Category: All Sex Talk

I think we credit Sir Mix-A-Lot and his bootay-celebrating ditty “Baby Got Back” for our culture’s love for big, juicy rears. And rightfully so. Since then, it catapulted an array of songs us ladies can proudly gyrate to (thank you to “Rump Shaker,” “My Humps,” and “Bootylicious.”) Very soon after we stopped becoming a “Does this make my butt look big” culture and started shamelessly twerking and slapping everyone’s ass left and right. It also created terms such as “badonkadonk” and “junk in the trunk.” We’ve all said them because they’ve become respectable terms in our vernacular, allowing women to be described as such as they wear it like a badge of honor.Even Queen front man agreed that “Fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round.” If a gay man can appreciate a voluptuous bootay, how can we NOT love it?But let’s go back even fuuuurther. Take the mid-16th century painting “Venus and an Organist and a Little Dog.” Notice her wide hips, big arms, folding flaps of skin, stomach pouch: all these things that define a woman were more normal and acceptable than they are now. Why you ask? I think it’s easy to forget what a woman’s body represents, so here are a few reminders:

1) Womanhood – When we become women, our bodies are marked with hair, curves, and meatier parts. Over the years we’ve been bombarded by the media to shave, shave, shave. We get lured in with “10 Tricks to a Flatter Tummy” and “Get rid of those love handles in 14 days.” Being a woman doesn’t mean reverting back to our awkward middle school bodies.

As I say the above, my vagina is cleanly shaved and my tummy is a bit sore from doing sit-ups this morning when I woke up.

2) Being healthy – Ever heard someone say, “I like a woman with meat on her bones.” Why? Because it shows she’s healthy. She doesn’t deprive herself of nutrients, pleasures of the palate, and the simple joys in life, such as Baklava and homespun milkshakes.

Give me a moment, I am going to refill my glass of Diet Coke real fast.

Okay, I’m back.

3) Female virility – To me, this is equivalent to having a healthy sperm count; the ability to have children.

4) Padding – As silly as this sounds, women have that extra padding around their mid-sections to ensure the child in her body is protected. That last five pounds that you have to lose is most likely located in your belly. It’s an evolutionary defense that helps keep possible future embryo’s warm and protected.

5) “Baby-making hips” – The widening of hips are indicative of a woman’s body adjusting for housing a baby.

This reminds me of a scene from “Kingpin” when the Amish character, Ishmael, mocked and laughed at a slender woman for not having child bearing hips.

But what do these things have to do with a big butt? When you’re a child, you have a child’s body. As your face and body fill out, so does your butt. A full, round butt connotes adulthood, and thus, the ability for humans to procreate, a.k.a. advance the human race. Essentially, that’s what is ingrained in men: the need to pass their DNA to the healthiest female so that she may bear healthy children. As a bisexual woman, passing my DNA isn’t the reason I am attracted to a nice ass, but I do desire a real woman. And for me, nice curves connotes the idea of a real woman.

When I look at a woman, I size her up and down. I see how she does her hair, her make up, her clothes, and how she presents herself overall. I definitely look at her ass. When I first meet them and I start to get comfortable with them, I playfully squeeze their butt cheeks. Later, each squeeze gets harder and more flirtatious. Eventually, when we’re in the bedroom, I grab her ass aggressively, digging my nails beneath the folds where her cheeks meets the back of her thigh. I even love slapping her cheeks, which lets her know that I love and appreciate a woman’s body in all its smooth and jiggly places.

I’ve been with a woman who had a very small and slender body. It’s fun regardless, but not my preference. I wouldn’t judge her though, because she can’t help her genetics. However, I would stand in front of her, feeling her ass while we kiss, and I just want more to grab. It’s almost like when you are moving furniture and you’re holding onto something that has no place for your hands to grip. So instead of being able to grab and easily carry the item, you simply squeeze your hands together and lift, hoping it doesn’t fall. With the more curvy women I’ve been with, it’s like moving furniture and having the perfect place to put your hands. It makes moving so much easier.

I love hips, waist, something I can grab onto as I’m using my strap-on to fuck her. I don’t want to feel her hip bones or grab her ass and I have to pretend I am pitching a baby’s cheeks. I want two handfuls of meat. I want it to vibrate when I slap them. I want her ass cheeks bouncing against me when he slams her body into mine.

A woman with a big butt is one of my weaknesses, and when a girl walks in with an itty, bitty waist and a round thing in my face I get sprung.

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