear him say all that! I won’t lie – I found a renewed love for shaved pussies after that. I started to see them in a new light, like his new appreciation for clean-shaven area made ME want to know that feeling. Soon I started seeing pussies that I wanted! I’ve been open with my appreciation for them for a while now, especially with so many people on Twitter (as well as those who I considered friends) posting them. But it wasn’t until I saw @AlwaysBiNikki’s photo of her vag did it prompt me to actually begin writing about my desire to have my first female experience. I needed to let others know that along with my openness came the need to follow through. I started to fantasize about losing my girlginity and eating a vagina for the first time. How badly did I want to slide my hands down and feel the dampness on a woman’s panties. I want to suck on lips, taste the juices, slide my tongue inside the holes, circle slowly on the clit – all just how I like, because I know what turns me on, what gets me sensitive, and what gets me to cum. I want to slide my fingers in and slowly massage her walls as I feel her tighten and squeeze around me. I want to feel her quiver and grab my head to let me know she was enjoying me between her legs. I want to make her moan and feel her clench as she cums on my lips, my own pussy soaking from the excitement of having a woman in my mouth for the first time.

April 22, 2013

What’s A Fetish?

All Sex Talk 2 Comments

fet·ish  

  • An inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
  • A course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment.

“All fetishes are acceptable as long as all involved parties are in the right mind and age to consent.” This means if you enjoy urolagnia (finding sexual pleasure in the act of urinating), you cannot place a hidden camera in a women’s bathroom. This means if you have a fetish for leather pants, you cannot walk up to someone wearing them and start rubbing their ass cheeks. But as we become more connected to people at parts of the world, we find more and more fetishists who share the same interests.

This article will not talk about zoophilia (beastiality/bestiality), necrophilia, or pedofilia (child pornography). None of these fetishes are done with consent (or legal).

When I started this article I  thought I didn’t have many sexual fetishes, but I found out that I do engage in several. I didn’t realize that a lot of what we did were considered sexual fetishes. Nowadays, the lines that delineate sexual fetishes are blurred as they become commonplace and even accepted. Many people don’t even consider their sexual desires as a fetish anymore perhaps because the Internet brings together like-mined fetishists.

1. Autoerotic asphyxiation. I’ve blogged about my own experiences with autoerotic asphyxiation not too long ago (see previous article on autoerotic asphyxiation http://sexblogging.com/auto-erotic-asphyxiation/). For the record, I do not condone it, but I do notice similarities in the way it’s practiced and the way I heighten my own orgasm through autoerotic asphyxiation. It is dangerous, and even fatal.

2. Sadomasochism (S&M). According to the article entitled, “Is Sadomasochism a Destructive Form of Sex,” they claim to have cited resources that point to YES. It opens with the statement, “Sadomasochism is a humiliating and degrading form of sexual perversion practiced by those who suffer from emotional problems. Studies have shown that prior emotional, sexual, and/or physical abuse can contributed to a person’a need to engage in this self-destructive behavior. There are two roles in the sadomasochistic setting. The dominant person (sadist) who derives sexual pleasure by degrading, humiliating, binding and/or inflicting pain upon his/her sex partner, and the submissive partner (masochist) who receives this mistreatment, and in the process, claims to derive sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, death has resulted from this form of sex-play. It is my belief that sadomasochism is a dangerous form of sex-play and should be addressed as a perversion that requires psychological therapy” (http://www.csun.edu/~psy453/sado_y.htm)

This article takes a clear stance by choosing to use certain persuasive words: humiliating, degrading, perversion emotional problems, self-destructive, mistreatment, and dangerous. I don’t doubt that S&M can be extremely painful, especially if the receiver is not participating fully, mentally and physically. But it seems to me that they are generalizing S&M as a whole and not taking into consideration that there are degrees of severity. Take me, for example. I do not enjoy S&M in a way that I derive sexual pleasure from it; Ryan does not enjoy pain at all, so he steers clear from any kind receiving of pain. Although I’m not a frequent user of whips, chains, belts, and the like, I do like a little bit of hair pulling, hard spanking, and nibbling. Ryan and I are, however, in a controlled environment where he understands fully my limitations and my threshold of pain.  We also do role play certain scenerios that have S&M ideology  (see previous blog on us role playing rape  http://sexblogging.com/rape/).

3. Urolagnia. This is finding urine or the act of urinating sexually pleasing. It has other underlying components to it, such as the sadomasochistic perspective (making someone hold their pee) or humiliation (being urinated on and urinating on someone). I’ll try anything once. If I don’t like something, there is nothing lost. This is not something that Ryan and I practice, but we have experimented with it. The biggest drawback for us is that it is just too messy. We enjoy each other’s fluids (spit, semen, froth, pee) but the element of spontaneity is removed if the only place we can have a golden shower is, well, the shower (see a previous blog  http://sexblogging.com/photo-shoot-the-golden-shower/).

4. Retifism is having sexual feelings toward shoes, feet, and/or heels, also known as a “foot fetish.” I do not have a foot fetish, but I’ve asked Ryan to cum on my feet so that I can eat it off. I like eating cum anyway so what better way than to eat it off myself?

5. Anal. I’m not sure if this would classify as a fetish, but I can certainly see it being so because of its biblical derivatives, i.e. the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. A more modern definition, and one that most of us are familiar with, is anal sex. Because of Sodom, (anal) sex has been considered dirty and perverted. If you were a woman who engaged in anal sex, you were a slut; if you were a man, you were a homosexual. Because of these stigmas, anal sex has been looked down upon and kept secret by those who practice it. Until I learned to love it, embraced it (see previous blog http://sexblogging.com/her-perspective-on-the-anal-butt-plug/), realized that my best cums were when I was being fucked in the ass, I used to look down on it, too.

My anal fetish goes beyond just analing though.  When Ryan is licking my body, nothing pleases me more than him sticking his face and tongue in my ass.  I love feeling his tongue dig deep into my vagina while at the same time his lips and teeth open up enough so that I can feel them rubbing and scraping on my ass hole’s texture.  It is the ultimate feeling for me and it seems like everything is being stimulated at the same time.   Even as a young girl, if Ryan played with my vagina while eating me out I would almost orgasm immediately when I felt a finger “accidently” rub over my ass hole.  Eventually his pinky would find a permanent spot deep inside my ass while his face was buried in my thighs.  The thought of this drives me insane.

Other pleasures I get from anal or ass play is knowing how much it turns Ryan on to rub his ass hole with my free hand while I suck his dick.  Or sticking my tongue in his ass while I am trying to catch my breath face fucking.  When in the mood, I want to dig my tongue in him as deep as I can because I know it drives him crazy.  I love letting him know I worship his body, including his ass.  As for Ryan, for as long as I have known him, this was his biggest fetish.  I remember when we were still dating, him barely knowing how to kiss let alone fuck a girl properly, bent over the bed asking if I ever licked anyone another man’s ass.  I hadn’t.  In fact, I had never even been asked before that.  I giggled and spread his cheeks.  I remember saying, “It looks like a balloon knot!”   A few moments later, my mouth was submerged in his ass, two butt cheeks on each side of my face, and my tongue deep in his young butt hole.   I will never forget hearing his moans, it was the first time I’d heard a man moan from oral/anal pleasure.  

6. Oral.  This isn’t normally classified as a fetish because in today’s pop culture a woman is expected to give her man oral sex, and vice versa.   However, if I wake up each day thinking about sucking my husband’s dick, I have a fetish.   Or if my husband gets so turned on by me sucking his dick that he has to pry my mouth off of him just to fuck me, I would say I have an oral fetish (true story).  I enjoy feeling his warm organ in my mouth, soft or hard.  I enjoy feeling it grow on my tongue.  I enjoy the texture as it rubs past my lips and down my throat.  I enjoy watching his eyes roll back in his head as I look up at him with his penis in my  mouth, watching his facial expressions.  I enjoy making his body sweat and tense up from what I do with my  tongue and throat.   That isn’t all though, I enjoy licking under his arms and around his nipples.  I enjoy my body being licked, behind my neck, down my back.  I love feeling his tongue slide over my ass crack and into my sphincter  or vagina.  I love oral, and I’d say it’s a fetish of both of ours because we please each other with our mouths  every night. 

Now that I realized my fetishes are not-so-newly-found ones, I’d like to point out an article in Psychology Today entitled “Fetishes Do Not Exist.” It opens with a the definition of a paraphilia: a type of mental disorder characterized by a preference for or obsession wit unusual sexual practices, as pedophilia, sadomasochism, or exhibitionism.” Author Dr. Ogi Ogas led a team of researchers on an investigation of online data for paraphilias (one of the goals was to determine “if online behavioral data could enhance our knowledge of the distribution and prevalence of fetishes”), there were several conclusions: data found didn’t support atypical, unusual, or disordered paraphilias; the majority of men who research erotic content have at least one significant sexual interest, e.g. “small breasts, busty Asians, or forced feminization” (the most successful adult video/image hosting sites feature a broad spectrum of interests; the male sexual brain is “designed to imprint upon individual sexual cues […] (namely breasts, butts, and feet,), female types (young or MILF, skinny or BBW,) or reproduction-oriented sexual situations. These all direct men towards intercourse and are a sign of the healthy, natural functioning of the male brain.” These paraphilias were then compared to natural sexual behavior in birds and mammals, like male baboons fetishizing female buttocks or male roosters fetishizing red female combs (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/billion-wicked-thoughts/201205/fetishes-do-not-exist).

What I found I found to be extremely refreshing is their desire to move away from the terms “paraphilia” and “fetish” because they tend to have a derogatory connotation like “retarded,” “spastic,” and “hysteria.” Further, “these men and women don’t suffer from these “atypical” and “deviant” fetishes, but rather a range of typical sexual interests that can mostly be predicted from the natural operation of healthy sexual mechanisms in the brain.”

I found Psychology Today’s definition of addiction to be spot on as it relates to sexual addiction: “Addiction is a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (gambling) that can be pleasurable but the continued use of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work or relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/addiction)

I’ve heard some women refer to the man in their lives as “sex addicts.” What does that mean? That he wants to have sex with you a few times a week? That he grabs your ass while you’re grocery shopping? That he fondles you in the middle of cooking dinner? That is not a sex addict. That is a prude woman who doesn’t appreciate the way her man shows his affection. On the other hand, if he’s paying for sex instead of taking you on vacation, if he’d rather spend time perusing porn websites while you wait in bed in your new lingerie, if he gives you gonorrhea from one of the sexual partners he fucked at the club, or if your bank account has been overdrafted because of monthy charges of multiple porn sites, then I would say he’s a sex addict. Do I drink alcohol? I sure do. But I don’t drink and drive, I make sure my man is around me when I do, and I don’t act like a fool in front of our friends when I do. The difference between healthy moderation and alcohol addiction is not the amount consumed, but the adverse effects it has on your life and those around you. It’s our responsibility to differentiate addictions and normal sexual behavior and misconstrue one for the other.

So I say, explore your experiemental side. Don’t get stuck having missionary sex. Rest assure in the fact that you are not alone in the fetishes you may think are unusual. And if others think you have an unusual “fetish,” show them Dr. Ogas article asserting that FETISHES DO NOT EXIST.