Category: Question & Answer

Your question, our answers.  Relationship advice, sex advice, and us fielding all types of questions from all over the internet.

March 6, 2019

Q&A: My wife is convinced I am a gay man

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My wife of 10 years is convinced I am gay following our sexual encounter Saturday night. We went out to a friends birthday party. She drank more than usual.  We got home at midnight, baby sitter left. Go up to our room, get ready.  I get in bed first, I bend over the bed to grab a few pillows that fell off on her side. She comes out of the bathroom and tells me to freeze.  Usually this means something important so I do. She comes over to me. Starts kissing my butt cheeks.  Starts fondling my balls and penis. Licks my balls from behind, sucks on my penis a little. From here she does something she never has done and has never been on the table.  She starts licking my taint, around my anus and near it. With about 5 minutes of teasing she sticks her tongue in my anus and licks left, right, up and down…..all over.

First off, this felt incredible and turned all my buttons.  After a long tossing I flipped over, she then grabbed lube and put her finger in my anus and started massaging what must be my prostate while blowing me.  I cum hard 3 mins later.

Next day and still today she has closed off and all she talks about is how I am a gay man and we should never have been married or had kids.  Doesn’t know why I hid it all along, blah blah. Not sure what to do here. Shes wrong and I only find women sexy/attractive.  Anyone have a similar experience and can help?

Venice’s response to gay husbands

That’s a nice story!  I am glad you got to experience anal cunnilingus and enjoyed it!  There is nothing wrong with getting your prostate played with or enjoying your wife rimming you.  She sounds like she is either teasing you or just being very immature.  Sometimes women control men with manipulative passive aggressive behavior.  For instance, making you feel guilty for enjoying something she offered to do to you.  Maybe she is concerned you will want that type of blow job more, so she throws in a gay comments to keep you from being comfortable asking for it.  It could mean she just wants control and only wants to do that type of play when she feels like it.  

For the record, I am the exact opposite.  I can do all those things to Ryan and he will make jokes about being gay because he likes it so much.  I actually tell him to shut up, nothing I do to him can make him gay.  Being gay makes him gay, not his wife playing with his ass.  Our bodies are a playground, ride the swings, get on the seesaws, hang from the monkey bars, whatever.  Enjoy yourself!

Ryan’s response to gay husbands

If enjoying a rim job and getting my prostate massages means we are gay, then I am also gay.  It’s all just labels, who cares.  You enjoy what you enjoy, and labels are something people create to try and understand things.  For your wife, calling  you gay helps her understand why you like your anus played with.  It’s immature and ignorant, but it helps her understand.   I guess if you wanted to be equally as shallow, does her licking your anus and taint like it’s a vagina make her gay?  The whole idea is silly.  Your wife can’t do anything, including pegging you, that will make you a gay person.  You can’t make someone gay.  They either are because they feel they are, or they aren’t.

 

February 27, 2019

Q&A: Husband says I give the best blow jobs ever, but why did he cum with another girl in 2 minutes!?

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Husband says I give the best blow jobs ever, but when we recently had a threesome, he had an orgasm after 2 minutes of her sucking his dick.

When I give hubby a blow job it takes him forever to cum. I am talking 15-20 minutes. Yet I could get most others I have given blow jobs to cum in about 2-5 minutes. Fast forward to this past weekend and my husband got a blow job from this much fitter and much younger woman. He blew a huge load in like less than 2-3 minutes. I asked him later if she sucked cock better than me and he said absolutely no. I asked him why he came so quick and he said, “Baby your blow jobs feel so good I hold back on purpose.” I told him I want to see how quick I can get him off so he said “Okay.” Tonight he is getting greeted naked and getting unzipped immediately to see.

What is y’all experience on time?

Venice’s response to best blow jobs ever
If a man says a bj is so good that he holds back on purpose, he may be telling the truth. So I would take that as a compliment. However, if he orgasms faster with a “much fitter and much younger woman,” then I could see how that would be confusing and possible hurt a woman’s feelings. But judging by your question, it doesn’t seem like you’re more focused on how long it takes for him to orgasm than jealousy of a younger woman making him cum faster. So I will address that. In my experience, depending on how “turned on” my man is, or if he has not came in a long time, it can be super quick (2-3 minutes). If we’ve been having sex, then switch to blowjobs, then back to sex, then back to blowjobs, then it can take longer (10 minutes).

Ryan’s response to best blow jobs ever
Personally I think if you let your husband get a blow job from a fitter, younger woman, you should not judge him on how quick he orgasms.  If you are insecure in your oral sex abilities, then do not open the door for other women to please your man.  Having a strange woman that is fit and younger sucking your penis can turn you on more than you would normally be turned on.  Forget the fit and younger part, just the fact she is strange and new.  This new girl could be the worst at giving oral sex but because it’s so new, the man may be going through some inner egotistical horny phase of having a strange woman down on her knees pleasing him.  Sometimes this our inner thoughts and desires make us orgasm quickly, regardless of what the mouth is actually doing on our dicks.  If Venice is talking extremely dirty to me, or doing something wild like throwing up in my lap, I may orgasm from just seeing something so crazy.  If she flips me over and licks my ass, I may cum on the couch before she even turns me back over.  However, none of that has to do with how good she is giving me a blow job, just how turned on I am.  A new woman can turn us on because she is new.  In my opinion, that’s the excitement and rush you get from having a third person in your bedroom.  It should not be offensive because that is why you probably decided to try (swinging / threesomes) in the first place.  There may be  nothing special about her skills, her technique, or anything else.  If you are allowing him to get blow jobs from other women, you should be in a mental space where you want him turned on and having fun.  That’s the whole purpose.   

For the record, yes, sometimes we do hold back.  Although not always talked about, the build up to the orgasm is much more satisfying than the actual orgasm itself.  The orgasm is a final release, closure.  However, the sex high, the endorphins, the stress relieving, the bonding, the emotional connection, the “love” we feel towards a woman, is during the euphoric stage where we are building up to our orgasms.  At least for me.  If I didn’t have feelings for a woman, I probably would just fuck or sit back and get my dick sucked to have a release.  I personally wouldn’t want a mental connection or a long euphoric stage where I feel some sort of bond.  I just want to cum.  So Venice is right, take that as a compliment.

January 30, 2019

Q&A: I am 27 and I just found my penis! A frenulum?

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I think I just found my penis!

So I’m watching a doc on netflix about american circumcision and this one guy is talking about the vast amount of nerve endings in the foreskin and that little piece of skin between the shaft and back of the head. Talking about how he can orgasm by simply running his fingers around certain parts of it. I didn’t believe it. Well a few hours later the fiance and I are fooling around and while taking a bit of an air and water break I bring this up. Asked her to try out some light teasing of the foreskin and oral but fixated more on a sucking motion as opposed to classic porn head bobbing/gagging. Her tongue was was focusing on that little piece of skin on the back of the shaft/head and OHMYGOD. I had feelings climbing through my legs and back that I had never experienced before, followed by one of the best orgasms of my life. I guess I’m making this post to say to people that theres a lot going on with that little piece of skin (fervelum?) A shit ton of nerve endings (very sensitive) and if done correctly can definately help orgasming. I’ve always had a hard time having orgasms from receiving oral as I tend to like to be in control and focus much more on her but I had no control over it this time at all. She’s thrilled she’s got a trick to get me off now and I just learned something new about my penis.

Venice’s response regarding frenulum
Congratulations on finding your frenulum!  I think a lot of us have these moments in our lives when something so simple is only “simple” after we discover it.  I learned from Ryan after he got a piercing that this was his hidden g spot.  Sometimes I sit between Ryan’s legs and give him oil massages, ie a hand jobs.  I will hold his penis with two hands and place my upper hand so my thumb is right on his frenulum.  As I stroke, my thumb will rub up and down over his frenulum and penis hole.  This is the sensation he enjoys the most and it’s probably because of all the nerve endings in that area.  If it took you 27 years to discover your own penis, imagine how many things you probably haven’t discovered about your woman’s vagina. Get to exploring!

A past article we wrote regarding your frenulum being a secret spot most men and women do not know about.   Give your man a Woman’s orgasm.

Ryan’s response regarding frenulum
It’s your frenulum.  And I’d like to make sure people understand, cut men also have a frenulum.  It’s not always a piece of meat you can feel or see.  But if you simply rub your finger on the under side of your glans penis, it will feel especially good. That’s your frenulum, or where your frenulum was located if you were uncut.  It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I understood that this area was responsible for a lot of the sensations I enjoy during sex, oral sex, or hand jobs.  I believe my awakening was when I pierced my frenulum. Although my penis and frenulum should have been sore, I remember stroking and the “sore” pain of a new piercing made it feel so much better.  I have since removed the piercing because deepthroating, anal, and various other sex acts don’t seem as safe for Venice. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her deepthroating or having anal sex with a piercing on my penis. However, masturbation and sex felt much better with it on.  Mainly because it was directly on my frenulum and it created more movement and stimulation in that area.   Anyway, I am glad you finally found your penis.   Good work detective.

January 9, 2019

Threesome Memoirs: Q&A – Unicorns and Their Safety During Threesomes

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Unicorns and Their Safety During Threesomes

I am a 23 year old female and am meeting a couple for drinks next week after we matched and chatted on tinder. They are staying in a hotel nearby, as they are on holiday, and have indicated that we might end up back at the hotel if drinks go well.

Unicorns – how did you know you would be safe when you met couples for threesomes? Not just on a relationship boundaries level, but from purely a ‘will I get kidnapped/raped/killed?’ point of view?

I have often matched with couples on tinder and am keen to try a threesome, but the issue of being outnumbered always puts me off. I am normally pretty spontaneous, experimental and confident when it comes to dating, but some help and advice in this area would be great!

Venice’s response to safety during threesomes
I suppose you would take the same kind of precautions as if you were heading to any place that would have strangers and alcohol: let someone you know trust know where you’re going and the nature of the event. 

My suggestion is to be on the phone (or even pretend) and when you arrive, say something like, “Alright, I’m here…gotta go. Talk to you later” to let them know that there are people who know your whereabouts. If you think about it, it’s the smart thing to do without letting people you don’t completely trust them. If you went to a club or party alone, you’d probably put it on your calendar, tell your friends (roommate, etc.), or maybe even on social media. I wouldn’t suggest bringing a gun or other type of weapon since that could backfire. However, in your situation, if you want to be discrete, you can ask the hotel’s front desk to call your phone at a certain time or call the room. No matter what you decide to do, being spontaneous doesn’t mean you have to be unsafe.

Ryan’s response to safety during threesomes
Statistically, I’d say meeting a man by himself is far more dangerous than meeting a couple. To get a man on social media that is a psychopath, is much more common than meeting two people, male and female, both psychopaths, both in agreement to do something illegal. Probably not likely. I’d say meeting a couple is the safest thing to do on social media, lol. Couples usually don’t serial kill and rape together. It has happened, but not even in the stratosphere as far as the number of men raping women by themselves.

We have met women before and we felt equally as unsafe because they may end up back at our place, setting us up and plotting something in the future. We have no idea their true intentions. It works both ways. Meet in a public place and if they seem like genuine couple, go back to their place for drinks. Make sure you keep your cell phone on.

We had a girl meet us and we would hang out every so often.  I’d say we got somewhat close and would play together a few times a month.  Eventually we found out that the first time she met us she had a gun in her purse. That freaked me out a little. We don’t know who we are meeting either!

December 26, 2018

Q&A: Dating a Bisexual Man

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My ‘straight’ boyfriend of 2yrs just told me he’s received anal from guys before and I’m feeling a little confused.  Dating a Bisexual Man

I am a 23 year old female and my boyfriend is a 26 year old “straight” male. We have been dating for 2 years in a pretty sexual relationship. We’ve been open about fantasies, desires etc. before so I thought I knew my partner pretty well. He has consistently referred to himself as a straight man but will sometimes joke that he would ‘love to be bi because there’s more choice’.

However recently, after a kinky conversation with various images and gifs, my bf revealed to be that he’d received anal from around 15 ‘penises’ (I say that as he said he’s said that he’d had sex with trans-females in the same conversation, but he made it sound like this ’15’ weren’t exclusively all transgender individuals).

A couple days later, again with another texting round, he’s now said that he has also given blowjobs and that he would love to be spit roasted. He’s also been talking a lot about receiving anal, how much he loves it, and sending gifs of ‘penis-on-penis’.

He tells me that he has no attraction to men whatsoever, and it’s the acts that involve dicks that are pleasurable to him.  It’s no surprise with guys’ g-spot being up their ass.

I’m trying to be a good girlfriend and just remember that everyone has their own preferences etc. but it’s all become a little much and I’m feeling a little insecure because it seems like he’s not expressing any thoughts in sex with women (e.g. me). I get that he might be feeling more comfortable with me and therefore told me about his fantasies, but I don’t know how to receive this new information.

I don’t want to make a big deal out of it and end up causing tension in the relationship so I’m lost, and don’t know how to deal with this situation.

Venice’s response to dating a bisexual man
You’re right about him feeling comfortable with you by the way he’s expressed his sexual desires with men, especially if you’re both still having sex. I get how it was surprising to hear that he’s had sex with 15 “penises,” but he did say that he has no attraction to men, i.e. having a relationship with them, and was only interested in dicks (transgender, gay, or bisexual men) and the feeling he gets when receiving/giving pleasure to/from them. To me, that seems like a fairly common thing in both men and women who prefer to be in a relationship with the opposite sex, but do have a sexual attraction to the same sex. How you’re describing your boyfriend is exactly how it is for me, because although I love women’s bodies, I don’t want to be in a relationship with a woman.

As for you, this revelation from your boyfriend is all new to you, so yes, it’s going to take some processing and understanding. But if it’s something you can discuss together, empathize, and learn to embrace, this can open up a new sexual world. If he’s not having sex on the side with men and he’s telling you that he still has fantasies about them, not only does he trust you and feel comfortable telling you, but it’s possible that he may to involve you one day.   I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing for you, but that is probably where these discussions will lead.  Dating a Bisexual Man

Ryan’s response to dating a bisexual man
From what I read, it sounds like your boyfriend is bisexual with a lot of gay experiences.  That word gay can really scare a man that identifies as straight.  What’s crazy about the labels we give each other is it can get very confusing. Being bisexual is being attracted to someone of the same sex, as well as the opposite sex.  However, a bisexual experience is being with both genders together in one experience. One on one with the same gender are gay experiences.  So he has a lot of straight experiences with you and other girlfriends, and a lot of gay experiences with other men.  He may be trying to bridge the gap and bring both of his worlds together.  He just needs to find a partner that is open enough to accept this lifestyle.  If you aren’t interested in having sexual relationships with other men, this may be a red flag for you.  Opening this Pandora’s box may lead to him asking you to sleep with other men together, have oral sex together, and share experiences.  If this is something you may be into, you are about to be a lucky girl.  I am not saying this is always the case, but if a man submits himself to another man, sucks on his penis and lets him fuck him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted that same man to also take his girl. He has already given up his own body and let a man use him.  There is a submissive kink going on when a man bottoms for another man.  It’s almost like the act of submitting and giving up his power to another person is what turns him on.  What better way to submit to him by sacrificing his girlfriend to the gay gods.

The fact he doesn’t fantasize about other women is actually a good thing.  Especially because you are so new to this bisexual lifestyle your boyfriend has been living.  It means he is happy with what he has and doesn’t have fantasies about other women and he is satisfied what he gets from his “straight life.”    That may change later if you open the Pandora’s box  and have threesomes with other men.  It may lead to fantasies about trying threesomes with other women and him wanting you to explore your own sexuality.  That’s a whole different realm of thought that I won’t get into.  

My suggestion to you is to ask him if he is interested in you pegging him.  If you are open minded enough to hold his legs up and use a strap-on on him, he may enjoy that feeling of submissiveness.  My other suggestion is to sit him down and let him know you are not okay with him going behind his back and having gay experiences.  A lot of boyfriends/husbands live this second lifestyle behind their partners back.  He is obviously being open and honest, but you probably should lay some boundaries and let him know you do consider him being sexual with another person, man or woman, as cheating.  If you are not into an open lifestyle, he will need to understand that being bisexual doesn’t mean he gets a free pass.  Sometimes men think that because it’s another man, it really isn’t cheating.  Be careful, this type of thing can be very complicated.  I do not have enough information to know if you are okay with him creeping on the side, okay with possibly joining him with another man, etc.  So I won’t get into the dos and don’ts. Dating a Bisexual Man